Well kids, it’s time to cast the big one…Diana, the Amazon who in our Smackdown series somewhat controversially handed Captain America his ass on a shield, as it were. Her powers, like Superman’s, vary wildly depending on who you talk to but there is no doubt about her iconic status and her ability to not only hang with, but occasionally even beat the Big Boys.
The Correctness Casting Couch (finally)presents: Wonder Woman.
So Who Are We Replacing?
Well, we aren’t really. Linda Carter was so long ago and is, I’m sure, so treasured in our memories that we wouldn’t think of REPLACING her. Rather we will be focusing on the news that David E. Kelly, he of the wacky lawyer shows, has been given the go ahead by ABC to develop a Wonder Woman TV series. Now lets assume for the moment that he will give the Diana her due and make a good series instead of making her a lawyer by day who deals with a love triangle between her, Supes and Batman , and worries about her biological clock, and has so much “quirkiness” in her life it’s enough to choke the Giant Seahorse Aquaman rides on.
Lets assume it is a straightforward action adventure series, with Diana going from the Amazon Jungle to the urban jungle, kicking asses and taking names…as it should be.
In The Running
Not terribly familiar with her work but I have heard her name bandied about on the internet. I think she could pull it off, given the right circumstances. I’d have to see a screen test, but I think for a modern take on Wonder Woman, you could do worse.
Jodi Lyn O Keefe
Again, not super familiar with her work, but she certainly appears to have the kind of intensity the part would require. Maybe instead of a screen test, her and Sophia should just fight it out. The Amazons would be proud.
The “If You Were 5 Inches Taller And Had About 5-10 More Pounds of Muscle On You Award” Goes To…
Way too petite for the part, I know but she definitely has an exotic, captivating look. Apparently she was quite good in “Black Swan” so she has the chops. I can definitely see the tiara on her, she has the right face for it…but unless you have elevator boots and steroids in the contract, not quite the ass kicker you need here.
Hey, You Know Who I DON’T Want To Play The Part?
Look at those eyes…they are utterly dead. They almost NEVER portray any kind of emotion…bored, lifeless zombie eyes. It’s like she was created whole cloth by Robert Zemekis for one of his 3-d animated films. She IS the Uncanny valley .She looks like one of those “Real” sex dolls and has about as much personality. No…no no no…definitely not, despite what a myriad of photoshop enthusiasts on the internet would have you believe.
And the “If I Had a Time Machine” Award goes to
IT’S A TIE!!!
Lucy Lawless circa 1997
Seriously. Come on. It’s like the Pierce Brosnon Bond. Do we even need to discuss this?
Jennifer Connolley Circa 1995
Hollywood got to her somewhere around 2000 or so and she became hopelessly skinny, but back in the day she had curves, acting chops, and sci-fi nerd cache. She is still a rather exquisite creature even today, but back then she would have been absolutely ideal.
The Top Three
3. Cobie Smulders
She has gone on record as saying the Wonder Woman casting thing is the curse of every actress with long dark hair, but I truly believe she could do something very interesting with the part and look good doing it. This choice also fulfills our Canadian Content mandate here on the Correctness, so everybody wins.
2. Ashley Greene
Yes, the chick from Twilight. It makes economic sense, if you are selling the thing to young girls who are looking for a strong female role model…they are more likely to buy into someone they already know and like. And I suppose there is a section of fanboy out there who prefers their Wonder Woman to be a little less butch. If that is the direction you want to go with it…you can’t get a much better choice than Ashley here.
And the #1 Choice for Wonder Woman is….
“Uhhh…Tbinns? She already WAS cast as Wonder Woman, you lazy Canadian Fuck”
Yeah I know, but we didn’t actually get to see it…and in this case I think Miller’s casting was bang on the money. In fact it was the only casting choice in the whole doomed Justice League endeavor that didn’t make me scratch my head a little. Besides LOOK at her… Take a look at this picture…
And take a look at this one
It’s almost like she modeled for the thing. She has the look, the height, everything. If this woman came charging out at me with an Amazon battle cry I would be both frightened and aroused…which is EXACTLY how it should be for Wonder Woman.
So there it is…David E. Kelley take note, please, for the love of God, no campy lawyer shit.
Oh who am I kidding…it’s going to be complete shit.
So, while I’ve got you…who am I missing? What other Superheroines would you like to see on the Casting Couch?
Leave you suggestions, and of course your comments below. In the meantime…I’ll be in my bunk.