Normally, The Correctness is an original content only kind of site, and we aren’t the sort to get all link happy. But I think this is a special occasion.

The Avengers trailer just hit.

I think this is an excellent opportunity for all of us Correct heads to get together and have a good old gab about what we think of it. I am particularly looking forward to Admin_Rock’s take on it, as he will be torn between his dislike of the Avengers and his love of Joss Whedon.

As for myself…Fucking LOVED it.

So what do you guys and gals think?

(ED: Today’s article is brought to you by guest writer Victoria Banner – no relation.)

Legend of Zelda: The Movie.

So somewhere at one point in time someone said to me “A Legend of Zelda Movie would be awesome” I disagreed with this fact but was too busy not being sober to bring up why I whole-heartedly disagreed with this fact.

Well I forgot who brought up the concept, but I remembered why a legend of Zelda movie would be Terrible.

I re-thought of this while sitting on my bed doing one of those name 10 things next to you quizzes…I looked to my immediate left and noticed Watchmen, Hellboy, Repo, Edward Scissorhands, Rocky Horror, Paranormal Activity and The Legend of Zelda Animated Series box set….I abandoned the stupid quiz Out of inspiration. Now has anyone actually watched the Legend of Zelda animated series? Its PAINFUL….if you want to get the jist of it clicky teh link (the internet link not the picture of Link I plan on including) but if you value your sanity just keep reading.

Either was the game legend of Zelda is timeless….it takes place in Hyrule and the games are always just as enjoyable as you remember them unlike most games where you dust off your N64 and wonder why you spent the vast majority of age seven playing Yoshi story. (Yes I was seven years old when Yoshi story came out I get it… your old… I am a baby. Cool?). 3-D graphics were readily available by the time I was co-ordinated enough to use a controller so I don’t derive the same nostalgia as most of my friends do out of 8 bit gaming. (Except I loved Super Mario World and Sonic the Hedgehog…looking back I was probably only playing tutorial levels but I remember long the Shit out of them). But much like a young fan of Rock would go back and listen to Chuck Berry I did go back and play a few key games for gaming history…Megaman, Metroid and Duck Hunt I was unfortunately jaded thinking “God it gets SO MUCH BETTER” But Mario and Zelda for the NES and SNES: Timeless! A-Hem the point I am making is Zelda is timeless and any other medium other thant Video games would make it incredibly dated. Such as Legend of Zelda the Animated series takes place in Hyrule in the Late 80′s….ZELDA WEARS A FUCKING ROYAL PANTS-SUIT.

So all I can think of is how fast movies date and that no movie would ever do justice to the Legend of Zelda series. But if you still don’t believe me I have arranged a few examples of what Hollywood today would do to fuck up a Legend of Zelda movie.

First up Michael Bay could end up with LOZ rights, He loves Destroying peoples childhoods we would have-

LEGEND OF ZELDA: KING DODONGO’S REVENGE.

In this movie Link (played by Megan Fox) has given up on having a Sword and a Shield and opted for only bombs, bomb flowers and bomb arrows…since Link can Carry up to 99 bombs…(supposing He sailed around the world and met all the great Fairies) there is one explosion per minute in this movie. Also King Dodongo cost 10 Billlion dollars to animate, which is roughly enough to put all of the inhabitants of Haiti through Harvard.

Pre-Scott Pilgrim Michael Cera Movie:

(its very hard to use MS Paint on a Laptop)

The Sound track would feature Acoustic Guitar, Indie Tamborine, Indie Xylophone and purposefully off key Female singer Renditions of all your Favoriie Zelda themes. The Preview would have Michael Cera in an Oversized green Tunic Looking at Giant Pig Gannon. He will have a tiny boomerang and say Awkwardly “SO am I supposed to throw the boomerang or something??”. Zelda would be wearing pointy ear-earbuds.

Oscar Fishing Movie-

The Legend of Dreaming-Based on a True Story.

