The “I’m” poll revealed more about you than you wanted revealed. Oh, I know, you thought you were just casually clicking on a little radio button, but it was SOOOOO much more than that.

We know, for instance, for all your talk of how Frank Miller has gone off the rails, or how his work is decreasing in quality, we know that secretly, you crave MORE Frank Miller, that you long for a new issue of All Star Batman and Robin.

Overwhelmingly, you voiced your true identity in the most fierce way available. You didn’t let it slip during a dinner party, didn’t mention it to Nicole Kidman, and Alfred didn’t blow the whole thing by letting the girl of the week in to the ‘cave.

No my friend, you are the God-Damned Batman, and if you want to bang Black Canary, or kidnap Robin and let him beat the crap out of Hal Jordan, you’ll God-Damned well do it.

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of superheros, and comic books. Also, love going to movies. But I’ve come to a conclusion, one that might seem incredulous or shocking on the surface: Hollywood needs to stop making superhero movies.

(Scapulaman, possibly the next big superhero film?)

Maybe not entirely, but 94% of the projects in development should just be scrapped. No Avengers, No Iron Man 3, No Thor, No Spider-Man 4. No prequels, no origin stories, nothing. We’ll let the 3rd Dark Knight movie go ahead, but after that, let’s ban them from Hollywood for another 5 years or so.

And here’s why: I’m getting sick of them. There’s too god-damned many of them. It’s like an ice cream sandwich. If you haven’t had one in forever, they taste awesome. You can’t believe you went that long without one. But if you then go on an almost exclusive diet of ice cream sandwiches, you can’t stand the f*cking sight of them.

The first stage of the superhero movie film is the rumors. The studio says they have a director on board to make Scapulaman in to a film. The internet lights up with every fanboy douchebag offering up their pearls of wisdom as to whom should play Scapulaman, which, while they all think they’re Einstein, usually comes down to “Nathan Fillion or Ryan Reynolds”. I have nothing against either of them, but they’d be the first to tell you they’re not the answer to all the questions Hollywood has to ask. The actual casting is released, and fanboys once again rail to the heavens about how terrible it is, or alternately, hold a Hawaiian-themed jizzfest about how Fillion was born to play Scapulaman.

Then we get those same fanboys proffering plot ideas, based on their favorite (usually the worst possible) story arcs from the past. If the film in question is Batman, it’s non-stop “Harley Quinn!!!!”, if Spider-Man, some paste eater will insist that “Maximum Carnage” is the only possible story (cuz Venom wasn’t bad enough!) They continue to whip themselves into a frenzy, such that when the actual story is decided on, they’ve already decided it was a bad choice.

The press starts covering the opening of the film, and we get either shitty, error-filled articles about Scapulaman, or lengthy interviews with the terrible actress they’ve chosen to play the “love interest” (kept to 3 scenes maximum). All of which leaves the public with a skewed idea of what Scapulaman is all about.

The film opens, and the fanboys go insane, because they “got the character all wrong”, or they “changed the storyline”, or “that ISN’T scapulaman”. And usually, it’s true, because the actual story wouldn’t have appealed to every possible movie goer, so they whipped it in to a smooth pablum. Now the general public is all “meh”, because the story is very lame. The fanboys are furious because the movie isn’t what they wanted. (or alternately, none of the above happens, the story stays true to the book, and no one but the fanboys see it: Case in point, apart from the changed ending (which was still faithful to the spirit of the story), The Watchmen.)

At the end of the day, very few superhero movies are handled well, fewer still actually jump off the screen. I’m tired of the crappy ones, and most of the proposed upcoming films just look f*cking terrible. Who asked for an Ant Man movie? Who? Anybody? No, no one did. Do you know why? Because Ant Man sucks, and the fans barely tolerate him in the comics. But some asshole movie producer, whose only credit is that he worked in the mail room, then blew his boss for 2 years, has decided that the intellectual property “has legs”.

Enough. Make movies about other stuff for a while, so that we can enjoy our ice cream sandwiches again.

Thanks to some wheeling and dealing by Tbinns, The Correctness was invited to present a live version of the Superhero Smackdown at the Calgary Comic Expo this past weekend. We discussed how to transition a season-long adventure into about 50 minutes, and whether to use the same 8 finalists. We decided to pull Superman from the bracket, as he had already won once, and it seemed to make things a bit more even.

We arrived at the Expo early in the day, and checked out the room. It was a large one, and we discussed whether there would 9 or 12 people attending the panel, as it was a) unknown to most of the attendees, and b) opposite a panel on comic book writing featuring Chris Claremont. (admin_rock entertained thoughts of skipping our panel to attend that one!)

But when 5 o’clock rolled around, and we saw the line, it was clear that we were in for a fun time!

Those of you with eagle eyes might find a member or two of the correctness in the above picture.

We took the stage, and set up the rules. 2 days prep, anything goes, winner takes all.

The 8 finalists we used were

Deadpool
Wolverine
Hulk
Flash
Batman
Green Lantern
Spider-Man
and of course

Kitty Pryde.

We discussed each match-up, and then took comments from the audience, who were great! Much fun was had by all. After the comments, we threw the question to the audience, and they chose the winners of each fight.

The panels in the other rooms must have wondered what the hell we were doing, as we made a LOT of noise…

The smackdown went as such

A side

Deadpool vs Flash = Flash
Hulk vs Green Lantern = Hulk

Flash vs Hulk = Flash

B side

Kitty Pryde vs Batman = Batman
Wolverine vs Spider-Man = Spider-Man

Batman vs Spider-Man = Batman

FINAL

Flash vs Batman = Batman

————————————–

Super Special Thanks go out to the woman without whom none of this would have looked good: Mrs. admin_rock. (admin_rack? admin_rockette?) She made us an awesome bracket board, as well as designing 2 t-shirts for the weekend.

Also, to Mrs. Tbinns (tbinette?) for providing the pics above!

And thanks to Mrs. RobbieRobTown, whomever you might be, we’re looking forward to meeting you one day.

———————————————————–

Welcome to our new readers, and we hope you enjoy the correctness. We’re also looking forward to attending more comic cons in the future, so we might be hitting your town one day soon! Lock up your daughters! Unless, of course, they are the future Mrs. RobbieRobTown.

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which supervillains would win in a fight. Lex Luthor has bankrolled the competition.Which of the 8 will come out on top? The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s brutal, ugly, violent, and soul rending…and that’s just the comment section!!!

The Rules, and the Bracket were laid out in advance, in this post. Two days of prep, battle is held in the stadium, and it’s to the death. Game on.

THIS WEEK: Mystique vs Catwoman. The ladies duke it out to see who survives. For our purposes, Catwoman is her normal self from DC continuity, and Mystique is herself from standard Marvel continuity.

Rob:

Last smackdown, there was some concern about my homophobic disregard for the efficacy of particular mode of transportation. I would like to first apologize. I referred to the Green Goblin’s hovering jet scooter as a “Gay Rocket Skateboard.” This was unfair, and I am sorry. What I did was substitute the concept of homosexuality, rife with easy jokes, for the true intent of my dialectic, which was to suggest that anyone who rides a “Gay Rocket Skateboard” in not, in fact, necessarily, or even at all, gay (though it is possible statistically). Rather, I intended to convey that the act of flying around on such a device is less derisively “gay” and more utterly and impossibly emasculating in every conceivable way, and that gay and straight men alike feel a penis shrivelling, ball shattering, dick limpening, sack tightening horror at the idea of such a ridiculous contraption having any capacity for status-enhancing terror. On the top ten list of “Things Which Do Not Strike Fear into the Hearts of Men, and Women, and Kittens”, number one with a bullet is “Floaty rollerskates”, followed by “cloudmobiles”, and “cuddleplanes”.

Not only that, but men all over the world of any type of persuasion, queer, strait, transgendered, understand on an implicit and genetically pre-programmed level that a rocket sled of any kind is not going to get you laid, by man, woman, hermaphrodite, or compliant donkey. Your fantasy of having a hover board from Back To The Future dies when you realized driving in a multi seat motor vehicle, one often including a radio, is a far more effective method of attracting the ass of your particular orientation. Finding rocket skateboards a stupid thing for super villains to own and operate is not a choice. We are all born with an opinion on aerial sleds of all kinds, and on this matter we stand united: Nobody is scared of the dude on the NASA surfboard- in fact, this is why we think the Silver Surfer is so, not gay, or retarded, but rather cockpunchular, or if you prefer, douchetacular.

As for the matter of the fight between Mystique and Catwoman, I will not tarry long in a ridiculous straight-male fantasy that they will discover themselves suddenly very bisexual, extremely exhibitionist, and too aroused to fight. I will not describe, in any juvenile level of detail, the reflection of soft blue skin on milky white, in the low, low light of a steamy stadium. I will not elaborate on the possibility of Mystique taking the form of any beautiful woman, least of all Erin Cardillo, who, I will not go on to explain, plays the schoolteacher on the appalling “Suite Life of Zack and Cody: On Deck” and who is much, MUCH, too funny and beautiful for that show, as well as much too compelling of a performer to be in swiffer ads. I will not imagine Mystique and Catwoman drinking wine, agreeing to dress up, in no particular order, as a maid and a Catholic sorority girl, and I will not suggest the sound of two of the most extraordinary orgasms ever witnessed by humankind would render the sense of hearing forever purposeless, and make the music of the Beatles seem like the music of Yoko Ono’s diarrhea.

