A loooong time ago, we ran an article in which I endeavored to explain some complicated aspects of movie plots for the sake of our readers. It didn’t end well. It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, and the pain i feel when I think about it is much like the pain I feel from the box “papercut” I got from some printer boxes in the middle of the aisle at Best Buy this morning. (Seriously, big box stores, quit filling the ample aisle space with pallets of stuff. It’s annoying, and sometimes painful.)
So, I think I’m finally ready to try again, with the saved up mail from last time.
Jim: I didn’t really understand Sucker Punch. What was going on?
AR: Jim, you’re not alone. A lot of people were confused by Sucker Punch, as it deviates from straightforward narrative, and relies heavily on symbolism and metaphor to tell the story. Without being too spoilery, the movie is a bit like “Inception”, in that it has various levels of reality mixed in. The “missions” are happening in reality as well, we just see an idealized version of it.
Walter: That husband character at the end of Fubar II looks a LOT like you Admin_Rock. What’s up with that?
AR: Weird, you think that guy looks like a line drawing? No comment, Walter.
Susan: My DVD of the Movie “Memento” was defective, it started with the ending, and every ten minutes, it jumped backwards.
AR: Umm, Susan, your DVD is just fine. “Memento” is the story of a man with short term memory loss, so the narrative of the film mirrors that by showing you short portions of the story backwards, until you come to the beginning, where the answers to why things happened lie.
N’gok Why, in “For Love of The Game”, was Kevin Costner a pitcher, when for years everyone knows he’s a catcher?
AR: Okay. Well, I hope you’re not using those terms metaphorically. Well… N’Gok, you see, Kevin Costner is an actor, and while some of his roles involve catchers (“Bull Durham” of course, and the excellent “Tin Cup”), in “For Love of the Game”, his character is a pitcher. He’s not really those people, and in different movies, he plays different people.
Bill: In “Cast Away”, why does Tom Hank’s character deliver the Fed Ex package to the woman in Texas. I mean I get that he was completing a task that meant something to him, but shouldn’t he have delivered it to Russia?
AR: Bill. Wow. An ACTUAL question, with insight, and you clearly understand that Tom Hanks is an actor. Yes, you’re right. The “angel” woman SENT that package. The only thought I had was that it meant so much to Hank’s character that he had to give it to her, as he had idealized her and the package. Wow, good question.
Jeff: What is the name of that movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger where he’s a robot from the future and he’s trying to terminate some girl, and he chases her, trying to terminate her, and at the end she says “You’re Terminated, F&;*^er”, and then he has a baby with the maid?
AR: Jeff, you’re pretty confused here. I mean, the movie you’re talking about is “Terminator”, which I’m amazed you didn’t figure out, but you’re also confusing the ending of the film with real life. In the film, the robot is crushed, and Sarah Connor survives. In real life, Arnold had an affair with his maid. Seriously, I shouldn’t have to tell you that.
Mary Catherine: I watched this movie from the 70′s with Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss where Scheider was the Sheriff of Amity, and they rented a boat and headed out after… something. Can’t remember the name of the movie, or what they were after.
AR: Mary Catherine, you’re messing with me, right? I refuse t believe anyone who has seen “Jaws” would a) forget the name of the film, and b) not know it was about a friggin shark.
Brian: Hey, I saw that one too, and was also confused. If Scheider was the mayor of Amity, why wasn’t he chasing after that haunted house.
AR: Brian, it’s impossible that you could have read the above question and responded to it. Also, that was “Amityville”, NOT Amity. Guy, this is turning in to a you tube comment thread.
Harry: Brian, that house was cleared out by the Ghostbusters, that’s why.
AR: Harry, don’t.
Bernard: At the end of Rocky 4, Rocky falls and bashes his head on a stool, breaking his neck, and making him a paraplegic. How then, was he able to fight in Rocky 5?
AR: O.o Wow. Just….Wow.
James: I have a question about the recent glut of 3-D movies. I don’t see what the deal is. I took my 3-D glasses home with me so I could watch Star Wars in 3-D and it looked exactly the same only darker.Maybe my glasses were defective?
AR: James, buddy. Do you have a 3D tv at home? Even if you did, you need to use the glasses that came with it. You probably don’t.
Adriana: I just saw Captain America : The First Avenger. If we are speaking chronologically, isn’t Thor technically the First Avenger? Or Iron Man? That came out YEARS ago. And What about Emma Peel?
AR: Wow, nobody uses Google anymore, hey? Okay, so Emma Peel is from a British Tv series called “The Avengers”, so I see the confusion. And you might actually have a real point about the Thor thing.
Charles: Something has always bugged me about Godfather 2…Why wasn’t Michael pissed off when that boat guy killed his brother Fredo. You’d think he’d have that boat guy killed but he gets off Scott free. It makes no sense.
AR: Charles, did you only watch that 5 minutes of the movie? I hate to be the guy to break this to you, but Michael SENT that guy to kill Fredo. And NO, before you ask, different guy than the Lord of the Rings.
June: I bought a boxed set of Marvel Comics films but found no ghosts in Ghost Rider, no devils in Daredevil and no irons in Iron Man. And Fantastic Four was only half right. Can I sue?
AR: Absolutely. Though I think there was some Iron at the beginning of Iron Man.
Tom: On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being Easy and 10 being Hard, what kind of Rider was Denis Hopper?
AR: Tom, It’s RIGHT THERE IN THE FREAKING TITLE! (2)
Reggie: Why is it called “Full Metal Jacket” when they mostly wear regular camouflaged cloth?
AR: Reggie, The title of the film refers to the bullets in the rifles. Damn, the fat guy on the crapper at the end even SAYS that.
Warren: Not all of the Friday the 13ths take place on a Friday, not all Nightmares are on Elm Street and Halloween 2 is clearly early November. I’m starting to wonder if these are all just made up stories.
AR: No, Warren, No. They’re real. ALL of them.
Stewart:If I am an anti-monarchist is there anything in King Kong that will offend me?
AR: Ok, we’re done here.