(Note: This is a repost of the original article).

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which supervillains would win in a fight. Lex Luthor has bankrolled the competition.Which of the 8 will come out on top? The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s brutal, ugly, violent, and soul rending…and that’s just the comment section!!!

The Rules, and the Bracket were laid out in advance, in this post. Two days of prep, battle is held in the stadium, and it’s to the death. Game on.

THIS WEEK: The First Quarter Final: Joker vs Magneto for a spot in the finals.

Tony

JOKER: Your powers are very impressive. You put the “Neato” in Magneto. Do you have to really concentrate to do all that stuff? You must have picked that up from concentration camp when you were a kid! HA HA HA HA ! Oh it was a long way to get there but totally worth it! HA HA HA HA!!!

There are two types of “Overpowering” in the comic book universe. One way of doing it is to infinitely expand existing powers to the point of ridiculousness. The other is to take someone with NO discernable powers and to amp up their ingenuity to the point where if you try hard enough, you can justify anything for them, even beating the guy with the amped up powers.

And the patron Saints of both schools of thought are battling it out this week. Joker vs. Magneto. On paper it’s a no brainer, Magneto has Godlike powers, the Joker has a sick sense of humor and pithy one liners. But that pesky power of Dues ex rears its ugly head and suddenly it’s not so easy.

So let’s try and postulate ways in which the Joker MIGHT squeak out a victory and go from there.

He could kidnap and utilize Leech, thus rendering Magneto powerless. A shot of Joker venom and Magneto smiles for the first and last time in his life. But my familiarity with Leech is limited to X-men 3 and something tells me that Magneto has already dealt with that problem at least once, and knows how to get around it.

He could with his connections and brilliance tamper with Magneto’s helmet. Maybe a small needle tucked inside delivering venom right into Magneto’s neck. But I somehow doubt Magneto just leaves the thing lying around. Still, let’s call that a maybe.

Joker’s goons have clay guns and bullets and take shots at him from the stands. But even though he can’t control the bullets I believe he can still repel them with his force field.

The more I think about this, the more I think there’s just no way the Joker can get him. So I am giving this to Magneto…with the caveat that the Joker pulls out his greatest trick and escapes alive and pissed off, and Magneto better watch his back.

Winner: Magneto

Dave:

The hardest part of the Supervillain Smackdown thus far is fact that there are not enough interesting villains at the same power available. Often there are are questions like “Why No Galactus?” (Answer: DUH!). There are, of course, different levels of power, and you can’t put Darkseid up against Catwoman. To make separate brackets creates a time issue, as having 3 brackets with say 8 villains would consume most of the year. (Not to say we won’t do another power level bracket in the future). So we brainstormed, argued about which villains would fit within the parameters. We did NOT, as the pundits would tell you, set up a specific showdown, or “write” the final. We don’t work that way. As there are three of us each weigh in without discussion, it simply doesn’t happen. And it would be boring as hell. Why the hell would we want to do that? Where’s the fun in that?

The best part is the discussion that the smackdowns create. Whether it’s here or on other forums around the web, the joy is in considering the possibilities, finding loopholes, and arguing your point. That’s the main reason that we post pretty much every comment we get, regardless of whether it agrees with us or not. (We filter out the spam, the obvious threadjack/ linkjack attempts, and comments that don’t actually say ANYTHING.)

My problem with this week’s smackdown is that we keep running up against the rampant overpower issue. It’s ironic, as most fanboys assume that DC is the overpowered universe, that their characters are all Gods, etc. But when you look at the Marvel side of things, it’s really just as bad. And the longer characters are around, the worse it gets. Marvel made a big mistake a while back in giving everyone (Wolverine aside) a healing factor. Seriously, nearly everyone has one. It’s their way of saying “this is how people can take the punishment they’re given and come back for more.” But for me, that’s too much overexplaining. They’re heroes and villains. They’re mightier than us. ‘Nuff said.

But the result is you get a character like Magneto, who originally was simply able to use magnetism to his advantage, and you build that into a guy who can mess up everything in the universe, pull a giant space bullet off course, and create wormholes.

Joker, on the other hand, is still pretty much an average guy who excels in creating disorder and chaos. To be fair, whatever hoops we jump through to create a scenario in which Joker gains the upper hand are false at best. Because the image in my mind is Magneto getting tired of the fight, thinking hard and taking apart the entire stadium in seconds, and inserting pieces of it in Joker’s brain, all while raising himself into the air. Joker doesn’t have the knowledge of Magneto’s family to use against him, (arguable whether that would even work), Magneto wouldn’t be impressed by anything the Joker’s done, or could do in terms of evil (wouldn’t be shocked if Joker killed everyone at the contest), and considers Joker to be a lesser life form, as he’s not a mutant. So most of Joker’s planning/tactics would be ineffective.

Also, Joker is probably bored by this time, and wishing he could get back to what he does best, messing with Batman’s head. Joker isn’t in it for the money, the glory, or the power. He’s just a hyper-intelligent crazy dude who is obsessed with Batman.

So, any way we slice this one,

Winner: Magneto

Rob:

Errrrrrrmmmmm, so, we’ve been living with the regret of underestimating Batman and his cleverness during the Superhero Smackdown. And logically, we felt, we’ve been treating The Joker as the Batman of Villains. Meanwhile, Magneto is pretty kickass, and has a cool hat, that’s tough to argue.

Maybe the argument we haven’t explored is that these villains are flawed. They are flawed so that no matter how well matched they are against our heroes, our heroes are just a notch better.

So: who is more flawed, The Joker, or Magneto?

Well, The Joker is batshit crazy, no pun intended. I have had the unique fortune of seeing a few real life psychotic episodes, and most really genuinely crazy folk are actually not the best planners. I know, I know, The Joker is special. He’s clinical! A serial killer! A sociopath(technically, unless you think his crazy is more genetic and less environmental- my research suggests a lot of it was environmental…) ! Look, crazy people don’t plan well, and they quite often have entirely revisionist understandings of how they ended up in their current situations, weaving contrary, illogical and likely primarily false narratives about their role in their own lives. Real crazy, “Joker crazy”, is only functional, clever and brilliant for a small percentage of the time, and the rest of the time, it’s telling you why it’s your fault they are up a tree on a wednesday night at 2am when you have to work the next morning, and they just keep screaming and kicking you, and kicking you, and kicking you.

