Dear Future generations,

I am flattered and deeply honored that young people, and people of many ages have come to afford me a somewhat iconic status. I do not wish to appear ungrateful, and I am glad I have been chosen as the unofficial face of revolutionary politics.

However, I feel I must tell you that I did not bust my ass fighting government forces in  the stinking hot Cuban countryside so my face could be worn on the chest of every douchebag who heard a Rage Against the Machine album.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good picture. My wife loved it. Even I was thinking of getting it put on a coffee mug, but that was just for me. And Fidel, I was going to send him one as a joke. But it seems that Cuba, in its revolutionary zeal has used me in much the same way Disney uses Mickey Mouse.

I am the Mickey Mouse of Socialism.

I am on everything from paintings, to mugs, tee-shirts, keychains, temporary tattoos, you name it. They even have a French restaurant called “Chez Guevara”. They don’t actually have a guy in a big foam Che Guevara outfit taking pictures with tourists…yet, but I’m guessing it’s not that far off. The irony that my anti capitalist message has turned into a booming business has not gone unnoticed and it is annoying the fuck out of me

So let me make myself very clear to you rich white college students…YOU ARE THE PROBLEM I WAS FIGHTING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! You are the ultimate capitalist consumers, and no amount of novelty T-shirts and berets with Red stars on them is going to make you any less of a mindless consumer. Also when you hang my poster up next to one of Heidi Klum…the two posters are actually cancelling each other out, and all the girls you bring back to your room will  think you are a huge douche.

I would like to remind you at this juncture that I was captured and shot…several times, I might add, by Bolivians with backing from the CIA. It hurt like a bitch. But I was okay with doing it for the cause of ridding the world of the imperialist policies which are still creating crushing poverty all over the third world. I did not do it to give you a cool idea for a tattoo, you dumb fuck.

You want to do something revolutionary? Tell the Americans to drop the trade blockade with Cuba. They can’t possibly still be pissed about the whole Bay of Pigs/Missle Crisis thing can they? Jesus Christ The Americans dropped TWO NUCLEAR BOMBS on Japan, and they got past it enough to trade with America. I tell you what, open up trade with Cuba and I will personally throw in a free box of Che Guevara key chains.

And Elian Gonzales.

Viva Le Revolution,

Che

1:

Dear Kellogg’s:

You are no doubt aware that you are the manufacturer of Frosted Flakes. If you are not aware of this fact, you should be.  I am going to presume you are, indeed, aware. Of this fact.  You guys make Frosted Flakes.  Your “Frosted Flakes”, which are puffed corn of some variety or another, have the unlikely mascot of an anthropomorphic tiger, who wears a scarf for some reason. This he does, and I can only surmise, because Tony is a gang member, or possibly a barnstormer.

My primary concern, however, is not with the impractical attire of your talking tiger, but rather with his signature catchphrase (or that of the chorus of jingle singers who back him up, presumably because Tony threatened the lives of their families , or again, possibly, because Tony flew them high over the top of their Nebraska farms for $5 a ride) “The taste of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes brings out the tiger in you!”

Imagine my surprise when your frosted flakes had not, in fact, brought out the “tiger” in me, but rather brought out what my GP referred to as “The worst case of herpes I have ever seen”.

I would like a refund for the $7.88 I paid for a 61 ounce box. I would also like you to explain to me why it is possible to buy Frosted Flakes on Amazon, which, is patently ridiculous.

http://www.amazon.com/Frosted-Flakes-Cereal-61-9-Ounce-Box/dp/B00032C8T6

Sincerely,

RobbieRobTown

2:

Attn: Local Police Department, Traffic Enforcement Division.

Recently I received a photo radar speeding ticket, which I will not be contesting, despite the fact that you can clearly see my break lights on in the image. I was going too fast. 11km per hour too fast, which is roughly 5 miles per hour. I am sorry.

I am contacting you on behalf of The Environment.

