Weight loss is all the rage, both here on the net and in real life too! With all the processed, sugar rich foods in the world, and the abundance of fast food, it’s no surprise.
A new book by Tim Ferriss, “The Four Hour Body”, claims to show you how to shed all that unwanted fat by doing things like eating after you wake up, putting icepacks on your neck, and taking cold showers. It also will show you how to prevent fat gain while bingeing, how to increase fat-loss 300% with a few bags of ice and how Tim gained 34 pounds of muscle in 28 days, without steroids, and in four hours of total gym time.
And if that weren’t enough, you can learn how to sleep 2 hours per day and feel fully rested, how to produce 15-minute female orgasms, how to triple testosterone and double sperm count, how to go from running 5 kilometers to 50 kilometers in 12 weeks, how to reverse “permanent” injuries, how to add 150+ pounds to your lifts in 6 months and how to pay for a beach vacation with one hospital visit.
Now, we’re uninterested in being sued, so let’s say that all of these things are true, and not total, unmitigated bullshiat. Yes, we’ll go that way. Mr. Ferriss is a pretty rich dude, so clearly writing a book like this is a step in the rich direction. We at the Correctness like being rich, at least we suspect we would.
So, we’ve come up with a diet and wellness plan sure to make you faster, stronger and better*.
THE CORRECTNESS PLAN!
Our plan will do these things for you!
Correct your weight to it’s natural “body memory” level.
Open your muscles to blood flow, increasing their size.
Create a faster, more agile reaction from your nerves.
Keep the bad foods away, let the good ones in.
We call it the COCK plan, and if you want to be COCKy too, just follow these easy steps**.
1.Your body has a memory, which it can use to return itself to a correct state. It will shed unwanted fat and build muscle all by itself. You simply need to make it remember what it should be. Start by gently singing to it, lulling it to a state of relaxation. If that fails, slam it into things, like walls, or traffic.
2. Blood flow to your muscles is increased by allowing the body to do two things at once. Try say running and making circles with your arms, jumping in place while eating, or crying while masturbating.
3. It’s important to strengthen your body’s core. And since you are what you eat, try consuming 10-14 apple cores per day. Apple cores have the nutritional qualities your core needs.
4. Apart from cores, it’s very important to limit your diet. For 14-21 days, eat only the following: Baking soda, Tom Collins Mix, Quinoa, beets, and the sense of whimsy that comes from impish faces on Christmas cards.
5. Changing your attitude is an important step in reshaping your life energy. By rechakraing your points of essence, you can recrystalize your chi pouches.
Now, we can’t give all of our secrets away. If you want the rest, you’ll need to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org, and have your paypal information handy!
*plan will not make you faster, stronger, or better.
** do not follow these steps