Hey folks, Admin_Rock here. So you know how we talk about the Live Smackdown from time to time, but none of you have ever seen it? Well, hold on to your pants, or possibly the pants of a friend, because we have a 3 minute clip for the 2011 Comic Expo craftily edited by RobbieRobTown. (Video shot by the amazing Andrew Phung.)

WATCH! As we move through the bracket.
SEE! Admin_Rock get cut off a number of times.
MARVEL! At the Marvel of it.

Dearest Readers:

It was a wild time at The Correcteness panel at the Calgary Comic Expo! Literally dozens (Dozen. Half dozen. Four.) of our regular readers showed up for vote for their favourite heroes in an epicesque battle to the deathish! Not only that, but the Calgary Con saw the sudden and triumphant re-opening of  the “win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest, at the behest of Summer Glau (who I am sure was dropping me a specific hint in an audience of 5000 people).

There were 7 contenders in the Smackdown this year, and the audience voted in a favourite hero as well. Before I go on to list who was in the battle this year, may I just say that if you give the audience a choice on who is in the Smackdown, they will make obscure, irrational choices to spite me.

Based on our retirement of Supes last year, and Batman’s inevitable live win last con, we selected 7 heroes, with emphasis on the summer film icons.

Green Lantern  vs Thor,  Jean Grey pre-Phoenix vs. Audience Choice, Kitty Pryde vs. The Flash, and Wonder Woman vs. Captain America.

Who would be the audience choice hero? Our throng of fans, who were there specifically to see us and not just there because the costume contest was taking too long, decided between these 4 choices:

Spider-Man

Wolverine

The Hulk

Aunt May (Submitted by me as a joke)

Guess which one they picked. Go ahead guess. You already know, because you know that when I get in front of an audience, they immediately feel a compulsion to screw with me. Consequently, Aunt May entered the Fray. The May Fray. As a side note, “The May Fray” released one of the best proto-punk albums of the late 70′s. Lead single: CookiePunch!

Without going into a detailed blow by blow (hahaha, blow!), here are some key results:Based on audience votes, Aunt May took the first round against Jean Grey. This pitted Aunt May vs. Thor in the semi finals, which were interrupted by Dark-Phoenix! Aunt May nearly won that battle too, but Thor took the match.

FYI, the Green Lantern vs Thor fight came down to a matter of ring-recharging, so I imagine those rings were designed by Steve Jobs on Oa, and they never got the battery life quite right. Yes, you can play music for 10 hours, but you need to get to your lantern if you want to play much Angry Birds on your flight.

Also of note, my affection for Kitty Pryde was not enough to keep the audience on her side this year. I blame the distractingly lovely Ramona Flowers who showed up and split my attention. Although, was Ramona dating Stephen Stills? Because, spoiler alert, Stephen Stills ends up gay, so Ramona, please call.  If I really wanted a shot with Ramona Flowers I probably shouldn’t have said Thor’s mighty might with his shirt off defeated my straightness. I think that cost me a coffee date, but, seriously, have you seen Thor with his shirt off? His hip-flexors were like tidy rolls of Pillsbury cookie dough! Even I wanted to lick him! Mmmm, Thor-Pops on a hot summer day, cooling me down…

A final round between Wonder Woman and Thor was narrowly won by Thor, and that left us with enough time to have Thor try and defeat last year’s live victor, Batman. Again, guess who won. You’re right. Aunt May won. Aunt May always wins. Who has all the information necessary to defeat every member of the Justice League? Aunt May. Who decides who lives and who dies? Aunt May does. Why does the sun rise and set? Because Aunt May wants it that way.  Aunt May, FTW.

No, seriously, Batman won. It turns out that planning time for the Dark Knight is the same whitewash explanation as speed-force is for the Flash. One fan suggested Bruce Wayne would buy out Marvel Comics and sue them into non existence.

What will happen at the Smackdown next year? Will we be invited back? Will I ever get a job? Am I really as good at Angry Birds as I claim? (Hint: Yes, I’m really, very, very good at Angry Birds.)