Magneto, on the other hand, is less like crazy, and more like a patriot. A mutant nationalist, or, a religious leader. He simply believes with a stern faith that he is correct. Does that make him crazy? Well, you could argue that. I mean, faith can lead people to do crazy things, like rape 200 deaf boys and be protected by the future pope because it might look bad if people talked about it, but I digress.

Magneto is less likely to make a mistake in the heat of the moment than the Joker is- Both of these villains can scheme away for eternity, but The Joker is unstable enough to lose out eventually. Batman just locked up the Joker when the Joker had cracked for the umpteenth time, but Magneto could and would crush Arkham in around the Joker. Plus, Magneto has a cool hat. Cool hat!

Winner: Magneto

Runner up: Cool Hats!

Decision: Magneto

So Magneto moves on the final, to face either Mystique or Doctor Doom, who square off next week. Weigh in below, True Believers.

(the following comments were posted on the original article)

—————————————————————–

n8 said on 09-04-2010
n8

As much as I love Mr. J, there’s just no other way this could’ve come out. I think Dave pretty well nailed it: the Joker is a good foil for Batman because Mr. J specializes in playing on Batman’s particular weaknesses: Batman is a defender and has a very strict code that he follows. Joker pits the one against the other and gets his kicks from Batman’s cognitive dissonance.
Magneto simply doesn’t suffer from those weaknesses… overpoweredness aside, he’s very straightforward about what he wants and what he’s willing to do to see that it happens. He’s willing to inflict collateral damage and burn assets as needed. He basically has nothing for the Joker to work with.
The ensuing magnetically-inflicted death is secondary… Joker’s defeat is mainly a matter of being too specialized to deal with anyone other than a white knight (or a Dark one.)
Reply

Ace amongst Aces said on 09-04-2010
Ace amongst Aces

Magneto walks into the arena to see the Joker across the field holding a metal sphere with a giant “!” painted on it. Magneto perceiving an obvious threat and confident of his eventual victory decides to crush the sphere and then give the Joker his “What now, biatch?” glance that he practiced the night before.

The sphere is a sub-critical mass of a fissionable material.

Many miles away the Joker lounges on a chair, umbrella drink in hand wearing SPF Infinity and thick darkened goggles. When he finally sees the flash and feels the shock-wave, he quietly muses to himself.

“Finally a battle that is assured to have glowing reviews.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

spcMike said on 09-04-2010
spcMike

I just tried searching Wikipedia for “Marvel characters with a healing factor” and my computer exploded. And really, it is ridiculous, although to be fair the Joker was shot in the head and seems to be doing just fine.

I tried really hard to think of some way for Joker to beat Magneto and about the only way I could think of would be if Joker could trick Mr. Mxyzptlk’s powers again and then turning Magneto into just a giant magnet then the Joker keeps throwing his razor sharp cards at Magneto.

I’m sure you guys would’ve thought about this as well if you weren’t too busy violating your mothers in ways only Newfoundland sheep could understand.

Joker said on 09-04-2010
Joker

While i dont find this to be exactly wrong, there is one thing you didnt consider, the Joker beat superman in one of the comics by Jim Lee, he had prep time and made something that superman could not escape fast enough to catch him, thus he was able to overcome a vast power difference.

With no prep time, its a hands down Mag’s, but given some time, even 1 day, it isnt so clear cut, and i think the Joker would win, if nothing else, Mag’s is predictable, Joker isnt, well that and of the two of them, joker is the one that wouldnt have any issues with setting off 1000 nukes 1/4 mile away, even if it also killed him.

Tomass said on 10-04-2010
Tomass

It’s been proven that Magneto can survive a nuke.
Reply

Tomass said on 09-04-2010
Tomass

Ya even Aquaman & Robin would have a hard time vs. Magneto. I mean they’d win of course, but it would be touch and go for a little while.

You know the Joker could have won this, if he used the strategy that Aquaman & Robin would have used… he could have slipped Ipecac or a high power laxative into Magneto’s pre-fight sip of water (or power/gator aid). Because I mean come on, all good athletes know that you need to stay hydrated, and of course Magneto would have had a quick sip before the show.

You can’t fight when all you can do is poop (or barf).

Or alternately Joker could have laced his food with codeine for the 2 days prior and then it becomes “you can’t fight if you can’t poop.”

Really in hind sight, for the most part, you fine correctness gents are just not thinking like SUPER Villains. Hells you’re not even really thinking like regular villains. Fuck lets just say it! You’re not even thinking the modicum of evil, like Snidely Whiplash kind of evil. I mean tie some one to a train track (for no reason) at least.

Where are the death rays? Where are the eviscerations? Where is the over abundance of evil laughter (Joker excluded)? Where are the grand evil master plan reveals, only to be overturned by the opponents grander eviler master plan reveals? These are bad people. And they know they’re not just toying with there normal “do gooders”. This is life and death against assholes who are just as horribly fucked-up as they are.

True Magneto is pretty straight laced and would be all about just building a super canon and killing all of his opponents in one shot (thus some how ensuring Mutant supremacy over all the earth). And less about making a giant mutant octopus-cat that would savagely rape his opponents to death. But the point is he’s a super villain and all comic book “Evil” or “Super Villains” share a common thread… Grandiose, mundane or even totally nonsensical goals thru only the most violent, extreme, and/or convoluted means possible.

Take the Joker Type for example. They don’t just rob a bank by going in killing all the employees and taking the money (just to be rich). No! They hire a pile of expendable goons, rent or steal a bus, slowly kill off there own goons, take the money out of the bank by bus (backed trough the front door), and out into a perfectly timed mass field trip line of busses (that possibly they organized). Why not just kill the people in the bank and walk out rich… Because it’s not Super Villain evil!

