The formula is simple.

The shittier the apartment block is, the more grandly it is named. Thus all the way through downtown Calgary, you’ll find horrid looking apartment blocks that are named after rich peoples summer homes.

Ie; Oakwood Manor.

If you are putting the word “Manor” anywhere on your building, you might not want to design it so it looks like a concrete block with balconies attached.

“Ah the memories, summers at Grand Pater and Grand Mama’s. How I miss the soft rustling of the carts being pushed by the homeless, and the gentle whisper of 3 am vomiting in the nearby dumpsters. I remember the Manor would turn a striking grey when the sun hit it just right, and heated the only room up like a convection oven. To this day, when I hear the name “Oakwood Manor” my eyes well up with the remembered smell of urine and other people’s gross cooking. Can happiness be found in a pile of flyers in a corridor next to a wall of rusted mail slots? Grand Pater would say so.”

-Excerpt from “Oakwood Manor Revisited.” By Thomas Erpingham-Carrington Smitherly Smythe