It’s no secret that The Correctness are big fans of Joss Whedon. He’s made a string of shows that are brilliant, funny, and engaging. We watched Buffy (movie and show), We watched Angel. We loved the hell out of Firefly and Serenity. We crushed on Dr Horrible. We (well, at least some of we) really dig Dollhouse. But Joss, buddy, we need to talk about how the networks (we’re mostly looking at you, Fox!) treat you.

The Friday night death slot is just that. Death. If they air you on Friday, they cancel you soon after. You know it, we know it. The executives and their notes, asking you to change this or that, showing episodes out of order, making you reshoot pilot episodes, etc. The list goes on.

Here are the facts: You know how to make good TV. You know how to find like-minded people to help you do this. You have a great rapport with your actors, and have gathered a stable of folks who will do anything you sign on for. And, hey, millions of fans who feel likewise.

We know you were doing Eliza a solid by taking on Dollhouse through Fox. But after the reports that Fox will “air all 13 episodes this season” and that you’re being shelved for the sweeps period, we’re all in agreement that Fox doesn’t give a crap about you.

So, we’ve been thinking about this, and we think that you should ditch TV once and for all. We keep our eye on things like DVD sales, and we noted that even a show like Babylon 5, which was a cult favorite, and not a mainstream hit, in the words of its creator “have raised over 500 million in revenue.” Dr. Horrible was a big hit, and it wasn’t made for TV at all. You see what we’re getting at?

Get a few backers together (or hey, maybe you have the cash to bankroll the thing yourself), and produce your own show, make it, slap it on iTunes, sell DVDs at the end of season, get it on Hulu. You KNOW we’ll all fork over some cash to see more great storytelling. At the very worst, we’ll still treat you better than the network execs.

The press will still cover you, network or no. The ComicCon crowds will spread the world. The fanboys will love your bold steps, and we’ll be done with the Fox network entirely (well, okay, we’ll keep watching House, but that’s it!). We’ll even start a whole new site called “The Jossness”. Or not, that sounds pretty lame. Then, when you’ve proven the model works, when the Season 1 DVD sales roll in, you can ramp up the production values for season 2, when everything gets good anyway.

Also, when all this works out, remember your old friends at The Correctness. And give J.M.S. a call, and tell him to do this too.

Love, The Correctness.

It’s the Calgary Comic Expo, 2009 and unhinged nerdery abounds. At an autograph table, right across from Edward James Olmos, (If you don’t know who that is, stop reading. RESPECT THE OLD MAN, FUCKERS!!!)TV Uber cutie Jewel Staite signs a picture for a pudgy anime princess. Not realizing that destiny had just paid 20 bucks, and was approaching her with a DVD of Firefly in hand, she takes a quick sip of water, and stretches.

When they lock eyes, time stops. The vibrations are palpable. It echoes throughout the showroom floor, causing Margot Kidder to pause in her carnival barking for autographs and cock her head like a curious dog. Several aisles away a woman dressed as Emma Frost gets a shiver. (Although, to be fair she wasn’t wearing much, but we stand by the palpable echo nevertheless)

Finally after both an instant and an eternity, Jewel speaks.

JEWEL: Hello there!
(What she meant was “As I look upon you, I know at last what it truly means to be a woman. With needs.”

Tbinns: Hi. How are you?
(Please, I’m married, you are embarrassing both of us)

JEWEL: I’m good thanks. Do you want it personalized?
(“Tell me your name at least, I must know who you are!”)

Tbinns: Yes, please. My name is Tony
(I’m only giving you my first name, I can’t have you looking me up)

JEWEL: Sure, no problem
(I belong to you now. That’s why I’m signing this with a little heart on it. To let you know that I am utterly yours)

Tbinns: Long day?
(I’m changing the subject now, because your obvious carnal desires are making me uncomfortable)

JEWEL: Not too bad. Getting near the end, though.
(I’m done here at 5, I’m staying at the Hotel Arts just a little ways away from here, please meet me there. I find pudgy Kevin Smith types highly arousing and you are making me crazy. I mean, there are a ton of those guys here, but you clearly are the best one. I must have you!!!)

Tbinns: Well, thanks very much for coming, it was a pleasure meeting you
(I have to go now, Kandyse McClure from Battlestar Galactica is checking out my ass and I have to go tell her to cut it out)

JEWEL: Oh, you’re welcome it was a pleasure meeting you. Take care.
(NO!! Don’t leave! You mutsn’t!!! How will I live? Whatever will I do? Come back, I will totally introduce you to Joss Whedon and you guys will be best pals!!! YOU ARE MY UNIVERSE!!! COME BACK!!!)

So there you have it. Tragic really, that I had to utterly destroy her heart like that. When will these people learn that all I want is an autograph? Why do they always go that extra step with me? I’m not even going to get into the nightmare that was the Sean Astin autograph session.