Or Ozymandias, did he really, really need to build a massive Egyptian style complex complete with a genetically engineered cat on the edge of a glacier and wipe out a big chunk of New York in order to stop Mutually Assured Destruction? I would argue no, but that is why I’m not a super villain.

Or did Marvel / 20th Century Fox really need to totally rewrite the Wolverine origin story? Did they need to totally fuck up Dead Pool? Was there not enough source material to make a good movie? Of course there was! But when you’re a super villain you don’t just make a good movie and profit. You make a seething pile of shit! You waste countless man hours, producing it, having actors learn your pages & pages of trite dialogue and market and hype it. All for the ultimate waste, have people pay you mass amounts of money to waste their time watching it… then you profit. That’s evil!

I could go on but I have to go feed my monkey now.

spcMike said on 09-04-2010
spcMike

Bra-fucking-vo.

RobbieRobTown said on 09-04-2010
RobbieRobTown

Sorry, I was just talking to my mother, could you guys repeat that?

Tomass said on 10-04-2010
Tomass

Monkeys or Pygmy Marmosets?

Chico said on 09-04-2010
Chico

Yes, it’s absurd. Likewise absurd to somehow twist it around into making some cheap shot joke about “religious” people which always somehow means Christians, and in this case Catholics. The children that were abused are not some cheap punchline just so you can show how “enlightened” you are and not akin to crazy people who are…people of faith.

It’s a tragedy and they should be rooted out, just like the institutional child rape in Muslim countries and genital mutilation of little girls should be rooted out — but when talking about “religion,” somehow it’s only ever one religion you’re talking about. (Scientology would also fit the bill.)

And before people get upset that I’d bring it up, if you post that kind of thing in a story on COMICS, you’re going to get responses like this — and few as well reasoned.

In any case, the Joker would be turned inside out by Magneto. It’s Bambi vs. Godzilla.

The Senator said on 09-04-2010
The Senator

I dunno about this one. The Joker employs plenty of weaponized gases in his arsenal, and he’s good with improvized weapons (like for instance 2×4s or shards of glass). Further, Magneto’s main foils are the x-men, who (at least not until VERY recently) are pretty much boy scouts. In a Joker / Magneto fight, I would see Joker getting ahold of some vial of the Legacy virus before the match or something, ticking Magneto off with a war of words and enraging him to the point of lashing out with a girder or something, and when Joker is all banged up on the ground, Magneto walks up to deliver the finishing blow and stops to say something grandiose about how much superior mutants are when out of nowhere Joker squirts him with his laughing gas/legacy virus combo and stabs him with repeatedly with a shard of glass. I would give it to Joker. Magneto is too BORING to win…

Random Guy said on 09-04-2010
Random Guy

People come up with all these ways that Joker could possibly beat Magneto. But sadly they don’t seem to realize there is simply no way for him to do it.

If Joker doesn’t show up IN the stadium then he forfeits.

If he does show up then this is how it goes… Match starts, Magneto, expecting deception, destroys EVERYTHING in the stadium but himself, which takes about 1 second. He wins.

There is no screwing with his head, no putting in a fake. NOTHING. Magneto is simply so overpowered in this situation that if he wants to win he does so, virtually instantly.

John Stephens said on 09-04-2010
John Stephens

I’ll take the Joker’s side since no one else wants to. What the Joker does best is really mess with people’s heads. What would REALLY get under Magneto’s skin? Well, he considers himself a defender of mutants, so being manipulated into harming one of his own kind would do it.

So here’s what happens. During the prep time, the Joker kidnaps and drugs/hypnotizes some mutant into believing that he is in fact the Joker. On fight day, Mr. J slips the ringer into the locker room in his place, and sneaks off to watch the fun from a safe distance. Magneto whacks the fake Joker, realizes too late he’s been had, and we get a classic full page “NOOOOOO!”

It’s all about how you DEFINE victory!

chuckus said on 10-04-2010
chuckus

Joker can’t win. The best he can do is a stalemate. his goal is to mess with the opponents head not kill them.

He’d probably manufacture a chemical and bio agent that will instantly kill a mutant but not a “regular” human. Through diabolical joker scheming infect every mutant EXCEPT for magneto. The trigger is Joker being killed.

In a witty showdown after getting his ass beat, inform magneto of his choice. Win and be responsible for the mutant holocaust or sacrifice himself for the good of all mutant kind.

Cut to close up of joker laughing and display “to be continued”.

the7dead said on 10-04-2010
the7dead

Wow, that’s the best scenario about the joker winning I’ve read about so far. You nailed it. Jeesus you must be a comic book writer!

Absolute Dave said on 10-04-2010
Absolute Dave

Prep time is all the joker needs, hes absolutly mad but brilliant about it so he has somehow killed a scientist that invented a device the size of a PDA with a little antena with a ball on the end and a couple rings in the middle that repulses anything that could be magneticly affected away from his person and as we are playing by comic book rules it works perfectly and has no set limitation.

Magneto however can control anything that could be magneticly charged and there is nowhere on earth without good ol’ iron so he could do make the particles of iron beneath jokers feet shoot through him like a trillion bullets or rip the iron right out of jokers blood stream or turn the stadium into a giant anvil to drop on jokers head.

Anything magento tries to do to joker or throws at joker simply doesnt work with jokers fancy pants repulsion palm pilot so Mags encases joker in an iron sphere the size of Manhatten and tosses it into space into a worm hole hes created to some incredibly distant galaxy or other dimension and noone gets to hear joker laugh away his last gasped breaths.

Magneto could never have lost.

