Tbinns | The Correctness

Tbinns

Fuck it…I’m Calling it!

After months of non posting and neglect I have been forced to come to a very difficult decision…

…….

Hey want to see Tbinns do some stand up?

Hey want to see Tbinns do some stand up?

Movie Superhero Smackdown Live at the Calgary Comic Expo

The Correctness will once again be presenting the Superhero Smackdown Panel live at the Calgary Comic Expo at 11:30 am at the Rotary house on Sunday April 28th.

The Correctness Casting Couch:Powergirl

Perhaps known more for her cosplay potential than what she does as a character, Power Girl is nevertheless one of our most requested heroines here on the old Correctness Casting Couch, so let’s stop wasting time and get right to it shall we?

Piecast Episode 1: Do Not Roast Weenies on the Lord Thy God

Well kids, myself and my good pal Trevor Campbell have taken a kick at the old podcasting can.

5 Reasons Why I Won’t Write for Cracked

Okay, so I’ve been busy.

Like, “let some guy write 12 articles about the Chipmunks Christmas album and just let that shit slide,” busy. And by busy of course I mean lazy. Horribly horribly lazy. So I confess I have been spending more and more time on Cracked lately. (Cracked…with an “ed” on the end, let’s make that perfectly clear.)

Serenity Now!

Still a Better Love Story than Dark Knight Rises

The Figrin D’an Reunion show : A review

Okay, so the Who(or what’s left of them) are touring “Quadrophenia.”. And yes, Paul McCartney is touring again. And yes, Led Zep is releasing a Blu Ray of the 02 concert. But fuck all of that. I went to THE concert event of the year last night. Not since they broke up over merchandising rights in 1978 have Figrin D’an and The Modal Nodes been together on the same stage.

A Guide to some Lesser Known Transformers

You thought you knew all the Transformers didn’t you? Well, you also thought you’d touch a real boob someday and it turns out you were wrong about that too. There are millions and millions of Transformers out there, just waiting to blow things up around Shia LeBouf and a random girl with a sweaty midriff. Sure, the Michael Bay movies have all the important Transformers, Like Bumblebee, and Megatron, That green one, Amos N Andy, and of course *Optimus No. But not every Transformer makes the cut, and it’s our duty at the Correctness to enlighten you.

Tbinns versus the Truckstop Bloodsuckers

So what was I doing all this time instead of writing articles literally read and adored by dozens? Well, I was doing a little TV writing, web series writing and child raising. And here’s a trailer for one such project, Truckstop Bloodsuckers. I was approached by the producers to help punch up the comedy aspect of this delightfully campy little low budget horror comedy created by Ms. Lindsey MacNeil. We went through network notes, budget notes and death defying deadlines together. I have yet to see the final result, but this looks like a pretty entertaining little show if I do say so myself. What do you think?

Truckstop Bloodsuckers Trailer from Suite One Productions on Vimeo.

“Why I Hate the Batman” by Bane


The Correctness has obtained an exclusive piece of viral marketing for the upcoming “Dark Knght Rises” Here is a transcript of a recording that Bane made and broadcasts at a vital point in the movie. WARNING! SPOILERS!!

A Post Oscar Band Meeting in Murray’s Office

Flight of the Conchords Fan Fiction by Tbinns

Open Letter from Che Guevera to Future Generations

 

 

Dear Future generations,

 

I am flattered and deeply honored that young people, and people of many ages have come to afford me a somewhat iconic status. I do not wish to appear ungrateful, and I am glad I have been chosen as the unofficial face of revolutionary politics.

 

However, I feel I must tell you that I did not bust my ass fighting government forces in the stinking hot Cuban countryside so my face could be worn on the chest of every douchebag who heard a Rage Against the Machine album.

Binky Bells… Disgruntled Elf

It’s December first…the day we are all legitimately allowed to play Christmas music and tear open that first little Advent Calendar Flap and eat the first waxy, tasteless chocolate of the season. In the spirit of the holidays, I’d like to suggest you follow @TheNorthPolar on Twitter, if you are the tweeting sort. He’s a disgruntled Elf I created last year at work as a promotional project. I had so much fun with it I’ve decided to make it an annual thing. Here are a couple of Binky Tweets to get you started.

Some Suggestions for the Now Vacant Oscar Hosting Job

It seems that Eddie Murphy, in a show of solidarity for a douchebag will no longer be hosting the Oscars.

I can’t say that I’m sad, especially after last years debacle. Thanks Academy, for dragging my beloved Anne Hathaway through the mud with your crappy writing and pairing her up with a stoned co-star who apparently thought he was supposed to host it ironically.

Happy Halloween

From Tbinns (Hellboy) Mrs. Tbinns (Squirrel Girl FTW!!!) and Tbinns Jr. (New 52 Superman complete with jeans)

Have a great one everybody!

Laugh Track Larry

A short while ago yours truly wrote some sketches and sent them in to a sketch comedy show. They shot a couple of them and I stumbled across one of them today. Please enjoy “Laugh Track Larry” by yours truly, Tbinns.

Tbinns TV

For those who don’t know, which I have to assume is all of you because if you DID know you are taking WAY too much interest in my personal life, I am in the process of developing a half hour comedy show. I’ll spare you the painful details about how many times I’ve had to rethink the concept owing to being beaten to the punch, but I believe I’ve hit on something that works now. We’ll leave it at that. I have a producer attached, who got us a little funding to write a pilot, and then, something rather marvelous happened.

