Tbinns

Here you go. NSFW BTW. And other appropriate acronyms.

Tony Binns Stand Up

The Correctness will once again be presenting the Superhero Smackdown Panel live at the Calgary Comic Expo at 11:30 am at the Rotary house on Sunday April 28th.

Perhaps known more for her cosplay potential than what she does as a character, Power Girl is nevertheless one of our most requested heroines here on the old Correctness Casting Couch, so let’s stop wasting time and get right to it shall we?

Well kids, myself and my good pal Trevor Campbell have taken a kick at the old podcasting can.

PIECAST_EpisodeOne [ 23:28 ] Play Now | Play in Popup

Okay, so I’ve been busy.

Like, “let some guy write 12 articles about the Chipmunks Christmas album and just let that shit slide,” busy. And by busy of course I mean lazy. Horribly horribly lazy. So I confess I have been spending more and more time on Cracked lately. (Cracked…with an “ed” on the end, let’s make that perfectly clear.)

Okay, so the Who(or what’s left of them) are touring “Quadrophenia.”. And yes, Paul McCartney is touring again. And yes, Led Zep is releasing a Blu Ray of the 02 concert. But fuck all of that. I went to THE concert event of the year last night. Not since they broke up over merchandising rights in 1978 have Figrin D’an and The Modal Nodes been together on the same stage.

You thought you knew all the Transformers didn’t you? Well, you also thought you’d touch a real boob someday and it turns out you were wrong about that too. There are millions and millions of Transformers out there, just waiting to blow things up around Shia LeBouf and a random girl with a sweaty midriff. Sure, the Michael Bay movies have all the important Transformers, Like Bumblebee, and Megatron, That green one, Amos N Andy, and of course *Optimus No. But not every Transformer makes the cut, and it’s our duty at the Correctness to enlighten you.

So what was I doing all this time instead of writing articles literally read and adored by dozens? Well, I was doing a little TV writing, web series writing and child raising. And here’s a trailer for one such project, Truckstop Bloodsuckers. I was approached by the producers to help punch up the comedy aspect of this delightfully campy little low budget horror comedy created by Ms. Lindsey MacNeil. We went through network notes, budget notes and death defying deadlines together. I have yet to see the final result, but this looks like a pretty entertaining little show if I do say so myself. What do you think?

Truckstop Bloodsuckers Trailer from Suite One Productions on Vimeo.

The Correctness has obtained an exclusive piece of viral marketing for the upcoming “Dark Knght Rises” Here is a transcript of a recording that Bane made and broadcasts at a vital point in the movie. WARNING! SPOILERS!!

Flight of the Conchords Fan Fiction by Tbinns

Dear Future generations,

I am flattered and deeply honored that young people, and people of many ages have come to afford me a somewhat iconic status. I do not wish to appear ungrateful, and I am glad I have been chosen as the unofficial face of revolutionary politics.

However, I feel I must tell you that I did not bust my ass fighting government forces in the stinking hot Cuban countryside so my face could be worn on the chest of every douchebag who heard a Rage Against the Machine album.

It’s December first…the day we are all legitimately allowed to play Christmas music and tear open that first little Advent Calendar Flap and eat the first waxy, tasteless chocolate of the season. In the spirit of the holidays, I’d like to suggest you follow @TheNorthPolar on Twitter, if you are the tweeting sort. He’s a disgruntled Elf I created last year at work as a promotional project. I had so much fun with it I’ve decided to make it an annual thing. Here are a couple of Binky Tweets to get you started.

It seems that Eddie Murphy, in a show of solidarity for a douchebag will no longer be hosting the Oscars.

I can’t say that I’m sad, especially after last years debacle. Thanks Academy, for dragging my beloved Anne Hathaway through the mud with your crappy writing and pairing her up with a stoned co-star who apparently thought he was supposed to host it ironically.

From Tbinns (Hellboy) Mrs. Tbinns (Squirrel Girl FTW!!!) and Tbinns Jr. (New 52 Superman complete with jeans)

Have a great one everybody!

A short while ago yours truly wrote some sketches and sent them in to a sketch comedy show. They shot a couple of them and I stumbled across one of them today. Please enjoy “Laugh Track Larry” by yours truly, Tbinns.