Mystique takes this one, despite the compelling and conflicted character of Catwoman, and despite the fact that Catwoman has sometimes outsmarted Batman. You nerds can talk all about how powerful Mystique is, or how wily Catwoman is. I’m pretty sure this catfight is over before it is done. Unless the make out thing happens.

Winner: Mystique
Runner Up: Michelle Pfeiffer’s awesome Catwoman
Honourable Mention: Erin Cardillo

Dave:

Some weeks we get many comments pointing out how wrong we are, and providing alternate arguments on why person X should beat person Y. We love this. This week, i’m thinking we’re going to see a near unanimous comment section. Why? Because this fight is so incredibly one sided, I’m questioning why we ever thought it would be a good idea. Well, there is the fanboy lesbian thing. Yes, I remember why now.

The fact is, I can’t think of a single clever way that a former prostitute turned jewel-thief with some acrobatic skills and no powers beats a 100 year old shapeshifter who has a limited healing factor (What, a Marvel character with a healing factor?????), is pretty much immune to poisons, and extremely agile.

Mystique’s main weapon is usually deception, and the ability to surprise and throw opponents off-guard due to looking like someone else. She might be able to end the fight in the first few seconds by pretending to be a guard taking Catwoman to the arena, then drop her like a rock. But assuming they both get to the ring without event, this one takes the guise of a standard slug-fest, albeit one with bikinis and oil. Wait, what? Well, I like it better that way, sue me.

It goes like this: Catwoman does some fancy flips, jumps on Mystique’s back. Mystique uses any one of 100 combat techniques she’s picked over the last 6 decades, and slams Catwoman to the ground. Catwoman jumps up, attacks, is beaten back. Rinse, Repeat. At some point, Mystique gets tired of the game, and advances, breaking Catwoman’s leg. As Catwoman staggers around, Mystique systematically breaks the remaining limbs, and eventually, snaps Catwoman’s neck.

Game, Set, Match.

Winner: Mystique

Tony

It’s been 3 hours and the crowd is getting restless.

Catwoman showed up on time, and has been pacing restlessly back and forth waiting for her opponent to show.

The audience knows Mystique could be anywhere. She could be sitting right beside them. For all they know, they could be sitting on her.

They start chanting “Start the fight, start the fight”. Catwoman shrugs, and does a few whip tricks to try and keep the crowd interested.

There is a fairly large number of sweaty men with their hands buried in their trench coats right up front who look particularly eager for this to start.

1 hour later, still no sign of Mystique. The announcement comes over the P.A.

“Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, by forfeit….”

“WAAAAITT!” screams Catwoman.. She motions to someone off to the side…he brings her a microphone.

As she takes the mic, her skin tight cat suit turns blue, she shakes her thick red hair free and laughs diabolically.

“Curiosity didn’t kill shit.” She says contemptuously…” I killed the cat. Last night. (She changes into Batman) For some weird reason she didn’t expect me to have a gun on me. (She changes back to Mystique) I’d ask for my money back if I were you.”

She gives the booing crowd the finger as she strolls out of the arena.

Okay, so that’s how I think it would go, but some of you might feel a little like the poor saps in the arena audience. You came to see a show and you didn’t get one. Well, let me just add a post script and say that if Mystique had decided to “Play fair” she’d still be the winner. In combat, I’d say they were pretty evenly matched. Catwoman can go toe to toe with Batman, but she has the advantage of her “Feminine wiles”, the Bat is basically wrapped around her paw and she knows it. No such luck with Mystique, who I would imagine would employ a strike and hide strategy, luring Catwoman into the audience and then…

shape change…wait…punch,

shape… change…. wait …kick.

If Catwoman decides “Fuck this” and heads back to the open arena, I wouldn’t put it past Mystique to pick her off from there. She does use guns, and certainly has no compunction about killing people.

Winner: Mystique.

I’ll be in my bunk.

Decision: Mystique

And so Mystique moves on to the Quarter-Finals. Tune in next week to see Magneto vs Sinestro. Magnets, or things made out of yellow? Sounds like science class!

Call us names below!

(Note: this is a repost of the original)

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which supervillains would win in a fight. Lex Luthor has bankrolled the competition.Which of the 8 will come out on top? The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s brutal, ugly, violent, and soul rending…and that’s just the comment section!!!

The Rules, and the Bracket were laid out in advance, in this post. Two days of prep, battle is held in the stadium, and it’s to the death. Game on.

THIS WEEK: The Joker vs The Green Goblin. The Clown Prince of Crime takes on Gobby. (Note: The Green Goblin for our purposes is Norman Osbourne, and not the current Iron Patriot bullshit Norman Osbourne that Marvel is spinning, but good old Norman Osbourne.

Rob:

First off let me say this: It is lovely and refreshing to have a supervillain smackdown. The supervillains have none of the tedious moral codes which complicated our superhero smackdown. Stay tuned for horrible people doing horrible things to each other in the name of science.

Next, oh fans, friends, and people who are here to rain down derision upon me like a shower of molten lead with lasers attached to every drop, I have three things to say to you: Gay. Rocket. Skateboard.

Today’s battle is between The Joker, the twisted, perfect psychopathic foil to Batman’s weird sociopathic singlemindedness, and The Green Goblin, who has, well, a gay rocket skateboard.

I am a huge Spider Man fan, you guys know this, but we are pitting the most sinister, immoral mind in comicdom versus a guy who rides around on a homosexual Seadoo. He might as well be called the Pink Gobbler and shoot hot coconut cream out of a fleshy firehose. Oh, I know I open myself up to our usual haters explaining that it is, in fact, I, RobbieRobTown, who is the homosexual Seadoo captain, and I admit that I am the only unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness due to my obvious inability and disinterest in pleasing a woman.

Perhaps, as well, this is unfair to the Green Goblin because it is homophobic AND it is undermining the danger of scorching shrapnel from a pumpkin grenade. Norman Osborne has faced madness, just as the mysterious Joker has. As well, I was pleased by the inclusion of the Harry Osborne sub-plot in the Spidey films.

I just don’t think Norman Osborne has it in him to do the things necessary to really win this fight. You know who does though? The Joker.

If The Joker wanted to demoralize you, he would begin by secretly and repeatedly raping your cat. When you got home from your long days at work, as weeks passed by, your cat would get progressively more terrified of humans, and yet more needy, scratching you in your nethers as you napped on the couch. Then the Joker would rape your boss at work. Then, before you discovered all this raping was going on, The Joker would rape you and leave you alive because it would upset and destabilize you more than just killing you or cutting off your wang- though, he might also cut off your wang, and fashion a wang grenade out of it, which he would use to frighten a sexually puritanical Norman Osborne.

The Green Goblin could have all the nifty technical doodads he wanted to have, because the Joker would have spent his prep time draining the younger Osborne’s blood all over the goblin-board, so that when Norman stepped on it, he would be forced to remember the appalling murder of his son committed right on the very surface of his queer hover pogo.

Winner: Joker.
Loser: Gay Rights Discourse.

Dave:

Ahhh Smackdown, how we’ve missed you. Your ability to slam our server around like a small bug, your protracted discussion of all things comic, your throngs of comments telling me how wrong/stupid/gay I am. This one will be much trickier, simply because we have less contact with our villains, less chance to truly get to know them. On the plus side, no Superman, and every one of the villains has personality to spare.

Green Goblin has some pretty neat weapons in his arsenal, and his mobility, his distance attacks, and his speed are a dangerous combination. Not to mention he has super speed, agility, stamina, and a healing factor (cuz let’s face, who the fuck in the Marvel universe doesn’t have a healing factor these days?).

The Joker, on the other hand, has no super powers. He has his intellect, and his sheer madness. Doesn’t seem like much, but it’s enough to make him Batman’s archenemy, and anyone who underestimates him usually ends up dead.

Showtime: Gobby comes out flying, literally. He strafes the playing field with pumpkin bombs, while Joker runs around wildly, staying just out of reach, cackling wildly. The crowd roars with approval, as Joker is knocked over by one of Goblin’s strafing run.

Goblin turns around, ready to fly in for the kill, when he hears the horrific screams of the entire crowd, who begin convulsing and die from lethal does of Joker Gas, coming from the blimps overhead. When his attenion returns to Joker, Goblin sees him holding a sign with giant letters reading “DON’T LOOK DOWN”, which Goblin, of course does. He notices, for the first time, a small “sticky bomb” which explodes in a flash of light, blinding Goblin, which sends him smashing into the ground where Joker previously stood.

When he staggers out of the wreckage, he’s knocked down, and finds himself on the ground, with Joker sitting on his chest. Joker injects something into Goblin’s neck. Goblin looks up, no longer able to move, and says “You killed them all.?” Joker smiles, busily stuffing a mini-pumpkin bomb into Gobby’s mouth, followed by duct tape. Joker leans in and whispers “boom”. He walks away, while Goblin’s face explodes, looking much like a Jack o’Lantern.