Action Smackdown : Ellen Ripley versus Captain Malcom Reynolds

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ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week: Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley, late of the Nostromo, vs. Captain Malcom Reynolds of the Firefly class spaceship Serenity. Ms. “Get away from her, you bitch” vs. Mr. “If your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you”. Let’s get it on like the Yuuzhan Vong.

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The Correctness…Assemble!!

Normally, The Correctness is an original content only kind of site, and we aren’t the sort to get all link happy. But I think this is a special occasion.

The Avengers trailer just hit.

Disapproving Motivation

Created by Tbinns for Intern Benji

So…How Much Do I Hate The Lou Reed /Metallica Song “The View?”

More than I hate the TV Show “The View” and that is saying a lot.

Just for the sake of context, please take a listen to as much of this as you can stand. I made it about a minute and a half in.

Sweet and Lohan

An Erotic work of fiction by Tony Binns

It was difficult to tell whether it was the beat of the club, or my own heart pounding in my ears, as I was being lead back to an intimate corner of the VIP Lounge. It started simply enough with a smile and a wry comment.

It’s Coming…

You can feel it in the air.

Like the sour sweet wind that blows, and denotes that Halloween is , in fact, Grinch night.

It’s subtle, so small if you weren’t paying attention you’d almost miss it. But nevertheless it’s there.

The Correctness Round Table : A New Blade Runner Movie

There was a huge announcement last week that caused ripples of excitement, terror, joy and disdain throughout the Geek Community. Ridley Scott would be making another film in the Blade Runner universe. No word on whether it’s a a prequel, a sequel, or otherwise with Harrison Ford’s participation being called very unlikely. When we heard the news, we figured it definitely called for a round table…

THE NEW BLADE RUNNER PROJECT….THOUGHTS?

Tbinns Interviews Katy Perry

This article is a follow up to one that was written one year Ago today…

The Greatest Back Up Band In The World

Trivia question: Who is the GREATEST back up band of all time? You might be tempted to answer “The E Street Band” or Elvis’s “ The Jordanaires”, but I think the correct answer is more surprising.

Verdict Motivation

Tbinns’ Top Ten Favorite Rock Instrumentals

Dear The Correct…go get your headphones and meet me back here in five.

Oh good, you’re back!

This was a tough one to narrow down. As a Prog Rock fan there are tons to choose from, but after much thinking and humming and hawing I think I found my faves. Again I would like to point out the difference between “The Greatest” and “My Favourites” keep that in mind when you rip me a new one in the comments section. But yes, do let me know what I’ve missed.

She likes us! She really likes us!

Melissa Skowron over at Creatively Impaired took in the Expo over the weekend and had a great time. Then she put on a pair of roller skates and kicked some ass at the Super Heroines versus Zombies Roller Derby. She was kind enough to drop us a line and give us a shout out in her review of the Expo. (We are mentioned at around the 6 minute mark) She’s new here, and she doesn’t know that generally speaking, she is supposed to insult us. Thanks for the kind words Melissa, and you can check out some of her artwork/comics over at www.thecreativelyimpaired.com.

The Brand New Magic:The Gathering Correctness Expansion Set Part Two

Because the first one was so terribly popular. (I just played my Irony card +2/+2 to all snide remarks.) This time however we have included a few surprises…now you can add the members of The Correctness to your deck! Join us for the exclusive sneak preview that has Magic fans everywhere declaring “Who the fuck are the Correctness?”

Superhero Smackdown Undercard : Tbinns jr. Vs. The Justice League

My son recently took on the Justice League, and we have the Photos!

Mrs. Tbinnsing : A Woman’s Rebuttal

by Guest Columnist and mother of my child, Mrs. Tbinns. Take it away, sweetie.

Thank you.

Dear Correctness,

It has recently come to my attention that my husband’s handle has become a verb for posting gratuitous photos of beautiful women, often in next to nothing. To make matters worse, none of these so called lovely ladies are me,

Earning the Helmet : Why Erik’s Fall from Grace Works Better Than Anakin’s

Tbinns compares the fall of Magneto and Vader…and there be spoilers ahead

Shameless Self Promotion

Best. Picture. EVER!

Click here and behold the Glory… BEHOLD I SAY!!!

An Open Letter from God to Harold Camping

Memo from: God Almighty

To: Harold Camping

Re: The Rapture

Dear Harold,

Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine?

A Case for “The Incredible Hulk”

Why Puny Humans no leave Hulk Reboot Alone?

As part of our continuing service to you, The Correct, we continually find things for you to be in favour of. In our crazy, fast paced, webmanic society, it’s easy to miss something. Our “A Case For” series presents something (a TV show, film, Book, Band etc) that might deserve a look.
Our first installment “A Case For: Farscape” was presented by one of our regular readers, and we encourage that sort of behavior. If you have something you’d like to make a case for, write it up and send it to us at admin@thecorrectness.com . See the end of the article for more info.
This week, we bring you A Case for “The Incredible Hulk” Louis Letterier’s 2008 reboot, brought to you by Tbinns

Comic Expo Details and Tbinns Stand Up Live

Plus a Vogon Poetry contest…details inside!

Canadian Politics Explained

For Our American, or Apathetic Canadian Readers.

Canada is one of the greatest countries in the world…not because of our leadership but rather in spite of it. We have an election coming up. In the states, these occur every four years. In Canada we have one every four weeks it seems. So as a helpful guide to this quagmire of accusation and cronyism, the Correctness is pleased to present the Coles notes version of the mess we are currently in

A Word about all this “Tbinnsing” Nonsense.

