Memo from: God Almighty
To: Harold Camping
Re: The Rapture
Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine? I would have thought the whole 1998 incident; or rather non incident would have clued you in that I don’t play that. I didn’t create this world for the sheer joy of wrecking it later. I am not a 6 year old with Legos, Harold…and frankly I’m getting a little tired of this.
How would you like it if I started putting up billboards all over town saying you were going to murder millions of people? How would that make you feel? Or maybe I wouldn’t do that because I’m the creator of the Universe and I DON’T NEED THE MONEY!
That’s right Harold. I’m omnipotent…I know EXACTLY how much you make in donations after one of your little pronouncements. Are you rendering unto Caesar what is his? No? I didn’t think so.
The fact is, I work in mysterious ways, and even if I DO decide to shut the whole thing down, the LAST person I would tell is a crotchety old attention whoring fear mongering fraud like you.
You know what else I saw? The woman who cut her two kids throats with a box cutter because she was convinced the Rapture was coming. I am holding her responsible for that, but I’m also YOU responsible for that, Harold. There’s going to be a Rapture alright. The only one taken up will be you, and you and I are going to have a little chat about this face to face. You might want to bring some burn ointment.
In short, shut your me damned mouth, you idiot. I didn’t create the universe so little bullies like you can go around yipping that it’s coming to an end.
Shape up or else.
P.S. While you are at it lay off the Gays. If I didn’t want them there I wouldn’t have made them that way.