Winner: Joker

TONY

GREEN GOBLIN: Get ready to die, Clown

JOKER: Say, Gobby…I don’t suppose you want to see a magic trick, do you? Make this pencil disappear? No? EVERYONE has seen that movie. Remind me to kill Heath Ledger…OH WAIT…I ALREADY DID HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

There can be no question; The Green Goblin has EVERY advantage going into this. He’s 10 times stronger than Batman. He has the rocket sled and a variety of other lethal gadgets. He’s got the speed, and the will to kill.

But who has more experience than dealing with a much stronger, faster foe with all kinds of cool gadgets than the Joker? There is no way the Joker is dumb enough to go toe to toe with this guy. He’ll have to outsmart him. Fortunately that’s kind of his thing.

As for taking the “Gay surfboard” out of the equation, the Joker could fall back on the old giant gun in the pants routine. Or alternatively, he could pull a big purple remote control out of his pocket, bring the rocket sled to a sudden stop and watch Gobby go flying off of the front end. Either way, I think we can agree that taking the sled out is something the Joker can and would do.

The pumpkin bombs are a trickier proposition Batman doesn’t use guns or grenades. The Joker’s patented “Stand there, laugh and dare someone to hit me “maneuver is not going to work out so well when gourd artillery is involved. Joker has to think fast, gas isn’t going to work, I’m pretty sure Gobby’s mask acts as a gas mask..

This is where Robbies assertion of mind games come in. I wouldn’t put it past the Joker to A) Kidnap Harry, use as a human shield,

b) to replace all Gobbies pumpkin bombs with confetti bombs.

c) Rig them to go off in Osbourne’s face when he tries to throw them

d) Kidnap Mary Jane Watson, to ensure that Spider-man shows up to help him deal with the problem

e) All of the above because, well…why not?

The point is that at the end of this thing it will be the Joker who gets the last multi coloured “Ha ha ha ha ha ha” on the page. And he’d rub it in too.

GOBLIN: (Broken…crawling) …the crowd…they’re LAUGHING …at me

JOKER: Yep, they sure are. But to be fair, they can’t really help it

(The crowd is laughing themselves to death on the gas that Harley Quinn is pumping into the arena)

GOBLIN: I…will…kill…you.

JOKER: Good for you. Never give up. Reminds me of someone else I know who’s crazy and wears a stupid mask. Speaking of which I’m late for an appointment. Gotta run. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you. I’m a big fan. Gwen Stacy? BRAVO!!! Still, I can’t have you crawling after me…so NIGHTY NIGHT!

(Joker zaps him with an electric current from his cane)

JOKER: Oh Harley?

HARLEY (Over the PA) Yes Mr. J?

JOKER: Find out who “The Correctness” is I’m going to teach them a lesson about copyright infringement.

HARLEY: Sure thing puddin’!

JOKER: That’s my girl.

Winner: The Joker

Decision: The Joker

And so the Joker moves on to the Quarter-Finals. Tune in next week to see Catwoman vs Mystique. The world holds its collective breath, wondering, waiting to see how RobbieRobTown will write this conflict.

Call us names below!

——————————————————————
(comments from the original post)

1/4 20 said on 12-03-2010
1/4 20

BRA-FUCKIN-VO. let the derisive comments fly. you guys rock.

spcMike said on 12-03-2010
spcMike

Actually, that was well thought out, entertaining, and well above par from your usual form.

admin_rock said on 12-03-2010
admin_rock

Is it weird to anyone else that I can see ads for Push up Bras and Child Molestation for this post?
Reply
dugitman said on 12-03-2010
dugitman

Hahaha. Awesome. So happy to see you guys back.
Reply
Tbinns said on 12-03-2010
Tbinns

I must confess I was unaware that the Goblin had a healing factor. That might be the key to him winning this thing. No, who am I kidding? It’s the Joker for God’s sake.

spcMike said on 12-03-2010
spcMike

Goblin might have a healing factor, but I’ve lost track of how many times the Joker has supposedly died only to show up later. Also, Joker was recently shot in the head and survived. Besides, I don’t think Goblin could survive getting sprayed by the Joker’s acid flower.

n8 said on 16-03-2010
n8

At this point the -lack- of a healing factor would be more notable. Healing factors are a crutch for weak writing, so they pretty much come standard now. The “he couldn’t have survived that” trope has been institutionalized… but it’s sad that “miraculous” recoveries have become to-be-expected.

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 12-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

I’m disturbed by the lack of hostility in the comment section. I can’t do anything about that though so instead I’ll nitpick! If, as previously stated in the rules of combat, our villainy heroes are fighting in a stadium with a roof, how did the blimp get there? Is it an abnormally tiny blimp? Operated by tiny blimp flying midgets? With cute little goggles?

Matt said on 12-03-2010
Matt

It’s a small fleet of radio controlled novelty blimps, each one with a small gas tank. While the dispersal area of each blimp is small, they get pretty close to the crowd before deploying their payload. Since the gas is heavier than air a single deployment at the top of the stands and a few more to block the main exits will suffice for killing off the entire crowd.

fmywu said on 12-03-2010
fmywu

It’s the Joker. He probably programmed the stadium roof to open, or opened it before the fight. Also, since when did Joker EVER play by the rules?

LordsBreed said on 12-03-2010
LordsBreed

This is total crap.

Are we assuming that, in practically every instance listed above, that Green Goblin is going to let Joker come up and fiddle with his bombs and glider before the match starts?

Every single scenario hinges on the deus ex machina, that Joker did “something” off screen that causes the Goblin to lose.

This was very poorly done, and disappointing. You basically made a decision and then rail roaded the decision ignoring everything else besides the “facts”.

Personally, I didn’t care who won if it was done well. It wasn’t down well. 0/10.

LordsBreed said on 12-03-2010
LordsBreed

Something I forgot. With the two days of prep, Joker did all these things on various depictions of the match, yet the Goblin did ‘nothing’? He set nothing up, and left his tools out in the open with a “Sure, you can look at it Joker” sign? Yup. Total rail road.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Agreed.

As I say below, the Joker is not breaking into Oscorp and touching Norman’s gear. Norman’s got security that puts the Batcave to shame (he’s a paranoid guy) and resources that match (if not exceed) Bruce Wayne’s.

He’s also got killer robots, super-powered lackeys, and plain old hitmen on his payroll. The Joker would be spending two days trying not to get killed.

Bankarin said on 12-03-2010
Bankarin

Bravo and right on! Perfect call. The Goblin might have all sorts of tech, but so does the Bat and how many times has the Joker gotten over on him? And the Goblin doesn’t have half the smarts the Bat does so even with a year of advance notice over the Joker, Joker still could nullify and counter act anything he did. Really can’t see anyone disputing this one.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Norman Osborn is SMARTER than Bruce Wayne. He’s also just as rich (if not richer) and doesn’t lack Batman’s crippling moral compunctions; He murders people on a whim.

And like I point out in my long post below, Norman’s tech is far and away better than Batman’s. He wears armor. Not just Kevlar, like Batman, but armor somewhat like Iron Man’s Starktech.

And again, Batman doesn’t have super powers. Norman can lift 9 tons, is resistant to damage, moves faster, has better reflexes, and has a healing factor that has allowed him to survive being impaled and blown up.

Boxer said on 12-03-2010
Boxer

Fantastic. No other words suffice.

Also, the Joker dialog is pure gold. I can almost hear the dulcet tones of Mark Hamil laughing wildly in my head.

CraxyD said on 12-03-2010
CraxyD

Him and don’t forget Arleen Sorkin

steve said on 12-03-2010
steve

I agree, but, uh, why so homophobic? It was really fucking distasteful at some points.

*sighs*

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

Really going for Joker versus Dr. Doom here are you?

RobbieRobTown said on 12-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Ah yes, we haven’t been introduced. Because I am the subject of so many homophobic jokes, and because in real life I am on the selection comittee for a gay and lesbian film festival, it should seem ironic, but I’ll tone it down.

steve said on 13-03-2010
steve

Okay, that’s cool.

JokerFan said on 12-03-2010
JokerFan

It stands as a pure testament to the excellent voice work of the Batman: TAS cast that I read the last segment with perfect Joker and Harley voices in my head. That or I’m insane, but still. Damn.

ItsJustJake said on 12-03-2010
ItsJustJake

I think it would start with “A) Kidnap Harry”. Disguise him as the Joker and force them to fight, then when Norman kills Harry (who spends most of the fight running), the Real Joker reveals the real truth about what Norman just did and who he really killed – and then finishes the Goblin off with a giant Hammer.

Then he steals the gay rocket sled and programs it to write naughty limiericks about Robin in the sky.

Yearsofcomicsmadeitfalloff said on 12-03-2010
Yearsofcomicsmadeitfalloff

So no no no no and wait wait for it NO!!!

1) GG has the super solder serum in him same as Steve Rogers AKA Captn America ie

Paralysis injection=not gonna work Captn america wasn’t stoped by gas from the red skull during his bout at the panthers lair

NO ONE know osbourne is the GG because hes skitzofrenic-sp he dosnt even know hes GG, so no one will be breaking into his top secret lab 1 mile underground at oscorp. so no rigging of weaponry golblin wins and as for wit?