Prodigal Sorceror said on 10-04-2010
Prodigal Sorceror

Of course Magneto wins, but there’s no way he’d walk away clean. A major factor you’ve overlooked is that in his mania the Joker doesn’t fear death, but lives to torture, not just kill his opponents. While Magneto’s power and intelligence, and increasingly insane arsenal of resources give him an insurmountable advantage over the Joker, I’m sure the laughing schemer would somehow arrange the death of Magneto’s son, Quicksilver, and the torture and gross disfigurement of his daughter Scarlet Witch a la Lavinia in Shakespeare’s bloodiest, Titus Andronicus. Five to one the atrocities committed against Magneto’s family would be done in a way that they were triggered by Magneto’s own hand. So yes, the Joker dies, but he was having too much fun to worry about survival anyway, such is life for a madman.

Adikt said on 12-04-2010
Adikt

Should have been Sinestro v/s Joker.

Been busy with school, actually forgot about this stuff somehow. Anyway, I put the reasons why Sinestro would have beat Magneto in the comment section for that fight.

Joker would still have lost. And Doom will win overall. He’s the only one with control over magic, like he even needs it.

(Note: this is a repost of the original)

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which supervillains would win in a fight. Lex Luthor has bankrolled the competition.Which of the 8 will come out on top? The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s brutal, ugly, violent, and soul rending…and that’s just the comment section!!!

The Rules, and the Bracket were laid out in advance, in this post. Two days of prep, battle is held in the stadium, and it’s to the death. Game on.

THIS WEEK: The Joker vs The Green Goblin. The Clown Prince of Crime takes on Gobby. (Note: The Green Goblin for our purposes is Norman Osbourne, and not the current Iron Patriot bullshit Norman Osbourne that Marvel is spinning, but good old Norman Osbourne.

Rob:

First off let me say this: It is lovely and refreshing to have a supervillain smackdown. The supervillains have none of the tedious moral codes which complicated our superhero smackdown. Stay tuned for horrible people doing horrible things to each other in the name of science.

Next, oh fans, friends, and people who are here to rain down derision upon me like a shower of molten lead with lasers attached to every drop, I have three things to say to you: Gay. Rocket. Skateboard.

Today’s battle is between The Joker, the twisted, perfect psychopathic foil to Batman’s weird sociopathic singlemindedness, and The Green Goblin, who has, well, a gay rocket skateboard.

I am a huge Spider Man fan, you guys know this, but we are pitting the most sinister, immoral mind in comicdom versus a guy who rides around on a homosexual Seadoo. He might as well be called the Pink Gobbler and shoot hot coconut cream out of a fleshy firehose. Oh, I know I open myself up to our usual haters explaining that it is, in fact, I, RobbieRobTown, who is the homosexual Seadoo captain, and I admit that I am the only unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness due to my obvious inability and disinterest in pleasing a woman.

Perhaps, as well, this is unfair to the Green Goblin because it is homophobic AND it is undermining the danger of scorching shrapnel from a pumpkin grenade. Norman Osborne has faced madness, just as the mysterious Joker has. As well, I was pleased by the inclusion of the Harry Osborne sub-plot in the Spidey films.

I just don’t think Norman Osborne has it in him to do the things necessary to really win this fight. You know who does though? The Joker.

If The Joker wanted to demoralize you, he would begin by secretly and repeatedly raping your cat. When you got home from your long days at work, as weeks passed by, your cat would get progressively more terrified of humans, and yet more needy, scratching you in your nethers as you napped on the couch. Then the Joker would rape your boss at work. Then, before you discovered all this raping was going on, The Joker would rape you and leave you alive because it would upset and destabilize you more than just killing you or cutting off your wang- though, he might also cut off your wang, and fashion a wang grenade out of it, which he would use to frighten a sexually puritanical Norman Osborne.

The Green Goblin could have all the nifty technical doodads he wanted to have, because the Joker would have spent his prep time draining the younger Osborne’s blood all over the goblin-board, so that when Norman stepped on it, he would be forced to remember the appalling murder of his son committed right on the very surface of his queer hover pogo.

Winner: Joker.
Loser: Gay Rights Discourse.

Dave:

Ahhh Smackdown, how we’ve missed you. Your ability to slam our server around like a small bug, your protracted discussion of all things comic, your throngs of comments telling me how wrong/stupid/gay I am. This one will be much trickier, simply because we have less contact with our villains, less chance to truly get to know them. On the plus side, no Superman, and every one of the villains has personality to spare.

Green Goblin has some pretty neat weapons in his arsenal, and his mobility, his distance attacks, and his speed are a dangerous combination. Not to mention he has super speed, agility, stamina, and a healing factor (cuz let’s face, who the fuck in the Marvel universe doesn’t have a healing factor these days?).

The Joker, on the other hand, has no super powers. He has his intellect, and his sheer madness. Doesn’t seem like much, but it’s enough to make him Batman’s archenemy, and anyone who underestimates him usually ends up dead.

Showtime: Gobby comes out flying, literally. He strafes the playing field with pumpkin bombs, while Joker runs around wildly, staying just out of reach, cackling wildly. The crowd roars with approval, as Joker is knocked over by one of Goblin’s strafing run.

Goblin turns around, ready to fly in for the kill, when he hears the horrific screams of the entire crowd, who begin convulsing and die from lethal does of Joker Gas, coming from the blimps overhead. When his attenion returns to Joker, Goblin sees him holding a sign with giant letters reading “DON’T LOOK DOWN”, which Goblin, of course does. He notices, for the first time, a small “sticky bomb” which explodes in a flash of light, blinding Goblin, which sends him smashing into the ground where Joker previously stood.

When he staggers out of the wreckage, he’s knocked down, and finds himself on the ground, with Joker sitting on his chest. Joker injects something into Goblin’s neck. Goblin looks up, no longer able to move, and says “You killed them all.?” Joker smiles, busily stuffing a mini-pumpkin bomb into Gobby’s mouth, followed by duct tape. Joker leans in and whispers “boom”. He walks away, while Goblin’s face explodes, looking much like a Jack o’Lantern.