The Environment wanted you to know that you can stop wasting virginal, first-growth forests to publish your bleached white, glossy paper pamphlet entitled “Do your part to drive safely!”

No one, not one person on God’s green earth, now or in any possible quantum future timeline, has or ever will have read that pamphlet.

Some things, like most rational humans, I react to with anger. If instead of a ticket, you had faxed me  a photocopy of your middle finger, I would have nodded my head and said “Yes, even though I was obviously correcting my speed, I was still speeding, and I deserve this middle finger coming through my Brother (TM) FaxBuddy 9000″. What I object to, If I may extend the metaphor, is that you then sent me, accompanying the middle finger, a photocopy of your sweaty balls.

How could you have imagined I would react positively to this missive? Did a committee at City Hall form a task force with the Local Police to generate this idea? At this meeting, did someone say the following?:

“Hey, When these guys get their speeding ticket, they are going to be in a receptive mood for some traffic safety tips. Let’s hire a writer, and publish a pamphlet at taxpayer expense.”

No one said exactly that? Strange, because the impression you gave me is that someone did.

Do your part to help the environment, and don’t sackfax me.

Sincerely,

RobbieRobTown

Jim:

A while back here on my comedy website thing, which is highly regarded by my mom, I invited Emma Stone to enter the “Win a Date with RobbieRobTown” contest. She did not enter then, nor has she submitted an entry since I reopened the contest earlier this summer.  To be fair, Emma Stone hasn’t the foggiest idea who I am, or if I am charming, homicidal, or both. So, to preface this letter without any further speculation, I am not writing this to tell you to keep your mitts offa my lady, as such a statement would be untrue, sexist, and incalculably fucktarded.

I am addressing this letter to you because we are fellow Canadians and fellow entertainers. The interwebs are all aflutter about your intent. Were you being sincere, yet creepy? Were you exploring an unusual marketing strategy? Did you two have some kind of secret tryst which you could no longer bear to disguise? Irrelevant, all. Jim, I am writing you this letter because of the genius of what you have done. Please hear me out.

Every joe-average nerdy person has had a crush on a celebrity. Mine are rare, but I have had a few (Emma, looking at you). On a much more personal and revealing note, I think celebrities should know how confused and sweetly unrequited these celebrity crushes can be. In the depths of my nerdiest despair, I have sometimes watched and re-watched a movie (yeah, okay, Zombieland) and searched online in vain to see if somehow I could come up with a way of actually meeting this celebrity. I think these fantasies, while obviously immature and implausible, are kind of cute. The imaginary journey never ends well for me. Usually, I meet some celebrity (yes, yes, I meet Emma Stone specifically) at a ComiCon party because I have a connection with one of the big corporate sponsors there, and we chat, and she’s really nice, and we live such different lives that she sensibly ends the conversation and goes about her business. Everyone who has ever been a fan of a performer knows the weird mixture of feelings that accompanies the simultaneous sense of knowing someone well through their work, and yet rationally understanding that they are total strangers.  The closer I actually get to a chance to meet a celebrity, the more heightened (and therefore more hilarious and tragic) my celebrity crush can become!

I have a mutual friend of Malin Akerman, did you know that, Jim? True story! I’m a performer-comedy type guy, so I know people who know people, but a friend of mine is an acquaintance of hers and she was willing to pass on a message to THE Malin Akerman from me at one point. The Watchmen was big in the theatres, and I was lonely (Surprising news, right? When am I not lonely? God, and I have a whole website to whine about it on) and this friend said “Yeah, I know Malin, you really want to meet her?”. Of course my answer was “Yes!”, but then I was completely paralysed.

What would I say?

“Oh, hi, successful famous artist. I am an unsuccessful, unfamous artist. Are you one of the 297 fans of my music on Facebook? Perhaps you are a fan of my improv comedy work- I’m on local cable access right now, you know, 5 nights a week! How much did I get paid for that, you ask? Oh, nothing. What is that you asked? Yes, the only TV in my 602 square foot condo IS a Samsung, thank you for noticing!”

