No, I LOVE Jesus.

Alright, you heathens,  you keep insisting on asking us about our romantic affiliation with Jesus.  The volume of mail about us and Jesus is overwhelming.  Every day, you people, with your questions about Jesus, and who kissed who first. Well, there is nothing going on between us and Jesus, but we’d surely like a crack at hitting that.

How Hard We’d Hit Jesus:

I’d hit that so hard it would take Jesus an extra day to come back at Easter.

I’d hit Jesus so hard they’d have to give out Cheerios instead of communion wafers.

I’d hit that so hard Mary Madgdelene would give out refunds.

I’d hit that so hard I’d rise again 20 minutes later.

I’d hit Jesus so hard the cross would be limp.

I’d hit that so hard I’d baptize the whole crowd at the sermon on the mount.

I’d hit that so hard, the “H” in Jesus “H” Christ would stand for “How the Hell did you Hit that so Hard?”.

I’d hit that so hard people would argue over whether Jesus was black AND BLUE.

I’d hit that so hard he’d smell like loves and fishes.

I’d hit that so hard it that holy trinity would be the Father, Son and Holy Fuck!

I’d hit that so hard, Jesus would walk on water…-based lube.

I’d hit that so hard that someone would write the “Gospel of Peter”

I’d hit that so hard the conception would be regular macculate.

8 Responses to “No, I LOVE Jesus.”

1. RobbieRobTown says:

   May 3, 2010 at 12:55 pm

   I’d hit Jesus like Ike Hits Tina- All Funky.

   I’d nail Jesus so hard they would have to give out crucifixion insurance at the Home Depot.

     RobbieRobTown(Quote)  (Reply)

   Reply
2. NotVictoria says:

   May 3, 2010 at 1:58 pm

   Well my house is available for witness protection program when crazed angry Catholics burn down your house.

     NotVictoria(Quote)  (Reply)

   Reply
   • Tomass says:

     May 3, 2010 at 2:42 pm

     It’s not the Catholics you need to worry about it’s those wacky Fundamentalists.

       Tomass(Quote)  (Reply)

     Reply
     • RobbieRobTown says:

       May 3, 2010 at 4:08 pm

       As I recall, we lost our fundamentalist visitor some time ago.

         RobbieRobTown(Quote)  (Reply)

       Reply
       • Tomass says:

         May 4, 2010 at 8:05 am

         Oh no! Is there a pot I can chip into to help pay for a search party to find it. I can make up posters and post them all over town, they’ll have the little phone number rippy tabs and a picture of a cute Fundy to grab peoples attention and everything!

         HELP! LOST 1 FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN!
         “Some time ago” Calgary based comedy blog lost it’s Fundy. We think our Fundy ran away because we sold it’s Puppies on Ebay. Our Fundy will most likely respond to both “Praise Jesus!” and “Praise His name!”, as our Fundy likes to mimic these calls. Our Fundy likes jokes about science, converting people and hanging around churches on Sundays. When approaching our Fundy please avoid loud noises and rational or logical thoughts as they tend to scare our Fundy. If found please return to http://www.thecorrectness.com

         Or if you think it might be simpler I could post an add for donation of a new Fundy.

           Tomass(Quote)  (Reply)

         Reply
3. kthxbye says:

   May 4, 2010 at 9:55 am

   Yeah, but how hard would you hit Mohammed?

     kthxbye(Quote)  (Reply)

   Reply
   • admin_rock says:

     May 4, 2010 at 9:58 am

     Hey, woah, easy now! We’re not set up to receive death threats yet. We’ve just barely got the online polls working.

       admin_rock(Quote)  (Reply)

     Reply
4. Crazy Fundamentalist says:

   May 5, 2010 at 1:14 pm

   Ah, come on now! Even I find this hilarious! Some people just take themselves far too seriously!

     Crazy Fundamentalist(Quote)  (Reply)

   Reply