Superhero Smackdown Week 7: Captain America vs. Wonder Woman
Posted by The Correctness | Posted in Comics, Correctness, Superhero Smackdown | Posted on 25-09-2009
Tags: Amazons, Boy Scouts, But not the kind of Amazon you order stuff from, Captain America, I still don't get the whole invisible plane thing, Welcome Back Fark you totally broke our last server, Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman vs Captain America
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Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!
Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome.
TONY:
CAP: Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to stand down!
WONDER WOMAN: Sir, I’m going to have to warn you that if you call me “Miss” one more time, I will put that shield where it won’t come back right away.
CAP: I’d rather not hit a woman.
WONDER WOMAN: Don’t worry, you won’t.
CAP: I should warn you, Ma’am, if you insist on beating me up in that outfit and tying me up with your rope, I can’t promise I won’t become visibly aroused.
WONDER WOMAN (Shrugs): Wouldn’t be the first time.
With that, Cap tosses his shield which is deflected instantly off of Diana’s bracelets, off of an alley wall and remarkably and improbably right back to him.
It’s on.
This is quite a tough call. Steve Rodgers is at the ABSOLUTE PEAK of human conditioning, a genius tactician, a master martial artist. But Diana is part of an immortal race of warriors, made from clay by the gods. While Steve’s strength is as good as a human can get, hers is actually superhuman. Plus she can fly which has to be quite the advantage. Will she use her truth lasso and make Steve confess about that one very special lonely night with Bucky on the beaches of Normandy? Will Cap’s cooler head prevail and catch her in an arrogant anger induced mistake, thus causing her to ruin her diet with a mouthful of shield sandwich?
Either way it would be a good fight I think. They are quite evenly matched, and it could go either way, depending on who makes the first mistake, so it comes down to character. The whole thing hinges on it, in fact, which is why I’m going with Wonder Woman. Yes, she has a strength and power advantage but Steve has been outmatched and won plenty of times.
No, I think chivalry will ultimately undo Captain America. There are bound to be spots in the fight where he can take a cheap shot and do some pretty major damage, but if he’s fighting a woman, even one who can kick his ass, he will hesitate. And you cannot hesitate for even a moment or the Amazon will take you down, and not in the way you’d be hoping.
And if she got mad enough to don the battle armor and the sword? Forget it. You are done.
I’m giving this one to Wonder Woman
DAVE:
The Boy Scout vs the Amazon Princess. That sentence should pretty much say it all. You could maybe make a decent argument that Cap knows his combat, and his tactics, and his gymnastics, and that hand-to-hand, he’s about as good as it gets. He’s also dead. That’s right. Killed by … a Cosmic Force? The fist of an angry god? Consumption by the fabric of the universe? Nope. A bullet. A normal old bullet. OR WAS IT!!!! (No, it was a time travelly thing, how much ass does that suck?) So he’s NOT dead, but could have been.
But WW could snap his neck like a twig. She can fly, she can exist in the vacuum of space for a short period of time. Her Bracelets are invincible, and that shield would going panging off of it time after time. Wonder Woman could have taken that bullet and shrugged it off. Because she’s practically a goddess herself. She’s smart, sexy, good with animals. I think that girl is going to make it in the modern world. Cuz it’s you Diana, and you should know it!
In the parlance of this very medium, I am choosing Wonder Woman, because Cap is ‘teh gay’, and because she could go 27 rounds with him, leave him begging for more, then finish him off, bring home the bacon, and fry it up in the invisible jet.
Winner: Wonder Woman
ROB:
[Sighs heavily]
Let me tell you a story. In High School, we all had a plan to blow up the school- like, you know, a real plan on paper. We talked about it, we took measurements of the hallways, we discussed the efficacy of various explosives. Now, this was the mid nineties, and nobody thought we were a serious threat, and you know what? We weren’t. I don’t know what kind of screwed up monkey actually tries to blow up a school, but you can’t tell me you never thought about it? Not even once? I mean, we measured a minivan and priced out a sawzall to see if we could get the minivan through the double doors. We even had a plan to use cesium from the science lab.
I am telling you this story because I hope it is more compelling than a fight between Wonder Woman and Captain America, the modern relevance of both of whom is subjective at best. Both had their social relevance at one time, and now both are fucktarded.
Winner: Wonder Woman
Decision : Wonder Woman takes it unanimously.