GG is a biochemical engineer that unlocked the super soilder serum Joker is a lamo DC comic pile that is so spokey because hes unpredicatable. ohhhh unpredictable vs 70mph+! razor sharpe board so in the knocking joker to the ground scenario replace knocking with cutting in half.

And finally if you actually manage to kill GG then you have to face Osbourne Junior , and the Hobgoblin after you kill Harry its just no use Joker is dead all are happy and DC SUCKS

ItsJustJake said on 12-03-2010
ItsJustJake

Have you actually READ any comics? The whole world knows he was the Green Goblin – he’s just managed to seed enough doubt that he’s escaped punishment for most of his life.. that, and the fact that everyone ‘thought’ he was dead.

Green Goblin doesn’t have “the Super Soldier Serum”, and neither he nor Cap are “Immune to injections”. What are you, Seven years old, or something? You don’t know squat about either character. The Goblin might have been working on a VARIANT of the Super Soldier Serum, but they really aren’t the same thing.

And none of this is about what might happen ‘after’, or who ELSE the people can bring on (Hammer Troops, Thunderbolts/Initiative members, etc). It’s One Lunatic vs Another Lunatic. You just have to decide who you think the winner of THIS ONE FIGHT would be.

With 2 days to prepare? It’s going to be the Joker. The Goblin is an ego-maniac, and won’t take his opponent seriously – which will just piss off the Joker.

Bye Goblin. Next?

1/4 20 said on 12-03-2010
1/4 20

damn you sir. i was just about to do that. besides, time and time again the Joker outplays Bats (who is exponentially better than osborn), the goblin would be no challenge at all.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The Green Goblin in Ultimates was working on the super soldier serum. Mainstream Marvel Green Goblin was not. So that part of your argument is invalid.

Secondly, as others have pointed out, your supposition about revenge, while possibly valid, is not germane to this discussion as it stands.

Third, it has been posited that the Joker, as a result of his madness, is aware of the fictional nature of his reality and that his power is essentially metafictional in nature. This, as evidenced by the discussion regarding Deadpool in the hero brackets (and seriously? Deadpool a hero?) is quite a power and one that Osborn, who is more conventionally insane, cannot match.

Fourth, you argue from bias, sir. The match as described fits both characters. Osborn in a straight up fight fights. Joker engages in lateral thinking. That is why he is the Batman’s archnemesis. They both fight the same way — with their minds.

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

How the hell did that happen.

Damnit Rob.

Vet. said on 12-03-2010
Vet.

If it’s classical Green Goblin vs Joker, its a toss up. Both are definately crazy but through their craziness their genius shines through.

However if you are talking current Green Goblin, well, turns out he’s lost his goblin setup and traded it in for an Iron Man suit. And he has his Dark Avengers. And HAMMER formerly known as SHIELD. Did I mention Sentry? Yeah, he’s got the Sentry. And with the current story arcs the Sentry is quite possible the strongest being in the Marvel Universe.

netweavr said on 12-03-2010
netweavr

Sentry can’t even beat the Hulk.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The description of the match made it clear that it is the classic Green Goblin, not Iron Patriot, that we are discussing here.

Secondly, by that logic, Doom will win…beg pardon, Doom will Triumph(!) because he has the resources of an entire country available to him. Again, you are ignoring the limits of the match as described.

Vet. said on 12-03-2010
Vet.

Oh and Joker gas working? Norman created a cure for AIDS. He is a pure genius when it comes to chemicals and effects. I’m sure he’s pumped himself full of vaccines to be immune to laffy gas.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

The Joker is considered a genius when it comes to chemicals as well. That is canon. You may have a case that the serum which originally caused his madness would modify the effects of Joker’s serum, but nullify it entirely? That seems dubious.

tmntman said on 12-03-2010
tmntman

I think that you guys are making two serious miscalculations.
First, two days is not much time to prepare elaborate strategies, especially if each villain has the same two days and essentially is put on guard against the other. Maybe if you gave the Joker two days before you told the Goblin about the fight. But if both are told two days in advance, there is going to be a limit to what schemes the Joker could pull off.
Second, I don’t think you are giving the Goblin enough credit for being homicidal and or crazy. This is the guy that set up the mass killing of a stadium full of people recently and has killed in the past with no trouble. He isn’t in the Joker’s league of crazy, not even close. But he isn’t going to be distracted by a crowd in danger or stopped by a hostage.

I think it would be a double KO. With 2 days to prepare, the Joker probably doesn’t have enough time to prepare an effective strategy to actually win against the Goblin, especially if you assume that the Goblin has equal warning to protect against whatever the Joker might try. But the Joker may be crazy enough to decide that since Osborn is driven to win, then just making sure that the Goblin doesn’t win is enough of a win for him. So when the battle starts, the Joker sets off a bomb large enough to take them both out. Of course, this being the comic book world, they both survive but are eliminated since they are unable to continue fighting.

Matthew Davis said on 12-03-2010
Matthew Davis

You have a good point, unless said hostage is Harry. I think in that case Norman might give pause.

tmntman said on 12-03-2010
tmntman

I couldn’t say as my knowledge of comic book history isn’t that extensive. But I’ve seen a number of other people point out that Osborn has tried to kill Harry on more than one occasion himself. So if it meant winning, I don’t think Norman would have any problem letting Harry die.

ZeroCorpse said on 13-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

If the Joker paraded Harry in front of Norman Osborn, threatening to kill him, then Norman would kill both of them. Harry is NOT an effective human shield or psychological defense against Norman.

Too many people seem to base the outcome of this fight on the 1990s animated shows, or the movies, instead of the comics. In the comics, Norman pretty much hates his son and considers him a complete failure. The only reason Harry survived his last encounter with his dad is because Spider-Man saved him.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

…GG wanted to kill Harry, so he tried to kill him. ( failing, btw) If Harry was Joker’s hostage, I’m pretty sure the Egomaniac in GG would have some kind of mind-clouding control issues about someone else meddling with his shit.
Bottom line, the Joker is too unpredictable to … predict a proper counter strategy, and I just can’t see Norman not being manipulated by Mr. J. Mr. Osborn can’t even control his own thoughts, for shit’s sake.
…And yeah, I just think the Joker is waaaay cooler than the Green knob-gobbler, so in the comic book universe that alone spells victory. (in my humble opinion)

SAucyJack said on 12-03-2010
SAucyJack

You guys got the right decision, not the right path to it though. In an arena GG has overwhelming advantage…the only thing joker has is he has nothing to lose as compared to GG who has a family and a company and a fortune. No matter how crazy he may seem, he still knows on some level he has something there to lose.

Joker has nothing to lose…nothing.

Never fight with someone who has nothing to lose.

And the Joker says ‘Fuck your fucking rules’…given 2 days to prep, Joker would just kill GG 2 days prior to the event, strap GG’s corpse to his flying skateboard, remote control the whole gruesome cargo into the arena on fight day and make it appear he killed him in the arena.

These are villians, rules schmules and when it comes to rule breaking, Joker is par excellence

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Interesting.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

…sounds like a familiar strategy I may have heard somewhere before…

sayWhat said on 12-03-2010
sayWhat

I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come… GG is sadistic and mental and would kill the crowd to kill the joker. I just don’t get how a guy w/ no abilities is going to pull one over on GG. Sure the joker is crazy smart and sure he has nothing to lose. But I can only see Joker beating GG if GG had no idea who Joker was and no idea that there was even a match.

I think it all boils down to the sad fact that you’re all homophobes and hate his jet platform. Lame.

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Please see comment above from Steve, but I will admit to hating the jet platform. In fact, I will switch to calling it retarded.

Cate said on 12-03-2010
Cate

OK, the Heath Ledger comment honestly made my night XD I love how the Correctness will always let my inner-geek come out
Reply

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 12-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

Wow…I think this smackdown will be more rife with controversy than the superhero one…and I wouldn’t have thought that

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

You and me both, Sister, you and me both.

SeriouslyAGeekGirl said on 14-03-2010
SeriouslyAGeekGirl

Is it wrong that I’m excited about said controversy though?

Jag007 said on 12-03-2010
Jag007

This article was spot on! The reason the Joker wins is the chaos incarnate he is. GG can be as ruthless as he wants, kill the crowd, kill Harley, kill anyone he likes. But at the end of the day, the Joker just doesn’t care. GG is still stuck in a logical (if dark and twisted) world. The Joker is not bound by this. GG can’t prepare for the Joker if you give him 2 days or 2 years. And the Joker has contacts in any and everywhere. In two days, it’s feasible for him to find out who GG is, his loved ones and bring them into the mix. The Joker would stay wired on caffeine, cocaine, whatever for the whole 48 hours and just not stop.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Clearly, the guys don’t know jack about the Green Goblin, and they think the Joker has Bugs Bunny’s powers.

1. Green Goblin has super strength (can lift 9 tons), super-reflexes (can keep up with Spider-Man), superior speed & endurance, heightened (genius) intellect (on par with Stark) and has a healing factor which has allowed him to survive being impaled (he can regenerate organs and tissues in hours).

2. Green Goblin is mega-rich, owns Oscorp which designs high-tech weapons and bio-weapons, and has an arsenal that makes Joker’s look pretty lame by comparison. This also means that the Joker isn’t getting anywhere near the Goblin’s gear during the prep phase… In fact, thanks to Norman’s resources, the Joker is going to be too busy fending off hit men, robotic assassins, and super-powered lackeys to make many plans.