Winner: Joker

TONY

GREEN GOBLIN: Get ready to die, Clown

JOKER: Say, Gobby…I don’t suppose you want to see a magic trick, do you? Make this pencil disappear? No? EVERYONE has seen that movie. Remind me to kill Heath Ledger…OH WAIT…I ALREADY DID HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

There can be no question; The Green Goblin has EVERY advantage going into this. He’s 10 times stronger than Batman. He has the rocket sled and a variety of other lethal gadgets. He’s got the speed, and the will to kill.

But who has more experience than dealing with a much stronger, faster foe with all kinds of cool gadgets than the Joker? There is no way the Joker is dumb enough to go toe to toe with this guy. He’ll have to outsmart him. Fortunately that’s kind of his thing.

As for taking the “Gay surfboard” out of the equation, the Joker could fall back on the old giant gun in the pants routine. Or alternatively, he could pull a big purple remote control out of his pocket, bring the rocket sled to a sudden stop and watch Gobby go flying off of the front end. Either way, I think we can agree that taking the sled out is something the Joker can and would do.

The pumpkin bombs are a trickier proposition Batman doesn’t use guns or grenades. The Joker’s patented “Stand there, laugh and dare someone to hit me “maneuver is not going to work out so well when gourd artillery is involved. Joker has to think fast, gas isn’t going to work, I’m pretty sure Gobby’s mask acts as a gas mask..

This is where Robbies assertion of mind games come in. I wouldn’t put it past the Joker to A) Kidnap Harry, use as a human shield,

b) to replace all Gobbies pumpkin bombs with confetti bombs.

c) Rig them to go off in Osbourne’s face when he tries to throw them

d) Kidnap Mary Jane Watson, to ensure that Spider-man shows up to help him deal with the problem

e) All of the above because, well…why not?

The point is that at the end of this thing it will be the Joker who gets the last multi coloured “Ha ha ha ha ha ha” on the page. And he’d rub it in too.

GOBLIN: (Broken…crawling) …the crowd…they’re LAUGHING …at me

JOKER: Yep, they sure are. But to be fair, they can’t really help it

(The crowd is laughing themselves to death on the gas that Harley Quinn is pumping into the arena)

GOBLIN: I…will…kill…you.

JOKER: Good for you. Never give up. Reminds me of someone else I know who’s crazy and wears a stupid mask. Speaking of which I’m late for an appointment. Gotta run. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. I’m a big fan. Gwen Stacy? BRAVO!!! Still, I can’t have you crawling after me…so NIGHTY NIGHT!

(Joker zaps him with an electric current from his cane)

JOKER: Oh Harley?

HARLEY (Over the PA) Yes Mr. J?

JOKER: Find out who “The Correctness” is I’m going to teach them a lesson about copyright infringement.

HARLEY: Sure thing puddin’!

JOKER: That’s my girl.

Winner: The Joker

Decision: The Joker

And so the Joker moves on to the Quarter-Finals. Tune in next week to see Catwoman vs Mystique. The world holds its collective breath, wondering, waiting to see how RobbieRobTown will write this conflict.

Call us names below!

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(comments from the original post)

1/4 20 said on 12-03-2010
1/4 20

BRA-FUCKIN-VO. let the derisive comments fly. you guys rock.

spcMike said on 12-03-2010
spcMike

Actually, that was well thought out, entertaining, and well above par from your usual form.

admin_rock said on 12-03-2010
admin_rock

Is it weird to anyone else that I can see ads for Push up Bras and Child Molestation for this post?
Reply
dugitman said on 12-03-2010
dugitman

Hahaha. Awesome. So happy to see you guys back.
Reply
Tbinns said on 12-03-2010
Tbinns

I must confess I was unaware that the Goblin had a healing factor. That might be the key to him winning this thing. No, who am I kidding? It’s the Joker for God’s sake.

spcMike said on 12-03-2010
spcMike

Goblin might have a healing factor, but I’ve lost track of how many times the Joker has supposedly died only to show up later. Also, Joker was recently shot in the head and survived. Besides, I don’t think Goblin could survive getting sprayed by the Joker’s acid flower.

n8 said on 16-03-2010
n8

At this point the -lack- of a healing factor would be more notable. Healing factors are a crutch for weak writing, so they pretty much come standard now. The “he couldn’t have survived that” trope has been institutionalized… but it’s sad that “miraculous” recoveries have become to-be-expected.

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 12-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

I’m disturbed by the lack of hostility in the comment section. I can’t do anything about that though so instead I’ll nitpick! If, as previously stated in the rules of combat, our villainy heroes are fighting in a stadium with a roof, how did the blimp get there? Is it an abnormally tiny blimp? Operated by tiny blimp flying midgets? With cute little goggles?

Matt said on 12-03-2010
Matt

It’s a small fleet of radio controlled novelty blimps, each one with a small gas tank. While the dispersal area of each blimp is small, they get pretty close to the crowd before deploying their payload. Since the gas is heavier than air a single deployment at the top of the stands and a few more to block the main exits will suffice for killing off the entire crowd.

fmywu said on 12-03-2010
fmywu

It’s the Joker. He probably programmed the stadium roof to open, or opened it before the fight. Also, since when did Joker EVER play by the rules?

LordsBreed said on 12-03-2010
LordsBreed

This is total crap.

Are we assuming that, in practically every instance listed above, that Green Goblin is going to let Joker come up and fiddle with his bombs and glider before the match starts?

Every single scenario hinges on the deus ex machina, that Joker did “something” off screen that causes the Goblin to lose.

This was very poorly done, and disappointing. You basically made a decision and then rail roaded the decision ignoring everything else besides the “facts”.

Personally, I didn’t care who won if it was done well. It wasn’t down well. 0/10.

LordsBreed said on 12-03-2010
LordsBreed

Something I forgot. With the two days of prep, Joker did all these things on various depictions of the match, yet the Goblin did ‘nothing’? He set nothing up, and left his tools out in the open with a “Sure, you can look at it Joker” sign? Yup. Total rail road.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Agreed.