Here we see young Koji Kondo Growing up in Rual Japan, life is hard and he wants to get out of what ever kind situation he is in. He Gets Piano Lessons from his grandpa…who dies some tragic way or another…but he gets in to composing school on a scholarship, but he gets beat withing an inch of his life by bullies cause bullies in movie can do that. He graduates composing school and signs on with Nintendo…he has somesort of drug or family problem and then he composes the lost woods theme. The entire audience realizes that they have been taking the lost woods theme for granted. 7 million Oscars…8 million if the bullies rape him.

Speaking of Rape…. Horror Movie-

Dawn of the Redeads

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

And We’ll let you guys think of your own movie here!

Silent Hill/ Resident Evil Formula-

Open with Tingle Floating around selling maps…he sells a map to link (this scene is the entire goddamn trailer) and then we continue to see what shenanagans tingle gets up to for the rest of the movie…At one point he waves at Princess Zelda from across a field and we can kind of make her out. Release a Collectors Edition every other month.

Anyways, That’s why I feel a Legend of Zelda Movie would suck….doesn’t mean I am not going to freak the fuck out with excitement if they ever made one…..I wonder who would play Link? I know I missed a bunch of Terrible Genres but I really want to go watch Dexter…Anyone thought of any Genres I NEED to include? I will write it or write your own in the comments.

According to this and several other sources online they are making a Magic 8 Ball Movie.

I would like to take a moment to discuss this in a calm and reasonable manner.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

A

Fucking

Magic

8

Fucking

Ball

Fucking

Movie.

Do you have ANY Idea how much a Hollywood movie costs to make? Millions! Millions of dollars that could have gone to any number of things, up to and including earthquake relief and Gulf coast clean up. But no, that 50 million is spoken for. It’s going right in the old Magic 8 ball movie fund. Fuck Otters. Fuck them right in their oil filled eardrums, I’m making a magic 8 ball movie.

I am a stand up comedian and have been for ten years. I am also a professional writer. I have pitched three TV series, and two movies and have not received 1 red cent toward production, but MAGIC 8 BALL the MOVIE gets the green light. That literally means my work is not as interesting, or fund worthy as the piece of kitsch sitting on the executives desk.

According to Hollywood, I am not as funny, fascinating or entertaining as a MAGIC 8 BALL. How do you think that makes me feel?

That’s like me getting called into an office of an executive and him saying

“Hey, Tony, we like you, you’ve got some very funny stuff, but we’re actually gonna go with this slinky on my desk here. The Slinky tested very high. We’ve got a great story, it’s about this guy who goes down stairs…”

I guess it makes sense on one level, they have probably been using it for years to green light films…

“How about a buddy comedy between a cop and a talking baby…”It is a Certainty”, OKAY We’re a go, get Ashton Kutcher on the phone”

Are they just looking around the office for movie ideas now?

“Let’s see…movie ideas…uh…ummm..oh uh stapler? has there been a stapler movie? He teams up with three hole punch?”

“No…it’s not singing to me…uh…OH what’s that on your desk?”

“Magic 8 ball?”

“Ooooh. magic! I like that. Plus it’s black, it will test well with black audiences, we’ll get some of that sweet Tyler Perry cash!

Perhaps it’s all down to market research Maybe some douchebag shows up with a chart saying 1 in every 5 offices has a magic 8 ball in it, so the exec does the math and says “That’s a guaranteed 75 million dollar opening weekend! Call the Marketing department…I want teasers, ‘This Christmas get ready to get…behind the 8 ball!’ Cancel my appointments for the rest of the week….”

And what are they going to do with it? A wacky family comedy about a guy, played by Brendon Fraser, who discovers his magic 8 ball is actually magic, and whatever it predicts comes true, and he gets so caught up in it that he neglects his adorable son, but in the end learns his lesson when the 8 ball says “Go Hug your Boy”, so he uses the ball to chase down his soon to be ex wife and get his family back? Oh and the 8 ball does something and makes his dog talk. The dog will be voiced by Dane Cook. And it will be a Great Dane…META JOKE kids love that! And Taylor Swift will do the lead song on the soundtrack called “All Signs Point To Yes” and it will be in shitty fucking 3-d, and an entire generation will grow up not giving a shit about movies because they think that this is what a movie is, and they will continue to watch idiots with bad hair and worse editing skills on youtube talk about Lady Fucking GAGA.

