More than I hate the TV Show “The View” and that is saying a lot.

Just for the sake of context, please take a listen to as much of this as you can stand. I made it about a minute and a half in.

The View by Lou Reed & Metallica

Did you listen to it? Then the first thing I need to do is apologize for making you listen to what sounds like a shitty beat poet on open mic night poorly dubbed over an even shittier garage band improvising a “Jam”.

Remember witnessing the birth of Spinal Tap Mark Two where they improvised a free form jazz odyssey in front of about 50 people at the amusement park? This track makes Spinal Tap Mark Two seem like Pink Floyd during the Dark Side of the Moon sessions.

The upcoming album is called LULU, and while I can’t possibly judge the whole album by one track, we must keep in mind that they collectively listened to the whole album, and decided, “Yes, THIS is the song that will hook everyone…this song is Tits and Ice Cream and people will love it, and in no way will it make them want to drive red hot railroad spikes in their ears and scream ‘MUSIC IS DEAD, WHAT WAS HEARD CANNOT BE UNHEARD!!!!’ ”

Advertisements for the album have been banned in the London Underground, (which is apparently not so much velvet as it is concrete) because it looks too much like graffiti. But secretly I think they banned it because it sounds too much like shit.

Now to be fair, I’m not a huge Lou Reed fan, I like the song “Perfect Day” even though it makes me want to curl up in the corner of an unfinished basement and weep. You gotta love “Take a Walk on the Wild side.” and I like “Waiting for the Man”, and “Sweet Jane” But Lou Reed has gone on record as saying it is the BEST thing he’s ever done. Honestly. Here’s the quote…

“In recent interviews Reed has pronounced the album to be the greatest thing anyone has ever recorded, while the thrash titans have revealed that they were moved to tears during album sessions.

“This is the best thing I ever did” explained Lou Reed in a recent statement. “And I did it with the best group I could possibly find. By definition, everybody involved was honest. This has come into the world pure. We pushed as far as we possibly could within the realms of reality.”

The BEST.THING. HE. EVER. DID. No Lou…the best thing you ever did was heroin and Nico. Probably at the same time.The best thing ever recorded? I don’t even think Paul McCartney has the balls to say that about Sergeant Pepper, and Paul has NO hesitation in telling you exactly how awesome he is. And I assure you, nothing about this indicates you are anywhere NEAR “A Day in The Life.” It can’t even carry “When I’m 64″‘s nutsack, never mind the deeper tracks.

It has come into the world pure shit. You pushed one out alright.

Of course Metallica wept…If I saw my career spinning into the toilet I’d weep too! And let’s talk for a minute about Metallica. Unlike Admin Rock who is all Depeche Mode-y, and Robbierobtown and his prediliction for the quirky, poppy and unheard of I am a Rock and Roll guy through and through. I dig Metallica. I don’t even think they sold out on “The Black Album” It’s a fucking awesome album. But they have had plenty of missteps, the biggest being “St. Anger”. Or at least it was. Do yourselves a favour, Metallica…start hanging around with people who will say “No” to you. You already recorded with a symphony orchestra. That’s your ONE indulgence. Everyone gets a free pass on that one. And I guess I can see you wanting to work with an icon…but was David Bowie busy? Or did he just realize what you and Lou didn’t, that this was a COLOSSALLY bad idea, with two styles that won’t mix unless ONE OF YOU MAKES CONCESSIONS. For a collaboration to work you have to meet in the middle, not just do your own thing and not give an inch so it sounds like you aren’t even recording in the same building. I’ve heard youtube mashups by 12 year olds that fit together better than this.

So to sum up, While I can’t trash an album I haven’t heard this song stinks. “Dead mouse in the middle of a month old egg salad sandwich in a shoe in the trunk of a car in Georgia in July” stinks. How much do I hate it?

-I’d rather be the “Oil up Boy” on the set of Jersey Shore than listen to this again.

-I’d rather breathe through a gas mask lined with Courtney Loves used “bender” panties for a month than listen to this again

-I’d rather sit through a Marathon of those horrible “_______ Movie” Movies with Fran Drescher, who would be drugged enough to find them hilarious and would bray out laughter at every non joke, than listen to this again

-I’d rather let my son play on Eric Clapton’s balcony than hear it again.

-I’d rather listen to Nickleback.

It’s like a punch in the soul nuts with brass knuckles. Amnesty international is looking into banning the album based on Human Rights violations with regards to torture laws. Someone should put their nose in it, smack them with a newspaper and say “BAD MILLIONAIRE ROCK STARS!!!! BAD!!”

