My sweet new name!
Hello Fair Readers.
You know, my old name (which is not RobbieRobTown in real life, but actually Rob) is getting kind of boring. So, I thought I’d get myself a new name! I’d like a name that makes me seem super cool, like an actor, or a space dinosaur. I know what you are going to say. You are going to say “Hey, RobbieRobTown, you are an actor, and there is no such thing as space dinosaurs.”. You are wrong. I am an improvisor. Here is a list of suggestions, and some of the rationale for them.
New name 1: Ready Earlimart
This sounds like a combination between a kickass convenience store and a 1980′s efficiency expert. I love that nothing about this name seems trite or disposable.
New name 2: Speedy Steve Snatchcole
That’s a name with a built in nickname. It has the added advantage of having the word “snatch” in it, and that some of my ancestors may have been in the business of liberating “Coles”, probably in the WH Smith Uprising of 1873.
New name 3: Cundle Gundersnarlt
I’ve never looked up “Cundle” on Urban Dictionary, but I’m pretty sure it is something brave and inspiring, and not something you can pay for in a bus station bathroom. I think this new name sounds kind of Scandinavian too.
New name 4: Pretty Unicorn With A Braided Mane
This would be my native name. It seems fairly authentic to me, and it seems tough and manly.
New name 5: Donald Gravy Boatman
Donald always seemed like a cool name to me. I could be “Donnie”.
New name 6: Mook Ping
Admin_Rock suggested this name for a sherpa during an improv show. While arguably racist, because I don’t know what Tibetan names are like, this is still amusing.
New name 7: The Real Han Solo
Self explanatory. Who are you? Oh, glad you asked, I’m The Real Han Solo.
New name 8: Dick Wolf
Okay, this is a real guy’s name. the producer of Law and Order, law and Order SVU, Law and Order Underwater, etc. But what in Christ’s holy name is more manly than DICK WOLF. Hey, I’m 2 syllables that convey the idea that my penis is an intelligent bloodthirsty predator. DICK WOLF. It’s the “I’m the goddamn Batman” of names.
What do you think readers?
15 Responses to “My sweet new name!”
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Not sure if it's just co-incidental timing, or studios wanting to burn these films off in the slow season, but we've been hit with the 1-2-3 punch of action films starring some the greatest names in Action cinema.
In 1988, if you told me I'd get a Stallone, a Schwarzenegger, and a Bruce Willis film within months of one another, two things would be true: It would be summer, and I would be really happy. But 1988 was a LONG time ago. Now it's 2013, and this triple threat is well... sad.
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I liked 4 of them, so how about Ready Cundle Snatchman?
kthxbye(Quote) (Reply)
Cundle-Snatchman residence.
RobbieRobTown(Quote) (Reply)
Pert Farkles
NotVictoria(Quote) (Reply)
Breldon Digglette.
RobbieRobTown(Quote) (Reply)
Max Fightmaster
The end.
(source: http://bit.ly/nNTSn)
inmate(Quote) (Reply)
Listening…
RobbieRobTown(Quote) (Reply)
Oh, it’s even better than that…His full name is Staff Sargeant Max Fightmaster…Even better with the title. Cracked did a whole article on manly names. Worth the search (I’m not doing it, I’ve read the article…Do it yourself).
Stagger Lee(Quote) (Reply)
Donald Gravy Boatman = good shit
Just too add to the pile
- Hershfeld Vonvandershnood
- Yemen Toronto
- Jerky McJerkerson
- Crayola Starfish
- Bell-lu-la Fen-fenu
I wold also recommend the naming schemes from the movie Gentlemen Broncos. I would explain but it’s bes if you just watch the movie.
Tomass(Quote) (Reply)
By Yemen!
RobbieRobTown(Quote) (Reply)
Where was all this gold during the “Name Tbinns’ Baby Contest” I’d like to know?
Tbinns(Quote) (Reply)
You could just rename the child every 6 months until it’s old enough to pick it’s own!
Tomass(Quote) (Reply)
What about: Spice Lazarus?
RobbieRobTown(Quote) (Reply)
i like! but personally Damien Dorchester Town sounds better … everyone loves DDT
1/4 20(Quote) (Reply)
I don’t want this comment thread to end. Ever.
Karl(Quote) (Reply)
No name is awesomer than Robtown.
Baby Face Nelson never robbed a whole town, John Dillinger couldn’t do it.
How about “Cock Robtown”
For shear power “Giantcock Rapetown”
Wait for it…… “Rapy Rapetown”.
Scott Covert(Quote) (Reply)