For those who don’t know, which I have to assume is all of you because if you DID know you are taking WAY too much interest in my personal life, I am in the process of developing a half hour comedy show. I’ll spare you the painful details about how many times I’ve had to rethink the concept owing to being beaten to the punch, but I believe I’ve hit on something that works now. We’ll leave it at that. I have a producer attached, who got us a little funding to write a pilot, and then, something rather marvelous happened.

ACTION SMACKDOWN!

This week: Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley, late of the Nostromo, vs. Captain Malcom Reynolds of the Firefly class spaceship Serenity. Ms. “Get away from her, you bitch” vs. Mr. “If your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you”. Let’s get it on like the Yuuzhan Vong.

Normally, The Correctness is an original content only kind of site, and we aren’t the sort to get all link happy. But I think this is a special occasion.

The Avengers trailer just hit.

More than I hate the TV Show “The View” and that is saying a lot.

Just for the sake of context, please take a listen to as much of this as you can stand. I made it about a minute and a half in.

An Erotic work of fiction by Tony Binns

It was difficult to tell whether it was the beat of the club, or my own heart pounding in my ears, as I was being lead back to an intimate corner of the VIP Lounge. It started simply enough with a smile and a wry comment.

You can feel it in the air.

Like the sour sweet wind that blows, and denotes that Halloween is , in fact, Grinch night.

It’s subtle, so small if you weren’t paying attention you’d almost miss it. But nevertheless it’s there.

There was a huge announcement last week that caused ripples of excitement, terror, joy and disdain throughout the Geek Community. Ridley Scott would be making another film in the Blade Runner universe. No word on whether it’s a a prequel, a sequel, or otherwise with Harrison Ford’s participation being called very unlikely. When we heard the news, we figured it definitely called for a round table…

THE NEW BLADE RUNNER PROJECT….THOUGHTS?

This article is a follow up to one that was written one year Ago today…

Trivia question: Who is the GREATEST back up band of all time? You might be tempted to answer “The E Street Band” or Elvis’s “ The Jordanaires”, but I think the correct answer is more surprising.

Dear The Correct…go get your headphones and meet me back here in five.

Oh good, you’re back!

This was a tough one to narrow down. As a Prog Rock fan there are tons to choose from, but after much thinking and humming and hawing I think I found my faves. Again I would like to point out the difference between “The Greatest” and “My Favourites” keep that in mind when you rip me a new one in the comments section. But yes, do let me know what I’ve missed.

Melissa Skowron over at Creatively Impaired took in the Expo over the weekend and had a great time. Then she put on a pair of roller skates and kicked some ass at the Super Heroines versus Zombies Roller Derby. She was kind enough to drop us a line and give us a shout out in her review of the Expo. (We are mentioned at around the 6 minute mark) She’s new here, and she doesn’t know that generally speaking, she is supposed to insult us. Thanks for the kind words Melissa, and you can check out some of her artwork/comics over at www.thecreativelyimpaired.com.

Because the first one was so terribly popular. (I just played my Irony card +2/+2 to all snide remarks.) This time however we have included a few surprises…now you can add the members of The Correctness to your deck! Join us for the exclusive sneak preview that has Magic fans everywhere declaring “Who the fuck are the Correctness?”

My son recently took on the Justice League, and we have the Photos!

by Guest Columnist and mother of my child, Mrs. Tbinns. Take it away, sweetie.

Thank you.

Dear Correctness,

It has recently come to my attention that my husband’s handle has become a verb for posting gratuitous photos of beautiful women, often in next to nothing. To make matters worse, none of these so called lovely ladies are me,

Tbinns compares the fall of Magneto and Vader…and there be spoilers ahead

Click here and behold the Glory… BEHOLD I SAY!!!

Memo from: God Almighty

To: Harold Camping

Re: The Rapture

Dear Harold,

Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine?

Why Puny Humans no leave Hulk Reboot Alone?

As part of our continuing service to you, The Correct, we continually find things for you to be in favour of. In our crazy, fast paced, webmanic society, it’s easy to miss something. Our “A Case For” series presents something (a TV show, film, Book, Band etc) that might deserve a look.
Our first installment “A Case For: Farscape” was presented by one of our regular readers, and we encourage that sort of behavior. If you have something you’d like to make a case for, write it up and send it to us at admin@thecorrectness.com . See the end of the article for more info.
This week, we bring you A Case for “The Incredible Hulk” Louis Letterier’s 2008 reboot, brought to you by Tbinns

Plus a Vogon Poetry contest…details inside!

For Our American, or Apathetic Canadian Readers.