3. Green Goblin’s costume isn’t just a rubber mask and tights. It’s ARMOR, not unlike Starktech. It’s resistant to bullets and has allowed him to survive explosions. It’s also got a gas mask built into the headpiece (as well as multi-optics, scanners, and pretty much everything Batman has in his cowl), so Joker’s gas attacks would be worthless, as would his attempt at administering an injection. You’re not poking a hypo needle through triple-weave Kevlar/Vibranium.

4. Norman hates Harry. Norman has tried to kill Harry a few times himself… So if the Joker killed Harry, Norman would laugh, and then break Harley Quinn’s neck for laughs.

5. Norman has murdered THOUSANDS of people– A whole stadium full, recently– just to get what he wanted. Gassing the arena wouldn’t give Norman pause. He wouldn’t give a damn.

6. Should Spider-Man show up due to some “kidnap MJ” plan, there’s just as good a chance that Spidey knocks out the Joker FIRST before going after Norman.

7. Just mentioning again: Norman’s WAY more intelligent than the Joker. He’s on Tony Stark’s level (Marvel rates both Osborn and Stark’s intelligence at “6″ on their scale of 1-7). He didn’t just buy his gear from the Tinkerer– He invented it. He’s a skilled engineer, biochemist, and strategist. He is a genius, and the Joker’s just a clever nutjob.

8. Norman’s also crazy enough to kill everyone in the arena, and single-minded enough to do it in order to win. He has an ego the size of Galactus, and willpower to match. He’s fighting for a goal, while the Joker would only be interested in chaos.

9. You’re high if you think the Green Goblin wouldn’t just fly in, zap the joker with a bolt from his 10,000 volt gloves, and then skewer him with the horns on his glider. Nothing the Joker could do would harm GG through his armor, save maybe for high explosives, and that would kill the Joker, too. In fact, after everyone’s dead from the Joker’s explosion, Norman’s guts would knit back together (healing factor) and he’d walk out the winner anyway.

ZeroCorpse said on 12-03-2010
ZeroCorpse

Here. Read and LEARN.

http://asylums.insanejournal.com/scans_daily/470385.html

in_brightest_day said on 13-03-2010
in_brightest_day

not a big marvel fan myself, and i still think that the joker would win… but, nicely said.

Tbinns said on 13-03-2010
Tbinns

Your point is well argued. Way too late to change the outcome, mind you but a damned good arguement nonetheless.

Cate said on 13-03-2010
Cate

You know, I agree with most of this, but my main thought it this: Batman and the Joker are always well matched, and its set so Batman BARELY manages to defeat Joker at the end. Same goes for Spider-man and the Green Goblin. At the end of almost all these comments, the Superhero ends up winning. No, if I remember correctly, these 2 never fought during the Superhero Smackdown, but do you REALLY think Spider-man would defeat Batman in a fight? I think if the Joker can take on Batman, and Batman could kick the ass of the guy who could take on Green Goblin, then the Joker probably has the best chance of winning. Obviously there’s a lot of other factors, but it’s just my theory.

1/4 20 said on 13-03-2010
1/4 20

kinda cool theory. but there are angry geeks in the crowd tonight and logical arguments will not satisfy their lust for blood. but i like it.

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

Cate, this is essentially the theory we are operating on- the IF Bats=Awesome THEN Joker=Scariest.

thereisnospoon said on 14-03-2010
thereisnospoon

the whole healing factor stupidity is like a kid saying “I know you are but what am i” or “yeah, well… infinity plus 1.”
“What, my guy sucks? …well he has a healing factor, so Mr. Incredibly potent douchebag Child-molester Republican SuperTamponman wins.”

/ugh
Reply
BabyBabyRuth said on 13-03-2010
BabyBabyRuth

You know what’s crazier than both these guys put together?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FUGo5W37fY

RobbieRobTown said on 14-03-2010
RobbieRobTown

…the hell???

Tomass said on 15-03-2010
Tomass

nice jooorb!

netweavr said on 15-03-2010
netweavr

Upon further consideration, Green Goblin outclasses Joker in every way. The only way Joker comes out of this alive is by not showing up.

And even that method of survival would only be temporary.

cybersherpa said on 19-03-2010
cybersherpa

Joker would hold the stadium, city, MJ, Bat Girl, Harry Osborne, Lois Lane and your momma hostage, frame GG and have Batman, Spiderman, Superman and your old man capture GG when he shows up to the match. Then Joker, disguised as a beat cop, would shoot him in the head while he was cuffed.

Pharcyde said on 20-03-2010
Pharcyde

I posted my big ‘nerd’ post on the rules and brackets post..

Here I just want to say you guys could not have been more correct with this one. Pretty much exactly what was going through my head when I saw the match up.

Also..you’re right..its an imasculating mode of transportation..that would quickly be made a liability by the Joker as it sent Osborne rocketing into the pavement at terminal velocity.

BRA-F%CKING-VO!

Tempto said on 03-04-2010
Tempto

I have to re-iterate, I am a Spider-man Fanboi, but I have to agree that the Joker takes this one.

Here’s the problem with all the “Genius vs. Clever” arguments.

Being clever denotes a certain amount of cunning, quick thinking, even a level of common sense (although I hesitate to use the terminology “common sense” when referring to the joker..crucify me at the end, please), while being a genius simply means you’re great in school, at taking tests, and even doing things in a lab. It does not, in any way, mean a genius can outwit a clever person.

To be honest, the joker is more devious and more cunning, and all around more psychotic that the green goblin ever was, even at the peak of his insanity.

The fanboi in me is crying for justice, but I stick with it…the Joker is indeed the winner here.

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s the Finals! Two men enter, one man leave!!! The Flash vs. Superman for all the hypothetical marbles!! It’s brutal, ugly, violent, and soul rending…and that’s just the comment section!!!

ROB:

Well, it’s the final round this week, and we’ve all had a chance to reminisce about our success as a one hit wonder comedy blog, and talk about how “Keys to the VIP” is a show somehow, while The Correctness does comedy for free because we are obviously not as funny as “Keys to the VIP”, which as I previously mentioned, is somehow a televised “comedy” program for which a staff of writers and producers get paid.

Superman versus The Flash. Much has been made over who is faster. Much has been made over who is more capable of time travel. Much has been made of who could deposit a brick inside the head of whom.

Several questions are immediately raised. First, is Superman impervious to damage all the way through his meaty parts, or his he built like a mighty tank that is lined with tender meats? If The Flash just showed up inside of Superman with a cheese grater, would Supes live, or die? Or can Superman only be defeated from inside of his own body by kryptonite-coated viruses, or love?

If The Flash truly is faster than Superman, how long can The Flash flee the total devastation of his anus meats before he needs to stop for an energy drink or sandwich?

Here is how this would go down. The Flash has none of the awesome superpowers that Superman has, but he might be a teency bit faster. The green light flashes, the flag goes up, The Flash takes off fast, and Superman runs right after him.

After a 14 hour continuous chase in which The Flash makes up a bit of ground, but hasn’t gained enough time to go looking for kryptonite because Superman is right on his ass the whole way, The Flash starts to get tired. There is only one thing to do now. The Flash travels back in time, because he travels so fast, and attempts to kill baby superman with kryptonite on the Kent farm. However, Superman has travelled back into the past as well, and has prevented The Flash from being bitten by the radioactive lantern which gave him his powers.

If these time travels happened simultaneously, and logically they did, because they did these things in the past, and they would appear to be more or less simultaneous to us in the present, or maybe not, because who the fuck can figure out time travel- wait where was I going with that thought? Oh right, nowhere. Oh! No, wait, it was headed this direction:

If you, as a comic book writer, commit the cardinal sin of science fiction and create two characters that have been known to time travel, there are any number of possible outcomes, each with thousands- even dozens- of possible paradoxical narrative issues. If you have done this, as a comic book author, you are ruining Christmas forever, because Jesus hates cats that eat babies like you, you baby eating cat. You make my think-meats hurt.  Also, meats.

Look, Superman has been around a long time, and Superman is going to win. He has been written with more and more powers of convenience, and he is the iconic representation of the entire concept of Deus Ex Machina.  Flash, sure, your writers have done some ridiculous things to you, but you haven’t been ridiculousified the way that Supes has. Eventually, Superman is gonna wear The Flash down, no matter how many times The Flash can’t be hit because he isn’t there, no matter how many times The Flash leaves a brick inside of Superman’s head, No matter how much either one of them time travels. Exhausted, bloody, and somewhere in 1958, The Flash disappears in a puff of trademarked Flash powder, while Superman creepily smokes a cigar, and shits on The Flash’s corpse- what of it isn’t ashen. Supes turns into a real dick when he has to run through time like that, particularly because he won’t stop and correct other historical atrocities, but he will save Lois Lane from a mudslide.

Winner: Superman.

Loser: Kitty Pryde, who I still insist could not have ever been hit by Superman.

Draw: Meats.

DAVE:

The Finals! You can feel the electricity in the air! Nothing like it.

