Superhero Smackdown Week 5: Spawn vs. Wolverine

Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!
Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs continue this week in the Pengrowth Deathdrome.

DAVE

Okay, better late than never. Tired after vacation, so I’ll keep this short. Spawn (power-wise) is pretty bad-ass. He’s all magical powered, and demon powered, and suit powered. In fact, the only thing that keeps him from winning this one is that his creator seems like a douchebag of the highest order.

Wolverine is rage and power incarnate. He wades into Spawn, who laughs him off at first, but begins to get more and more worried at his inability to handle the “mortal”. In fact, he’s still trying to figure it out when Wolvie sends him back to hell.

Winer: Wolverine.

TONY

Well I guess it’s up to me, until the others chime in

SPAWN: I don’t like strangers in my alley…

WOLVERINE: I don’t see your name on it, Bub

CLOWN: Get im, Crispy!!!

SPAWN: Shut up Clown

DAZZLER: Get him Wolvie!!

WOLVERINE: I’m sorry, who are you again?

Remember that scene in “ They Live” Where Keith David (David Keith?) and Rowdy Roddy Piper kicked the living snot out of each other in that alley, and it seemed to go on forever, and when you thought it was over it would start up again? Well that’s almost exactly what this would be like. Especially since a) with Spawn the fight would likely take place in an alley, and b) Spawn would sound suspiciously like Keith David. And it would go on and on and on. Spawn can’t be hurt by anything except holy weapons, Wolvie can’t be hurt by anything period. They are both in for a very long day.

If we assume that Wolvie knows what he’s getting into and he goes and gets his claws consecrated or anointed or dipped in a Holy sugar confection or what have you, then we can also assume that Spawn could get a hold of some supernatural demon weapon which would allow him to neutralize Wolverines healing factor via quasi religious hokum. If we assume one has the combination to the Deus Ex Machina locker, than it is only fair to give the other guy the same privilege

So where does that leave us? As much as I would like to say it’s a complete stalemate, I know that’s a cop out. I’ll have to pick one. If Wolvie is vulnerable to anything it would be the Supernatural, but every time I picture Spawn winning the fan boy in me screams “NO WAY!!!”

I have to pick one….

Um…

Oh God Oh God….

NO! Wolverine CAN’T LOSE!!! SPAWN IS OVER RATED!!!

Uhhh…

Oh.

Spawn?

Spawn.

There, I’ve made my choice and I’ll live with it.

Tied at one each, only the Robinator can break this deadlock.

ROB:

Well, I’ll be brief here. Spawn at one point had a limited amount of his creepy spooky hell power, and Wolverine is totally awesome. Also, Wolverine is awesome.

Actually, I purchased and read issue 2 of Spawn, and just really didn’t enjoy it, like, AT ALL, so this is a prejudicial vote. Or even a protest vote.  Give me my 3 dollars back, McFarlane.

Winner: Wolverine.

Loser: Dante’s Inferno sales

15 Responses to “Superhero Smackdown Week 5: Spawn vs. Wolverine”

1. Mags says:

   September 12, 2009 at 1:13 am

   NO.
   WOLVERINE WINS.
   I can’t even begin to describe how upset I am by this turn of events. And where the hell are Rob and Dave?

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2. prgfromfark says:

   September 12, 2009 at 7:11 pm

   Hey, when you’re ready to get linked to from fark again, shoot me an email.

   Also, for some reason I thought this week was supposed to wolverine vs. aquaman.

     prgfromfark(Quote)  (Reply)

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   • Tbinns says:

     September 14, 2009 at 11:15 am

     It was…popular response wasn’t high for Aquaman. We are getting lots of feedback, making a few changes here and there. I don’t think Robin will be in the tournament much longer either.

     Thanks again Fark folk, we really appreciate the nod, and we will be ready to handle the higher numbers soon.

       Tbinns(Quote)  (Reply)

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   • admin_rock says:

     September 17, 2009 at 12:52 pm

     Moving closer. We’re on a new host, and I’m working hard to get the site moved over in time for Friday’s smackdown.

       admin_rock(Quote)  (Reply)

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3. Matthew M says:

   September 13, 2009 at 5:51 pm

   I’m always available to fill in for a writer! you have my #….spawn…yeesh…

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4. Silensho says:

   September 14, 2009 at 8:38 pm

   Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute.