That’s where the fantasy ends for us normal folks. What could we say to impress someone who impresses us so much already? What makes me seem special, other than my boyish good looks (Yes, yes, SPCMike, other than my scarred, hideous face and lice problem). There is a kind of begrudging hopelessness about celebrity crushes.

Anywhozle, Jim, what you have done is give a much needed boost of confidence to every human everywhere who has ever loved an artist. If even you, JIM MOTHERFUCKING CARREY can be smitten by a star, and be forced to make your feelings public through the only avenue that you have, then that means something both sad and wonderful: Even famous celebrities have sweet unrequited loves that they have no means of , uh, requiting. Sure, I’m sad about being outcompeted by a famous person, but you are very funny and very successful, and a rather good actor, I think.  Even still, JIM MOTHERFUCKING CARREY had to send a sad, sweet message into the ether to try to heal his heart.

With the proviso that your message to Emma was intended as sincere, it rings painfully true for a lot of us- Not because it is directed at Emma Stone (who is awfully charming) , but because you have hit a raw nerve that most of the normal folks out here have. I need to speak to you now as a fellow comedian. A lot of great comedy comes from truthful things, however, Jim, if this all turns out to be a clever ploy to do some Hollywoood weirdness I can’t comprehend, then I must insist you do us all a favour: Tell no one that you didn’t mean it. It is such a nice boost to the ego to think that someone as popular and famous as you could be smitten, and forlorn, and a bit sadly desperate. I would be most displeased to find out that you were pulling a fast one on us. If this was a piece of slick guerrilla theatre, or bizarre performance art, don’t tell a soul. Let the rest of us mere mortals go on believing that love is tough, even for you. We’d be heartbroken to discover that you replicated the sad, and I suppose vaguely funny emotions that nobodies like me honestly feel, and then exploited them as a joke.

Anyway, I hope it’s all real, I really do. I hope That Emma Stone sees it as complimentary, and I hope she enters my contest (but not really, because I’m funnier when I have a lot to complain about).

Oh, and if this does all turn out to be totally real, I wish you a speedy recovery from your sadness. I personally hope that I will one day feel the same way about Emma Stone as I currently feel about The Refreshments. Do you remember that first Refreshments album? Wasn’t it awesome? Where are those guys now?

Thank you for sharing that with us Jim, and don’t betray us little folk by making a joke at the expense of our vulnerabilities.

Sincerely,

RobbieRobTown

P.S. Emma, I know this is terrible timing, but the contest is still open. The rules, as a reminder, are that you must submit your ideas for a dream date with me, via email, or in comment form below. The disqualified entrants in past lived outside of the Americas, or suggested illegal activities. I’ll be here, waiting I guess, and listening to “Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big and Buzzy”.

Memo from: God Almighty

To: Harold Camping

Re: The Rapture

Dear Harold,

Do I go to your crappy radio station and start telling you how to do your job? Then why, Harold, do you insist on telling me how to do mine? I would have thought the whole 1998 incident; or rather non incident would have clued you in that I don’t play that. I didn’t create this world for the sheer joy of wrecking it later. I am not a 6 year old with Legos, Harold…and frankly I’m getting a little tired of this.

How would you like it if I started putting up billboards all over town saying you were going to murder millions of people? How would that make you feel? Or maybe I wouldn’t do that because I’m the creator of the Universe and I DON’T NEED THE MONEY!

That’s right Harold. I’m omnipotent…I know EXACTLY how much you make in donations after one of your little pronouncements. Are you rendering unto Caesar what is his? No? I didn’t think so.

The fact is, I work in mysterious ways, and even if I DO decide to shut the whole thing down, the LAST person I would tell is a crotchety old attention whoring fear mongering fraud like you.