This matchup is one of epic proportions. We have Superman, he of almost every superpower possible, the archetype for superheros everywhere. Almost no weaknesses, apart from Kryptonite and Magic.

We have The (Barry Allen) Flash, The Scarlet Speedster, Mr. FastPants. Has the advantage of being able to do everything really quickly. Weaknesses are that he has no armor or strength to speak of, and can be felled by a solid right hook.

But in the finals, anything can happen, and usually does!

Superman flies in to begin the battle. The Flash looks up at him, and begins vibrating quickly. They engage in a number of super-fast skirmishes, faster than the eye can see. This goes on for hours. The Flash is unable to gain the upper hand. He thinks about getting his hands on some Kryptonite, or something magical. But he is thwarted in each effort by Supes, who is keeping pace.

Finally, he teleports to the JLA Watchtower, in hopes of getting his hands on some of the Kryptonite stored there before Supes can get there. As he open the case, he’s blinded by a strobing light that Superman has placed there.

As he pauses for a moment, he’s knocked over by a punch that destroys his left ear, taking his equilibrium with it. He looks up, dizzy and barely conscious. Superman is standing there, apologizing for his actions, and launching into a speech about how the true cost of being is hero is …

Suddenly, a green glowing spike appears through the S on his chest. Superman looks down, shocked and bewildered. He can’t believe this is happening. He slumps to his knees, and Barry sees the looming figure of Batman, holding a second kryptonite knife. The Batman smiles a terrifyingly evil smile, and plunges the second knife into Superman’s neck, killing him. Barry smiles and holds his hand up for Batman to take. Instead, Batman steps on his throat, crushing his windpipe and killing him.

Batman clearly faked his own death last week, and anyone with an ounce of brains knows that he’s incapable of losing to someone like The Flash. Or anyone else for that matter.

Batman vs Superman = Batman
Batman vs The Flash = Batman
Batman vs Entire JLA = Batman
Batman vs Zombies = Batman
Batman vs Every person on the planet at the same time = Batman.

You exist because he lets you. If you see him, it’s because he wants you to. Did you know what he was doing? His choice.

In fact, I’m starting a religion based on the gospel of the Bat. Why do bad things happen in the world? Because Batman wants them to. Why do innocent people drown? Not sure, but Batman knows. Is he all-powerful? As far as he wants you to know, he is.

Winner: The God-Damned Batman

Tony

Ahhhh The big day, and the big question…Do I face derision for picking the Flash?

Someinternetguy: WTF!!!!! The Flash can’t beat Superman, you’ve destroyed everything my life is about and now I’m going to dress orphans up as the Flash and beat them up wearing my Superman shirt and it is COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT!!!

Or do I face derision by picking Superman?

Someotherinternetguy: Jesus, don’t you know that The Flash (Insert obscure power from back issue nobody knows or cares about here) plus he already beat Superman in issue 7 of Even More Infinite-lier Crisis, read a fucking comic book you (Insert homophobic insult about certain body fluids they imply I willingly and recreationally ingest.)

Well I do know this much. You’d be an idiot to buy this on Pay Per View because it would be all over in about 6 seconds or less, and you wouldn’t see shit. Plus they’d probably charge you an arm and a leg for the three hours hyper slowed down blu-ray set, with making of documentary, interviews commentary by the winner.

Make fun of Wal mart all you want, but I guarantee you that this fictional Blu-Ray would be about 5 bucks cheaper at your local fictional Wal-Mart.

The question remains, who will be on the commentary track?

Well, with two days to prepare, I think Barry knows enough to ask Alfred if he can poke around the Batcave, vibrate his way through a lead safe and get a certain piece of jewelry that Batman always kept on hand. In fact, I’d be willing to bet he’d get it couriered to him by Alfred with a note from Bruce saying :

“Dear Barry (If it wasn’t me, it would have to be you. Yes I figured that out because I’m the Goddamn Batman) Please take this with my compliments and say hello to Clark for me.”

So Barry has the kryptonite ring, and I think we all agree he is just a smidge faster than Supes.

But if we do the math, ie: 1 power versus about 40, plus Superman’s ability to do ranged heat and cold based attacks (holy crap, I sound like the Player’s Handbook!) at the end of the 6 seconds it’s Superman who is standing there.

Until…The arena floods with Kryptonite laced sea water. Superman is brought to his knees, by an entire pod of psychic dolphins. He hears a familiar laugh as his thighs begin to be eaten away by piranhas…

Aquaman has spent the whole time seething about being kicked out of the bracket FINALLY comes up with his master plan! And as Supes raises his head to blast the smirking Arthur with heat…Out of nowhere comes THE BOY WONDER! ROBIN who kicks him square in the jaw…sending him face down in the Krypto heavy water, to be consumed by rabid piranhas and a shark or two. Then it’s back to Aquaman’s pad for a “Victory party” with Robin, Aquaman, and Aqualad, who spend the night testing Arthur’s customized vibrating prosthetic hand replacements. And seeing whether or not the whole Led Zeppelin Groupie rumor is plausible.

Now THAT would be an episode and a half of Mythbusters.

No, seriously though. It’s Superman, who else could it be? I only wanted him in the bracket because I liked the idea of him and Hulk going at it, and that never really panned out. The DC Metahumans are just too powerful.

This is why I think we should do a bracket with lamer competitors. Stay tuned for Edward from Twilight vs. Pikachu.

Winner: Superman (and the Correctness! )

So there you have it. Superhero Smackdown comes to an end, with Superman standing tall. And now we know never to include him in such a tournament. Oh well, live and learn.. A big thank you to all of you, and to the folks at Fark who have been so generous with their highly prized green lights. We’ll have loads of other content for comic lovers though, including The Correctness Casting Couch, in which we recast comic book movie heroines for fun and no profit. And starting in the New Year, we might just have a fresh set of brackets for you. Of what nature? Come back and find out! Plus our usual brand of goofiness will of course continue.

If this is your stop, thanks for joining us and we hope you had a pleasant ride.

We are not sure why, but we have an inkling that you might have something to say on the topic…please do so below!

Hello Readers!

It’s a holiday monday here in Canada, and I thought I’d just explain Canadian Thanksgiving to you if you aren’t from ’round here. Oh, that’s why The Correctness isn’t posting any funny today. Hahaha, yes, that is different from other days. Hahaha, DIE!

Basically, we all had our turkey yesterday. Seasonally, that’s because the harvest is already done, and practically because it gives us all day Monday to recover from that turkey hangover.  There are no sales at the mall yet, except for Halloween candy, and Conan The Destroyer is on TV, as per traditional dictate.

When we gathered around our thanksgiving table, half of my family was missing or busy, and some showed up 2 hours late. Before we began eating, most of us grumbled about our food allergies, and those of us over 60 grumbled about their carefully monitored age-onset diabetes. Then many of us consumed our prescription medications. To be clear, the prescription meds we had to pay for, but the doctor’s vist we did not pay for. Oh, and I usually have something from my banjo playing herbalist. Yes, seriously. Oh, and my sister didn’t make it because she was wiped out from a difficult childbirth, and at one point there were nine health professionals in the room, including 4 doctors,  none of whom she paid for. Those of us who did believe in God thanked the Lord for the arrival of young Batman to our family, and those of us who were agnostic- okay, actually, everyone is agnostic- thanked our socialist government for the arrival of young Batman to our family. His training begins at dawn tomorrow. My atheist mom does not believe in Batman.

Then, much like American Thanksgiving, we punish ourselves for a year of sin by packing gravy soaked stuffing  into our chest cavities, until Jesus forgives us for watching internet porn. The more food we cram, the less sin. Oh, and if there is a CFL game on, we also punish ourselves by watching that.

Anywho, that’s why there is no funny today. The other days there is no funny because of our ennui.

Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!

Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome. It’s down to 8, and our thirst for blood is growing like a daisy that grows on blood.

Rob:

Why hello, dear readers, it’s me, you’re friendly neighbourhood Correctness intern, RobbieRobTown. Golly wonkers folks, I am torn as can be about the quarter final match up this week. On the one hand, we have the Incredible Hulk, who, as I am told, is incredible. On the other hand, we have the Batman- not just a batman, but the Batman.

First, there is Bruce Wayne who, as we all recall, was bitten by a radioactive lantern that gave him his powers, and then there is Bruce Banner, who was bitten by Stan Lee’s cat during a drunken college “experiment”. It’s an all Bruce face off! Hot Bruce on Bruce action!

During the first Hulk fight, I told an unrelated story about watching the Hulk on television in Regina, Saskatchewan in the eighties. I would never do something like that to you guys again. I think it was downright irresponsible of me to distract from the very, very, very serious matter of legitimately adjudicating a tangible, and fundamentally important fight between fictional characters. I mean, this is our highest traffic item, by far! God knows, I realize that none of you that are here today will read my Jane Austen piece, which you can find here: http://www.thecorrectness.com/writing/the-correctness-book-club-pride-and-prejudice/

I realize now that I have been remiss in my duty to the public. I mean, No, I’m not as much of a comic book nerd as the rest of The Correctness. Yes, the whole idea of the Superhero smackdown was proposed by me as an excuse to have Kitty Pryde win because it seemed funny to me.

