Here at The Correctness, we sometime find ourselves under pressure to produce comedy without having time to develop it into the knives of hilarity which shatter your glass eyes of sadness.

However, unlike other members of The Correctness who would never share their secret perfumes and delicate underthings of amusement, I, RobbieRobTown, am willing to expose my intimate knowledgepenis of producing the haha with limited time. There is, you must know, a formula- an honest to goodness formula, for producing comedy on the quick!

The formula works like this:

1. Hilarious premise.

2. Weirdify language use.

3. Funnification.

5. Missing numbers.

7. Goat

So, first, like it says on the list there, right up there, like the one you just read,up there, no not there, THERE jackass, you need a funny premise. Now, I know a lot of you pooh-pooh (poo-poo?) premise based writing, and prefer something observational. Allow me to demonstrate why observational humour lacks punch sometimes. Here is an observation from my own life:

I am going to die lonely.

For observational humour to be effective, you need to have good things happen to you so that you can recognize the contrasting, and therefore funny, bad things. So that’s why I love premise comedy! How do you bake a tasty premise? That’s easy. Just think of something that would actually be a little awkward, but then treat it in a dismissive and glib fashion. Try one of these awesome premises:

The second hand washing machine you bought has a homeless puppy in it!

Your sister leaves you with her baby, but you have a hot date planned, and for some reason you being responsible with children would be unattractive to a woman.

There are rabbits under your deck, but those wacky bunnies are too cute to call pest-control on!

You go to check your mail, and when you get back, someone is raping you!

See? It’s easy to come up with premises, and it completely saves you from from the horror of observational jokes.

The next step is to weirdify language use. Why not take adjectives and use them as verbs? “I’m going to blue you hard”, is funny, or “stop trying to fluffy my wife!”, or “you’re going to die alone”. It also works when you make things that aren’t adverbs into adverbs. You can do that lotsly and squidly, and it will always bring funny to your work.

The next part of the process is funnification. This is the part where you really bring the funny in. Normally, this is where I make a poop joke, or swear a lot. You could also reincorporate something from your earlier writing, like “I should go check the mail”.

FInally, step seven is goat. Goats are funny.

Hope that helps you all. Cock.