You know what else I saw? The woman who cut her two kids throats with a box cutter because she was convinced the Rapture was coming. I am holding her responsible for that, but I’m also YOU responsible for that, Harold. There’s going to be a Rapture alright. The only one taken up will be you, and you and I are going to have a little chat about this face to face. You might want to bring some burn ointment.

In short, shut your me damned mouth, you idiot. I didn’t create the universe so little bullies like you can go around yipping that it’s coming to an end.

Shape up or else.

G.

P.S. While you are at it lay off the Gays. If I didn’t want them there I wouldn’t have made them that way.

Tbinnsing – (verb) The act of gratuitously posting pictures of attractive actresses/models in articles for the express purpose of ogling shamelessly, with only the barest of connections to the topic at hand. (Orig. AdminRock)

It has recently come into vogue to turn my handle into the aforementioned verb. I think that is painting me with some rather broad strokes, and diminishes some of the work I do around here. This whitewashing makes me out to be some kind of a horrible perv, or worse a 411 mania staff writer, who will post pictures of celebrities going out to get coffee, and make some sort of comment on how tight her jeans are.
I never wanted this to be that kind of a site. I had a dream for this place and it did not involve indulging my Hot Nerdy librarian type fetish…

or arguing about whether or not Felicia Day is” Hot”

For the record, the answer is "yes"

Or Both.

Surely there is more to talk about than that? We have an exciting summer ahead of us for example…We finally have a Green Lantern Movie starring Ryan Reynolds…

who recently divorced her

Thor is due out in a couple of weeks…

Then there’s X-men First Class

Look who's playing Emma Frost!

Not to mention Captain America and next year’s exciting Avengers movie

Cobie Smulders here will be playing a Shield agent

The Correctness does everything from parodies of great works of Literature

Such as the ones that might be found in this collection

To compelling articles comparing the merits of favourite geek shows, like Firefly

Versus Battlestar Galactica

I’ve written stories about about Star Wars

Babe-a Fett

These are totally the droids you are looking for...busy later? Can I buy you some blue milk?

And of course The Superhero Smackdowns

So to suggest that my purpose on this site is just a laundry list of pictures of my favourite celebrity crushes

is insulting and demeaning. And let’s face it , it’s not exactly respectful to women is it? To just paint them as sex objects and completely ignore the fact that they are professionals and human beings. Some of them brilliant award winning comedy writers…

Some of them Race Car Drivers

Some of them professional athletes.

In conclusion, I would like to express my sincere desire that I not be pigeon holed in this fashion and like the many women who are demeaned by this behavior, I hope that all my hard work does not simply become equated with smutty adolescent fantasies.

like this one

Also…Mila Kunis.

Tbinnsing as a verb must stop immediately. Thank you for your time an attention. I hope you’ll join me over the coming weeks as I post more humorous correctness articles like “Who is the Hottest Lesbian In Hollywood Today”

Hint.

and “Here Are Some Pictures Of Girls I Found”

Thank you for your attention in this matter.

an Open Letter to Zack Snyder

Dear Zack

You would think it would be the easiest thing in the world to get right, but no one has made a decent Superman movie since the early 80’s. (It’s a fact of SCIENCE!!) Everyone knows what Superman does. Everyone knows what he’s like. And yet, no one seems to be able to get it right. Well The Correctness is here to help, so pay attention …

1. Get the Character Right:

Superman is the most powerful being on earth, but that’s not what makes him a hero. What makes him a hero is what he does with these powers. I know a lot of people prefer the Batman/Wolverine style of anti-hero, but the landscape is so littered with these Eastwood wanna be’s that the real straight arrows like Captain America and Superman are the exception rather than the rule. In a way…it’s almost reversed, and now Superman breaks the mold and is, in effect an Anti-hero. This is a man who respects his elders, doesn’t lie, doesn’t curse. There is a reason why they call him “The Big Blue Boyscout” Don’t re-invent him, and try and make him darker or hipper. I got news for you NOBODY from a small town in Kansas is hip. Don’t make him an angsty teen, don’t make him a serial stalker with an illegitimate child. What makes him awesome is that a man who could easily crush mankind underfoot spends at least some of his time pulling cats out of trees, and helping old ladies cross the street. He has enough angst just being THAT guy, you don’t need a new angle on it.

