Not too long ago, Dear Reader, I sent a detailed information package to the Discovery Channel about my idea for a new series. It was rejected. I have posted the emails between Discovery and myself below, so you may decide for yourself how bad my idea was.
Subject: My show pitch
I got an automated response form you office regarding my idea for a television show. It was package number 43117. I know you usually take 4-6 weeks to review submissions, but I am already starting to gather footage for our first season, so I thought I’d see if Discovery was still interested in partnering with us on this exciting new venture!
Subject: Submission 43117
Yes, we have received and reviewed your submission for a show entitled “Destination: Fuckhuddler”, and we do not see a place for your series in our line up. Good luck with your future endeavours.
Subject: RE: Submission 43117
Hi Julia, I know you are probably very busy, but I wonder if you can give me some specific feedback on why my series was rejected? As a fledgeling producer, this is a great learning opportunity for me!
Subject: Re: re: Submission 43117
As I have had a meeting cancel today, I have the time to reply in some detail, but I think my time would be better used playing Angry Birds.
Suffice it to say that your contention that a series, based on the search for a mythical animal which you refer to as the “fuckhuddler”, would hold the attention of any audience is preposterous.
Subject: RE: re: re: Submission 43117
Obviously, Julia, you are not familiar with the exciting field of cryptozoology.
Subject: Re: re: re: Submission 43117
On the contrary, “Destination Truth”, carried by our affiliate network OLN in Canada, is entirely based around investigating the paranoral and the cryptozoological . I simply do not believe that the “fuckhuddler” exists. Rather, I believe it to be a crass invention of your perverse imagination.
Please do not contact this office again.
At this point, I decided not to press the issue. About a month passed, and then I received an email from Julia again.
Subject: An apology
I had an encounter on a camping trip recently which I am at a total loss to explain. What I saw, and what subsequently happened to me I cannot rationalize or explain away by any means.
I know my last message to you was terse, or dismissive, but if you could see your way to assisting me, it would go a long way to healing my emotional and physical scars.
Subject: RE: An apology
Sounds like someone got fuckhuddled. Tough luck.