More than I hate the TV Show “The View” and that is saying a lot.

Just for the sake of context, please take a listen to as much of this as you can stand. I made it about a minute and a half in.

The View by Lou Reed & Metallica

Did you listen to it? Then the first thing I need to do is apologize for making you listen to what sounds like a shitty beat poet on open mic night poorly dubbed over an even shittier garage band improvising a “Jam”.

Remember witnessing the birth of Spinal Tap Mark Two where they improvised a free form jazz odyssey in front of about 50 people at the amusement park? This track makes Spinal Tap Mark Two seem like Pink Floyd during the Dark Side of the Moon sessions.

The upcoming album is called LULU, and while I can’t possibly judge the whole album by one track, we must keep in mind that they collectively listened to the whole album, and decided, “Yes, THIS is the song that will hook everyone…this song is Tits and Ice Cream and people will love it, and in no way will it make them want to drive red hot railroad spikes in their ears and scream ‘MUSIC IS DEAD, WHAT WAS HEARD CANNOT BE UNHEARD!!!!’ ”

Advertisements for the album have been banned in the London Underground, (which is apparently not so much velvet as it is concrete) because it looks too much like graffiti. But secretly I think they banned it because it sounds too much like shit.

Now to be fair, I’m not a huge Lou Reed fan, I like the song “Perfect Day” even though it makes me want to curl up in the corner of an unfinished basement and weep. You gotta love “Take a Walk on the Wild side.” and I like “Waiting for the Man”, and “Sweet Jane” But Lou Reed has gone on record as saying it is the BEST thing he’s ever done. Honestly. Here’s the quote…

“In recent interviews Reed has pronounced the album to be the greatest thing anyone has ever recorded, while the thrash titans have revealed that they were moved to tears during album sessions.

“This is the best thing I ever did” explained Lou Reed in a recent statement. “And I did it with the best group I could possibly find. By definition, everybody involved was honest. This has come into the world pure. We pushed as far as we possibly could within the realms of reality.”

The BEST.THING. HE. EVER. DID. No Lou…the best thing you ever did was heroin and Nico. Probably at the same time.The best thing ever recorded? I don’t even think Paul McCartney has the balls to say that about Sergeant Pepper, and Paul has NO hesitation in telling you exactly how awesome he is. And I assure you, nothing about this indicates you are anywhere NEAR “A Day in The Life.” It can’t even carry “When I’m 64″‘s nutsack, never mind the deeper tracks.

It has come into the world pure shit. You pushed one out alright.

Of course Metallica wept…If I saw my career spinning into the toilet I’d weep too! And let’s talk for a minute about Metallica. Unlike Admin Rock who is all Depeche Mode-y, and Robbierobtown and his prediliction for the quirky, poppy and unheard of I am a Rock and Roll guy through and through. I dig Metallica. I don’t even think they sold out on “The Black Album” It’s a fucking awesome album. But they have had plenty of missteps, the biggest being “St. Anger”. Or at least it was. Do yourselves a favour, Metallica…start hanging around with people who will say “No” to you. You already recorded with a symphony orchestra. That’s your ONE indulgence. Everyone gets a free pass on that one. And I guess I can see you wanting to work with an icon…but was David Bowie busy? Or did he just realize what you and Lou didn’t, that this was a COLOSSALLY bad idea, with two styles that won’t mix unless ONE OF YOU MAKES CONCESSIONS. For a collaboration to work you have to meet in the middle, not just do your own thing and not give an inch so it sounds like you aren’t even recording in the same building. I’ve heard youtube mashups by 12 year olds that fit together better than this.

So to sum up, While I can’t trash an album I haven’t heard this song stinks. “Dead mouse in the middle of a month old egg salad sandwich in a shoe in the trunk of a car in Georgia in July” stinks. How much do I hate it?

-I’d rather be the “Oil up Boy” on the set of Jersey Shore than listen to this again.

-I’d rather breathe through a gas mask lined with Courtney Loves used “bender” panties for a month than listen to this again

-I’d rather sit through a Marathon of those horrible “_______ Movie” Movies with Fran Drescher, who would be drugged enough to find them hilarious and would bray out laughter at every non joke, than listen to this again

-I’d rather let my son play on Eric Clapton’s balcony than hear it again.