2. More Action Please

Superman the Motion Picture was one of the first movies to take a comic book character at least somewhat seriously and made a movie on an epic scale. Which is great, but unfortunately that included a rather stately pace that Superman Returns took a lot of cues from. I think there is room in a Superman movie for at least three big action set pieces, and a couple of smaller ones (I say one big “ rescue Lois” sequence, and two big “Fight” Sequences, punctuated by catching a couple regular crooks along the way). I don’t mean that Michael Bay should direct a Superman movie, but we could certainly kick it up a notch

3. We Don’t Need No Stinkin Origin Story

This isn’t Thor or Iron man, this is an icon. Everyone knows the story. Let’s not waste precious time on Krypton, and teen years, or ANY of that stuff. Get a good story and dive right in.

4. Let Lex Sit This One Out

By all means IMPLY that he’s behind all of the shenanigans, hell you could even mention him by name, but build him up and save him for the sequel. Make him a real threat, establish a presence before you actually see him. He is Superman’s greatest enemy…stop making him into a clown. Ever heard of a guy called Braniac? I think he would do nicely, don’t you?

5. Superman Needs to Fight Something HUGE at the End

I cannot stress this enough. Not only does he have to fight this giant thing, he has to get his ass handed to him. He has to dig deep and outsmart whatever this thing is, and save lives by using the skills the Kent’s taught him instead of what the Sun gives him. This should be balls out, jaw dropping mega fight. We have the technology to do it, so why have we not seen this yet?

6. Put Her In It Somewhere

Even if it’s just for a few minutes. Make it happen.

7. DO. NOT. CHANGE. THE. SUIT!!!

For fucks sake. Nobody wants to see THIS!

or THIS

Edward Superhands

Take the original design and find a way to make it work. Hollywood is full of talented costume people, it’s not that hard. Red cape. Blue Tights. Logo on the front.

Jesus.

8. Use Comic Relief Wisely and Sparingly

I am totally okay with Jimmy Olsen being used for OCCASIONAL comic relief. The odd quip from Perry White would be just fine. Hell, I’d even enjoy Lois cracking wise. But do NOT make Luthor your comic relief. Nor should you saddle him with sidekicks to provide the comedy. No Gay Robots, no Otis, no whatever the hell Parker Posey was. If you have to create a character for the specific purposes of lightening things up…chances are you don’t need that character.

So there you go. 8 Simple Rules. Oh wait… No Nicholas Cage. At All. Ever. 9 simple rules. OH and cut down on the slow motion shit. 10 simple rules. You know what Zack, why don’t you just call me and we’ll straighten this whole thing out, Okay?

Great.

You are welcome.

Dear Mr. Woodcutter,

I am writing to you seeking compensation for damages to my property and myself, stemming from events of two weeks ago. As you’re no doubt aware, your children, finding themselves lost in the woods, took it upon themselves to vandalize a modern art installation I was working on in the darkest part of the forest. Not that you would be concerned, but my goal was to show the juxtaposition of the innocence and color of candy with the bleakness of the forest.

As mentioned, on or about the 23rd of last month, your two children set upon my work, ingesting it with great speed. By the time I was able to speak to them, they had removed an entire window frame, and carved through my front wall. When I questioned their actions, they scoffed at me, and ran in to my home. I attempted to stop them, but they quickly overpowered me. The next 5 days were a nightmare. During the day I was forced to clean up the house after them, as they did as they pleased. At night, they locked me into a small cage I had on hand for a dog, long since gone.