Tbinnsing – (verb) The act of gratuitously posting pictures of attractive actresses/models in articles for the express purpose of ogling shamelessly, with only the barest of connections to the topic at hand. (Orig. AdminRock)

It has recently come into vogue to turn my handle into the aforementioned verb. I think that is painting me with some rather broad strokes, and diminishes some of the work I do around here. This whitewashing makes me out to be some kind of a horrible perv, or worse a 411 mania staff writer, who will post pictures of celebrities going out to get coffee, and make some sort of comment on how tight her jeans are.
I never wanted this to be that kind of a site. I had a dream for this place and it did not involve indulging my Hot Nerdy librarian type fetish…

Happy Birthday Admin Rock!

For the record…Admin Rock is NOT a series of cartoon vignettes from the 70′s set to catchy pop tunes intended to teach the value of administrative work to children watching Saturday morning cartoons.

Scott Baiowulf

The Correctness Classics Illustrated version edited by Tbinns. Illustrations by Tomass

Aquamotivation

Happy Birthday Robbie Robtown!!

It’s Robbie Robtown’s Birthday today.

Totes! For Reals! Golly Wonkers!

8 Simple Rules for Making a Superman Movie

an Open Letter to Zack Snyder

Dear Zack

You would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to get right, but no one has made a decent Superman movie since the early 80’s. (It’s a fact of SCIENCE!!) Everyone knows what Superman does. Everyone knows what he’s like. And yet, know one seems to be able to get it right. Well The Correctness is here to help, so pay attention …

Well…That’s definitely the Red Skull. OR…

1. Joan Rivers after a particularly harsh peel

2. Kevin Bacon, if he was slowly coming back from Hell after solving the Hellraiser cube

XXX-Men : The XXX Parody

Lots of other sites will preview those OTHER movies. You know, they’ll show on set pictures of Captain America. Not holding a shield. Not even in the costume. And it’s blurry as all hell. Or they’ll show you a car on the set of Thor. Well, not the Correctness. No sir. The Correctness are a bunch of zeitgeist loving motherfuckers who know EXACTLY what our loyal audience wants. We are out searching for the REAL scoop.

The Top 25 Comedies of All Time

Or should I say…MY Top 25 Comedies of all time. Comedy is after all, the most subjective of arts. I often find myself laughing hysterically at things that others simply stare blankly at. To each their own. You may not enjoy the sorts of comedies I enjoy.

But for the record, I’m right and you aren’t. We are called the Correctness for a reason.

The Correctness Casting Couch : Wonder Woman

Well kids, it’s time to cast the big one…Diana, the Amazon who in our Smackdown series somewhat controversially handed Captain America his ass on a shield, as it were. Her powers, like Superman’s, vary wildly depending on who you talk to but there is no doubt about her iconic status and her ability to not only hang with, but occasionally even beat the Big Boys.

The Correctness Casting Couch (finally)presents: Wonder Woman.

Oscar Motivation

Daniel…I am your Father!

The above photo is of myself and my new son, Daniel Harrison Binns. On the whole, fatherhood suits me. He shares many of my facial features, yet somehow he manages to make them work for him on a level that I have yet to master. What I have found in my limited time in Daddy’s chair is that the miracle of birth is not actually in birth itself. Rather it lies in the fact that this small creature does everything in its power to make you hate it, screaming, defecating, depriving you of sleep and yet it has the complete opposite effect.

Strip Mining: The State of The Funny Pages

I was recently given a belated birthday gift by a couple of my gaming buddies, Dave and his lovely horse obsessed bride Erin. It was a cup, with a little grey cartoon rat on it that said “People are idiots and I hate everyone.” An ideal gift for me, as that is, by and large my philosophy in life. Also included in the gift bag was a treasury of “Pearls Before Swine.” strips called “The Crass Menagerie”, which is where this little cartoon Rat came from. “If you aren’t familiar with it or aren’t a fan, you soon will be” Dave assured me.

The Kinect Conundrum

I hate to be the guy to bring this up, I really do, but there is an elephant in the room and it needs to be addressed.

So here goes.

Open Letter to the Snorg Tee Girls

Oh Snorg Tee Girls!

Your enthusiasm for casual wear is matched only by your “gee whiz girl next door aww shucks” cuteness.

Guys in Tights and Fark Green Lights

A Correctness State of the Union

First, a bit of history.

About a year and a half ago, after some social function or another (I believe it may well have been an evening of Settlers of Catan) just as the man/boy who would become known as Robbie Robtown was heading out my front door, I said to him…

“Hey, we should start an online humor magazine.”

The Lonely Life of End Table Bob

Bob had spent most of his adult life trying to convince his friends, family and even total strangers that he was not an end table.

“It’s the Story of…”

It’s fun, it’s easy! Annoy your friends, amaze your enemies!

It’s the Correctness Movie Pitch Mash up Game!

Post Halloween Motivation

The Ghastly Dinner Party

Happy Halloween from The Correctness

Clap for the Wolfman: A Correctness Halloween Special

So, I’m watching the original Lon Chaney jr. “Wolf Man” last night and couldn’t help but notice a few things that I would like to share with you, in the spirit of Halloween and all.

The Correctness Glossary : Astyxiate

Before we give you the definitition of the word Astyxiate, please watch the following video to completion.

Transparent Roses

a short sketch about domesticity and time travel by Dawn Dumont

Dispatches from Lawrence, a Barista with a Master’s Degree in Creative Writing

In an effort to expand our horizons, The Correctness has been asking a few funny people to write and article or two for us. Improbably, some of them said yes. This one is by the oft hilarious Dawn Dumont, who resides in Edmonton.