In other important news, Summer Glau was at the convention, and shared a heartbreaking fact: Unlike her guest appearance on Big Bang Theory, she does not get harassed for dates in real life.  As a consequence of this, Summer, if I may call you by your first name, I have reopened the “win a date” with me contest. The current contest rules are as follows: You must submit either an idea of what your dream date with me would be like, or an original haiku which will woo me. Remember, last time we ran this contest, there were 2 whole entries, and both were disqualified due to official contest rules.  There you go, Summer, you’re welcome.

Thanks to everyone who stayed late at the con to join us, and we hope you come back on the interwebs and see us soon!

RRT

P.S. Ramona, you can enter the contest too. Any ladies can, I just want to make sure Summer Glau gets a fair shot, just like Emma Stone did.

P.P.S. Please enter the contest this time. I’m so very lonely.

P.P.P.S. Thor may also enter.

Well gang, it’s confirmed, The Correctness will be at The Calgary Comic Expo Saturday June 18th at 6:00 pm for part two of the live Super hero Smackdown.

In addition to which Admin Rock will be selling his “Wares” in Artist Alley. You can’t miss him, he’s the Bruce McCollough-esque fellow standing near the mind blowing lego mosiacs.

And as a special bonus for you the Correct, yours truly will be headlining at Yuk Yuks, June 16th to the 18th. Your expo pass gets you two for one tickets. But here is your chance to get in for free…

In honor of the recent anniversary of the passing of Douglas Adams I am declaring a “Vogon Poetry” Competition. Do your worst. Make me wish I was being thrown out of an airlock. The most torturous Vogon poem gets two free tickets to see the show. Here’s a little number I whipped up for a similar contest a few years back just to get you started…

Reflections

Oh, slab of Mung,
That quivers egrubiously between my folds
Will you not creambulate lovingly toward my thigh?
Fiptious jelly that smells of cheese and musk
My thumb caresses thy curdled putressesses
Why do you mock your quimbling host?
I banish thee
I love thee
And ulpliciosuly spread thee on toast

Now write your own and see Tbinns do stand up live or…. (Dum Dum Dum) Tell me how good you thought poem was!

Thanks to some wheeling and dealing by Tbinns, The Correctness was invited to present a live version of the Superhero Smackdown at the Calgary Comic Expo this past weekend. We discussed how to transition a season-long adventure into about 50 minutes, and whether to use the same 8 finalists. We decided to pull Superman from the bracket, as he had already won once, and it seemed to make things a bit more even.

We arrived at the Expo early in the day, and checked out the room. It was a large one, and we discussed whether there would 9 or 12 people attending the panel, as it was a) unknown to most of the attendees, and b) opposite a panel on comic book writing featuring Chris Claremont. (admin_rock entertained thoughts of skipping our panel to attend that one!)

But when 5 o’clock rolled around, and we saw the line, it was clear that we were in for a fun time!

Those of you with eagle eyes might find a member or two of the correctness in the above picture.

We took the stage, and set up the rules. 2 days prep, anything goes, winner takes all.

The 8 finalists we used were

Deadpool
Wolverine
Hulk
Flash
Batman
Green Lantern
Spider-Man
and of course

Kitty Pryde.

We discussed each match-up, and then took comments from the audience, who were great! Much fun was had by all. After the comments, we threw the question to the audience, and they chose the winners of each fight.

The panels in the other rooms must have wondered what the hell we were doing, as we made a LOT of noise…

The smackdown went as such

A side

Deadpool vs Flash = Flash
Hulk vs Green Lantern = Hulk

Flash vs Hulk = Flash

B side

Kitty Pryde vs Batman = Batman
Wolverine vs Spider-Man = Spider-Man

Batman vs Spider-Man = Batman

FINAL

Flash vs Batman = Batman

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Super Special Thanks go out to the woman without whom none of this would have looked good: Mrs. admin_rock. (admin_rack? admin_rockette?) She made us an awesome bracket board, as well as designing 2 t-shirts for the weekend.