Canada is one of the greatest countries in the world…not because of our leadership but rather in spite of it. We have an election coming up. In the states, these occur every four years. In Canada we have one every four weeks it seems. So as a helpful guide to this quagmire of accusation and cronyism, the Correctness is pleased to present the Coles notes version of the mess we are currently in

Tbinnsing – (verb) The act of gratuitously posting pictures of attractive actresses/models in articles for the express purpose of ogling shamelessly, with only the barest of connections to the topic at hand. (Orig. AdminRock)

It has recently come into vogue to turn my handle into the aforementioned verb. I think that is painting me with some rather broad strokes, and diminishes some of the work I do around here. This whitewashing makes me out to be some kind of a horrible perv, or worse a 411 mania staff writer, who will post pictures of celebrities going out to get coffee, and make some sort of comment on how tight her jeans are.
I never wanted this to be that kind of a site. I had a dream for this place and it did not involve indulging my Hot Nerdy librarian type fetish…

For the record…Admin Rock is NOT a series of cartoon vignettes from the 70′s set to catchy pop tunes intended to teach the value of administrative work to children watching Saturday morning cartoons.

The Correctness Classics Illustrated version edited by Tbinns. Illustrations by Tomass

It’s Robbie Robtown’s Birthday today.

Totes! For Reals! Golly Wonkers!

an Open Letter to Zack Snyder

Dear Zack

You would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to get right, but no one has made a decent Superman movie since the early 80’s. (It’s a fact of SCIENCE!!) Everyone knows what Superman does. Everyone knows what he’s like. And yet, know one seems to be able to get it right. Well The Correctness is here to help, so pay attention …

1. Joan Rivers after a particularly harsh peel

2. Kevin Bacon, if he was slowly coming back from Hell after solving the Hellraiser cube

Lots of other sites will preview those OTHER movies. You know, they’ll show on set pictures of Captain America. Not holding a shield. Not even in the costume. And it’s blurry as all hell. Or they’ll show you a car on the set of Thor. Well, not the Correctness. No sir. The Correctness are a bunch of zeitgeist loving motherfuckers who know EXACTLY what our loyal audience wants. We are out searching for the REAL scoop.

Or should I say…MY Top 25 Comedies of all time. Comedy is after all, the most subjective of arts. I often find myself laughing hysterically at things that others simply stare blankly at. To each their own. You may not enjoy the sorts of comedies I enjoy.

But for the record, I’m right and you aren’t. We are called the Correctness for a reason.

Well kids, it’s time to cast the big one…Diana, the Amazon who in our Smackdown series somewhat controversially handed Captain America his ass on a shield, as it were. Her powers, like Superman’s, vary wildly depending on who you talk to but there is no doubt about her iconic status and her ability to not only hang with, but occasionally even beat the Big Boys.

The Correctness Casting Couch (finally)presents: Wonder Woman.

The above photo is of myself and my new son, Daniel Harrison Binns. On the whole, fatherhood suits me. He shares many of my facial features, yet somehow he manages to make them work for him on a level that I have yet to master. What I have found in my limited time in Daddy’s chair is that the miracle of birth is not actually in birth itself. Rather it lies in the fact that this small creature does everything in its power to make you hate it, screaming, defecating, depriving you of sleep and yet it has the complete opposite effect.

I was recently given a belated birthday gift by a couple of my gaming buddies, Dave and his lovely horse obsessed bride Erin. It was a cup, with a little grey cartoon rat on it that said “People are idiots and I hate everyone.” An ideal gift for me, as that is, by and large my philosophy in life. Also included in the gift bag was a treasury of “Pearls Before Swine.” strips called “The Crass Menagerie”, which is where this little cartoon Rat came from. “If you aren’t familiar with it or aren’t a fan, you soon will be” Dave assured me.

I hate to be the guy to bring this up, I really do, but there is an elephant in the room and it needs to be addressed.

So here goes.

Oh Snorg Tee Girls!

Your enthusiasm for casual wear is matched only by your “gee whiz girl next door aww shucks” cuteness.

A Correctness State of the Union

First, a bit of history.

About a year and a half ago, after some social function or another (I believe it may well have been an evening of Settlers of Catan) just as the man/boy who would become known as Robbie Robtown was heading out my front door, I said to him…

“Hey, we should start an online humor magazine.”

Bob had spent most of his adult life trying to convince his friends, family and even total strangers that he was not an end table.

