It was a wild time at The Correcteness panel at the Calgary Comic Expo! Literally dozens (Dozen. Half dozen. Four.) of our regular readers showed up for vote for their favourite heroes in an epicesque battle to the deathish! Not only that, but the Calgary Con saw the sudden and triumphant re-opening of the “win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest, at the behest of Summer Glau (who I am sure was dropping me a specific hint in an audience of 5000 people).
There were 7 contenders in the Smackdown this year, and the audience voted in a favourite hero as well. Before I go on to list who was in the battle this year, may I just say that if you give the audience a choice on who is in the Smackdown, they will make obscure, irrational choices to spite me.
Based on our retirement of Supes last year, and Batman’s inevitable live win last con, we selected 7 heroes, with emphasis on the summer film icons.
Green Lantern vs Thor, Jean Grey pre-Phoenix vs. Audience Choice, Kitty Pryde vs. The Flash, and Wonder Woman vs. Captain America.
Who would be the audience choice hero? Our throng of fans, who were there specifically to see us and not just there because the costume contest was taking too long, decided between these 4 choices:
Aunt May (Submitted by me as a joke)
Guess which one they picked. Go ahead guess. You already know, because you know that when I get in front of an audience, they immediately feel a compulsion to screw with me. Consequently, Aunt May entered the Fray. The May Fray. As a side note, “The May Fray” released one of the best proto-punk albums of the late 70′s. Lead single: CookiePunch!
Without going into a detailed blow by blow (hahaha, blow!), here are some key results:Based on audience votes, Aunt May took the first round against Jean Grey. This pitted Aunt May vs. Thor in the semi finals, which were interrupted by Dark-Phoenix! Aunt May nearly won that battle too, but Thor took the match.
FYI, the Green Lantern vs Thor fight came down to a matter of ring-recharging, so I imagine those rings were designed by Steve Jobs on Oa, and they never got the battery life quite right. Yes, you can play music for 10 hours, but you need to get to your lantern if you want to play much Angry Birds on your flight.
Also of note, my affection for Kitty Pryde was not enough to keep the audience on her side this year. I blame the distractingly lovely Ramona Flowers who showed up and split my attention. Although, was Ramona dating Stephen Stills? Because, spoiler alert, Stephen Stills ends up gay, so Ramona, please call. If I really wanted a shot with Ramona Flowers I probably shouldn’t have said Thor’s mighty might with his shirt off defeated my straightness. I think that cost me a coffee date, but, seriously, have you seen Thor with his shirt off? His hip-flexors were like tidy rolls of Pillsbury cookie dough! Even I wanted to lick him! Mmmm, Thor-Pops on a hot summer day, cooling me down…
A final round between Wonder Woman and Thor was narrowly won by Thor, and that left us with enough time to have Thor try and defeat last year’s live victor, Batman. Again, guess who won. You’re right. Aunt May won. Aunt May always wins. Who has all the information necessary to defeat every member of the Justice League? Aunt May. Who decides who lives and who dies? Aunt May does. Why does the sun rise and set? Because Aunt May wants it that way. Aunt May, FTW.
No, seriously, Batman won. It turns out that planning time for the Dark Knight is the same whitewash explanation as speed-force is for the Flash. One fan suggested Bruce Wayne would buy out Marvel Comics and sue them into non existence.
What will happen at the Smackdown next year? Will we be invited back? Will I ever get a job? Am I really as good at Angry Birds as I claim? (Hint: Yes, I’m really, very, very good at Angry Birds.)
In other important news, Summer Glau was at the convention, and shared a heartbreaking fact: Unlike her guest appearance on Big Bang Theory, she does not get harassed for dates in real life. As a consequence of this, Summer, if I may call you by your first name, I have reopened the “win a date” with me contest. The current contest rules are as follows: You must submit either an idea of what your dream date with me would be like, or an original haiku which will woo me. Remember, last time we ran this contest, there were 2 whole entries, and both were disqualified due to official contest rules. There you go, Summer, you’re welcome.
Thanks to everyone who stayed late at the con to join us, and we hope you come back on the interwebs and see us soon!
P.S. Ramona, you can enter the contest too. Any ladies can, I just want to make sure Summer Glau gets a fair shot, just like Emma Stone did.
P.P.S. Please enter the contest this time. I’m so very lonely.
P.P.P.S. Thor may also enter.