-I’d rather listen to Nickleback.

It’s like a punch in the soul nuts with brass knuckles. Amnesty international is looking into banning the album based on Human Rights violations with regards to torture laws. Someone should put their nose in it, smack them with a newspaper and say “BAD MILLIONAIRE ROCK STARS!!!! BAD!!”

So yeah. I did not much care for that. At all.

It’s no secret that here at The Correctness, we are a very literate bunch. We’re interested in things literary, words of all kinds. Normally, this isn’t a problem, apart from the always being right and constantly having to correct language choices.

Occasionally though, it leads to focusing on these things when the goal might be otherwise. Take music, for example. Like comic books, they are a joining of the written word with another artistic element. I find I have to remind myself to take in both sides of the equation, rather than just focus on the words. My favorite comic book writers are those who have a gift for words, and can write a great plot. With music, it’s pretty much the same. I like a good lyric. I like a well crafted line, a well turned phrase.

The song that’s been in my mind lately, is “Closing Time” by Semisonic. It’s always been a favorite of mine, not because it’s very catchy, but because it has some very interesting phrasings. The one that always stick out is

“Time for you to go out to the places you will be from”.

Recently, I was reading an article in which a member of the band insinuated that the song was written for the birth of (lead singer) Dan Wilson’s first child. And that’s when everything changed.

Suddenly, what was a straightforward song about kicking people out of a bar turned into a well crafted song about birth and change. Now maybe you’re not convinced, or you don’t give a crap. Fair enough. Let me convince you.

“Closing Time, open all the doors and let you out in to the world”.
Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Check. Time to be born.

“Closing time – turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.”

Bar meaning: Check, though odd way to phrase this if it’s just about people in a bar.
Baby meaning: Check. Big bright light in the delivery room.

“Closing time – one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Nothing directly baby, other than Mom having to stop drinking while pregnant? (The hardest line to defend in this theory)

“Closing time – you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Check. Can’t stay in the womb forever.

The chorus rolls in with “I know who I want to take me home” which again works with either theory, though we should note that the in the “bar” reading, it’s a strange sentence construction, from someone who’s quite capable of writing this more eloquently. Why not, “I know who I want to take home”, or something than scans better, along that line. Why? Cuz it’s a baby, who needs to be taken home.

“Closing time – time for you to go back to the places you will be from.”

Bar meaning: Check, though again, weird way to say this.
Baby meaning: Once I’m born, I’ll be from the city I’m born in. Until then, it’s the place I “will be from”. This line is repeated later in the song, increasing its importance.

“Closing time – this room won’t be open ’til your brothers or you sisters come.”

Bar meaning: Again, VERY weird way to say this, and doesn’t make much sense.
Baby meaning: Clearly the womb, which stays empty until another child, your brother or sister, is born. This is the line that seals the deal for me.

“So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits – I hope you have found a friend.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: This one doesn’t work as well, unless we look at it as Mom leaving behind a phase in her life.

“Closing time – every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”

Bar meaning: Check, though a bit strange again
Baby meaning: Abso-freaking-lutely.

And to be clear, even defining this as having only two meanings is selling it short, as it speaks to the changes in the parent’s lives as well, not having time to spend in bars anymore, the old way of things ending, new beginnings.

So, I’m pretty convinced that “Closing Time” is deserving of a second look. Listening to other Semisonic songs will convince you that Dan Wilson is a pretty intelligent guy, someone very capable of adding a number of levels to a song. Hell, the picture above is even a perspective shot from the womb…

Next up in the “Hidden Meaning” series: Bootylicious. A butt shaker, or a call to arms for the working class?

Well, now I can cross “See a Beatle live” off of the old life list. My Hetero Life mate Trevor and I attended the Ringo Starr and his all Starr Band concert. Ringo said early on he just wanted people to have a little fun…and we sure did. Sometimes at his expense, but never mind that. His all star band included Edgar Winter, who was AWESOME by the way, particularly on “Frankenstein” . Rick Derringer, who I did not know was a member of the McCoys and they NAILED the vocals on “Hang on Sloopy”. (Who among us did not spend our whole childhoods thinking it was called “Hang on Snoopy?”) Gary Wright who believed he could get us through the night, a dude from the Romantics who told us what he liked about us, and someone from Mr. Mr. who took some broken wings and made them fly again.
All in all a super fun night. Made more fun by our constant commenting to each other. Here is a short sample for you to enjoy.