As I say below, the Joker is not breaking into Oscorp and touching Norman’s gear. Norman’s got security that puts the Batcave to shame (he’s a paranoid guy) and resources that match (if not exceed) Bruce Wayne’s.

He’s also got killer robots, super-powered lackeys, and plain old hitmen on his payroll. The Joker would be spending two days trying not to get killed.

Bankarin said on 12-03-2010
Bankarin

Bravo and right on! Perfect call. The Goblin might have all sorts of tech, but so does the Bat and how many times has the Joker gotten over on him? And the Goblin doesn’t have half the smarts the Bat does so even with a year of advance notice over the Joker, Joker still could nullify and counter act anything he did. Really can’t see anyone disputing this one.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Norman Osborn is SMARTER than Bruce Wayne. He’s also just as rich (if not richer) and doesn’t lack Batman’s crippling moral compunctions; He murders people on a whim.

And like I point out in my long post below, Norman’s tech is far and away better than Batman’s. He wears armor. Not just Kevlar, like Batman, but armor somewhat like Iron Man’s Starktech.

And again, Batman doesn’t have super powers. Norman can lift 9 tons, is resistant to damage, moves faster, has better reflexes, and has a healing factor that has allowed him to survive being impaled and blown up.

Boxer said on 12-03-2010
Boxer

Fantastic. No other words suffice.

Also, the Joker dialog is pure gold. I can almost hear the dulcet tones of Mark Hamil laughing wildly in my head.

CraxyD said on 12-03-2010
CraxyD

Him and don’t forget Arleen Sorkin

steve said on 12-03-2010
steve

I agree, but, uh, why so homophobic? It was really fucking distasteful at some points.

*sighs*

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

Really going for Joker versus Dr. Doom here are you?

RobbieRobTown said on 12-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Ah yes, we haven’t been introduced. Because I am the subject of so many homophobic jokes, and because in real life I am on the selection comittee for a gay and lesbian film festival, it should seem ironic, but I’ll tone it down.

steve said on 13-03-2010
steve

Okay, that’s cool.

JokerFan said on 12-03-2010
JokerFan

It stands as a pure testament to the excellent voice work of the Batman: TAS cast that I read the last segment with perfect Joker and Harley voices in my head. That or I’m insane, but still. Damn.

ItsJustJake said on 12-03-2010
ItsJustJake

I think it would start with “A) Kidnap Harry”. Disguise him as the Joker and force them to fight, then when Norman kills Harry (who spends most of the fight running), the Real Joker reveals the real truth about what Norman just did and who he really killed – and then finishes the Goblin off with a giant Hammer.

Then he steals the gay rocket sled and programs it to write naughty limiericks about Robin in the sky.

Yearsofcomicsmadeitfalloff said on 12-03-2010
Yearsofcomicsmadeitfalloff

So no no no no and wait wait for it NO!!!

1) GG has the super solder serum in him same as Steve Rogers AKA Captn America ie

Paralysis injection=not gonna work Captn america wasn’t stoped by gas from the red skull during his bout at the panthers lair

NO ONE know osbourne is the GG because hes skitzofrenic-sp he dosnt even know hes GG, so no one will be breaking into his top secret lab 1 mile underground at oscorp. so no rigging of weaponry golblin wins and as for wit?

GG is a biochemical engineer that unlocked the super soilder serum Joker is a lamo DC comic pile that is so spokey because hes unpredicatable. ohhhh unpredictable vs 70mph+! razor sharpe board so in the knocking joker to the ground scenario replace knocking with cutting in half.

And finally if you actually manage to kill GG then you have to face Osbourne Junior , and the Hobgoblin after you kill Harry its just no use Joker is dead all are happy and DC SUCKS

ItsJustJake said on 12-03-2010
ItsJustJake

Have you actually READ any comics? The whole world knows he was the Green Goblin – he’s just managed to seed enough doubt that he’s escaped punishment for most of his life.. that, and the fact that everyone ‘thought’ he was dead.

Green Goblin doesn’t have “the Super Soldier Serum”, and neither he nor Cap are “Immune to injections”. What are you, Seven years old, or something? You don’t know squat about either character. The Goblin might have been working on a VARIANT of the Super Soldier Serum, but they really aren’t the same thing.

And none of this is about what might happen ‘after’, or who ELSE the people can bring on (Hammer Troops, Thunderbolts/Initiative members, etc). It’s One Lunatic vs Another Lunatic. You just have to decide who you think the winner of THIS ONE FIGHT would be.

With 2 days to prepare? It’s going to be the Joker. The Goblin is an ego-maniac, and won’t take his opponent seriously – which will just piss off the Joker.

Bye Goblin. Next?

1/4 20 said on 12-03-2010
1/4 20

damn you sir. i was just about to do that. besides, time and time again the Joker outplays Bats (who is exponentially better than osborn), the goblin would be no challenge at all.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The Green Goblin in Ultimates was working on the super soldier serum. Mainstream Marvel Green Goblin was not. So that part of your argument is invalid.

Secondly, as others have pointed out, your supposition about revenge, while possibly valid, is not germane to this discussion as it stands.

Third, it has been posited that the Joker, as a result of his madness, is aware of the fictional nature of his reality and that his power is essentially metafictional in nature. This, as evidenced by the discussion regarding Deadpool in the hero brackets (and seriously? Deadpool a hero?) is quite a power and one that Osborn, who is more conventionally insane, cannot match.

Fourth, you argue from bias, sir. The match as described fits both characters. Osborn in a straight up fight fights. Joker engages in lateral thinking. That is why he is the Batman’s archnemesis. They both fight the same way — with their minds.

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

How the hell did that happen.

Damnit Rob.

Vet. said on 12-03-2010
Vet.

If it’s classical Green Goblin vs Joker, its a toss up. Both are definately crazy but through their craziness their genius shines through.

However if you are talking current Green Goblin, well, turns out he’s lost his goblin setup and traded it in for an Iron Man suit. And he has his Dark Avengers. And HAMMER formerly known as SHIELD. Did I mention Sentry? Yeah, he’s got the Sentry. And with the current story arcs the Sentry is quite possible the strongest being in the Marvel Universe.

