Jim: A while back here on my comedy website thing, which is highly regarded by my mom, I invited Emma Stone to enter the "Win a Date with RobbieRobTown" contest. She did not enter then, nor has she submitted an entry since I reopened the contest earlier this summer. To be fair, Emma Stone hasn't the foggiest idea who I am, or if I am charming, homicidal, or both. So, to preface this letter without any further speculation, I am not writing this to tell you to keep your mitts offa my lady, as such a statement would be untrue, sexist, and incalculably fucktarded.
Dear Writers of the Green Lantern Movie who I am too lazy to IMDB: Some of our regular readers here at The Correctness know I am not an expert on all things Green Lantern. I made a whimsical comment at one point about Hal Jordan getting his powers from being bitten by a radioactive lantern, and a few nerds took offense and sent death threats. As a consequence of my ignorant and insensitive comment, I was shipped away by my fellow contributors at The Correctness to Green Lantern boot camp. I read "Secret Origins", "Rebirth" and "Sinestro Corps War". I even got started on "Blackest Night", which I have had the courtesy not to confuse with the "Dark Knight" which is a different thing in your DC universe entirely. The Dark Knight was the guy who got bitten by the radioactive bat, whereas I am now aware that Hal Jordan's powers are generated by an immense night-light on the planet Oprah. All sorted. Having learned so much about the Green Lantern(s), I must say I was shocked when your film strayed so far from the origin story I was familiar with. I was agape (agape? a grape?) - I was a grape in the audience at my local multiplex when the story onscreen was so wildly different that I almost thought I was in the wrong theatre!
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
The Correctness at ComicCon
Guess who’s coming to The Calgary Comic Expo? Yes, Leonard Nimoy, but besides him? Yes, Malcom Macdowell, Erin Grey, Billie Dee Williams Brent Spiner…yes they are all very good…but who would you really LIKE to see there, live and in person?
No Not Tamoah Pinkett, you jackasses, US! The Correctness will be doing Superhero Smackdown LIVE. Fear not, you will not bear witness to us in tights doing some sort of Justice League LARPing, it will be a lively comedic debate, with plenty of opportunity to talk back and voice your opinion. So come out and hurl invectives at us in person for a change. We are in Panel Room D at 5:00 on April 24th…visit Calgaryexpo.com and book your tickets.