To Doctor Josef Nefario, head of Applied Interglobal Industries, Sept 12, 2008:
Dr Nefario, I’m writing you to inform you that payment is past due for our recent renovations to your Los Angeles office. We had agreed on strict terms, due to the nature of the alterations, which our office strongly advised against. In addition, on our post install visit, our quality control assistant Barry noted that you had failed to apply for the appropriate relaxations and permits, as you had stated you would. Normally, our office would handle these matters, but you were very insistent on this matter.
To reiterate, we are still owed for the alterations, specifically the floor release mechanism you requested to be placed in front of your desk. When we spoke, we shared with you our concerns for potential damage and liability for this. If the flooring were to fail, persons standing above it would fall directly to the area below your office.
When Barry inspected the flooring, he noted that you had replaced the manual release we installed with a electronically governed device of your own. Barry informed us this device is wired to a button on your desk, and that you had told him it was for the sake of ease in operation. I must again implore you that this is VERY dangerous, a simple button push could lead to injury and damage.
Barry also told me that when you demonstrated the device, he noticed you had replaced the storage area below your office with what he described as a “Tiger Pit”. I’m sure he was mistaken, but we’ve had trouble contacting Barry recently, he’s no longer answering his phone or responding to emails.
At any rate, we’re still awaiting final payment for our work, and hope not to have to escalate matters further.
To: Steve Barrington, Eagle Contracting, Sept 19, 2008
Mr Barrington, my name is Jessica Freemont, I’m the newly appointed CFO and acting CEO of Applied Interglobal, now known as “InterG”. You’re likely unaware, as our publicity team has been working hard to keep things out of the paper, but there was recently what could only be described as a terrorist attack on our Los Angeles office. It seems that a strike team, lead by a British agent entered the offices, confronted Dr. Josef, and proceed to lay waste to the facility. Dr. Josef whereabouts are unknown, and in the interim, I’ve been appointed acting CEO.
I’d like to address your payment concerns, but unfortunately, the majority of our accounting staff has been terminated. Let me be frank, I do not mean this in the “let go” sense of the word. Our entire Accounts Payable team was trapped on the 23rd floor, which was engulfed by fire due to an explosion in the lower floors. Until we are able to get our systems back up and running, we will be unable to process your request.
I am able to provide some assistance to you, in the form of information concerning the whereabouts of your quality assurance expert Barry. While he died tragically, it will be comforting to you to know that it doesn’t appear he suffered, evidence shows the Siberian Tiger was swift and methodical. While the copious amounts of blood in Dr. Josef’s office made identification difficult, we later recovered Barry’s I.D. card from the Tiger, who was also killed by some type of laser/watch combination. You’ll also take comfort in knowing that your assessment was correct, the button rig failed to operate properly, we believe this led to one or possibly more tigers escaping from the storage area.
We at InterG offer our condolences, we also lost over 132 employees during this assault. Furthermore, the board of directors was shocked to discover that Dr. Josef was not, in fact, developing a new solar power orbital platform, but in fact, a weapons array capable of vaporizing a city from space. We’ve been able to glean from various sources, including Dr. Josef’s own journal, that he intended to blackmail nations of the world. Let me be clear when I say that this type of behavior is NOT acceptable within InterG’s corporate culture.
Best wishes to you,