I was basically minding my own business at the university, as I usually do. You know, just eating some inexpensive plain rice, and watching girls go by. Maybe this is a bit autobiographical, but ever since 1/3 of The Correctness went back to school, a lot of the young girls seem way more retarded than they seemed the first time around.
So, there I was eating my rice and watching the fifteenth or sixteenth 19 year old girl get snowed by some 3rd year psychology student who wanted to just go somewhere private with her and “Just people-watch for fun.”, when my friend Kimura came over. He gave me the usual hello by allowing an implausible large smile to appear instantly on his face, blushing violently, and having his eyes disappear into tight lines in the folds of his cheeks.
Anywho, suddenly the sky in the student centre went all multicoloured and blurry, and the camera panned around to my arch nemesis Hiroko. For those of you uninformed, you can easily spot Hiroko as my arch nemesis because his hair is taller, more spiky, and more blonde than mine.
“So, RobbieRobTown, we meet again, only this time I control the DrakkBattle Cubes!” said Hiroko, as the multicoloured pastel background reflected in his huge glossy eyes. He held aloft his Battlecard BallPower StickSpoon 9Mech.
“Oh no!” Said a terrified Kimura, “Hiroki has come to battle your DigiGen GI-Force BakuSushiMon, but your HamsterMon is weak from battling the KudoChan Rin Tin GunTulli Force X!”.
Kimura could not have been more right. Only last week while I had been waiting in a very long line for rice (Because it is shorter than the Tim Horton’s line by a significant margin.), I was forced to battle my tired HamsterMon. The KudoChan Rin Tin GunTulli Force X was in line ahead of me, and changed his order several times.
The camera (I already mentioned the camera, but there is a camera in the student centre that follows me) snap-zoomed in on my face, and I held an angry stare with Hiroko.
I turned to face Hiroko. “Not so fast, Hiroko, I have been training my trading card/ arm holstered/ real life creature/ video game thing HamsterMon, and I have already played the MechaTornadonite Cretttt Nort, and I am ready for this battle!”
Suddenly, the card-stock illustrated character creatures on our cards magnified to 50 times their original size. My once cute HamsterMon sprouted green spikes and razor sharp teeth on his Digigyoza Anus.
Hiroko’s TurtleJesusNondaiMon Red Series drooled acid onto the floor, melting a 19 year old girl.
“You cannot defeat me now!” Said Hiroko. “Your HamsterMon is too weak! And with the DrakkBattle Cubes activated, you have lost all your reversal MonCheeto Ran Ran Reduxite points!”
“But you have forgotten one thing!” I said, pausing for dramatic effect while our giant drooling monsters didn’t actually fight, but instead waited around while we discussed a card game/ plastic ball battle that was somehow simultaneously literal and metaphorical. “I have activated the Gotogoto Tenfive Z lore cards! And because I have Jandu’s Ring of Lunghat, Your DrakkBattle Cubes are in reversal Clamato mode!”
Suddenly, our two montsters leapt into the air, and yet with very little movement, attacked each other! They made several quickly edited but limited motions, and as they collided and struck each other flashes of light obscured the action.
Finally, without any sense being made, HamsterMon shrunk back into a regular hamster, and nuzzled into my neck. Meanwhile, Hiroko’s hideous TurtleJesusNondaiMon Red Series turned back into a collectible playing card, instead of a small living creature.
Then I bled profusely from my eyes due to massive brain trauma. That was pretty much my Thursday.