The Surf-Stoppers

So you are flicking around on a lazy Sunday, just seeing what’s on, kind of half watching three different shows when suddenly BLAM there it is. A movie that makes you put down the remote, despite the fact that it’s on cable two or three times a week, and you have seen it countless times.

The Correctness Glossary : “Dexter”

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

DEXTER : (DEXter) v. 1.) to harm, mutilate or kill someone who richly and deeply deserves it.

The Correctness Glossary : Nicklebackery

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

Nicklebackery (Nikl-bak-ery) n..pl. 1.) the act of enabling or encouraging mediocrity .

10 Really Obnoxious things to Say Before you Fart

I’m going to be a father soon and I am keenly aware of the many responsibilities that entails, including enriching the life of my son or daughter. Striving every day to make certain they have a better quality of life than I did, while at the same time being careful not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. That’s why “Pull My Finger” is simply not good enough for my child.

Please Pray for This Boy

Your prayers are needed for a young boy in great pain. […]

A List of Possible Follow Ups to “Fuck Me Ray Bradbury”

I’m sure many of you know the video which I am referring to, if not, take a moment and have a look at this.

Superteam Smackdown is coming soon

Well, after a delightful lunch on a patio, The Correctness collectively decided we liked the sound of a Team Smackdown. We tossed some names out, but have yet to make any official brackets, so now is your chance to speak up.

Smackdown, Anyone?

Us: Hey you know what this site needs?

Peanut Gallery: Better writers?

Us: Bite Us!

No no, what this site needs is more impotent nerd rage…

The Correctness Casting Couch: Elektra

It’s that time again, when the Correctness corrects a casting mistake on a comic book heroine because a) we like comic books, and b) we like pretty actresses. We are funny that way. This week we take a look at the assassin who stole, and very nearly stabbed Daredevil’s heart, Elektra.

My Top Ten Favourite Performances in a Comedy Movie

Before we begin, I would once again like to stress and clarify that these are my FAVOURITE performances. The “Best” performances would be a different kind of debate, and would, if the AFI is to be believed, need to involve a lengthy discussion of “Some Like it Hot” a movie that I appear to be completely alone in not giving a shit about.

Horrible Pun Motivation

An Evening with Ringo, Tony and Trev

Well, now I can cross “See a Beatle live” off of the old life list.

Blackout! A Work of Microfiction by Tony Binns

Mayor Amber Harris breathed a sigh of relief as she looked out her window into the blackness and saw and encroaching wave of light rushing across each building downtown. Then, her own office lights came back on. The blackout, mercifully was over, but the damage had been done.

My Top Ten Favorite Stand Up Comedians

The first thing I’d like to make clear is that this is a list of personal favourites. It is not a “Greatest” list. There are several comedians who are by all accounts GREATER in a broader context. I call it the “Citizen Kane” effect.

For Bren: Kirk vs. Solo

My nephew, Brendon is soon to become a father. He just bought his first house, and is thinking of applying his trade to his own business. When faced with the huge responsibilities of adulthood, one tends to turn thoughtful…introspective even. And then, you start asking the big questions. questions like…

Hey Uncle Tony Ummm…. Had a question which I am sure nerds have debated for for at least 25 years. Who would win in a battle Han Solo or Captain Kirk? I wanted to ask the vast knowledge of the Correctness but I dunno if there is a question section. Now if in question the Spock Kirk duel music is playing, no crowd, just a rancor to kill the loser.

The Robbie Robtown Fan Club

A true tale of love and sausage…

Supervillainy Motivation

My Prize Winning Voicemail

Thanks to my near toxic levels of geekiness I’ve won a fair amount of Star Wars shit over the years.

My Last Last Comic Standing

Well I have watched my very last Last Comic Standing. Ever.

Last night was the absolute final straw.

A Correctness Special Announcement

We interrupt the Correctness for a special announcement. I, Tbinns, one of your fearless Correctians is going to be a father.

Let the buying of ridiculous Star Wars themed baby shit begin!

We now return to your regularily scheuled rant, already in progress.

The Weekend Horror-thon: a Review

A Saturday filled with chips, cola and Hi-def Gore.

The idea came to me after seeing the Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie Double Bill. It had occurred to me during that campy fun slightly gross show that since my wife HATES horror movies it had been ages since I had seen one.

Indiana Jones and The Motivation of Doom

Happy Birthday Star Wars!

It is May 25th, the 33rd anniversary of the release of Star Wars, and in celebration of this momentous occasion…we are posting links to stuff we’ve already written.

Griffin and The Gas Company

A somewhat more ordinary correspondence…

10 Horrible Math Based Jokes About The Chick Who Played Winnie Cooper

Danica McKellar took a slightly different tack to being a child star. As opposed to developing a drug habit,becoming Marilyn Manson (Not true, by the way) or knocking off a 7-11, when her stint as Winnie Cooper was done, she went to school and has since become a highly respected award winning math scholar. She is the author of a number of books and actually has a theorem named after her and her two co-authors.

This does not, however, stop her from cashing in on her retro crush status by showing off the goods in Maxim every once in awhile.

Motivation Louise Parker

Magic 8 Ball: A Motion Picture Event

According to this and several other sources online they are making a Magic 8 Ball Movie.

I would like to take a moment to discuss this in a calm and reasonable manner.

Open Letter to Maxim

Dear Maxim

A well meaning soul recently sent me this link to your 13 hottest nerd crushes. While certainly give you points for singling out Grace Park over Tricia Helfer , out of your 13 ,I agreed with less than half. This is when something I always suspected became confirmed for me.