“Auuuughhhhhh!!!! A Beatle doing BEATLE SHIT!!!”
-Trevor , taking a moment to appreciate the significance of what we were doing that night, in the middle of “I wanna be your man”

“He looks like a photo negative of a Ramone”
-Trevor, upon seeing Edgar Winter live for the first time

“Okay…strap in for the suck”
-Tony, after Gary Wright was introduced and played the first few notes of “Dream Weaver”

“Uhhh is he wearing a SWEATER?”
-Trevor commenting on Gary Wrights’s Rock and Roll outfit

He looks like Mr. Rogers out there …’Can you sing Dream Weaver…sure, I knew you could’ “
-Tony, in response

“I miss Dream Weaver.”
-Tony, midway through a song off of Ringo’s new album called “The Other Side of Liverpool”

“I don’t think Eddie Van Halen is shitting himself right now”
-Tony, during Rick Derringers Guitar solo

“I think ALEX Van Halen just went “Meh”
-Trevor in response

“Yeah, THAT’s one of mine.”
-Ringo, to some guy in the crowd who shouted out “Let It Be”

“Ringo is doing some weird shoulder thing…look”
-Trevor, during “Broken Wings”

“Man, if Ringo STARR gets bored playing your song, it probably sucks”
-Tony in Response

“Hey THAT’S not one of your songs either!”
-Tony , when they closed with “Give Peace a Chance”

Peace and Love, everyone, from Trev, Tony and Ringo

June 9, 1987:
It was a hot night in the Big Easy, and the audience was rigid with anticipation- For good reason. Tonight, for the first time ever, Cockshark had shared the stage with Brothersucker. For one night only, two of the biggest, hardest acts in Metal would come together, simultaneously, in front of a crowd of thousands.

Brothersucker hit the stage first, surprising the audience with their size. Yes, their members had swollen as Brothersucker now had founding member and keyboardist Rock Dalton playing with them again. Minutes before the show, Brothersucker had taken him in the back to celebrate Rock’s hard homecoming. Coyly, the band had replaced their once traditional champagne showers with aerosol whipped cream, as a subtle tribute to Rock Dalton’s battle with alcohol. Dalton was obviously in on the joke, and he laughed joyously as the rest of Brothersucker covered him in their jets of cream.

Brothersucker head-man, Gino Difaggino, absolutely prowled the stage, licking up the energy from the crowd, as the band pounded into their hit single “Drinking from the Hose”. Difaggino had come a long way to be the head guy, painstakingly working his way up from the bottom.

DiFaggino worked as a masseuse, and also as a pool cleaner before striking it big with Brothersucker. “I was in the right place at the right time”, he says, ” The guys found me singing in a tiny bar off the main strip. They teased me, calling me “Goldenthroat”, that kind of thing. We just really hit it off, like one big happy, mixed up family.”

The crowd was elated to hear DiFaggino straddle his mic stand and jerk out the opening lines of “Cream Treat”. The Dalton penned song was a fan favourite, but hadn’t been performed in years. “When the fans are expecting you to perform, you have to perform. You can’t go halfway.” said DiFaggino.

But it was Cockshark’s big opening, dripping with sensuality, that really wowed the crowd. Their big opening was so impressive, the boys from Brothersucker said they’d like to watch- and watch they did, from the the side of the stage, as Cockshark seduced the audience and took them inside their opening.

David Gyzz of Cockshark recalled his opening after the show. “It was really huge. We never open that big, but the audience was with us all the way, gave us every inch of their attention, and it all just fit.”

After such a strong start, Cockshark could hardly top “He Wore Leather”, but they were hard at it with their next song “Ballroom Love”. “That’s the thing about “ballroom”. You’ve got to have it in there, or the show seems uncomfortable. Our fans love ballroom.”

Cockshark drummer Leslie Phillio was a vision in gold as he tore apart the solo in “Thigh High”, delicately taunting the snare, teasing the rim relentlessly, before finally plunging in for the big finish.

