Part two of our series where we recast some of your favorite comic book heroines, and sweep in like superheroes to rescue them from a lackluster performance. Today we will be recasting Spider-Man’s beloved… Mary Jane Watson

MJ, Fashion model, superhero wife, actress, and if the Spider-Man movies are to be believed, whiny self centered bitch….

Who is being replaced?

Kirsten Dunst:

Why they cast a blonde as a redhead and a redhead as a blonde we may never know. In fact, I’m going to go on record as saying Topher Grace as Peter Parker and Bryce Dallas Howard as MJ might have been the more logical casting choice, and let Toby and Kirsten play Eddie and Gwen. What we do know is that despite the fact that… well…she looks good in the rain, Kirsten’s Mary Jane came off as being snippy and selfish. He’s Spider-Man for God’s sake, so what if he missed your damned play? That you sucked at and got replaced in? Boo Hoo…people are getting mugged, buildings are burning down, AND PIZZAS DON’T DELIVER THEMSELVES!!! Maybe it was the fault of the script, but maybe it was the fault of the actress, so just in case let’s get recasting, shall we?

You may have noticed that some of your favorite redheads (Felica Day, Allyson Hannigan, Emmy Rossum, Kari from Mythbusters) Are noticeably absent from the list. That is because lovely as they are, I can’t picture any of them saying “Face it tiger, you just hit the Jackpot” without irony. But these ladies might just be able to pull it off…

Honorable Mentions:

Christina Hendricks.

She might be a touch too curvy (for the part, not for me, I’d like to make that clear) and projects a wisdom beyond her years but I think if a new film was set with a slightly older Peter Parker this could totally work. Works for me at any rate.

Emily Blunt

I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who was disappointed to hear she wasn’t playing the Black Widow, but I think she might lend a touch of class to MJ, especially a period piece 60’s style MJ

Amy Adams

She gets the honorable mention because I think she is quite a good actress, and certainly easy on the eyes…something is not quite right for MJ, maybe she’s a little too bright and sunshiney, but it would be interesting to see her take a crack at it.

Daneel Harris

I haven’t seen enough One Tree Hill to know if she’s really all that good, but I’m prepared to give her a shot based on how much she looks the part. Can you imagine your aunt setting you up with this girl? No wonder Peter is so devoted to Aunt May.

Hey, you know who I DON’T want to play the part?

Laura Prepon. Her entire acting range is “Eric!! What the hell? You Dillhole!” She specializes in various states of annoyance it seems. No thank you.

And the “If I Had a Time Machine” award goes to…

Angie Everhart.

Jackpot, Tiger. Jackpot.

And Now…The Top 3…

#3 Evan Rachel Wood

She’s a stunning, intelligent redhead, who can act, sing (Across the Universe) and likes to date freaks…how much more Mary Jane can you get than that? And speaking of unusual taste in men…

#2 Isla Fisher

I still can’t believe Borat makes sexy time with this woman. I think what would be interesting here is that she has a softer look, she’s still model quality, but still has that “Girl next door” approachability going for her. I could totally see Peter obsessing about this girl his whole life.

And My #1 choice for the recasting of Mary Jane Watson is…

#1 Alicia Witt.

Yes, Alia from Dune grew up rather strikingly. I think I actually read somewhere that she was even offered the part and turned it down, for whatever reason. Regardless of whether or not that is true, she pulls of the model look, while never coming across as vapid or empty. I think the spirit of MJ is every bit as important as the look, and I think she pulls off both masterfully.

So there you have it…Who did I miss? Any more suggestions? Join us next time when we have the temerity to suggest casting an actual Blonde who can ACT in the role of Sue Storm

See you then.