Finally, A Break in the John Stamos Extortion Case

As some of you may already have read, there has been another case of celebrity blackmail, this time involving Full House star John Stamos. The police have actually got a pretty good lead now, and are asking for the public’s help in catching this lowlife.

To Admin Rock, with Love

Open Letter to Wile E. Coyote

(Note: This is a repost of the original). Dear Mr. Coyo […]

Too Old for this Shit: The Diary of an Eldery Nerd

(Note: This is a repost of the original). I believe the […]

Office Motivation

( Note: This is a repost of the original).

Papal Motivation

*Note: Today’s motivational picture was taken beh […]

Hannigate: Or Why I am a Huge Jerk

You have no idea how much it pains me to admit this. Tr […]

Requiem For Airplane

(Note: This is a partial repost of the original). The r […]

Music That Makes Me Instantly Happy

You know those mornings where you wake up and the sun i […]

How I know “The Secret” is Bullshit


Some people I know who are into spiritualism, which is the practice of inexplicably believing anything you are told by some jackass who wrote a book, swear by “The Secret” The central idea, I’m told, is that if you think of something hard enough, and want it enough, it will in fact happen.

Magic: The Gathering…The Correctness Expansion

Note (This is a repost of the original.)


Exciting news gamers! We have a sneak preview of the upcoming MTG Correctness expansion pack! Now you can create entire decks of Correctness to amaze and dazzle your friends with. Tournament play is about to be taken to a whole new level. And by that of course we mean these are not in the least bit legal in tournaments. Or actual games. But we have put in a call about the expansion to Wizards of the Coast, and we expect to hear from them any day now.

Read More…

If John Krasinski DOES play Captain America

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

The rumor recently broke that John Krasinski of the Office is on a short list to play Cap in the upcoming Captain America movie. I never really thought of him as the type. I’m guessing they will have to make a few script changes. Changes like this, for instance.

Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.

(Captain America jumps down from the rafters, to confront his arch enemy)

RED SKULL: Captain… America is it? How fitting. Just like your country you are sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong…and just like your country, you have entered the war far too late. The missiles are set to launch. All I need to do is dispose of you….OH COME ON!!

(Cut to Red Skulls desk drawer, where his trusty luger is now covered in Jello. Cut to Captain America, who looks at the camera and smirks.)

Read More…

Victoria’s Trip to Rapture

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

Would you kindly read this column by Correctness Guest Correspondent Victoria Banner

So I am playing tons of Bioshock as of lately, not Bioshock 2 but Bioshock the original Game of the Year for the year of 2008. I am playing Bioshock because I am that special kind of magical broke you get when you are a student AND you work at Jubilations once a week for peanuts….yep that special magical type of broke.

Read More…

A Collection of Other Coloured Lanterns Not Mentioned in “Blackest Night”

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

So now that the power lanterns of the DC Universe has opened up to various other colors and various other states of being, the it would be remiss of the Correctness not to mention a few other Lanterns that you could see appearing soon!

You are welcome.

Read More…

Peter Gabriel’s Newest Album is a Loving Tribute …to Comas

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

I love me some Peter Gabriel. I really do. So imagine my delight when I found out there was a free stream of his latest recording “Scratch My Back” available online. He covers some of his favourite artists, like David Bowie, Radiohead, Paul Simon, Arcade Fire and Neil Young. In turn, all those artists will do an album of Peter Gabriel covers called “I’ll Scratch Yours.”

Read More…

Super Retro Casting Couch Special: Bloom County : The Movie

(Note: This is a repost of the original.)

No there hasn’t been an announcement, no plans of any kind that I know of. I was just re-reading some of my Bloom County books last night. Bloom County was a staple of my high school years, and probably largely responsible for my leftist political leanings. The strip is definitely responsible for me exclaiming “Dandy!” more often than any sane person should in everyday conversation. As I was chuckling away down memory lane last night I started thinking about how a Bloom County movie might go.

I am making the following assumptions…it would be live action, with the animals being CGI ala Garfield. The Children would be unknown but talented child actors. There would probably be at least 1 musical number. And it would bomb horribly at the box office. But let’s press on and cast it anyway shall we?

So…Who is REALLY Responsible for Conan Leaving the Tonight Show?

(Note: This is a repost of the original.)

Sure, it’s easy to blame NBC for being complete idiots, and always trying to keep all the talent, even in circumstances that clearly never work. You might be inclined to blame Jay Leno for not just stepping down like he said he would, or refusing to take the Tonight Show. You could even blame Conan, if you ignored Jay’s impassioned plea and were that way inclined. (I am not) I mean after all, he left of his own volition, because he didn’t want to move to 12:05. (Coughcoughintegritycoughcough)

The Groundhog Conspiracy

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

by Correctness Guest Correspondent Trevor Campbell

For generations now Man has looked to the seemingly cute & innocent Groundhog to forecast the coming Spring for us, but we have never asked ourselves, at what cost? Have we sold our souls to these little burrowing devils? We all know the tradition, every year on February 2nd citizens of cities, towns & villages alike gather around the hole that leads to the home of their friendly loveable little weather predicting Groundhog. The lazy little dirt-Sloth then waddles out and if he does not see his shadow we can look forward to an early Spring. However, if he does sees his shadow we are doomed to six more weeks of Winter. What powers of prognostication his little earth-Weasel has. And what power over our springtime hopes and dreams we have given them.

Dear Academy Of Motion Picture Blah Blah Blah

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

cough cough BESTSUPPORTINGACTOR cough cough.

Oh, excuse me I’m sorry. Something stuck in my craw, I think…oh..wait

cough coughBESTSCREENPLAYcough cough cough

There, that’s better.