Next week: Kitty Pryde vs Deadpool! The final of the round of 16!!!!
Thanks for joining us. Let your righteous indignation be heard below.
This post is useless without better pictures of Wonder Woman….
Does this help?
Yes.
Bullshit.
You’re honestly telling me the super soldier couldn’t tie up some skinny Amazon broad?
this is legit. she’s as strong as superman. supes beat up the hulk in amalgam comics. i don’t think wonder woman would have much trouble with cap.
A cool idea for a fight…but I wonder if it’d be more interesting if Wonder Woman fought Thor? That way, it’d be two immortals fighting each other.
I still think Wonder Woman would win, though…
Funny you should mention that. In Marvel vs DC, Thor’s hammer wound up near her (during an unrelated fight), and she was able to LIFT it and gain Thor’s powers.
So this means she could intercept Thor’s hammer in mid-swing and dis-arm him with no problem (whereas most other opponents would try, but the hammer would hit the ground, dragging them with it, and leave them vulnerable to a swift kick to the jaw).
Then take his powers.
And then Thor would be had like a 60 year old prostitute.
Fail. Batman, the D.C. Universe’s equivalent of Captain America, has taken down Superman twice. Thus, if a greater power can be taken down by a mere mortal such as Batman, his for-all-intents-equivalent in the Marvel Universe should be able to handle a lesser-superhuman.
Also Captain America is more relevant than ever in the changing political landscape of “how dirty do we go to win or do we hold on to our ideals.” The only fucktarded thing here is the writing. And the website. And the fact that I wasted time answering this.
I agree with the good doctor. Time and again, much more powerful opponents have taken a stab at Captain America and all have failed. From the Invader days fighting Master Man, Warrior Woman (the dominatrix version of WW), and Baron Blood to taking on Iron man in the Civil War (and winning until he takes the high ground and doesn’t give that p.o.s. Tony Stark what he deserved). Yes, Wonder Woman has the advantage in raw physical power (and raw ohysical attraction), but it’s the inner spirit of Captain America that would bring him the win (the same inner spirit that has absolutely broken the Red Skull like God broke Satan).
If WW can fly then why does she need an invisible jet (does it have a restroom)? Back in the ’80s there was a toy car for Superman. I wondered why he’d need one of those. It would take him longer to get in, start it and drive to where he was going than to fly there and back!
Not surprised, Americans are famous for picking fights they can’t win.
p.s. giving next weeks fight to deadpool, he always wins, even when he loses.
@Tom Lake: WW doesn’t use the invisible jet anymore. Nowadays she can fly under her own power.
@Jiimmy Kayak: She’s never fought Thor, but in the Marvel/DC crossover, she got hold of Thor’s hammer and fought Storm. Yeah, it was a girlfight with frickin’ lightning bolts. That rocked.
Okay. Fine. I can sort-of agree with this despite the fact that I’m a Marvel fan and not so much into DC (they created the Green Lantern, I rest my case…I do adore batman, though). But my girl-power sirens are going off and yeah…Cap is just too much of a boyscout to hit a girl. And that will be his undoing.
I CANNOT wait until next week. LET’S GO, DEADPOOL!
your all fucktards for replying to this…Pokemon is the best!!!
That is an excellent point. Maybe instead of Wolvie?
Cap wouldn’t let chivalry undo him. He’s fought (and leveled) women before, and when fighting an amazon? He’ll stop pulling punches the first time Wonder Woman throws him through a wall.
Experience over arrogance (which was always her downfall). Gotta give it to Cap.
“She can fly, she can exist in the vacuum of space for a short period of time. Her Bracelets are invincible”
If they are going to include that craptacular animated show in Wonder Woman’s canon with the flying and the Superman level strength B.S. than you have to include the unknown flaw in her armor as described by her armors creator in the same series. Captain America may well figure out what the flaw is being a super soldier and all.
I for one immediately recognized that the animated series bumped her powers up several notches so she could be on par with Superman for whatever socio-political feminist reasoning the producers used.
Socio-political feminist reasoning? Producers? Are you high?
