An open letter to Jim Carrey in regards to Emma Stone, who, as yet, has not entered the contest to win a date with me.
Jim:
A while back here on my comedy website thing, which is highly regarded by my mom, I invited Emma Stone to enter the “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest. She did not enter then, nor has she submitted an entry since I reopened the contest earlier this summer. To be fair, Emma Stone hasn’t the foggiest idea who I am, or if I am charming, homicidal, or both. So, to preface this letter without any further speculation, I am not writing this to tell you to keep your mitts offa my lady, as such a statement would be untrue, sexist, and incalculably fucktarded.
Happy Birthday Robbie Robtown!!
It’s Robbie Robtown’s Birthday today.
Totes! For Reals! Golly Wonkers!
Old Contest, New “Name TBinns Baby” Contest, Emma Stone Update.
Dear Supposed RobbieRobTown Fan club:
Some time ago, TBinns became convinced there was a vast, sexy conspiracy surrounding me. As a consequence of his delusion about my “fan club”, TBinns suggested we hold a contest to win a Dream Date with yours truly.
Here are some contest Fun Facts:
Total number of entries: 2.
Total qualifying entries based on rules: 0
Number of times Emma Stone, who I specifically invited to enter the contest, entered the contest: 0
TBinns is a dear friend, and certainly must not have intended to prove how immensely and universally disinteresting I am to women, gay men, and the complexly transgendered.
Read More…
The Correctness Guide to Filler: Help with Writer’s Block
Dear Correctness Readers:
A lot of people ask us how we here at The Correctness can generate so much fresh content, ensuring that so much of our written effort is largely ignored by the people we hope read our articles, like Henry Kissinger or Emma Stone. “How can you generate so much fresh, funny content?” those people ask us, redundantly, “That could be enjoyed by Henry Kissinger for example, or Emma Stone, perhaps?” they continue, reiteratively.
Well, the secret to our success, apart from my stunning good looks, is filler.
An Open Letter to Emma Stone Regarding Our “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” Contest
Dear Emma:
By way of introduction, my name is RobbieRobTown. Okay, actually, my screen name is RobbieRobTown, but my actual name is Handsome McSwashbuckley, or possibly Spacey McDinosaur. You can request my real name at your convenience, I’m just not posting it here, that would just be stupid- I’m a student teacher for God’s sake, so I really don’t want my adorable grade 1 kids next semester looking up my last name on the intertubes and seeing the kinds of things that either A) I say in the name of satire, or B) people say about me in the name of internet anonymity.