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

Sentry can’t even beat the Hulk.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The description of the match made it clear that it is the classic Green Goblin, not Iron Patriot, that we are discussing here.

Secondly, by that logic, Doom will win…beg pardon, Doom will Triumph(!) because he has the resources of an entire country available to him. Again, you are ignoring the limits of the match as described.

Vet. said on 12-03-2010
Vet.

Oh and Joker gas working? Norman created a cure for AIDS. He is a pure genius when it comes to chemicals and effects. I’m sure he’s pumped himself full of vaccines to be immune to laffy gas.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The Joker is considered a genius when it comes to chemicals as well. That is canon. You may have a case that the serum which originally caused his madness would modify the effects of Joker’s serum, but nullify it entirely? That seems dubious.

tmntman said on 12-03-2010
tmntman

I think that you guys are making two serious miscalculations.
First, two days is not much time to prepare elaborate strategies, especially if each villain has the same two days and essentially is put on guard against the other. Maybe if you gave the Joker two days before you told the Goblin about the fight. But if both are told two days in advance, there is going to be a limit to what schemes the Joker could pull off.
Second, I don’t think you are giving the Goblin enough credit for being homicidal and or crazy. This is the guy that set up the mass killing of a stadium full of people recently and has killed in the past with no trouble. He isn’t in the Joker’s league of crazy, not even close. But he isn’t going to be distracted by a crowd in danger or stopped by a hostage.

I think it would be a double KO. With 2 days to prepare, the Joker probably doesn’t have enough time to prepare an effective strategy to actually win against the Goblin, especially if you assume that the Goblin has equal warning to protect against whatever the Joker might try. But the Joker may be crazy enough to decide that since Osborn is driven to win, then just making sure that the Goblin doesn’t win is enough of a win for him. So when the battle starts, the Joker sets off a bomb large enough to take them both out. Of course, this being the comic book world, they both survive but are eliminated since they are unable to continue fighting.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

You have a good point, unless said hostage is Harry. I think in that case Norman might give pause.

tmntman said on 12-03-2010
tmntman

I couldn’t say as my knowledge of comic book history isn’t that extensive. But I’ve seen a number of other people point out that Osborn has tried to kill Harry on more than one occasion himself. So if it meant winning, I don’t think Norman would have any problem letting Harry die.

ZeroCorpse said on 13-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

If the Joker paraded Harry in front of Norman Osborn, threatening to kill him, then Norman would kill both of them. Harry is NOT an effective human shield or psychological defense against Norman.

Too many people seem to base the outcome of this fight on the 1990s animated shows, or the movies, instead of the comics. In the comics, Norman pretty much hates his son and considers him a complete failure. The only reason Harry survived his last encounter with his dad is because Spider-Man saved him.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

…GG wanted to kill Harry, so he tried to kill him. ( failing, btw) If Harry was Joker’s hostage, I’m pretty sure the Egomaniac in GG would have some kind of mind-clouding control issues about someone else meddling with his shit.
Bottom line, the Joker is too unpredictable to … predict a proper counter strategy, and I just can’t see Norman not being manipulated by Mr. J. Mr. Osborn can’t even control his own thoughts, for shit’s sake.
…And yeah, I just think the Joker is waaaay cooler than the Green knob-gobbler, so in the comic book universe that alone spells victory. (in my humble opinion)

SAucyJack said on 12-03-2010
SAucyJack

You guys got the right decision, not the right path to it though. In an arena GG has overwhelming advantage…the only thing joker has is he has nothing to lose as compared to GG who has a family and a company and a fortune. No matter how crazy he may seem, he still knows on some level he has something there to lose.

Joker has nothing to lose…nothing.

Never fight with someone who has nothing to lose.

And the Joker says ‘Fuck your fucking rules’…given 2 days to prep, Joker would just kill GG 2 days prior to the event, strap GG’s corpse to his flying skateboard, remote control the whole gruesome cargo into the arena on fight day and make it appear he killed him in the arena.

These are villians, rules schmules and when it comes to rule breaking, Joker is par excellence

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Interesting.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

…sounds like a familiar strategy I may have heard somewhere before…

sayWhat said on 12-03-2010
sayWhat

I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come… GG is sadistic and mental and would kill the crowd to kill the joker. I just don’t get how a guy w/ no abilities is going to pull one over on GG. Sure the joker is crazy smart and sure he has nothing to lose. But I can only see Joker beating GG if GG had no idea who Joker was and no idea that there was even a match.

I think it all boils down to the sad fact that you’re all homophobes and hate his jet platform. Lame.

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Please see comment above from Steve, but I will admit to hating the jet platform. In fact, I will switch to calling it retarded.

Cate said on 12-03-2010
Cate

OK, the Heath Ledger comment honestly made my night XD I love how the Correctness will always let my inner-geek come out
Reply

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 12-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

Wow…I think this smackdown will be more rife with controversy than the superhero one…and I wouldn’t have thought that

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

You and me both, Sister, you and me both.

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 14-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

Is it wrong that I’m excited about said controversy though?

Jag007 said on 12-03-2010
Jag007

This article was spot on! The reason the Joker wins is the chaos incarnate he is. GG can be as ruthless as he wants, kill the crowd, kill Harley, kill anyone he likes. But at the end of the day, the Joker just doesn’t care. GG is still stuck in a logical (if dark and twisted) world. The Joker is not bound by this. GG can’t prepare for the Joker if you give him 2 days or 2 years. And the Joker has contacts in any and everywhere. In two days, it’s feasible for him to find out who GG is, his loved ones and bring them into the mix. The Joker would stay wired on caffeine, cocaine, whatever for the whole 48 hours and just not stop.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Clearly, the guys don’t know jack about the Green Goblin, and they think the Joker has Bugs Bunny’s powers.

