In case you haven’t read it already, and began weeping openly, crying “Nooooooooo!!!” to the heavens ala Darth Vader in Episode 3, Disney bought Marvel Comics for 4 Billion Dollars. We here at the Correctness think there will be some changes on the horizon…and here, for no reason at all, are ten of them
10. She Hulk: The Movie starring Miley Cyrus
9.Namor will beat the living snot out of the Sea Witch in an upcoming direct to DVD Little Mermaid sequel
8.Spider-man will continue the emo/dance number direction he went in the third film, and he will merge with the High School Musical franchise.
7. Stan Lee will laugh at all of us on his private island. Satellite photos will show him drinking a Mai Tai and giving us the finger.
6.Adorable Baby Avenger Dolls will be added to the “It’s a Small World” ride. there will also be lyric changes
“It’s a world of “Hulk Smash”, a world of “Thwipp”, it’s a World of “Bamf”, it’s a World of “Snikt”
5. Donald Duck will be revealed to be a Skrull.
4. Mickey will be added to the Correctness Superhero Smackdown Bracket
3. One of our beloved characters will be turned into a gaudy , tourist friendly Broadway musical, with the music written by some self important pop star that…oh wait…that’s kind of already happening.
2. Wolverine will go back to Weapon X for de-clawing. And neutering
1. Tony Stark, depressed at the recent buyout, will go to a bar to get drunk. There, he’ll find Kermit slouched over his beer. He unsteadily looks up at Tony with bloodshot ping pong ball eyes and croaks…”You too huh?”