Uhhhh… dude… where have you been? Wonder Woman has been able to fly in the comics for over 20 years, and could fly in a limited capacity even before Crisis on Infinite Earths rebooted everything. What you saw in the JL series of this decade was the cartoon *finally* catching up with the comics (and, honestly, it was still lagging behind in some regards). Diana has always been portrayed as being nearly as strong as Superman; some people just confuse the variations of story-direction and writers’ prerogatives to change things. And nowadays, she is his general physical match, being as invulnerable to blunt impact, almost (though not) as strong, and actually faster in terms of hand-to-hand response and combat reflexes (pick up select JL issues of, oh, the past 10 years or so…). She doesn’t have, however, some other aspects of invulnerability that he has, nor his other impressive powers (heat vision, super chilled breath, et al).
Just saying, make sure you are up to date (like, having read the comics for the past several decades) before making a comment like that…
Technically a draw, with Captain America eventually standing down and letting Wonder Woman pass as he is the first to realize that both are champions of good and that there can be no winner, only property damage and possible injury to bystanders. Either that, or Cap sizes up the situation in a zen manner, lets out a deep breath and lets Wonder Woman pass, for the reasons noted above. In either scenario Wonder Woman realizes that Cap is a true hero and one of the few mortal men she can respect. Plus, as Cap is built like a god, Wonder Woman does kiss him on the cheek as she passes by and slips him a card with her private e-mail address and phone number, along with a note, “call me, stud.”
Rob,
I am sorry for the pessimism in your text, as well i don’t think fucktarded is really a word. It seems to be more of an immature outcry of lack of understanding of the history of these two great heros. Personally my 12 year old little daughter has loved wonder woman since age 8. She adores her, there are very few characters that bring women into the love of the comics, and you are going to piss on there emotions. Cynicism does not good reading make. You may feel that you have no interest in either of these two superheros, but Never discount their fans and how they feel. Personally why are you even commenting on something you have no knowledge or caring about. Perhaps you should work on a different assignment.
Kitty versus deadpool?
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/9/91/Deadpool_52.jpg
Doesn’t even make sense. She has “trained herself to go automatically, by reflex, into a phasing state at any indication of danger, such as a loud noise like a gunshot, in order to protect herself.” So she can react quick enough to phase out fromhearing the sound of a gun to the bullet hitting her, but she can’t phase out from a punch? Please.
She just has to grab his foot and pull him into the middle of the earth and let go, problem solved.
Blah, blah, blah.
She got knocked the f*ck out.
Way to phone it in, guys.
‘I don’t think my writing assignment is interesting, so here’s a story about how I planned to blow up my school!’ lolwut?
Jesus fucking Christ. Hire someone else or get a different encephalitic cum-eating intern to do this shit.
We might take you a bit more seriously if you weren’t an Anonymous girlie-man. Or if you understood Rob’s fairly obvious point.
The fairly obvious point that he meandered around for a paragraph? Shit writing, shit editing. If it’s not socially relevant, it’s a shit assignment as well. Way to rile up the illiterate Cap fanboys, though.
hi5!
To be fair, it is pretty clear I phoned it in, but I get so busy with the cum eating…
Which also reminds me, we must have you over for dinner again sometime.
To be fair…
Curious why is this website phoning it in with these matchups? Its obvious that these matchups are the biggest draw to the site and I asume you want the readers to be drawn back to read your daily stuff. So why has the writers not taken this serious? Now being funny, witty and joking around with the matchups is fine at least put some thought behind since you have all week for a 3-4 paragraph blog.
Almost every week one of the 3 writers really dont care about the matchup and it seems to be varriable. So get more writers so hopefully you can get 3 to take the writting serious or cancel the matchups because you are not doing your website justice.
@ Uncle Soondead:
We always appreciate feedback, but to be clear, The Correctness is what it is. The matchups are but one feature we write. They’re more popular because of the links from Fark, but they’re not everything we’re about, thank goodness.
Each of us responds to the matchup as we feel. We don’t (nor would we want to) edit, discuss, or give each other feedback on the write-ups. Sometimes they’re funny, or meant to be. Sometimes they’re straight opinion. Sometimes our real life jobs get in the way and allow only a cursory response.
We’re all comic book fans, we’re all nerds in our own right. We’ve never claimed to be experts on most of the matchup characters, as some of the more snarky comments here claim. We’re some guys who like to write about stuff and things, one of which is comic books. And really, they’re opinions. Rob’s opinion is that Cap and Wonder Woman are lame characters. So he wrote his piece that way. Fair enough, they’re certainly not my favorites.
We approve pretty much all the comments, even ones like the one from the assbag below (I’ll leave it to you to figure out which I speak of) which is only mean to show how smart he thinks he is. Cool. Great.