It’s fun, it’s easy! Annoy your friends, amaze your enemies!

It’s the Correctness Movie Pitch Mash up Game!

Happy Halloween from The Correctness

So, I’m watching the original Lon Chaney jr. “Wolf Man” last night and couldn’t help but notice a few things that I would like to share with you, in the spirit of Halloween and all.

Before we give you the definitition of the word Astyxiate, please watch the following video to completion.

a short sketch about domesticity and time travel by Dawn Dumont

In an effort to expand our horizons, The Correctness has been asking a few funny people to write and article or two for us. Improbably, some of them said yes. This one is by the oft hilarious Dawn Dumont, who resides in Edmonton.

So you are flicking around on a lazy Sunday, just seeing what’s on, kind of half watching three different shows when suddenly BLAM there it is. A movie that makes you put down the remote, despite the fact that it’s on cable two or three times a week, and you have seen it countless times.

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

DEXTER : (DEXter) v. 1.) to harm, mutilate or kill someone who richly and deeply deserves it.

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today’s Correctness Glossary term:

Nicklebackery (Nikl-bak-ery) n..pl. 1.) the act of enabling or encouraging mediocrity .

I’m going to be a father soon and I am keenly aware of the many responsibilities that entails, including enriching the life of my son or daughter. Striving every day to make certain they have a better quality of life than I did, while at the same time being careful not to raise them with a sense of entitlement. That’s why “Pull My Finger” is simply not good enough for my child.

Your prayers are needed for a young boy in great pain. Imagine being just 10 years old and being hydrocephalic, meaning his head is several times larger than it ought to be. It’s hard for him…every day is a struggle, even though he just wants to play baseball and live a normal life. But his [...]

I’m sure many of you know the video which I am referring to, if not, take a moment and have a look at this.

Well, after a delightful lunch on a patio, The Correctness collectively decided we liked the sound of a Team Smackdown. We tossed some names out, but have yet to make any official brackets, so now is your chance to speak up.

Us: Hey you know what this site needs?

Peanut Gallery: Better writers?

Us: Bite Us!

No no, what this site needs is more impotent nerd rage…

It’s that time again, when the Correctness corrects a casting mistake on a comic book heroine because a) we like comic books, and b) we like pretty actresses. We are funny that way. This week we take a look at the assassin who stole, and very nearly stabbed Daredevil’s heart, Elektra.

Before we begin, I would once again like to stress and clarify that these are my FAVOURITE performances. The “Best” performances would be a different kind of debate, and would, if the AFI is to be believed, need to involve a lengthy discussion of “Some Like it Hot” a movie that I appear to be completely alone in not giving a shit about.

Well, now I can cross “See a Beatle live” off of the old life list.

Mayor Amber Harris breathed a sigh of relief as she looked out her window into the blackness and saw and encroaching wave of light rushing across each building downtown. Then, her own office lights came back on. The blackout, mercifully was over, but the damage had been done.

The first thing I’d like to make clear is that this is a list of personal favourites. It is not a “Greatest” list. There are several comedians who are by all accounts GREATER in a broader context. I call it the “Citizen Kane” effect.

My nephew, Brendon is soon to become a father. He just bought his first house, and is thinking of applying his trade to his own business. When faced with the huge responsibilities of adulthood, one tends to turn thoughtful…introspective even. And then, you start asking the big questions. questions like…

Hey Uncle Tony Ummm…. Had a question which I am sure nerds have debated for for at least 25 years. Who would win in a battle Han Solo or Captain Kirk? I wanted to ask the vast knowledge of the Correctness but I dunno if there is a question section. Now if in question the Spock Kirk duel music is playing, no crowd, just a rancor to kill the loser.

A true tale of love and sausage…

Thanks to my near toxic levels of geekiness I’ve won a fair amount of Star Wars shit over the years.

Tony's Voice Message [ 0:01 ] Play Now | Play in Popup

Well I have watched my very last Last Comic Standing. Ever.

Last night was the absolute final straw.

We interrupt the Correctness for a special announcement. I, Tbinns, one of your fearless Correctians is going to be a father.

Let the buying of ridiculous Star Wars themed baby shit begin!

We now return to your regularily scheuled rant, already in progress.

A Saturday filled with chips, cola and Hi-def Gore.

The idea came to me after seeing the Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie Double Bill. It had occurred to me during that campy fun slightly gross show that since my wife HATES horror movies it had been ages since I had seen one.