Right, so based on my non-canonical argument about Batman in the Dark Knight novels ( and by graphic novels, I mean “comic books”, and by canonical I mean catholic) , since he totally dropped Superman twice, I’m giving this one to Batman based on the same rationale. This is entirely consistent with everything I have ever said, or will ever say, forever, undeniably.

Winner: The Batman

DAVE

On a gut level, this one seems like a cakewalk for the Hulk. He’s pretty damn powerful. And rage filled. And smart. or not. or is he again? Who the hell can keep up, Marvel can’t seem to make up their minds about the Hulk. So yes, a Juggernaut of power, if you will.

And yet, There’s The Batman. He’s smart, skilled, trained, dangerous, and human. IF the Hulk can get his hands on The Batman, Hulk wins this thing. But my gut tells me that Batman is way too smart, and experienced with big, hulky type guys to get caught. You break a man’s spine once, shame on him…

So in my world, Batman uses his two days to watch the Hulk, learn his patterns, and also to create some devious but simple trap to distract the Hulk. While Hulk is easily escaping this, Batman pulls the second trap, which is probably also a distraction from the actual plan. He KOs the Hulk using sedatives, or electricity or whatever Batman thinks of (See, I’m not as smart as Bruce Wayne, and haven’t worked out every last detail.

All I know is that

Winner : Batman

TONY

HULK: HULK WILL SMASH POINTY EARED…Woah Hulk Feel Déjà vu…

BATMAN: That’s right Hulk, We’ve done this before. Early eighties, you, me, Joker, Shaper of Worlds, remember? Although I can’t quite remember who won…

HULK: Hulk think was tie or something

BATMAN: That’s right, back in those days it was always fight for a bit, then team up against the bad guys. Nowadays it’s a real free for all…I remember when I kicked Superman’s ass…

HULK: You beat Blue Man? Hulk no beat Blue Man, Hulk impressed.

BATMAN: I sure did. I beat his ass good, I developed this special armour, used sonics and Kryptonite…why are you smiling?

HULK: Hulk no see armor on pointy eared man…

BATMAN: Oh. OH.

Yes, as you can see by the illustration, the first of our quarter finalists have tangled before. I actually had the comic, as I couldn’t resist seeing two of my very favourites having a go at each other. Plus, as an added bonus it had the Joker, so you couldn’t really go wrong. But they had dialed the Hulk’s powers back significantly, and even then I recall Batman was saying the word “Lucky” a lot. “Lucky I’m able to shift my weight and land correctly, lucky I was able to…yadda yadda yadda”

Now more than ever the question of setting and prep time come into play. Generally speaking, Batman’s history of taking out those who are significantly larger than he is consists of him getting his ass handed to him (Bane, Mutant Leader, Killer Croc) and then learning to fight smarter and beat them the second time around. But there is no second time around here. If Batman has a weakness, it’s that he WANTS to take em out through brute force (“So many lovely ways to hurt them”) so he sometimes rushes in where angels fear to tread.

Or maybe that’s just why I keep dying when I play Arkham Asylum. hmmmm.

Anyway he CAN NOT go toe to toe with The Hulk. That was why I gave the fight to Hulk over Hellboy last time. Hellboy will always come down to a punch out, and Hulk can’t be beaten that way.

But I believe Batman is smarter than that. When we discussed what the situation was, we decided amongst ourselves that this is a gladiatorial style contest, both fighters know what they are getting into but have only a day or two to prepare. So Bruce Wayne can’t rely on Waynetech coming up with its own Hulkbuster armor, there just isn’t enough time.

However…

A little research and some money can certainly add an adamantium hypo chock full of tranquilizers to the old utility belt. If Captain America can do it (And we all know Bats would beat Cap…or do we?) then Batman can certainly do it. All he has to do is stay away, and get one good shot in.

Now having said that, Cap had the rest of the Avengers to keep the Hulk occupied, and he REALLY got a beating laid on him before he brought him down, but I maintain that Batman would do a lot more staying away and choosing his spots. He only has to hit once.

With much reluctance, I’m giving it to Batman: But with the caveat that if this was a “No time to prepare” scenario, Hulk would make the Batman miss the comparatively tender embrace of Bane.

P.S. I want a cool catchphrase like “Golly Wonkers” Rob out cools me again. One day….!!!

Decision: Batman

Batman moves on to the Semi Finals. Tune in next week to see who will join him. Next up Spider-Man vs The Flash. Let the debasement begin!

Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!
Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome.

This week Batman vs Rorschach. (Ed: For our purposes, Bruce Wayne is The Batman.)

DAVE

The trouble with this week’s matchup is that it takes Batman, who has no powers, and relies on his training (impressive as it is) and matches him up with Rorschach, who has no powers and only wishes he had the kind of skills The Bat has.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Rorschach. He’s bad ass, he fights the good fight, doesn’t compromise, and follows leads like a bloodhound. He went out hard, like a man. On the negative side, he’s a ginger. yikes!

But honestly, no amount of sugar cubes is going to stop the fear-inspiring, relentless avenger of the night that is Batman. Batman no only wins, he probably owns the technology and the factory that makes that nice ink blot material.

Winner: Batman

TONY:

Batman: You aren’t in New York anymore Rorschach. The killing stops now.

Rorschach: Hmmm. Legendary Batman. Soft like the rest of them. Has underage ward. Possible homosexual. Must investigate further.

Batman: Hey stop that!

Rorschach: Stop what?

Batman: That! Talking all gravelly like me.

Rorschach: This is how I talk. Not making fun. You stop.

Batman: No YOU!

Rorschach: No you!

Batman: No You!

Rorschach: Make me.

Batman: I will, wanna know why?

Rorschach: Why?

Batman: cus I’M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!!!!

Later period painful Frank Millerisms aside, I have to say it’s not a question of who wins. Batman wins. Any other answer is ludicrous. In Batman Year One (Back when Frank Miller was less ridiculous) Batman was trapped in a building by dozens of cops, and an entire swat team and made it out without getting caught. He also managed to make everyone within a two mile radius have to get rabies shots as a final “fuck you.”. Rorschach was in a similar situation with significantly fewer cops and he was all “Waaaah Gimme back my face!!!”

So as I said, no question. Batman has too much training, too many gadgets, and is too bad ass. Yes, Rorschach is a little more bugnuts, and will kill someone without a second thought…but Batman doesn’t have to. He knows a million ways to hurt you. And that’s all he needs.

The real question is, how much of a fight will Rorschach put up? And I’m going to go on record as saying his ferocity and toughness will surprise old bats, and I bet Walter would even get a few good shots in. And I hope he enjoys them because that’s all he’s getting.

Winner: The Goddamn Batman.

ROB:

Well, I think a part of the issue here is that we only get to see Rorschach fight a few times, and we have to imagine how awesome he is. And let’s not beat around the bush, Rorschach is awesome, like, um,  he is AWESOME.  That thing in the prison with the fryer? AWESOME. Now, there is plenty of Batman canon, so we have tonnes of examples of how much ass he kicks, including Superman’s at one point. Nonetheless, I think this fight might be interesting.

Both of these men are crazy, yes, but both are also stubborn detectives with sociopathic minds. Both have had difficult childhoods, and both prefer to hide behind a mask to get more done.

Now, look, I’d love to give this one to Rorschach, but I know that based on years of evidence, this is all going to go to Batman. Nonetheless, Rorschach might get seriously stabby and very killy, whereas Batman wouldn’t do that. Then Rorschach, after awesomely wounding Batman would get locked up in Arkham Asylum, and then the Joker would be WAY creeped out by him.

Winner of the fight: Batman, by making sure his armour is fastened properly.

Winner of most plausible and creepy dialogue: Rorschach

Batman takes the fight unanimously.

Next week: Captain America vs Wonder Woman. Amazon might vs American Boy Scout.

Thanks for joining us. Let your righteous indignation be heard below.

Oh Constant Reader, you may recall that in order to celebrate our 100^th member of our facebook group, we held a contest requesting your best “advice column letter”. We also asked you to sign off with a clever acronym that summarized your troubles, like “NERD” or “BATMAN”.   The Correctness is pleased to announce that the contest submissions are in, and one of these lucky advice askers will receive dinner with The Correctness! Imagine an entire evening of smarminess!  But first, we know that you want our advice, and we are delighted to offer it to you, smarmily.  Contest winners will be announced shortly!

Dear Correctness:

When I married my husband I was a regular person with a passing knowledge of superheroes and sci-fi related stuff. I had great conversations about art, politics, and world events. After marrying a nerd I now find we discuss the merits of Wolverine vs. Batman at length. How can I get my husband to talk about events in the real world?

Dreaming Of Real Knowledge

Well DORK (see that’s how that works, that’s funny) , 1/3 of The Correctness worked at the Zoo for a summer, and I can tell you that everyone likes to discuss the relative merits of things. Additionally, everyone, everyone, EVERYONE wants to know which scary thing will win in a fight. This is human nature. Who would win, a Siberian Tiger or a Polar Bear? Answer: A polar bear you fucking numbnuts, they are gigantic bears.

Second, try sitting down with your husband, somewhere away from the action figures that are still in their boxes, and discussing events of importance to you. Be sure to remind him that his last chance to have sex ever again is on the line. If he remembers that he is a gigantic nerd and can’t fathom how he managed to entice a spouse that is willing to touch his man-parts, you will be amazed by the speed at which he gets up to date on current events and matters of philosophical importance.