1. Green Goblin has super strength (can lift 9 tons), super-reflexes (can keep up with Spider-Man), superior speed & endurance, heightened (genius) intellect (on par with Stark) and has a healing factor which has allowed him to survive being impaled (he can regenerate organs and tissues in hours).

2. Green Goblin is mega-rich, owns Oscorp which designs high-tech weapons and bio-weapons, and has an arsenal that makes Joker’s look pretty lame by comparison. This also means that the Joker isn’t getting anywhere near the Goblin’s gear during the prep phase… In fact, thanks to Norman’s resources, the Joker is going to be too busy fending off hit men, robotic assassins, and super-powered lackeys to make many plans.

3. Green Goblin’s costume isn’t just a rubber mask and tights. It’s ARMOR, not unlike Starktech. It’s resistant to bullets and has allowed him to survive explosions. It’s also got a gas mask built into the headpiece (as well as multi-optics, scanners, and pretty much everything Batman has in his cowl), so Joker’s gas attacks would be worthless, as would his attempt at administering an injection. You’re not poking a hypo needle through triple-weave Kevlar/Vibranium.

4. Norman hates Harry. Norman has tried to kill Harry a few times himself… So if the Joker killed Harry, Norman would laugh, and then break Harley Quinn’s neck for laughs.

5. Norman has murdered THOUSANDS of people– A whole stadium full, recently– just to get what he wanted. Gassing the arena wouldn’t give Norman pause. He wouldn’t give a damn.

6. Should Spider-Man show up due to some “kidnap MJ” plan, there’s just as good a chance that Spidey knocks out the Joker FIRST before going after Norman.

7. Just mentioning again: Norman’s WAY more intelligent than the Joker. He’s on Tony Stark’s level (Marvel rates both Osborn and Stark’s intelligence at “6″ on their scale of 1-7). He didn’t just buy his gear from the Tinkerer– He invented it. He’s a skilled engineer, biochemist, and strategist. He is a genius, and the Joker’s just a clever nutjob.

8. Norman’s also crazy enough to kill everyone in the arena, and single-minded enough to do it in order to win. He has an ego the size of Galactus, and willpower to match. He’s fighting for a goal, while the Joker would only be interested in chaos.

9. You’re high if you think the Green Goblin wouldn’t just fly in, zap the joker with a bolt from his 10,000 volt gloves, and then skewer him with the horns on his glider. Nothing the Joker could do would harm GG through his armor, save maybe for high explosives, and that would kill the Joker, too. In fact, after everyone’s dead from the Joker’s explosion, Norman’s guts would knit back together (healing factor) and he’d walk out the winner anyway.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Here. Read and LEARN.

http://asylums.insanejournal.com/scans_daily/470385.html

in_brightest_day said on 13-03-2010
in_brightest_day

not a big marvel fan myself, and i still think that the joker would win… but, nicely said.

Tbinns said on 13-03-2010
Tbinns

Your point is well argued. Way too late to change the outcome, mind you but a damned good arguement nonetheless.

Cate said on 13-03-2010
Cate

You know, I agree with most of this, but my main thought it this: Batman and the Joker are always well matched, and its set so Batman BARELY manages to defeat Joker at the end. Same goes for Spider-man and the Green Goblin. At the end of almost all these comments, the Superhero ends up winning. No, if I remember correctly, these 2 never fought during the Superhero Smackdown, but do you REALLY think Spider-man would defeat Batman in a fight? I think if the Joker can take on Batman, and Batman could kick the ass of the guy who could take on Green Goblin, then the Joker probably has the best chance of winning. Obviously there’s a lot of other factors, but it’s just my theory.

1/4 20 said on 13-03-2010
1/4 20

kinda cool theory. but there are angry geeks in the crowd tonight and logical arguments will not satisfy their lust for blood. but i like it.

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Cate, this is essentially the theory we are operating on- the IF Bats=Awesome THEN Joker=Scariest.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

the whole healing factor stupidity is like a kid saying “I know you are but what am i” or “yeah, well… infinity plus 1.”
“What, my guy sucks? …well he has a healing factor, so Mr. Incredibly potent douchebag Child-molester Republican SuperTamponman wins.”

/ugh
Reply
BabyBabyRuth said on 13-03-2010
BabyBabyRuth

You know what’s crazier than both these guys put together?

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

…the hell???

Tomass said on 15-03-2010
Tomass

nice jooorb!

netweavr said on 15-03-2010
netweavr

Upon further consideration, Green Goblin outclasses Joker in every way. The only way Joker comes out of this alive is by not showing up.

And even that method of survival would only be temporary.

cybersherpa said on 19-03-2010
cybersherpa

Joker would hold the stadium, city, MJ, Bat Girl, Harry Osborne, Lois Lane and your momma hostage, frame GG and have Batman, Spiderman, Superman and your old man capture GG when he shows up to the match. Then Joker, disguised as a beat cop, would shoot him in the head while he was cuffed.

Pharcyde said on 20-03-2010
Pharcyde

I posted my big ‘nerd’ post on the rules and brackets post..

Here I just want to say you guys could not have been more correct with this one. Pretty much exactly what was going through my head when I saw the match up.

Also..you’re right..its an imasculating mode of transportation..that would quickly be made a liability by the Joker as it sent Osborne rocketing into the pavement at terminal velocity.

BRA-F%CKING-VO!

Tempto said on 03-04-2010
Tempto

I have to re-iterate, I am a Spider-man Fanboi, but I have to agree that the Joker takes this one.

Here’s the problem with all the “Genius vs. Clever” arguments.

Being clever denotes a certain amount of cunning, quick thinking, even a level of common sense (although I hesitate to use the terminology “common sense” when referring to the joker..crucify me at the end, please), while being a genius simply means you’re great in school, at taking tests, and even doing things in a lab. It does not, in any way, mean a genius can outwit a clever person.

To be honest, the joker is more devious and more cunning, and all around more psychotic that the green goblin ever was, even at the peak of his insanity.

The fanboi in me is crying for justice, but I stick with it…the Joker is indeed the winner here.