A strange thing happened recently: The announcement for the Blu-Ray version of the Star Wars films left me completely bored. It's a curious reaction, consider that since I saw the original movie in the theatre at the ripe old age of 6, I've been a huge fan. I remember going with my mom to Sears to buy action figures, some of which I still have (sans lightsabers and capes).
I showed up in the theatre for the re-release of the Special Editions, and was insanely happy about news and previews of Phantom Menace. I saw all three of the "new" movies in the theatre as well. I can argue with the best of them over plot points and logic, and even tried to read some of the expanded universe books. (Sorry, couldn't do it. I have standards when it comes to novels). Hell, our website even has a special category for Star Wars.
How shocked was I when the whole series, after weeks of encouragement, was roundly rejected? Answer: Totes shocked, for truesies. I felt completely manipulated. Here are some samples from the letter written to me by Miley Cyrus' production team.
"...Completely inappropriate for the target demographic"
"...Zero merchandising potential, and a larger potential for fostering mental illness, but at a bare minimum psychologically destabilizing"
"...An incalculable indemnity nightmare"
It's December first...the day we are all legitimately allowed to play Christmas music and tear open that first little Advent Calendar Flap and eat the first waxy, tasteless chocolate of the season. In the spirit of the holidays, I'd like to suggest you follow @TheNorthPolar on Twitter, if you are the tweeting sort. He's a disgruntled Elf I created last year at work as a promotional project. I had so much fun with it I've decided to make it an annual thing. Here are a couple of Binky Tweets to get you started.
Dear Local Restaurant/Lounge: I drove past your street sign the other day, its flourescent letters still arranged in their original message- a tantalizing offering to the urban teens with time to spare. How many words contain the necessary letters for “Ass Rods on Your Nuts”, I wonder? In any case, your sign, confoundingly, said the [...]