The Godfather was made IN OUR LIFETIME it wasn’t that long ago…how did we get from THAT to 8 BALL THE MOTION PICTURE!!!?

Hey Christian Fundamentalists, it isn’t our moral failings that cause the volcanoes and earthquakes, and typhoons…its 8 Ball The Motion Picture.

Hey Terrorists, imperialism and decadence isn’t why you hate us, its 8 ball the motion picture!

I have no medical proof but I suspect my asthma was brought on by 8 ball the motion picture.

And with all due respect for Patton Oswalt at least “Death Bed, The Bed That Eats People” had the decency to fall into obscurity…you had to LOOK that shit up on IMDB.

This will be in a MULTIPLEX. STATE OF THE ART EQUIPMENT will be used to DIGITALLY PROJECT A MOVIE BASED ON A MAGIC 8 BALL. And it will be right there with the movie they are making about Battleship. And Monopoly. Mark my words people…go out and buy the domain name for every shitty toy you had in the seventies and add the word “movie” to it because they are going to green light it. You can’t stop it, so you might as well make some money on it.

Dibs on “gameoflifethemovie.com”

I may also take “pleasejustfuckingkillme.com”

and just in case “staplerthemovie.com”

So, I guess you might say…My outlook is not so positive.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

The rumor recently broke that John Krasinski of the Office is on a short list to play Cap in the upcoming Captain America movie. I never really thought of him as the type. I’m guessing they will have to make a few script changes. Changes like this, for instance.

Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.

(Captain America jumps down from the rafters, to confront his arch enemy)

RED SKULL: Captain… America is it? How fitting. Just like your country you are sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong…and just like your country, you have entered the war far too late. The missiles are set to launch. All I need to do is dispose of you….OH COME ON!!

(Cut to Red Skulls desk drawer, where his trusty luger is now covered in Jello. Cut to Captain America, who looks at the camera and smirks.)

Int. Office Day

Captain America is in the C.I.A. office speaking to the Camera.

CAP: I’ve always believed that mutated Nazi madmen just need to lighten up. I mean, everybody loves Jello, right? How can you not love Jello? You can put anything in it, canned fruit…bananas …lugers…(he smirks at the camera)

Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.

RED SKULL: How did you even…Ohhh it’s in the firing pin…these are collector’s items…YOU OWE ME A LUGER!!!

CAP: How do you know I did that?

RED SKULL: OF COURSE IT WAS YOU!!! Who else would have…?

CAP: I’m just saying that you have a lot of people working for you here, you give a lot of orders….people get resentful…

RED SKULL: Well there is this one guy….

CAP: See?

RED SKULL: SHUT UP !! IT WAS TOTALLY YOU!! But it doesn’t matter…you can’t stop the missiles now. Ah the rich Irony, that you Americans created the very Arayan Super Man that our regime has been fighting so hard to create. By trying to stop us, you yourselves are forced to concede we are correct, by your very existence! Freedom is a petty price to pay for the true Arayan nation to arise and conquer the inferior races…

(Captain America gives a pained look to the camera)

Int. Office Day

CAP: What I’ve learned about being a Superhero is that there is always going to be a monologue from the villain. These things can go on for a looooong time. You have to find ways to occupy your attention or you’ll go nuts. Ways like…slipping away defusing the missiles and replacing them with confetti bombs. (He smiles)

Int. Night. Red Skull’s Lair.

RED SKULL:…and THAT is why we will prevail…Look the missiles are launched, say goodbye to Uncle Sam, Apple Pie and…

(Missles explode, it is a hailstorm of Confetti)

RED SKULL: What? HOW? DAMN YOU CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!!!!!

(Enter Rip Tailor waving the American Flag)

RIP: Did someone say Confettii? HA HA HA! Whooopeeeeee!!!

Int. Office Day

CAP: Yes. I did hire Rip Taylor. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. (He smiles)