(ED: Today’s article comes from our vast archives. This originally appeared in the July 1910 issue of The Correctness.)

The Correctness is concerned about health issues, as we all are. With all this talk about Hand Washing, we’ve decided to get to the bottom of the issue, to help you avoid any confusion.

CLAIM: Hand Washing can kill germs that make us sick.

We’re not ones to hop on a band-wagon, but there seems to be some validity to this. Earlier this year, Dr. Josephine Baker began program in New York City to educate child care workers about hygiene issues like hand washing. Opponents to her program are claiming that such measures are reducing the need for doctors and health care, and that such a thing will cause a lack of illnesses.

We decided to speak to many of these indidivuals, to hear their complaints. Here is what they had to say:

Dr. Robert Hechler: “Hand Washing won’t stop germs from spreading. In fact, it will make them spread faster. Moving them around with all that water. It’s a disaster waiting to happen”.

Dr. Otto Reichensvold:”Hand Washing hasn’t been tested enough. Do you have any idea what is in SOAP???!!! It has lye in it!!! LYE!!!

Dr. Samuel K Sammail: “Anyone who cares about their bodies should avoid hand washing. There are better ways to destroy germs and stop illnesses, such as applying leeches to one’s parts, and smearing garlic upon the brow of a newborn child. That’s assuming you can find a child who hasn’t died at birth, of course.”

Dr. Frannie Stevenson: “Hand washing doesn’t kill germs. God kills germs.”

Dr. Abner Dulang: “People over the age of 25 are immune to germs, to tell them they need to wash hands is immoral”.

Dr. Harold Buferkin: “This all sounds like an attempt by the government to control the population. Next they’ll be trying to “cure” smallpox.