Screw Paper

The first thing I’d like to make clear is that this is a list of personal favourites. It is not a “Greatest” list. There are several comedians who are by all accounts GREATER in a broader context. I call it the “Citizen Kane” effect.

Dearest Correctness Reader (Marc): We here at The Correctness have noticed a disconcerting trend in metaphor and simile construction in recent years. We aim here to set the record straight- and you’ll note we just used both a targeting metaphor as well as a police record / trial metaphor (as well as some kind of embedded meta-metaphor about straightness and correctness being associated, but we digress). We do this not because you care, but because we are bored and single again, and we have just had an important birthday and have accomplished virtually nothing of any relevance or lasting significance with our lives (We, of course, are using the “royal we” here, because we are referring to TBinns and Admin_Rock.).

Time for some Superteam Smackdown, live from the The Correctness's new Herodome, located in sunny downtown Newville. The tailgates are up, the beer is cold, the snacks are carby, it's time for some smackdown! We have 8 classic superhero teams fighting it out to see who can claim the title. This week It's the Final! The Mighty Avengers vs. The X-men. Two titans of of the superteam genre, more titanic even than the Thunderbolts, who suck a bunch. The fight is on! Read More...

"I wonder if Bono and U2 are going on tour this summer", thought Jeff Jenkins, while checking out his new iPad. He hadn't been sleeping well, and was trying to find ways to help fall asleep. So far, he'd been forced to scroll through a number of articles about naturally increasing the size of your penis, to his chagrin.
"Enough of this", he declared. "I don't give a damn whether or not Paris Hilton is hanging out with Justin Bieber, or whether the rumors about Conan O'Brien getting a new show are true or not. I'm going out for a nice, relaxing run, followed by some hot yoga."

Recently, the provincial government announced plans to increase university tuitions by 1.5%. I am a Canadian, and in a medium-expensive program so 1.5% of my total annual tuition is $90. Appalled by the government’s fascistic money-grab, Our Student’s Union recommended all of us students take a weekend out of our lives, go away from homework [...]