An Open Letter from God to Harold Camping
Memo from: God Almighty
To: Harold Camping
Re: The Rapture
Dear Harold,
Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine?
My Financial Advisor is God
I saw a headline once on Yahoo.com that claimed more and more people were turning to the Bible for financial advice.
This is very odd to me. If you found a copy of the Wall Street Journal that was over 2000 years old, would you take the “Hot Stock Tips” or would you find them just a tad out of date?
American Apparel and the End of Days
IN THE BEGINNING, there was The Eighties. And the Eighties were wrong in the eyes of The Lord, and the sinners who worked at American Apparel had been born in the 90’s, and they knew not how wrong they were to dress that way. And they knew not that pulp-porn imagery is creepy, and they knew not of how to work at a real job. The Lord looked upon American Apparel, and he frowned.
1. Yea, and the sky will crack, and fire will rain down, and those wearing retro non-prescription glasses frames from the eighties will be blinded immediately, and they will run in the streets and bleed from their anuses. For Vanity shall be the sin which ends the world. “Glasses are for seeing, not for fashion” sayeth The Lord, and The Lord shall say “Enough with the glasses, especially if you don’t need them. How about I give you all a bleeding anus disease?”. And so it shall be.