In the final encore, Cocksharks and Brothersuckers eagerly mounted the stage together, all at once. Ten sweaty men, all near exhaustion, but being cheered on by the crowd, traded songs back and forth, back and forth, working the crowd for every last drop of their sticky love, gobbling it down. Phillio pounded away harder and harder, and you could tell Rock Dalton was in deep- the look of tense concentration on his face was unmistakable.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

I love me some Peter Gabriel. I really do. So imagine my delight when I found out there was a free stream of his latest recording “Scratch My Back” available online. He covers some of his favourite artists, like David Bowie, Radiohead, Paul Simon, Arcade Fire and Neil Young. In turn, all those artists will do an album of Peter Gabriel covers called “I’ll Scratch Yours.”

That’s a pretty cool idea, I think. Gabriel doing Bowie, Bowie doing Gabriel? Sign me up.

But here’s the thing. Every song is slowed down to funereal pace, with synth and strings and mournful keening. Which in a weird way, kind of works for his cover of Heroes, but for the WHOLE ALBUM? Good God. It’s only to be listened to when in the manic phase of ones mental illness. Even Peter himself is bored of it…look at that picture, he is so comatose he has to manually push his eyebrow up to register some kind of facial expression.

It would be like “So” with every track at the same pace as “Red Rain” without “Sledgehammer” and “Big Time” to brighten the mood a little. Which would then make the album title “So What?” more apropos.

But don’t take my word for it, click right here and take a listen for yourself. Who knows, you might find it haunting and achingly beautiful. Or you might start the long arduous task of rubbing your wrists on the blunt edge of your desk in an effort to slice them open in 5-6 hours.

That said if he tours again I will totally go see him. That’s how awesome he is.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

The Correctness has been lax in it’s duty to our readers lately. We’ve been ignoring your need for some serious literary discussion and parsing of ludicrous pop songs. In order to alleviate this, we present an in-depth look at a song by a woman with a dollar sign in her name.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy

A bold beginning, bringing the listener straight into the action, with little or no preparation. Our subject is awake, and having an emotional reaction. However, we’re uncertain what that reaction is, as, in order to understand the simile, we’re forced to have a general understanding of how P Diddy feels, or alternately, what aspect of P Diddy the subject is meant to be emulating. Curious, a riddle presented in the opening. Perhaps this will evolve through the narrative to be important.

Grab my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit this city

The subject continues to prepare for the day, now leaving her (we’ll assume this is a female, based on the singer). She is preparing to take on her world, to get involved, be active. She is, however, bringing her glasses, perhaps to hide some aspect of herself from the world. Curious. What is she trying to hide, one wonders.

Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack

But wait, she hasn’t left yet, or perhaps she’s returned inside. She needs alcohol, a fix of some kind before she can continue. Again, this seems to point to some challenge or uncertainty she has to struggle with. Why does she need to alter her state in order to continue her day?

‘Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back

Confusion. We know that it is morning, and yet she uses the phrase “leave for the night”. Certainly “leave for the day” would make more sense, and position the reader for the likely fact that she will not be returning again for some time. There is a possibility that the “home” doesn’t even belong to our subject, that she is perhaps leaving from the previous night. This could be the end of a one night stand?

I’m talking pedicure on our toes, toes

Our subject is now with others, referencing “our toes”. She has joined with what we can assume are friends, taking time to make her feet presentable.

Trying on all our clothes, clothes

The preparation for (what we can assume is) an evening out continues, with the subject attempting to present an aspect of herself to the world. We’re seeing a theme of changing, hiding, making presentable.

Boys blowing up our phones, phones

We can assume that “blowing up our phones” means that the boys are calling constantly, as opposed to their being involved in actively exploding those phones. This creates the idea that the subject and friends are popular, and in demand from men.

Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs

The subject’s group is moving toward their destination, enjoying music. Perhaps they are listening to P Diddy?

Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy

We’ll deal with these lines together. The group arrives a number of parties, with the goal of consuming more alcohol. We start to see a thread of impermanence, of moving from one event to the next, of searching for something. Combined with the recurrence of drinking, this leads us to assume there is something the subject is avoiding, or escaping from, though it is still not certain what that is.

