Dear 24:

I never thought we’d get to the place where I would have to do this, but I’m breaking up with you. It shouldn’t come as much of a shock, we’ve barely seen each other in the last year or so, and neither of us seem every interested in staying together. Between my lackluster interest in you, and your refusal to change, or try anything other than the same old tired tricks, well, it’s inevitable.

When we first got together, I was in awe of you. Your smart, choppy style, your boundary pushing narrative devices, the way you showed me what everyone was doing the last few seconds of each hour. And when our second year together started, I was shocked at the ferocity you showed.

But after 3 or 4 years, the tricks wore off, and you showed me what was at your heart, and that was some pretty horrible formulaic crap. I loathe the way you try to excite me off the top, and then fall into a boring pattern of introducing some minor characters I don’t give a rat’s ass about. You follow the same pattern of getting a lead, having that lead move towards another lead, etc, until midseason, when you introduce a pretty obvious “game changer!”, which you then don’t act on until the very end of the season.

Your acting has never been your strong suit, and your logic often falls apart. The further I get from loving you, the more I wonder how I fell for you in the first place. But then I remember, it was all about Jack. Because he was awesome, and powerful, and everything we wanted in a leading man. Of course, as the years go on, he becomes more predictable, and shouty, and he keeps running out of time, and shouting that into whatever phone is closest.

So, I think that it’s best if we go our separate ways, you into more of the same old thing, with new characters that I won’t even bother to care about, and me back to my true love: “LOST”.

Thanks, it was fun.