We hope that people like our sense of humor, or the content, sometimes both. We particularly love that simply saying “This guy wins” invites all kinds of criticism and sometimes puzzling hatred. That’s awesome, and shows the power of the Nerd Fight and the anonymity of the internet.
Thanks for your interest, and for commenting on the various stories. enjoy!
A slight error in the comic hero origins. Captain America is actually superhuman also. Originally labeled 4-F, He was the product of an experimental drug to enhance his physical prowess as a “super soldier” to combat the nazis.
IMO it would end up a draw, or a matter of a lucky break on one side or the other.
Einar, Wiki disagrees with you:
“Captain America has no superhuman powers, although as a result of the Super-Soldier Serum and “Vita-Ray” treatment, he is transformed from a frail young man into a “perfect” specimen of human development and conditioning. Captain America’s strength, endurance, agility, speed, reflexes, durability and healing are at the highest limits of natural human potential.”
Are you quoting Wikipedia to a commenter when you’re supposed to be comic book authorities and running a super-hero match-up contest?
You do realize that Marvel’s interpretation of the peak of human physical and mental potential is much higher than most real-life bodybuilders or athletes, don’t you?
Are you even trying?
Let me amend – it’s been stated in a few books that he has the strength of “10 men” or more, in other he’s bench pressed something like 1100 pounds…
His strength level is variable. As is Wonder Woman’s – and much more widely so with her, I might add.
This is just quoted off-the-cuff by glancing at Marvelpedia.
Wait, we’re not allowed to check Wiki, but you can quote Marvelpedia?
You forgot one crucial factor.
Captain America is the master of tactics. He is the equal of batman, if batman did everything batman does with nothing but a shield. Captain america hangs out with a living norse god, who he gives orders to on a regular basis and the norse god obeys. Wonder Woman? Sure she has super strength and powers, but she is not exactly a brilliant woman. Captain would brawl with her a bit, bounce his shield off a wall to come back and lodge in the back side of her skull (One of his talents, actively calculating exact angles on the fly in order to make his shield reflect off solid objects and return to him)
Captain America wins, hands down.
Wow…
Someone else who doesn’t really know the character of Wonder Woman, at all…
Diana is extremely intelligent, and more so intuitive, as she has been graced with Athena’s own wisdom and understanding…
Any variations on that over the many decades is the result of (bad writer ‘X’), just as Captain America has had his share of crappy writers at various times (as they all have, of course).
Steve is *grossly* out-classed by Diana, in terms of power and finesse… but he is easily her equal in terms of spirit and determination, and may even be her “moral” superior, as she will at times take certain steps/acts that he never would.
The battle resolves itself as a “non-battle”; Steve recognizes a fellow hero when he sees one, and Diana knows a good man/warrior of truth and justice at a glance…
(Cut to a scene of her making him breakfast the next morning, her bustier draped across his shield…)
that’s bull.
Cap would win no problem
Also, he is a superhuman. He has superhuman stamina and resistance (he can take a beating from the hulk) and superhuman reflexes. The other attributes are “just” “peak human”
shoryuken coming up next round!
You all seem to forget that Diana comes from a warrior society. She is probably as knowledgeable about hand to hand combat as Cap, if not more so. The Goddess Athena granted her wisdom, intelligence, and Military prowess. Artemis granted her enhanced senses. Hermes granted her superspeed. Demeter has given her super strength, she is second in strength to Superman. Without powers she’s above Olympic level athelete. There is no way Cap wins this fight.
You gotta be kidding me.
This battle is dildos. Captain America FTW. Wonder Woman would get her skirt pulled up.
Uhm. she doesn’t wear a skirt.
I think you all are underestimating the satisfaction it gives a man to punch a woman. There’s nothing I like more than really clobbering the wife when she cooks the steaks medium instead of medium rare!
Wait? Wonder Woman’s Warrior culture? Her home planet of Themyscira gets pillaged, raped, decimated, and the remaining population turned to stone about three or four times. Give me a break. The captain would rock her with the same hook that dropped Hitler.
Um agree with the writers on this one for one reason that the marvel geeks keep pointing out but wrong.
Captain does not equal Batman.