I Totally Stole This Joke From Craig Ferguson Motivation

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

The Correctness Casting Couch: Storm

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

Part 4 in our series in which we deny up and down that it is a piss poor excuse to post pictures of hot actresses. This justification comes from our earnest belief that some of our favorite Comic Book Heroines have been horribly miscast, and we suggest a few alternatives. Today we recast Storm arguably the most powerful mutant in the Marvel Universe. (In any kind of real life scenario, someone who controls the weather runs the world, but we’ll save that for another article)

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Top Ten Twilight Zone Twists

(Note: This is a repost of the original.)

10. The Mysterious prisoner is actually the Devil

9. The real monsters…? MANKIND

Religious Motivation

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

The MacDonald/Young Simulcrum

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

Allow me to share with you some revelations I’ve had about Norm MacDonald and Neil Young.

Both of these gentlemen are Canadian entertainers who have a rabid fan base, neither of whom I have enjoyed in the past.

In fact I would say that I actively disliked them. In the case of Norm MacDonald I particularly detested his stammering delivery of non jokes that he tries to get you to laugh at by blinking you into submission. I seemed to be the only comedian in the world who was happy he got shit canned from SNL. All of my friends love this guy and his appeal was lost on me completely.

Read more…

The Correctness Discussion Topic #1

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

Today’s Topic:

Hobbes is to Calvin what Tyler Durden is to Edward Norton’s unnamed Narrator in Fight Club.

Things to consider….

1) Everyday when he comes home from school, Hobbes pounces on Calvin, thus he is fighting himself

2)Hobbes may be an extension of Calvin’s personality he may not be ready to deal with yet, ie: his latent attraction to Suzie Derkins. In the Movie, it’s Tyler who bangs Marla, the Edward Norton character doesn’t even admit to being attracted to her.

3) All of these characters are, in their own way rebelling against authority

4) People who have a decal of Calvin peeing on the logo of a rival truck do NOT get Calvin and Hobbes. AT ALL.

Discuss.

Please note the Correctness has received a special dispensation, and we can, this one time, talk about Fight Club

Congrats Chloe!

(Note: This is a repost of the original)


Lack of Government Motivation

You’re a Grown Man Charlie Brown

(Note: This is a repost of the original)

I was very pleased to participate in the annual 10 minute Play festival again this weekend with my cohorts from Obscene But Not Heard (We’re a sketch group). In it, we are given a prop, a line of dialogue and from that, we create a 10 minute play, which needs to be written rehearsed, and teched for 7:30 the following evening.

It’s always a bit of a crunch, but it’s also lots of fun. We have produced gems, and some rather painful entries in the past. This year, our line was a Dr. Suess quote “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” and our prop was a clock.

This is what I ended up writing. Seeing as how it will likely never be produced again (for copyright reasons if nothing else) I thought I’d post it.


Enjoy.

Late Night Motivation

A Few Thoughts on Fanboys

Fanboys is exactly the movie I would write…if I was completely ignorant about plot structure, plausibility, character, dialogue, and humour. But I would totally do a ton of Star Wars and Rush jokes.

Where do I start?

Open Letter to Morrigan from Dragon Age Origins

Dear Morrigan,

You are a Grade A Bitch.

Baking with Melange : Holiday Recipies from Arrakis

Arrakis

Dune

Desert planet.

Known for two things over the holidays, 1) having the perfect Mise en Scene for the annual Fremen Nativity Pageant, and 2) some wicked kick ass spice cake. Don’t get us wrong, we are sure your Grandma’s spice cake is pretty damned good, but was it so good that you could actually fold space?

We didn’t think so.

Top 10 Names for Christmas CD’s

10. Ozzy Osbourne Peppermint Bark at the Moon

9. Susan Boyle- Yule Forget Who I am this Time Next Year

The Other Gift of the Magi

By Tbinns

A short Play for the festive Season

My Top Ten Favorite Album Covers

I think cover art is the one single thing I miss most about albums. Nowadays, even if you do but a CD it’s just as likely to be a picture of the artist looking hot/cool/tough etc. When you were first getting into music, don’t you remember pouring over album covers, studying every nuance? Trying to see if it tied in with the album in some thematic way?

Just me?

You were out touching the opposite sex were you?

Fair enough. Me…not so much

So with that in mind here are of 10 Album covers I remember loving as a pre-teen non female touching nerd.

5 Things You Can Do To Commerate The Anniversary of Pearl Harbor (But Probably Shouldn’t)

The Correctness Casting Couch: Sue Storm (Richards)

Part 3 in our series in which we deny up and down that it is a piss poor excuse to post pictures of hot actresses. This justification comes from our earnest belief that some of our favorite Comic Book Heroines have been horribly miscast, and we suggest a few alternatives. Today we recast Sue Storm from the Fantastic Four. Not that it would help salvage two shitty films (I can’t believe they dangled the Silver Surfer in front of me and made me pay to see a second one.), but hey, it’s a start.

Ode to my Abbey Road Beatles Mug

a poem by TBinns

10 Insidious Items Calculated To Make You Buy More Useless Shit at Christmas.

You know things have gotten bad when you long for the days of soap on a rope. I mean don’t get us wrong, the Correctness is very pro Christmas. No self respecting adult with the mentality of a 12 year old (which pretty much describes all three of us) would have the temerity to hate Christmas. What we object to is the outer fringe dollar store type ephemera that really draw attention to the fact that the whole thing has gotten waaay out of control. These ten that we present for your edification are but a tip of the giant lumbering iceberg that is Pointless Christmas Shit, and it’s headed right for the S.S. Holiday Spirit.

