Flight of the Conchords Fan Fiction by Tbinns
Murray Brett and Jemain are having a band meetingin Murray’s office.
Murray: Alright, Band meeting, here we go, Jemain?
Murray: Murray, present…Great. Well, I don’t know if you’ve heard the good news, Jemain, but Brett’s won an Oscar.
Jemain: Yeah, I saw it.
Brett: I brought it with me.
Murray:Oh there it is. Well done. So that’s very good publicity. I’ve made this chart…this is us BEFORE he won the Oscar… and this is us AFTER!
Jemain: Where are you getting those numbers from?
Murray: Well, it’s an estimate, isn’t it? I’m estimating. As you can see the line goes up. Up is very good.
Jemain: Yeah but… there was only one other song nominated… so… it doesn’t count.
Brett: Yeah… it counts.
Jemain: Maybe… we could share the oscar. Like, it’s our oscar…a little bit…in a way
Brett: No, I don’t see how that will work.
Jemain: Can I hold it?
Murray: No, you can’t. That’s Bret’s Oscar, Jemain. You need to go out and win your own Oscar. Then the line on the chart would be doubled. Two Oscars. Twice the publicity.
Brett: You need to write a song for a movie like I did.
Jemain: I did. I wrote a song about the Godfather.
(He starts to sing and play guitar)
The sheets are feeling sticky
Is there something in my bed?
Is it remnants from a dirty dream?
No it’s a horse’s head…
GODFATHER , your drivin me insane
You took it to my mattress
Now I can’t get out the stain…
Brett: Wait wait, you can’t write that song, man
Jemain: I did write it.
Murray: No, he’s right Jemain. That movie’s already been done. It’s too late to write a song for that movie.
Jemain: Maybe for like, a special edition, on Blu ray or something.
Brett: They don’t give out Oscars for those.
Murray: You need to find a movie with puppets in it. Write a song for a puppet movie or something, and get it in there before it comes out on Blu ray. I’m putting that on the agenda…Jemain…write song for puppet movie, get Oscar. There. It’s in pen.
Jemain: I think we might be making too big a deal out of this…maybe a bit…
Brett: It’s an Academy award. It’s a pretty big deal.
Jemain: Well it’s not like you were in Lord of the Rings or anything.
Brett: Actually I was.
Jemain: I hate you.
Murray: (Writing notes…) ”Jemain hates Bret, needs oscar…”
( aaand scene)