American Apparel and the End of Days
IN THE BEGINNING, there was The Eighties. And the Eighties were wrong in the eyes of The Lord, and the sinners who worked at American Apparel had been born in the 90’s, and they knew not how wrong they were to dress that way. And they knew not that pulp-porn imagery is creepy, and they knew not of how to work at a real job. The Lord looked upon American Apparel, and he frowned.
1. Yea, and the sky will crack, and fire will rain down, and those wearing retro non-prescription glasses frames from the eighties will be blinded immediately, and they will run in the streets and bleed from their anuses. For Vanity shall be the sin which ends the world. “Glasses are for seeing, not for fashion” sayeth The Lord, and The Lord shall say “Enough with the glasses, especially if you don’t need them. How about I give you all a bleeding anus disease?”. And so it shall be.
The Love Song of J. Xander Douchebag
I grow old… I grow old… I shall wear the bottom of my Gap denims rolled. Shall I spike my hair up high, Do I dare to eat a Dragonfruit, I shall wear Old Navy Capris, and walk upon the beach. I have heard the Jonas Brothers singing, each to each I do not think they will sing to me. Fuck it, I’ll just get frosted tips.