It was only by my quick thinking, and your children’s lack of knowledge of the operation of ovens that I was able to escape. I climbed in the oven, and pretended I was being cooked. I waited an entire evening in there, to be certain they had left, before climbing out. When I looked around the house, I found your son had left me a “parting gift”. Sir, I do not exaggerate when I tell you that a diet consisting purely of gingerbread and ju-jubes makes for the most foul of excrement.

I am therefore seeking damages in the amount of $6,000, which is the estimated amount to repair the house, and replenish my materials. I trust you will do the honorable thing and send payment immediately, lest I be forced to take further action.

Sincerely,

Annabelle Whish

To Doctor Josef Nefario, head of Applied Interglobal Industries, Sept 12, 2008:

Dr Nefario, I’m writing you to inform you that payment is past due for our recent renovations to your Los Angeles office. We had agreed on strict terms, due to the nature of the alterations, which our office strongly advised against. In addition, on our post install visit, our quality control assistant Barry noted that you had failed to apply for the appropriate relaxations and permits, as you had stated you would. Normally, our office would handle these matters, but you were very insistent on this matter.

To reiterate, we are still owed for the alterations, specifically the floor release mechanism you requested to be placed in front of your desk. When we spoke, we shared with you our concerns for potential damage and liability for this. If the flooring were to fail, persons standing above it would fall directly to the area below your office.

When Barry inspected the flooring, he noted that you had replaced the manual release we installed with a electronically governed device of your own. Barry informed us this device is wired to a button on your desk, and that you had told him it was for the sake of ease in operation. I must again implore you that this is VERY dangerous, a simple button push could lead to injury and damage.

Barry also told me that when you demonstrated the device, he noticed you had replaced the storage area below your office with what he described as a “Tiger Pit”. I’m sure he was mistaken, but we’ve had trouble contacting Barry recently, he’s no longer answering his phone or responding to emails.

At any rate, we’re still awaiting final payment for our work, and hope not to have to escalate matters further.

Thanks,

Steve Barrington,
Eagle Contracting

——————————
To: Steve Barrington, Eagle Contracting, Sept 19, 2008

Mr Barrington, my name is Jessica Freemont, I’m the newly appointed CFO and acting CEO of Applied Interglobal, now known as “InterG”. You’re likely unaware, as our publicity team has been working hard to keep things out of the paper, but there was recently what could only be described as a terrorist attack on our Los Angeles office. It seems that a strike team, lead by a British agent entered the offices, confronted Dr. Josef, and proceed to lay waste to the facility. Dr. Josef whereabouts are unknown, and in the interim, I’ve been appointed acting CEO.

I’d like to address your payment concerns, but unfortunately, the majority of our accounting staff has been terminated. Let me be frank, I do not mean this in the “let go” sense of the word. Our entire Accounts Payable team was trapped on the 23rd floor, which was engulfed by fire due to an explosion in the lower floors. Until we are able to get our systems back up and running, we will be unable to process your request.

I am able to provide some assistance to you, in the form of information concerning the whereabouts of your quality assurance expert Barry. While he died tragically, it will be comforting to you to know that it doesn’t appear he suffered, evidence shows the Siberian Tiger was swift and methodical. While the copious amounts of blood in Dr. Josef’s office made identification difficult, we later recovered Barry’s I.D. card from the Tiger, who was also killed by some type of laser/watch combination. You’ll also take comfort in knowing that your assessment was correct, the button rig failed to operate properly, we believe this led to one or possibly more tigers escaping from the storage area.

We at InterG offer our condolences, we also lost over 132 employees during this assault. Furthermore, the board of directors was shocked to discover that Dr. Josef was not, in fact, developing a new solar power orbital platform, but in fact, a weapons array capable of vaporizing a city from space. We’ve been able to glean from various sources, including Dr. Josef’s own journal, that he intended to blackmail nations of the world. Let me be clear when I say that this type of behavior is NOT acceptable within InterG’s corporate culture.