So yeah. I did not much care for that. At all.

Trivia question: Who is the GREATEST back up band of all time? You might be tempted to answer “The E Street Band” or Elvis’s “ The Jordanaires”, but I think the correct answer is more surprising. I’ll give you a hint…this band is so incredibly diverse that they have worked with jazz greats like Lena Horne and Buddy Rich. They have worked with country superstars like Johnny Cash, Kenny Rodgers, and Loretta Lynn. Tried their hand at Calypso with the legendary Harry Belefonte. They worked with Soul diva Diana Ross, Rock Diva Elton John, and even played back up for Debbie Harry. It shows incredible diversity for what essentially started as a modest 5 piece rock band, who by the way was very progressive in having a female bass player.

The greatest back up band of all time? Scroll down for the answer…

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Yes. The greatest back up band of all time is Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.

Can you picture that?

Yes. Yes I can

Dear The Correct…go get your headphones and meet me back here in five.

Oh good, you’re back!

This was a tough one to narrow down. As a Prog Rock fan there are tons to choose from, but after much thinking and humming and hawing I think I found my faves. Again I would like to point out the difference between “The Greatest” and “My Favourites” keep that in mind when you rip me a new one in the comments section. But yes, do let me know what I’ve missed. Let’s start with a few…

Honorable Mentions

Sparks (The Who) Green Onions (Booker T and the M. G.’s) Pipeline (The Ventures) Wipeout (Surfaris) What Mamma Said- Jeff Beck Jessica (The Allman Brothers) Sirius (Alan Parsons Project)

aaaand the Top ten is (Drumroll please)

10. Journey of the Sorcerer(The Eagles)

The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Has THIS to say about “Journey of the Sorcerer”. It’s awesome. Not JUST because it is , in fact, the Guides theme song, but also because it is ritualistically worshiped as a God on a planet called Myranius 7, a quaint little planet with lots of green spaces and pleasant things to eat. The Myranians also have their version of Satan, which is “How You Remind Me” by Nickleback. There was a curious case of a young Myraniun who claimed to be possessed by this song…but it turns out it was just an ear worm. They killed him immediately just to be safe.

Okay, Faux Douglas Adams aside This song is tremendously atmospheric, trippy and fun… and hardly recognizable as an Eagles song, which for many of us is a good thing.

9. Frankenstein- Edgar Winter

I actually saw Edgar Winter perform this live when I went to see Ringo’s All Star Band. It was an impressive feat of multi tasking to say the least…with Winter on Keyboards, doing the drum solo and more. Awesome retro funky with a rockin guitar riff. Love it.

8. Eruption -Van Halen

Is it a song, or is it a guitar solo straight out of Spinal Tap? While many would argue the latter I say either way it’s a blistering way to start an album. Plus, when you combine it with the opening chords of “You Really Got Me”? Mmmmm two great tastes that taste great together.

7. La Villa Strangiato – Rush

You can’t have a greatest instrumentals list without some of rock’s greatest instrumentalists. Neil and Geddy get a lot of praise, so Alex tends to get overlooked but this is his turn to shine…and boy does he. Songs like this are the reason Rush has a large number of awestruck musicians in their fan base.

6. Miserlou- Dick Dale

The first time I heard this was Pulp Fiction and I’ve loved it ever since. Fuck ME that guy can play. I deeply resent Black Eyed Peas sampling this…please…enjoy it in it’s purest form.

5. Fucking in the Bushes – Oasis

This one first came to my attention in the movie “Snatch”. It’s a hard rocking,wonderfully ugly little number that once again gives very little indication that it is an Oasis song. I suppose one could argue that the sound bites mean it’s not an instrumental, with some drama about a music festival playing out in the background, but I maintain that if no one is singing, it’s an instrumental.

4. Moby Dick- Led Zeppelin

On the one hand it’s not so much a song as an excuse for a John Bonham drum solo. On the Other hand…IT’S AN EXCUSE FOR A JOHN BONHAM DRUM SOLO!!

3. One of These Days - Pink Floyd

Rising slowly from an echoing, galloping baseline, the guitar comes screaming up like a jet engine to take over the song. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more awesome…a little nod to Doctor Who. Pink Floyd is tricky, lots of songs you think might qualify as instrumentals end up having a few lyrics somewhere around the ten minute mark, but I’m pretty sure this one qualifies and I’m DEFINITELY sure it kicks serious ass.

