To Whom it May Concern:
Listen, we know you’re looking at us. We get it. We’re on the big side, as far as breasts go. Along with Katy’s eyes, we represent most of the oversized stuff on her. And certainly, we’ve helped her get to where she is today. Our presence requires her to build up her lung capacity, and makes it easy for her to get meetings with agents and record producers.
But lately, we feel that there’s too much attention being paid to us. Katy is a wonderful girl. She’s very kind to us, sharing lotions and various skin moisturizers. She so ever prominently featured us in her “California Gurls” video, and let us fire off giant whipped cream containers. Most girls would never dream of doing that for their breasts. While all of this is flattering, we feel you should pay more attention to Katy as whole, and not just focus on us, asking for pictures of us, etc. We’ll show ourselves when we’re ready. Maybe it will be when a photographer catches us out on yacht, or a beach somewhere, or maybe it will be in a men’s magazine when Katy reaches 14:59.
Until then, love us for who we’re a part of, not just for ourselves. Oh, and Russell, two words: Hand Sanitizer.
Love, Katy Perry’s Breasts.