Captain smart and a great LEADER of the team he never is that good alone. (im a captain fan also long time reader)
Captain over WW in a chess match till WW breaks said chess board over Captains head
Have any of you people who say Cap would win ever read Wonder Woman’s comics ever? Dear lord most of you are delusional, she’s punched a nuke for Christ sakes, like 4 issues ago. She’s fought gods, she’s beaten Batman at least twice and can fight Superman to a draw if she has to. She’s sliced his neck open with her tiara!
Yes Captain America is awesome, but do you really think he could beat someone who is a trained warrior version of Superman with no kryptonite weakness? A woman that has been a superhero for over 10 years, as well as a diplomat, an ambassador, a core memeber of the Justice League, the Champion of the Greek Gods and once the Goddess of Truth?
As for their personas, yes Captain America stands for human achievement, freedom, liberty and the American ideals, but can any of you tell me what Wonder Woman’s mission is? The essential core of her current character? It’s Peace and Truth. She’s in Man’s world to bring world peace, for all it seems impossible. She’s a diplomat and goes for the non-violent solution before all else. She’s the guardian and avatar of Truth itself. That lasso of truth she carries around? It’s more then a lie detector, it forces it’s captive to tell and face the absolute truth of themselves. She’s about equality and empowerment, she and Cap would get along great.
Her powers, for those that don’t know are;
Flight, super strength, super speed, magical weapons from her razor sharp-boomerang tiara to magic swords, Wisdom of Athena, unity with fire (she’s fireproof), her unbreakable bracelets, her indestructible lasso of truth that can show the truth of someone’s very Soul, fighting skills (she’s the best of the best of a 3000 year old warrior culture), unity with animals, etc, etc.
Do you really think she would even feel Captain America’s punch? That a woman that can block machine gun fire can’t catch his shield? That a woman that’s faced off and beaten Batman can’t outmaneuver Cap? Captain America is great for alot of things, defeating Wonder Woman isn’t one of them.
Actually the outcome here depends on which version of Captain America is fighting her.
616 Cap; she’d probably win out.
Ultimate Cap; I refer you to an earlier issue in which he dropped the Hulk in under five minutes.
This has been reposted twice now, because it’s been deleted. Whether this is a tech fubar or a poor attempt to save face, we may never know:
Do you guys write this as anything other than troll material, folks? After all, since you guys selectively choose whatever you can remember of a character’s powers as they’ve been used in the past 10 years, or how they came off to you when you think about their place in the USA’s pop-culture icon patchwork you’ve gathered in your maybe 30 years of life, it doesn’t seem like you’re interested in actually comparing the myriad versions of these superheros for a legitimate match-up. Wonder Woman is frequently jobbed to whatever the JLA needs at the time, she ranges from a gadget-oriented hero to a faux-feminist Superman knock off. Captain America’s writing has been a bit more consistent, but he’s been known to have Batman-Batgod level combat prowess all the way down to being just a regular beat-em-up-Joe. There’s so much room in there for the fight to go either way, it’s like you weren’t even trying. Trying to pass off these two characters as irrelevant to the current culture is sort of a cop out, considering you could argue that comics in general are exactly the same way – as well as you could argue that they’re as important as they ever were.
Since we all know it’s written as an appeal to college-age around-the-sofa-after-a-beer material for frat bros, and/or for 13-year-olds boys, let’s call it straight. This is meant to be five days worth of copy to fill an internet column until you churn out your next around-the-table. The least you could do is write it with an ounce of clever wit, which really isn’t hard for people who have a modicum of charm or humor to do. You could do better, and if you can’t, I feel sorry for you. Better luck next time, The Correctness.
You sound like you need a hug
I bet that half way through the fight, now all hot & sweaty and mostly naked, mostly, they would catch each others eye… say something coy and superheroey like:
CA: as I can’t lie right now, i must confess, you truly are a wonder… woman.
WW: Why don’t you set sail for a new America, Captain.
(3 days of super chick-a-bow-bow plus nine months later)
The greatest hero the world has ever seen is born:
the new AMERICAN WONDER !!
America where are you now
dont you care about your
sons & daughters
dont you now we need you now
so we can fight along
against the monster
DA DA DA DA DA DAaaaa
Yes, I think we can all agree that no matter what the outcome, there would be some fairly serious getting it on afterward.
another thing.
Captain america fought and won against many super powered foes. He is just that good. I don’t think wonder woman can win.
Ultimate captain america would win in less than a second
I also dislike the characterization of wonder woman in the article. She doesn’t seem to be a character who is going to annihilate another hero because he is showing regrets in hitting her.
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