First Day on the Job – Benji H.
Hello everyone. My name is Benji Halverson, and I’m the new summer student/intern for The Correctness. I’m a 3rd year student in the Journalism/Communications program at Mount Royal University.
You’re probably curious as to how I was picked for this job. Short answer, I was away when the practicum/internships were being chosen, and it was assigned to me. When I found out a little more about The Correctness, and spent a bit of time reading the site, I went back to my professor and explained that there had been some kind of mistake, that The Correctness isn’t a news site, but he told me it was either this or a job with the Prince Albert Daily Herald. I chose this.
I’m still getting used to everything, but so far, it’s been ok. There is no receptionist yet, but Tbinns tells me he’s working on it, and we should have one soon enough. So far it’s just me and the three guys in the office.
So… Tbinns seems nice, though he keeps going in his office and closing the door, and I hear him screaming in to the phone about various things. Mostly Rush.
RobbieRobTown is the youngest of the three, he keeps reminding me of that. He says we’re practically in the same generation, and making reference to some bands and things I’ve never heard of. Also, he thinks it’s funny, whenever I walk by his office, to pound his hand on his desk and shout “PARKER!!!!!” I don’t get it.
Admin_Rock hasn’t said much to me, he’s busy reading all the time. Sometimes it’s web coding books, and other times he’s staring at his iphone, combing twitter for any mentions of Lego and Dora The Explorer. Not both of them together.
There was a “welcome” lunch, where it was explained that the “new guy pays”. So far, I’ve been working for a day, and I’m out about $100. I kept myself busy rearranging my “office”, moving the rolling filing cabinets to make space, and wondering whether the guys are going to give me anything to do. I finished the day by cleaning up the kitchen. It was, at the very least, able to inspire me to do a bit of creative writing…
Ode to a Crusty Tea Towel I Found In The Correctness Kitchen
Wadded in a ball of mildew’d crust
you fester on the counter top
Heavy with bacteria
Are those mouse droppings I see, entwined in your folds?
Admin Rock has used you to mop up leak’d coffee again
At least I hope he did
For if he did not your deep brown stains
Are more disturbing.
So laden are you with the cares of the kitchen area
And Listiriosis
I can smell you from three feet away.
Oh Why, Why crusty kitchen towel?
WHY I ask
Did I absentmindedly use you to wipe my mouth
After a spaghetti lunch?
Anyhow, that’s Day One here at the office. Excuse my while I go get my shots
HOLY SHIT DUDE! You are gonna be in troooooooouble!
That is totally NOT a Haiku!
I don’t know that I’ve ever bore wittness to non-Haiku poetry on this site.
That is straight up ol’ skool European Ode poetry… I seriously think they’re gonna rape you, to death, for that.
Ummmm aahh how the fuck are we gonna get you out of this…?
!GOT IT!
Quickly before they see it, re-title that fucker to “a Song about my day”, they’re cool with music and song lyrics.
Then delete this post!
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Smaller…
Oops, Shit sorry now yer gonna have to delete this on too.
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Smallerer!
Oh fuck! I’m really sorry! I can’t help it some times
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Yer so fucking boned
When they find your non Haiku
SMALLER oops Sorry
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
I thought I replied
That’s not really a Smaller
Oh but this one is
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Don’t mind me Intern
Just bored at work killing time
I liked your first post
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 2:20 pm
after researching
it seems you can sing an ode
please ignore my rant
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The M-Daddy Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Benji, that’s Tomass
He is the only true fan
Even nerds need stalkers
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Tomass Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 2:54 pm
@The M-Daddy, LOL
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The M-Daddy Reply:
July 19th, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Thank you, thank you all
Haiku, my chosen forte.
I’ll be here all week.
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Maberso Reply:
July 20th, 2011 at 7:11 am
@The M-Daddy,
Smaller yet
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Maberso Reply:
July 20th, 2011 at 7:11 am
Again Smaller…
OK, a few things:
- was it $100 Canadian dollars? Also, should we ASS-U-ME that any references in the future should be based in Canadian lingo? For example, “I wore my tuxedo.” translated into “I wore my jeans, denim shirt, and blue jean jacket.” The American equal would be “This investment is totally safe.” translated “This investment will ruin your life.”
- Next, you are screwed on the haiku and it appears we have a small scale riot b/c of that.
- Last, welcome.
The end
[Reply To This Comment]
Intern_Benji Reply:
July 20th, 2011 at 11:31 am
Thanks everyone. It’s been fun so far. I didn’t know about the Haiku thing, but no one has gotten mad yet. In fact, none of them have come in to the office yet. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing today, so for now, I’m trying to clear out the back corner of my office, which is in fact, part of the kitchen. It’s a bit gross so far.
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Tomass Reply:
July 20th, 2011 at 3:05 pm
@Intern_Benji,
Hey have they made you wrestle the Janitor yet?
GAWD I hope they post pictures of that!
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Benji, these guys are going to mess with you in weird & horrible ways. Your only option now is to mess with them FIRST! If they’ve left you alone in the office, make your move. Think booby traps, changed outgoing messages, re-mapped keyboards, etc. Commenters, feel free to offer Benji good ideas. This guy’s clearly out of his depth.
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Young Benji, let me give some advice. If you want your articles to be read and commented on by many people, I suggest you take this opportunity to practice your Tbinnsing skills.
This is actually a big part of journalism these days. Rupert Murdoch made great use of it in his now defunct News of the World.
Also, if RobbieRobtown starts really getting to you, just remind him that the last woman to touch him was his mother.
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I wonder if Intern Benji is real or a ruse….
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admin_rock Reply:
July 21st, 2011 at 7:01 am
@Maberso, he’s real, and he should remember that we do occasionally read our own site.
(narrows eyes and glares). Kidding! Benji is great!
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Maberso Reply:
July 21st, 2011 at 12:04 pm
@admin_rock, just wondering as it would not be a stretch for you guys to create this phantom and then at the end of the summer say, “Just Kidding”
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Hey, has anybody seen my tea towel? I left it right here in the kitchen?
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