Also, to Mrs. Tbinns (tbinette?) for providing the pics above!

And thanks to Mrs. RobbieRobTown, whomever you might be, we’re looking forward to meeting you one day.

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Welcome to our new readers, and we hope you enjoy the correctness. We’re also looking forward to attending more comic cons in the future, so we might be hitting your town one day soon! Lock up your daughters! Unless, of course, they are the future Mrs. RobbieRobTown.

The Corectness would like to take a few moments to gush about the awesome support and live commentary from folks at the Calgary Comic Expo!

Thanks for making that such a fun show. You guys rocked it.

We return now to our regularly scheduled cranky.

Guess who’s coming to The Calgary Comic Expo? Yes, Leonard Nimoy, but besides him? Yes, Malcom Macdowell, Erin Grey, Billie Dee Williams Brent Spiner…yes they are all very good…but who would you really LIKE to see there, live and in person?

No Not Tamoah Pinkett, you jackasses, US!

The Correctness will be doing Superhero Smackdown LIVE. Fear not, you will not bear witness to us in tights doing some sort of Justice League LARPing, it will be a lively comedic debate, with plenty of opportunity to talk back and voice your opinion.

So come out and hurl invectives at us in person for a change.

We are in Panel Room D at 5:00 on April 24th…visit Calgaryexpo.com and book your tickets.

It’s the Calgary Comic Expo, 2009 and unhinged nerdery abounds. At an autograph table, right across from Edward James Olmos, (If you don’t know who that is, stop reading. RESPECT THE OLD MAN, FUCKERS!!!)TV Uber cutie Jewel Staite signs a picture for a pudgy anime princess. Not realizing that destiny had just paid 20 bucks, and was approaching her with a DVD of Firefly in hand, she takes a quick sip of water, and stretches.

When they lock eyes, time stops. The vibrations are palpable. It echoes throughout the showroom floor, causing Margot Kidder to pause in her carnival barking for autographs and cock her head like a curious dog. Several aisles away a woman dressed as Emma Frost gets a shiver. (Although, to be fair she wasn’t wearing much, but we stand by the palpable echo nevertheless)

Finally after both an instant and an eternity, Jewel speaks.

JEWEL: Hello there!
(What she meant was “As I look upon you, I know at last what it truly means to be a woman. With needs.”

Tbinns: Hi. How are you?
(Please, I’m married, you are embarrassing both of us)

JEWEL: I’m good thanks. Do you want it personalized?
(“Tell me your name at least, I must know who you are!”)

Tbinns: Yes, please. My name is Tony
(I’m only giving you my first name, I can’t have you looking me up)

JEWEL: Sure, no problem
(I belong to you now. That’s why I’m signing this with a little heart on it. To let you know that I am utterly yours)

Tbinns: Long day?
(I’m changing the subject now, because your obvious carnal desires are making me uncomfortable)

JEWEL: Not too bad. Getting near the end, though.
(I’m done here at 5, I’m staying at the Hotel Arts just a little ways away from here, please meet me there. I find pudgy Kevin Smith types highly arousing and you are making me crazy. I mean, there are a ton of those guys here, but you clearly are the best one. I must have you!!!)

Tbinns: Well, thanks very much for coming, it was a pleasure meeting you
(I have to go now, Kandyse McClure from Battlestar Galactica is checking out my ass and I have to go tell her to cut it out)

JEWEL: Oh, you’re welcome it was a pleasure meeting you. Take care.
(NO!! Don’t leave! You mutsn’t!!! How will I live? Whatever will I do? Come back, I will totally introduce you to Joss Whedon and you guys will be best pals!!! YOU ARE MY UNIVERSE!!! COME BACK!!!)

So there you have it. Tragic really, that I had to utterly destroy her heart like that. When will these people learn that all I want is an autograph? Why do they always go that extra step with me? I’m not even going to get into the nightmare that was the Sean Astin autograph session.