Superhero Smackdown 1: Daredevil vs the Flash

Superhero Smackdown!
Friday Night Fight!
Here at The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, we offer our be-all-end-all absolutely correct answers on which superheroes would win in a fight. Marvel? DC? Watchmen as distributed by DC? Spongebob Squarepants? It’s a 16 superhero smackdown to find one final winner! The playoffs begin this week in the Terrordrome.

Daredevil vs The Flash

The battle of the tight red suits.

Let’s start off with some basics.

First off, let’s assume The Flash is Barry Allen, and not any of the twenty three other dudes who have the exact same powers granted to them under varying circumstances. We here at The Correctness think this is a disadvantage for the Flash right off the bat, because he’s been recycled so many times already. The Flash is really, really fast, and his reflexes are really, really fast. This is because somebody spilled some baking soda and vinegar on him in a lab.

Meanwhile, Daredevil has been the same handicapped dude since his inception. Matt Murdoch, blinded as a child by an implausible Manhattan radioactive waste accident- Note to comic book writers: When shit gets spilled on me, I get cancer- has super other senses, so when he touches braille he gets a chub on, or whatever. Daredevil is supersensitive, which makes him , you know, more red or whatever.

The Fight:

ROB

This is over before it starts really, because of this item from Wikipedia:
“All incarnations of the Flash can move, think, react at superhuman speeds, vibrate so fast that they can walk through walls, travel through time and can also lend and borrow speed.”
Any time traveler who can pass through solid objects is not going to get hit much- at least, that you remember, because he already travelled through time and undid your lucky swing. Too bad Daredevil, you lose. No hope.

Take your cane and go back to your day job as a pencil salesman or whatever, your blind ass is no match for a time-fucking-travelling incorporeal douche. Plus, and maybe I’m being unfair to Daredevil, but if you are supersensitive, wouldn’t you feel pain more? No matter. The Flash could travel back and win the fight before it started by leaving a brick inside of Daredevil’s skull at high speed. I assure you, this easily accessible material is damaging when lodged in your head.

Is it a fair fight? No. Are both of these heroes a bit dumb? Yes.

DAVE

The Flash is pretty badass indeed, what with all the physics and stuff working in his favour. It must suck writing that comic, you’d be on the phone to a T.A. at the University. “So what would happen if the Flash tried to pet his dog at light speed?” The Flash is so fast that the image at the top used to be of Barry Allen, but he changed it into Wally West while you were reading.

Daredevil might have a chance, if the following occurred: 1) He was in the midst of being written by Frank Miller, who makes every hero that much more of a badass, and 2) he had some advance warning about the impending battle. He’d have time to lay down some lube or something, making the Flash slide uncontrollably into a wall, killing him instantly. ( I know, the Speed Force would protect him, blah blah blah!).

Oh, who the hell am I kidding. The Flash takes this in a walk. Daredevil, seriously, a Billy Club?

TONY
The Flash’s specialty is incredible speed and weird ass villains.(A hyper intelligent talking Gorilla? Really?) Daredevil specializes in hypersensitivity and banging hot assassins. And while nailing BOTH Elektra AND Black Widow is impressive in and of itself it doesn’t really help him when the Flash PUNCHES HIM 800 TIMES IN ONE SECOND. Even giving Matt the benefit of the doubt and saying he could anticipate and dodge half of them he is still getting punched 400 TIMES. Daredevil’s hearing might let him anticipate the sonic boom before he gets his ass handed to him, and that’s about it

By the time Daredevil finished raising his club of never ending stringiness, the Flash would have already kicked his ass, called an ambulance, sent flowers for Daredevil to the hospital, sent flowers and an apology card, with a poem he wrote himself on it to Elektra, gone home, made Iris a nice souffle, watched How I Met Your Mother, had sex, brushed his teeth and gone to bed.

So it’s unanimous. The Scarlet Speedster makes short work of the Man without Fear. The Flash moves (with blinding speed) to the next round, and Daredevil crawls back to Hells Kitchen to lick his wounds. Or have them licked by Elektra and Black Widow. On second thought, maybe it’s Daredevil who comes out better off…

DECISION: The Flash

Thoughts? Disagreements? Let us know below. Just remember, we aren’t called the Correctness because we’re always wrong.

NEXT WEEK: Green Lantern vs Spider-Man

10 Responses to “Superhero Smackdown 1: Daredevil vs the Flash”

1. M-Daddy says:

   August 13, 2009 at 11:04 am

   Flash wins because his only real life portrayal was by John Wesley Shipp, also knowns as DAWSON LEARY’s FREEKIN’ DAD! Anyone from Dawson’s Creek wins, also, his main bad guy was Mark Hamil. Star Wars wins too, even if it’s Luke.