The Correctness Casting Couch : Mary Jane Watson

Part two of our series where we recast some of your favorite comic book heroines, and sweep in like superheroes to rescue them from a lackluster performance. Today we will be recasting Spider-Man’s beloved… Mary Jane Watson

Catchphrase motivation

Artistic Motivation

The Apartment Paradox

The formula is simple.

The shittier the apartment block is, the more grandly it is named. Thus all the way through downtown Calgary, you’ll find horrid looking apartment blocks that are named after rich peoples summer homes.

The Correctness Casting Couch: Lois Lane

Part one of a series of articles in which the Correctness recasts some our favourite comic book heroines, and reclaims them from some performances that left…some room for improvement. This week, we tackle Superman’s REAL weakness, Ms. Lois Lane.

A Short List of Words the Correctness Hopes Never Come into Common Usage

My Thoughts on Being Kicked out of the Beatles by Pete Best

A Nerd’s Letter to Penthouse

Dear Penthouse,

I calculated the odds of the letters that people write you being true, constructing a formula based on ratio of repeated incidents, and comparitive studies on similarities of writing styles, and divided it by a whole number rounded up, calculated from an overall probabilty factor based on plausibility and came to the conclusion that the letters written in your forum were specious at best, and certainly would never happen to me.

David Cross

Having just read David Cross’s book “I Drink for a Reason” (which I recommend, by the way) I read that David Cross has a Google alert on his name …

Superhero smackdown Quarterfinal: Hulk vs. Batman

Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s down to 8, and out thirst for blood is growing like a daisy that grows on blood.

ADMIN ROCKS!!!

The Correctness would like to take a moment to congratulate Dave, our very own Admin Rock for winning “Best Mosiac” at Brick Con 2009. We’d also like to congratulate him on being a huge fucking nerd. Check out the rest of Dave’s work here at www.brickwares.com

Open Letter to Q107

Dear Q107,

I am a big classic rock fan, and I enjoy your station very much…most of the time..I understand you have Canadian content laws, I get it. It helps Canadian artists. I’m all for that.
It is my distinct pleasure to inform you that there are other Canadian artists besides Kim Mitchell. You might have heard of a three piece out of Toronto calling them selves “Rush”. There were these guys called “The Guess Who” who were pretty big for awhile. My friend saw a band called “The Tragically Hip” once, said they were pretty good.

A Lexicon of Lesser Known Superheroes

CAPTAIN INERTIA (Worlds of Wonder Comics, 1952)

In the fifties, television became a national craze, and young children would flake out in front of the tube and waste hours in a passive heap. Worlds of Wonder Comics tried to capitalize on this with the introduction of Captain Inertia, the ultimate passive aggressive.

The Lyric Letters

Dear Joe Jackson

If you have indeed seen gorillas walking with pretty women down your street perhaps you should be less concerned about who your ex is dating and more concerned about calling the Animal Control people.

Sincerely,

TBinns

I don’t care if it’s wrong

The Disneyfied version of Lois on Family Guy last night […]

Should you Rap?

A Companion Piece for Blackboard Concrete Jungle Minds

Annoying Slang Motivation

Status Quotes: The Best of Cam Ashcroft

Michelangelo used paint and marble. Escher used Pencils. Andy Kaufman used confused looks and a sense of simmering anger. The dad in A Christmas Story used swearing. Cam Ashcroft’s chosen medium is the Facebook Status update. The Correctness proudly presents a brief sample Ashcroftian wit for you to enjoy.

Meanwhile, in the Library

An after dinner aperitif

by Tony Binns

Ziggy Stardust and the Spider from Malaysia

Bowie

According to the Correctness’s sources scientists have discovered a new species of spider in Malaysia and named it after David Bowie.

Every Time I…

HED_toque_LRG

Every time I see someone with a bluetooth device in their ear I want to ask them if joining the Borg Collective was a worthwhile career move.

And the Winner is….

Our contest winner is announced!

The Contest…we had it awhile ago. Remember, the advice thing? Win dinner with the Correctness?

Please kill The Correctness

They are making another Big Momma Movie. Please kill us […]

This is why he wasn’t at his post

TK421

The Correctness is proud to present the Comedy Stylings of TK421. Yes, we know, only one guy seems to be laughing, but some people just don’t get the subtlety of a good Bantha joke.

A Friendly reminder from the Correctness

If you are someone who is looking forward to the new Jenna Elfman sit-com Accidentally On Purpose please go fuck yourself. Thank you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled Correctness, already in progress…

Top Ten Predictions about Disney’s Purchase of Marvel

Spidey mouse

In case you haven’t read it already, and began weeping openly, crying “Nooooooooo!!!” to the heavens ala Darth Vader in Episode 3, Disney bought Marvel Comics for 4 Billion Dollars. We here at the Correctness think there will be some changes on the horizon…and here, for no reason at all, are ten of them

25 Random Things You Didn’t Know About Me by Superman

superman_20logo-10

(The Following was taken off of Superman’s Facebook Page)

Jesus: The Rolling Stone Interview

Talk about your comeback tours. Even the Stones or Kiss would have trouble after a millennium, but Jesus is back, in a big way.

Anti-Motivation

motivatorcd06a87dc27c0bfca6f3caa07cdbd40af1da552a

Requiem for Emily

br-bear

Very short story by Tbinns

Idaho: an apology

Idaho Flag

After another analytic check, it seems two very forward thinking people from Idaho have in fact checked out the Correctness.