   Let’s try to get logical here.

   So you replaced Aquaman with Spawn.

   Wolverine would’ve made sushi out of Aquaman in 3 seconds flat anytime, anywhere except a very few select scenarios. I think we all know that.

   Now, after the replacement, you’re implicitly saying that somehow, Spawn and Aquaman are at the same level (of suckage), both being defeated by Wolverine.

   Could a man whose most powerful attack is being able to convince a school of Candiru to desecrate every orifice in your body, be able to stand against an undead machine of death that can make a man regurgitate his own innards just by looking at him? I find that dastarly offensive.

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5. Nats says:

   September 18, 2009 at 9:09 pm

   WOLVERINE!!!!

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6. Uncle Soondead says:

   September 21, 2009 at 10:29 pm

   Tony brought up a good point…
   Is Wolverine smart enough to get his claws blessed?

   I say he isn’t because Wolverine uses Napoleon’s battle plan “first we show up then we see what happens”. Usually that is good enough for Wolverine to win (he would of against Aquaman with this tatic) but against Spawn I don’t think so. This is one bloody battle but Spawn wins. Though Spawn may be stuck carrying a struggling Wolverine around into the next battle with his chains.

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7. Will says:

   September 23, 2009 at 11:41 am

   Spawn’s douchebag creator was in town this weekend. A friend spotted him with his dad and kid at Phoenix Comics on 17th.

   Does this mean Spawn and Wolverine are Canadians? Wolverine’s a cooler Canadian because in Classic X-Men #26 he hangs out at the Cecil Hotel and starts a bar fight (something that would never happen there).

     Will(Quote)  (Reply)

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   • admin_rock says:

     September 23, 2009 at 11:29 pm

     Interesting. John Byrne went to ACAD, and MacFarlane was born here as well. I will withhold my feelings about Phoenix on 17th in case they want to start advertising here

       admin_rock(Quote)  (Reply)

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8. Greymalkin says:

   September 25, 2009 at 7:18 pm

   Actually it is well written into the cannon of Wolverine that the Adamantium (lets face it the properties of which are practically magical anyhow) in his claws does specifically hurt demons when regular metal wont.

   Specifically: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N%27Garai

   So he doesnt need them to be blessed beforehand to cut up Spawn.

   I would apologise for being an uber-nerd, but seriously look where we are.

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9. j says:

   October 14, 2011 at 9:50 pm

   I know its old but spawn wins hands down the holy water thing wont work the weapon must be made in heaven in order to kill spawn not to mention spawn can create and distroy universe game over

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10. deflame says:

    December 31, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    spawn would win

      deflame(Quote)  (Reply)

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11. Daniel says:

    June 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I know all you wolverine fanboys out there are in love with Logans swagger and attitude and all that over rated crap but Wolverine would not stand a snowballs chance in hell against Spawn. Spawns powers are celestial and not elemental or physical. There are supernatural. The fact that you assume that adamantium could even effect Spawn is your first flaw. The fact that you assume Logan could heal through a magical attack is you next flaw. Spawn is immortal and can only be killed by decapitation by a HEAVENLY weapon pretty much counts Logan out. Spawn pwns your little hero easily. Sorry fanboys. Logan loses.

      Daniel(Quote)  (Reply)

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12. brian says:

    July 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    This is ridiculous and makes the whole competition a farce. The battle is Wolverine vs Spawn, not Wolverine vs Todd McFarlane. You may recall that Spawn defeated the entire armies of Heaven and Hell, destroyed the entire Earth out of existence and then recreated it again restoring everything as though nothing happened. WTF is Wolverine going to do?

    Even for argument’s sake, if the battle involves early Spawn before he becomes a god, he could simply vaporize Wolverine in a single instant. There’s no way to “heal” from ceasing to exist. If there is an adamantium skeleton left over, which is unlikely but let’s suppose it’s possible, he can teleport with it to Hell and drop it into an abyss, never to be seen again. I’d call that a pretty significant victory.

      brian(Quote)  (Reply)

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