Dear Young M.C. :

RE: “Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry, and in five days from now he’s going to marry. He’s hoping you can make it, if you can, ’cause in the ceremony you’ll be the best man.”

Are we to assume that it is Harry that is going to marry? This makes more sense than the alternative, in which you are the Best Man at your best friend’s brother’s wedding. In that hypothesis, one would think Harry himself a more likely candidate. But, no, we need to assume that it is your best friend Harry whom is to wed.

This still leaves us with some concerns. Why bother interject about his brother? If Harry is your best friend, can’t we assume you’d know about the existence of Larry? Why would someone feel the need to share that fact with you. And it seems odd to place that sidenote in the context of information concerning a wedding.

Also, Harry doesn’t seem to be very good at wedding planning. A mere five days before the ceremony, there is still some question as to whether you’ll even be attending. It seems risky to be tentative about such an important role. Of course, one assumes that Larry could step in, if need be.

Dear Joe Jackson

If you have indeed seen gorillas walking with pretty women down your street perhaps you should be less concerned about who your ex is dating and more concerned about calling the Animal Control people.

Sincerely,

TBinns

Dear Guy in Detroit Rock City,

To answer your last (final?) question about why your are going to die, it has to do with a fatal combination of speed, your self confessed inability to turn in time, the gigantic truck bearing down on you and some rather elementary physics. If you have any further questions…oh. Too late, never mind.

Sincerely,

TBinns

Dear Beatles

I feel it would be remiss of me not to point out that there are, in fact only 7 days in a week. Perhaps in future you should not put Ringo in charge of the calendar. Or scheduling.

Sincerely,

TBinns

Dear Sympathy for the Devil Guy.

I give up. I have no idea what your name is. Perhaps if you stopped hooting and dropping oblique hints and just told me , (Or perhaps worn a nametag?) our conversation might have gone a lot smoother.

P.S. Why were you out jogging with David Lee Roth?

Sincerely,

TBinns

Dear War,

After an informal poll with many of my friends, I have found that pretty much none of them know the low rider. Perhaps you could give the low rider a Facebook page to improve it’s profile.

Sincerely,

Tbinns

Dear Glass Tiger,

Please accept my apologies, as I totally forgot you when you were gone. Practically the very minute you left. And I must confess some part of me was relieved.

Sincerely,

Tbinns

Dear Beyonce,

YOUR left or MY Left? Stage Left? please clarify.

Sincerely,

TBinns