I Motivation

motivator70cb30d7acc3aaeed8f16599f25ac75b619cb0f7

Rom Com Bingo

Romantic Comedy Bingo copy

The Correctness has found a way to take the edge off of a chick flick. You are welcome.

Biomotivation

Bioshock

Yo, Motivation

Joe

The Green (Icing) Lantern

blackest-night-event-20090717051706

Secret Cupcake Wars aplenty! just click over there!

Halo Dolly

Master

Motivational Princess

Metal

A Fisk Full of Dollars

motivator75d1a876b75f003a60b8b91297d08bc7323cf928

Hey Idaho, What’s Your Fucking Problem?

Ralph

A quick look at the Correctness analytics reveal we have received hits from every province and every state. Except one.

Idaho.

Staite of Grace

stargate_atlantis_Jewel_Staite_bis_3

The story of the historic meeting between Firefly/Stargate Atlantis cutie Jewel Staite and 1/3 of the Correctness

Friendly Neighbourhood Motivation

Web shooters

He who draws the Motivation from the stone…

Arthur

This Day in History

william-wallace

In 1305, Scottish Rebel William Wallace was finally captured by the English, and sent to London for his execution. And although historical records are fuzzy, we are sure he called one of the arresting officers “Sugartits” and went on an antisemitic rant.

Motivational Words from Patton Oswalt

Oswalt

Great E-Mails in History

600px-World_Map_1689

E-mail has been around a lot longer than you think. Or at least it has according to our premise. We would appreciate it if you would just kind of go with it.

Motivational Magic

Magic

Holiday Monday Motivation

closed

Almost Paris in The Spring Time

Theatre

A very short play by Tbinns

Obscure Reference Motivation

Night cheese

Show me the Monet

claude-monet1

(The following is a true account of Correctness correspondent TBinns and his bride on their honeymoon as they tackle the Met in New York City. Between this and his recent Shakespeare post, we feel he is steering toward real culture instead of pop culture. The Correctness has taken him aside and spoken very sternly to him, and he assured us that he is still working on his 100 page thesis on why Transformers should not have testicles.)

Thy Motivation, Sirrah!

shakes motiv

Reflections Upon Seeing “Ella Enchanted”

If The Correctness made a movie where Anne Hathaway was under some kind of magic spell where she had to do whatever you told her…It would have gone a lot differently.

Anne

oh, so very differently.

Procrastination Motivation

Productivity

My Dinner with the Correctness

Dinner

It’s time for our very first contest!! How do you enter? Read on!

A Correctness Correction

Please Note: H1 N1 is not an astromech droid from Star […]

Sexist Motivation

Embarrassment

The Correctness goes to Broadway!!

product-enlarged

Before you head to the Great White way, be sure to check out The Correctness’s guide to what’s hot, what’s not, and what’s warmish. And what’s hot on the outside, but still frozen in the middle.

The Deus Ex Beatle Motivation

sooo

A Personal Thank You to Telus

Thanks for burning my retinas out with a blinding brigh […]

22 Emmy Nominations? That’s Quite the Motivation!

Hindsight

The Correctness Diaries

diary

It’s like the Diary of Anne Frank. But even funnier! Click and see!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s MOTIVATION!!!

Cell Phones

What the…Motivator?

Non

Ya Gotta Keep ‘em Motivated

Critical

Sting, where is thy death?

Imposter?

Imposter?

It all started out as a bit of fun.

An associate of mine at work sent me this link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A506648

It details all of the so-called “Paul is Dead Evidence.”

“Boy…that’s scraping the bottom of the barrel” I said, foolishly thinking that would be the end of it

The Monday Motivator

Nerd Hot

The Mystery at Burlington Manor

manorho1800

“One of you”, said Inspector Harris to the group that had gathered in the library, “strangled Sir Anthony here in this very room!”

Motivation for July 17th

Hang in there

25 Things Wrong with The Star Wars Universe

SWNew

You know, everyone here at the Correctness loves Star Wars. We really really do. But like the Father who is hardest on his most beloved child (at least that’s what my Mom said) we feel the need to share a few….shortcomings. What gives us the right to nitpick? Thousands of dollars we have spent on toys books, re releases, format changes, model kits etc. We aren’t saying George Lucas OWES us anything. But if you spent thousands on ANY product,and lets not kid ourselves, it is PRODUCT at this point, I feel you have the right, once you have purchased said product, to air a few Grievouses. (See what I did there?)

Daily Motivation July 16th

Mediocrity

How I know I’m not an idiot

I can tell when a beer is cold by touching it. I don […]

Today’s Motivation

is just a quickie
Flash

The Lonesome Death of Joe Alderaan

deathstar

There was nothing particularly strange about this Thursday morning as Joe Alderaan, a chartered accountant from Newark, downed the last of his coffee and headed out the door to work. At least, not until he got outside, and found a giant mettalic orb filling the sky. Ironically the last thing that went through his mind was

Hamlet’s Daytimer

Journal

FRIDAY

2:00 P.M.
Fathers Funeral
Catch the 8:15 from Wittenberg for Dads Funeral
REMEMBER!! Send postcard to Ophelia (with words of so sweet breath composed as to make the postcard richer)
12:00 p.m.
Inherit crown, (Huzzah!)
1:00 p.m.
Rule Denmark (Double Huzzah!)
Funeral Speech??
What a grace was seated on this brow,
So long, Dad its my country now! (ha ha.)

What’s my Motivation?

Your daily motivational poster from the Correctness. Yo […]

The Underage Conundrum

Approach the Object of your desire and tunelessly state […]