CHORUS:
Don’t stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
‘Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don’t stop, no

The Chorus is quite simply a plea from the subject to Time itself. The struggle, the weight of the subject’s pysche is so great that she simply needs to avoid it at all costs. She wishes for the night to continue forever. She wants to “fight”, to prevent responsibility, and to not have to face herself. But time will not be stopped, and the clock continues to “tick tock”, and draw her inevitably towards her showdown with her inner self.

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer

We can only assume that the subject is being ironic about not having a care in the world, since she clearly is escaping from her troubles, and immediately consuming beer to further avoid them.

Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here

Perhaps this is a clue to our subject’s strife? She has no money, perhaps a struggle with finance or lack of work? Has her morning drinking cost her her job? No matter, she is “already here”, whatever the case is, her fate is set, she is resigned to it.

And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

The word is out that subject and her group are at the club, and they are all interested, as there is word that this group is a potent one, full of interest and power. However, they will soon find that they are unwanted, unless they have a specific look:

This is troubling, the impression we’ve been given is that this group is interested in the “party life”, and youth, beauty, eternal evenings. But the idea that they are only interested in this specific look creates a bit of a paradox.

I’m talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk

The subject is describing the way in which the club is “getting crunk”, meaning they are reacting to a style of music, or possibly this could mean that they are, in fact, getting cranky? Which in light of the company they prefer, would make sense, as the men they are interested in are quite old.

Boys tryin’ to touch my junk, junk

Now this is where things really get tricky. The Urban Dictionary defines “junk” as “Male genitalia”. Up until this point, we’ve assumed that the narrator was a woman, though a review will show that the only reason we might have to think this is that because the song is sung by a woman. This forces us to review all that we think we know. Is it possible that we’ve been misled?

Is the subject is in possession of male genitalia? That “she” is, in fact, a “he”? Are we dealing with a homosexual subject? Perhaps some kind of transgendered person or hermaphrodite?

This seems a strong likelyhood, and is supported by a number of the lines above. The subject is clearly running from and avoiding something. One suspects it is “her” own sexual identity. Perhaps “he” is a self-loathing homosexual, who is unable to come to terms with himself and thus hides through drinking and pedicures following nights spent with strangers.

Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk

We’re unclear as to whom the “him” refers, likely one of the other men in the club, but the subject reveals a concern about the other person becoming too drunk. This would likely cause the individual to be unable to perform sexually, or perhaps just exhibit unwanted, perhaps un-Diddylike behavior

Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down

An indication that the subject needs for this distraction to continue forever, that ending the party will be unbearable. A possible alternate reading would be that the subject is referring to the Gay rights struggle, that the “fight” will go on until the police are forced to act.

Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us

This concept is repeated, strengthening the resolve for the fight, and the likelihood that there can be no end except this. The line devolves into an almost T.S. Eliot-like drone.

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

The subject is reaching the crux of “her” fight with her psyche. She now realizes that she cannot hide, that she can no longer run from what she is, whom she has become. The DJ, the situation has brought her to realize that her fleeing has become her strength, the rock which she can anchor her soul to. But it also becomes the crucible in which she is taken apart, all of her faults on display. The fight is over, she can no longer hide her true self. She finally gives in, and accepts what she is.

With my hands up
You got me now
You got that sound
Yeah, you got me

The acceptance is growing, she has conceded to her struggle, given in completely. The voice of reason within her has spoken, and she complies.

DJ, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up

The subject transitions into full acceptance, though fearful, she is now ready to not only accept who she/he is, but also encourages the listener to do the same, to give in to their/our own inner struggle, and to “put your hands up”.

As our journey through the struggles of the subject continues, it becomes more and more clear that “Tik Tok” is a song of change. It takes us on a journey from scared, hidden self-loathing, hatred for the true self, to a full acceptance of an alternative lifestyle. It is a glorious appeal for everyone to stop hating their inner selves, and to face that reality head on, and allow it to flourish.

The brilliance within is that such a clear message of such a delicate nature is hidden within a fairly crappy pop song. That juxtaposition is the crowning glory of this song. That what seems to be utterly devoid of importance or worth hides within it a beautiful moment self-revelation.