Thirdly, and I think this is your real question here, I sense that you are asking who would win in a fight between Batman and Wolverine. I can safely say Batman would win. Don’t contradict me, I know that Wolverine has adamantium bones and claws, and he also has super strength. I also know that Batman is essentially just a dude. However, one look at the panel of Batman in the Bat Cave standing over the bloodied wreck of Superman’s spongy flesh in The Dark Knight Strikes Again , and you can rest assured that Batman would kick Wolverine’s ass, even if it took him 20 years to research how to melt adamantium. Oh, is adamantium magnetic? Because why doesn’t Magneto just magnetize it? I guess it isn’t magnetic, like aluminum? In fact, if somebody could just explain all the retarded shit in the marvel universe to me, that would be great, and I say that as a big Spider-Man fan.

Dear The Correctness,

What the fuck is with you guys making me cut and paste your email
address from your contest post to this email? I should be able to just
click that shit. Haven’t you heard of href? As in, <a href=
“mailto:thecorrectness@thecorrectness.com“> Anyway. That’s not my
question.

This is my question. I like to buy lottery tickets, doritos, and
batteries from a Korean convenience store located near my home. The
store is well stocked with goods, but purchasing them presents a problem
because I can’t understand a fucking thing the person behind the counter
is saying to me… especially when I’m drunk. I’m pretty sure that the
stout lady guarding the smokes is mocking my English in a Korean or
other kind of Chinese accent. What should I do?

Frustrated,
Kim Chi

I suspect, Kim Chi (Not an acronym, but within acceptable advice column standards), one of the issues might be that you are racist, but another issue might be that we are trying to avoid “bots” discovering our email and spamming us. Right at the heart of the matter is this: You have a communication barrier with your Korean store clerk, and I have no desire to receive emails about how much bigger my penis could be.

The solution for this is simple. The service you are getting from the Korean store clerk is miles better than you would get from a sullen teen, and I simply do not want to have to think about the  size of my penis.  Does the Korean convenience store lady have a hot, university-aged, violin playing daughter? Oh, or cello? Preferably cello. I don’t mean to reinforce cultural stereotypes, I’m just saying that sounds hot.

Dear the Correctness,

I am in 8th grade of St Frencklebert Jr high School. Recently I started Dating a real guy that actually exists and I did not make up. His name is Edward Effron and he is like super real. And my Boyfriend. He is my real Boyfriend. And he is like super hot and sings in musicals and such. And he is probably a vampire for real. Anyway one day at lunch while I was definitely NOT eating at the fat kid table I overheard my real boyfriend who is real talking about the fact he is getting me a real horse for my birthday next week because I am hot like Becky Stevens and not fat like she says. How do I tell my not imaginary super real boyfriend that I want a majestic Clydesdale with out giving away I know the surprise? For real?

Signed,
Lovely And Married to Edward.

Listen, LAME, I totally get where you are coming from. As the unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness, I too have a totally real girlfriend who exists and is real and is just shockingly hot, but she just isn’t in town right now. You know, like, you could meet her but she lives far away, so she exists and I’m not gay is the bottom line here. She and I have problems like that all the time. Now, I’m a little older than you, so I’m going to try and make this advice as practical as possible. My totally real girlfriend is constantly surprising me with rad gifts like vacations to New Zealand and batmobiles (that’s another thing about wolverine -no car), and she loves to catch me off guard with such things. When she proposed to me recently at Comicon in San Diego, I happened to know it was coming. I knew she purchased the reproduction “One Ring” with a modified inscription in Elven, because I keylogged her Dell.  Here is how I handled it:

Try to remember that even though you know what the surprise is in general, you should just accept whatever (horse or One Ring)you get, this is still a person that you care for very much, and that now is a good time to show your true feelings, unlike Sauron, who disguised his hate and greed inside the ring, secreted away in Mount Doom. When you are presented with the gift, Clydesdale or no, just let the feelings in your heart for your boyfriend shine through and your appreciation will be enough! You may even come to love the horse he has selected for you, as it represents his love for you, which is real. Also, may I say your vampire-musical boyfriend sounds totally hot, not that I swing that way, but if he’s legal I’d be interested in meeting him, you know, to talk, or just, whatever ends up happening between two consenting men, or whatever- Like, maybe he and i could just have a barbecue and a few beers, you know, it doesn’t have to get weird, whatever. Oh! As well, if your horse begins to consume your soul and turn you into a Horse Wraith, double check on the vampire thing.

Dear RobbieRob Town and the Correctness:

I need your wise advice on what to wear and how to act when meeting an Assiniboine Chief.  I need to make a VERY good first impression.  I know I can count on the Correctness to give me the advice I require for just such a meeting that is why I have turned to you.

~Assiniboine Native Girl Inconceivably Eburnean

This is an interesting tactic, ANGIE. I see that you have outed your name in your acronym, eliminating the anonymity of your submission. How curious.

Next up, I had to look up “eburnean” so thanks for and addressing your question specifically to me and making me feel like a jackass.

Finally, regarding your question:

As it is clear you are both Native, and assembled form some kind of ivoroid structures, I cannot possibly hazard a culturally sensitive answer.  I would like, at this juncture, to introduce you to my ten foot pole. With this, I will not be touching your question.

Dear The Correctness,

It seems like the names of bad species or civilizations in science fiction all end in -ons. Star Trek had Klingons. In Babylon 5, it was Vorlons. Battlestar Galactica had the Cylons. Coincidence? (Note: Star Wars did not follow this quite obvious tradition).

signed,

George Lucas Doesn’t Understand Sci-Fi Tradition

Ah, GLDUSFT. Wait- GLDUSFT? What the fuck kind of acronym is that? A bullshit one, is the answer. I’ve heard better acronyms out of NASA, and they set the bar pretty low with excluded letters and cuteness.

In fairness you have an interesting point. It certainly explains my preternatural fear of the terrifying Monctons and Edmontons, with their hideous glowing eyes and ridged foreheads. Star Wars species and character names are the subject of much debate but I can tell you, once and for all how it works.

At the Skywalker ranch, in a pond rich with nutrients, George Lucas breeds huge catfish. He then dives in and wrestles these 100 pound catfish. Next, he pumps carbon dioxide into the stomachs of a captured catfish, and with the wriggling fish still under arm, he squeezes it. The resulting noises produced by the fish’s mouth are the names of the species in star wars.

Dear Correctness:
My side of the family is steadfastly Star Trek… In my parents’ basement there are several Star Trek posters and life-size cardboard cut-outs of Spock and Kirk (who attended our Star Trek themed wedding and danced with several of our guests, by the way)… They have several tee-shirts and my brother brought us back some Romulan Ale and a Tribble from their trip to Las Vegas.

My husband and I LIKE Star Trek, but also enjoy Star Wars. We have a Rebel Alliance Fighter-Pilot outfit ( pic attached ) as well as a Crimson Guard outfit (  pic attached ); our friends also have the outfits ( pic attached ), we used to play unprecedented amoungts of SW RPG with the original 6D system… (see example:  (pic attached )

My family has threatened to disown us if we switch to Star Wars…

Do you suppose there is any chance in hell of our families ever getting along? One side wants the familiar galaxy from the future and one side favours the alien galaxy far, far away from a long time ago.

Can you propose any solution or are we all just going to end up clashing in some kind of temporal loop that will collapse on itself because the past/future would collide like matter/anti-matter? Can’t we have Hyper-Speed AND Warp-Speed?

Signed: Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

WCWAJGA, Thanks for submitting your acronym which IS in fact a species name from the Star Wars universe. I could go on at length about how much WCWAJGA is precisely the kind of sound created by a catfish when you inflate and squeeze him. You can almost hear the bubbles of water in the throat and the benign flap of the gills, which, I might add, is how Ben Burtt did the sounds for the Mon Calamari in return of the Jedi.

That said, no, your family and your husband will never get along the way you want them to. This is because they are asking one of the great questions. They are asking you to compare the relative merits of Star Trek and Star Wars. This is a decision which must be carefully weighed, and not just glibly tossed out there as if you believe Wolverine had the tiniest chance against the sheer awesomeness of Batman. You really need to get in there and weigh the pros and cons, before you start the argument.

For example, the three Star Wars prequels were largely ungood, but Star Trek produced whole seasons of television series which were ungood like, oh, DS9, or Enterprise, or Voyager.

Why not try this: take it to their level? Pick something specific that has bothered you about Star Trek, and then bring it up as the reason for your conversion to Star Wars fandom. Try “We switched to Star Wars because of how unwatchable Star Trek 5 was”, and your family will defend the fact that Shatner had a different premise entirely,  and that Paramount wanted to capitalize on the comedy in Star Trek 4 and so they rejected the vastly more interesting pitch of “Star Trek in Dante’s Inferno” and dumbed it down to whatever that abortion of a plot “The Voyage Home” turned out as, making Shatner look like a bad director even though he isn’t.

See how that works? You’re back in safe territory, because they are now obligated to explain why they love Star Trek, instead of attempt to understand your love of Star Wars.