   Ben Affleck? Hmmm, not in Star Wars, and during the run of Dawson’s Creek, he was winning Oscars or something else lame.

   Even the masses say Flash wins.

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2. Holly says:

   August 13, 2009 at 11:58 am

   A) I think a woman would find The Flash to be unbearably arrogant about beating the crap out of a sensitive sight-impaired person… “Oh MAN, you shoulda SEEN how I hit that wimp 800 times, and then I went back in time and stuck a brick in his skull!!” Total turn-off. Whoever his prospective lay was, she would screech shrilly at him, “WELL YOU CAN JUST GO RIGHT BACK IN TIME AND TAKE THAT BRICK OUT, AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FUTURE SELF AND BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR PAST SELF WITH THAT BRICK FOR EVEN THINKING OF BEATING UP SUCH A SWEET BLIND GUY, YOU GIANT ASSHOLE!”

   B) Even if The Flash DID go home and have sex, he’d be done too quickly (would the woman even NOTICE he was there? And if she even registered that The Flash was ‘pleasuring’ her so expeditiously, she’d then be wishing she WAS with Daredevil instead. Because at least, being the sensitive guy he is, he would know EXACTLY what to do for her… and keep doing it for a long time… slowly).

   C) Said woman would then go visit Daredevil in the hospital and play ‘Nurse’ with him.

   So really, Daredevil wins…

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   • admin_rock says:

     August 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm

     Wow, ummm, Holly, it sounds like you’ve written some slash fiction about this.

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     • Holly says:

       August 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm

       Only in my spare time. Which is a bit more today as I wasn’t called in to work.

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   • thereisnospoon says:

     October 16, 2009 at 3:11 pm

     …my only problem is this. how could the flash watch “how i met your mother” any faster than anyone else?

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3. Andrew says:

   August 13, 2009 at 11:58 am

   I’d like to see some sort of Super Hero Smackdown Playoff Tree. This way I can follow at home.

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4. Will says:

   August 13, 2009 at 1:54 pm

   Daredevil will never see the Flash coming. He’s not even in his League.

   Flash wins because he’s willing to mindwipe a bad guy if necessary. As a lawyer, Daredevil would probably look down upon that kind of thing. Plus, Daredevil could never be the tipping factor in a battle against the Anti-Monitor.

   GL vs. Spider-man? These match-ups seem a bit skewed towards DC. Isn’t this like pitting Robin against the Silver Surfer?

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   • admin_rock says:

     August 13, 2009 at 2:22 pm

     Will, we’re open to suggestion, fire away! (I think GL vs Spidey is a close one myself…)

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     • Will says:

       August 14, 2009 at 10:58 am

       You know, what you might be right on the GL vs. Spidey. Considering GL Guy Gardner was knocked out in one punch by Batman and GL Hal Jordan was almost killed by Frank Miller’s All-Star Robin.

       I think you’re on the right track with pairing iconic characters. Don’t think anyone would care to comment on Howard the Duck vs. Ambush Bug or Firelord vs. Firehawk.

       I’ll have to think of better pairings, but don’t want to resort to the pairings in the 90s’ Marvel vs. DC (Hawkeye vs Green Arrow, Namor vs. Aquaman, or Quicksilver vs. Flash).

       I think match-ups with similar powersets would be easier to compare and contrast. At least with powersets that stand-up to each other. Some pairings that might provide a cool comparison (although maybe obscure) could be:

       - Deadpool vs. Deathstroke (merc vs. merc).
       - Green Lantern vs Gladiator Kallark (Willpower vs. Confidence – use GL Guy Gardner as a good match-up)
       - Black Canary vs. Elektra (top martial artists in their universe)
       - Shang-Chi vs. Richard Dragon (Bruce Lee rip-off vs. Bruce Lee rip-off)
       - Green Lantern Corps vs. Nova Corps (space police vs. space police)
       - Wonder Woman vs. She Hulk (Lasso of Truth vs… a lawyer).
       - Wonder Woman vs. Invisible Woman (invisble Plane vs. invisible powers)
       - Aquaman vs. X-men’s Beast (useless character vs. useless character)
       - Captain Boomerang or Deadshot vs. Bullseye.
       - Spectre vs. Ghost Rider
       - Dr. Fate vs. Dr. Strange
       - Sgt. Rock vs. Nick Fury
       - Mr. Terrific vs. Mr. Fantastic
       - Spider-Man vs. Robin/Nightwing
       - Man-Thing vs. Swamp Thing.
       - Hulk Vs. Doomsday
       - Captain America vs. Hawkman
       - Dr. Doom vs. Lex Luthor

         Will(Quote)  (Reply)

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   • filtran says:

     August 29, 2009 at 8:26 pm

     He cant see him coming cause he is blind, donk.

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