Best wishes to you,

Jessica Freemont
InterG

To Whom it May Concern:

Listen, we know you’re looking at us. We get it. We’re on the big side, as far as breasts go. Along with Katy’s eyes, we represent most of the oversized stuff on her. And certainly, we’ve helped her get to where she is today. Our presence requires her to build up her lung capacity, and makes it easy for her to get meetings with agents and record producers.

But lately, we feel that there’s too much attention being paid to us. Katy is a wonderful girl. She’s very kind to us, sharing lotions and various skin moisturizers. She so ever prominently featured us in her “California Gurls” video, and let us fire off giant whipped cream containers. Most girls would never dream of doing that for their breasts. While all of this is flattering, we feel you should pay more attention to Katy as whole, and not just focus on us, asking for pictures of us, etc. We’ll show ourselves when we’re ready. Maybe it will be when a photographer catches us out on yacht, or a beach somewhere, or maybe it will be in a men’s magazine when Katy reaches 14:59.

Until then, love us for who we’re a part of, not just for ourselves. Oh, and Russell, two words: Hand Sanitizer.

Love, Katy Perry’s Breasts.

This shameless promo photo of RobbieRobTown by Tyler Stalman at www.stalman.com is just the sort of thing I'm complaining about.

Dear “Sirs”:

This is the last time I visit your appalling website. I was here minding my own business, reading your supposedly “amusing” articles, when I stumbled across this tedious, self aggrandizing nonsense form your staff writer TBinns. I found the whole thing sickening, and you can read it here if you dare to be sickened:

http://www.thecorrectness.com/writing/blackout-a-work-of-microfiction-by-tony-binns/

I couldn’t believe your collective gall. Your collective gall is huge and swollen. Your gall is so swollen it is making you impudent.

The internet is no place for advertising. It is an immense public forum that runs on goodwill, and charitable government servers, and rainbow kisses. Primarily rainbow kisses. I would be immensely, immensely disturbed if anyone were to mention that RobbieRobTown has a musical going up at the Edmonton Fringe Festival. Why would you bother to tell me that he has written all the music, or that he is starring in the show? That sort of corporate pandering is deplorable, gentlemen. We have all had enough quirky puppet musicals with banjos. The Muppets got there first, and Jim Henson controls the copyright to all things fabric with banjos.

Imagine how angry I would be if you provided information about the songs, some of which can be found here:

http://www.myspace.com/robmitchelson

I would be disgusted if you pointed out that I could listen to songs from the show on that page. Furthermore, if you had the audacity to mention the following:

Rob Mitchelson’s Music n’ Such | Promote your Page too

Then I would throw up in my mouth, again and again, until the puke leaked out my nose, and possibly ears. That would be quite a feat, as I do not believe the Eustachian tube functions like that. At least the puke blockage would prevent me from hearing those catchy pop songs.

I will certainly not attend this event at any of the following times:

The Tornado: A Musical Prairie Tragicomedy runs at the Edmonton International Fringe Festival from August 12-22, 2010 at the Strathcona Branch of EPL (8331-104th Street).
August 13 10:15 pm
August 14 4:00 pm
August 15 5:30pm
August 17 6:30 pm
August 18 9:30 pm
August 19 1:45 pm
August 20 6:00 pm
August 21 2:00 pm
August 22 7:30 pm.

Who do you people think you are? I am tired of hearing about the intriguing narrative, the “fringe genre” story choices or the fabulous special guest stars as the titular Tornado nightly. What kind of show called “Tornado: A Musical Prairie Tragicomedy” would let hilarious Canadian theatre celebrities take on the most important role?

I am leaving this site forever and never coming back. I seriously mean it, not like those other people who have left the site forever and are never coming back, who you can read all about here:

http://www.thecorrectness.com/writing/cult-diaries/

Sincerely,
Some Angry Dude

P.S. Don’t you dare refer me to the website of that talented photographer.

http://www.stalman.com/