The Ghastly Dinner Party

Happy Halloween from The Correctness

Henrietta’s piano lesson went extremely poorly. So poorly, in fact she was found beneath the piano with only her little red stocking clad feet sticking out, the rest of her flattened by the enormous weight of the instrument. Her parents were crushed…beneath the same piano just three weeks later. The Piano is currently helping police with their enquiries.

Constance shook with rage and exhilaration, the silver dagger now soaked with gore clutched in her trembling hand. As she saw the butler gurgle out his last with a wet choking cough, a small nagging thought continued to buzz around her racing mind. Was dinner really all that bad?

What happened to the Major has never been fully understood but the facts are these…on the morning of October 11th, The Major went out for his morning constitutional. He was seen stopping off at the local cigar shop to make a few choice selections from the humidor. Three days later, a stray was good enough to bring his severed and bloodied right hand back to his widow. Although never mentioned aloud, the widow’s subsequent adoption of the dog was often regarded as suspicious. The cigars were never recovered.

When Isadora’s corpse rose again from the swamp were she was drowned to wreak terrible vengeance on a nearby dinner party it was a great surprise to everyone present. Particularly because in life, she was known to detest dinner parties and vowed she would never be caught dead at one. Irony is often lost on the undead, it seems.

St. John’s rare skin disease had become so advanced that during the dessert course it became entirely impossible to tell where St.John’s face ended and the rice pudding began. One could have argued “St. John’s Face is distinguishable by the nose like flesh in the center of it”, but after a small avalanche of wet shedding skin tissue carried the appendage away, one could make the same argument for his plate.

After dinner, Agnes and her guests all retired to the library for a rousing game of “Find The Antidote.”Algernon sputtered around the room, looking wildly from shelf to shelf, turning an altogether unhealthy shade of waxy yellow as he did so. The colorless odourless concoction that was slipped into his port was picked up by Agnes on her last trip to Morocco, for just this occasion and was working splendidly.
“Colder…you’re getting colder” she laughed as he staggered toward the large Mahogany desk in the corner.
“For heaven’s sake man, you’ve already looked there…” said Thomas as Algernon wildly pulled books off the shelf on the east wall.
The customary cheering on and shouted hints ceased as Algernon collapsed to the floor in a heap.
“Pooh!” said Agnes indignantly as she rang for the maid “Now we shall be short a player for bridge.”

Gerbhart was studying a long forgotten game of chess in the den, completely unaware that he had been freshly cuckolded by Richard on the new settee in the upstairs drawing room. At least that’s what he told the police. He continued to maintain that he left, barred the doors and burned Richard and Emily alive inside for an entirely different set of reasons, and it was indeed how he planned to spend his evening in the first place before he became momentarily distracted by the abandoned chess board. What those reasons were… he took to the gallows with him, but he was heard to mutter “Knight 2 to queen…check” just before the trap door fell beneath him.

Author: Tbinns

Tony is a stand up comedian. Tony is a writer. Tony is a sketch comedian. Tony defines himself by what he does. This is due to poor self esteem. He is horribly opinionated and prone to boogers.

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