Dear Future generations,
I am flattered and deeply honored that young people, and people of many ages have come to afford me a somewhat iconic status. I do not wish to appear ungrateful, and I am glad I have been chosen as the unofficial face of revolutionary politics.
However, I feel I must tell you that I did not bust my ass fighting government forces in the stinking hot Cuban countryside so my face could be worn on the chest of every douchebag who heard a Rage Against the Machine album.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good picture. My wife loved it. Even I was thinking of getting it put on a coffee mug, but that was just for me. And Fidel, I was going to send him one as a joke. But it seems that Cuba, in its revolutionary zeal has used me in much the same way Disney uses Mickey Mouse.
I am the Mickey Mouse of Socialism.
I am on everything from paintings, to mugs, tee-shirts, keychains, temporary tattoos, you name it. They even have a French restaurant called “Chez Guevara”. They don’t actually have a guy in a big foam Che Guevara outfit taking pictures with tourists…yet, but I’m guessing it’s not that far off. The irony that my anti capitalist message has turned into a booming business has not gone unnoticed and it is annoying the fuck out of me
So let me make myself very clear to you rich white college students…YOU ARE THE PROBLEM I WAS FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! You are the ultimate capitalist consumers, and no amount of novelty T-shirts and berets with Red stars on them is going to make you any less of a mindless consumer. Also when you hang my poster up next to one of Heidi Klum…the two posters are actually cancelling each other out, and all the girls you bring back to your room will think you are a huge douche.
I would like to remind you at this juncture that I was captured and shot…several times, I might add, by Bolivians with backing from the CIA. It hurt like a bitch. But I was okay with doing it for the cause of ridding the world of the imperialist policies which are still creating crushing poverty all over the third world. I did not do it to give you a cool idea for a tattoo, you dumb fuck.
You want to do something revolutionary? Tell the Americans to drop the trade blockade with Cuba. They can’t possibly still be pissed about the whole Bay of Pigs/Missle Crisis thing can they? Jesus Christ The Americans dropped TWO NUCLEAR BOMBS on Japan, and they got past it enough to trade with America. I tell you what, open up trade with Cuba and I will personally throw in a free box of Che Guevara key chains.
And Elian Gonzales.
Viva Le Revolution,