2.Steppin Out- Cream

I could write about this high rocking mind bender, but the guy introducing it sums it up so much better than I could. Just click play and see why “Clapton is God” was a thing for awhile

1. YYZ- Rush

When people complain to me (and God Almighty, they do) about Geddy’s voice, I always fire this one up on youtube. The Bass riffs are jaw dropping, the guitar is swift and pure and the drums…don’t even get me STARTED on the drums. Yes, that’s two Rush songs, and there is probably a Primus song out there that I’ve missed or something but for pure instrumental rock your socks off joy…you just don’t get much better than this!

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you have a problem with Tbinns' #1 choice? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my Awesomeness."

So there it is. What did I miss folks?

RobbieRobTown is not just another pretty face. No. Nor is he simply the undisputed master of all things regards Radioactive Lanterns.

He is also a singer and songwriter. And, because you, The Correct, are so kind and loving and teeth-kicky to us, we’re rewarding you with a special preview of Rob’s newest song “Lost at Sea”. The critics say things like “Lyrics Admin_Rock would like”, and “Shiny”. Listen for yourself, and share your feeling below.

Lost At Sea Play Now | Play in Popup

You can also “LIKE” him on facebook.

It’s no secret that here at The Correctness, we are a very literate bunch. We’re interested in things literary, words of all kinds. Normally, this isn’t a problem, apart from the always being right and constantly having to correct language choices.

Occasionally though, it leads to focusing on these things when the goal might be otherwise. Take music, for example. Like comic books, they are a joining of the written word with another artistic element. I find I have to remind myself to take in both sides of the equation, rather than just focus on the words. My favorite comic book writers are those who have a gift for words, and can write a great plot. With music, it’s pretty much the same. I like a good lyric. I like a well crafted line, a well turned phrase.

The song that’s been in my mind lately, is “Closing Time” by Semisonic. It’s always been a favorite of mine, not because it’s very catchy, but because it has some very interesting phrasings. The one that always stick out is

“Time for you to go out to the places you will be from”.

Recently, I was reading an article in which a member of the band insinuated that the song was written for the birth of (lead singer) Dan Wilson’s first child. And that’s when everything changed.

Suddenly, what was a straightforward song about kicking people out of a bar turned into a well crafted song about birth and change. Now maybe you’re not convinced, or you don’t give a crap. Fair enough. Let me convince you.

“Closing Time, open all the doors and let you out in to the world”.
Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Check. Time to be born.

“Closing time – turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl.”

Bar meaning: Check, though odd way to phrase this if it’s just about people in a bar.
Baby meaning: Check. Big bright light in the delivery room.

“Closing time – one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Nothing directly baby, other than Mom having to stop drinking while pregnant? (The hardest line to defend in this theory)

“Closing time – you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: Check. Can’t stay in the womb forever.

The chorus rolls in with “I know who I want to take me home” which again works with either theory, though we should note that the in the “bar” reading, it’s a strange sentence construction, from someone who’s quite capable of writing this more eloquently. Why not, “I know who I want to take home”, or something than scans better, along that line. Why? Cuz it’s a baby, who needs to be taken home.

“Closing time – time for you to go back to the places you will be from.”

Bar meaning: Check, though again, weird way to say this.
Baby meaning: Once I’m born, I’ll be from the city I’m born in. Until then, it’s the place I “will be from”. This line is repeated later in the song, increasing its importance.

“Closing time – this room won’t be open ’til your brothers or you sisters come.”

Bar meaning: Again, VERY weird way to say this, and doesn’t make much sense.
Baby meaning: Clearly the womb, which stays empty until another child, your brother or sister, is born. This is the line that seals the deal for me.

“So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits – I hope you have found a friend.”

Bar meaning: Check
Baby meaning: This one doesn’t work as well, unless we look at it as Mom leaving behind a phase in her life.

“Closing time – every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”

Bar meaning: Check, though a bit strange again
Baby meaning: Abso-freaking-lutely.

And to be clear, even defining this as having only two meanings is selling it short, as it speaks to the changes in the parent’s lives as well, not having time to spend in bars anymore, the old way of things ending, new beginnings.

So, I’m pretty convinced that “Closing Time” is deserving of a second look. Listening to other Semisonic songs will convince you that Dan Wilson is a pretty intelligent guy, someone very capable of adding a number of levels to a song. Hell, the picture above is even a perspective shot from the womb…

Next up in the “Hidden Meaning” series: Bootylicious. A butt shaker, or a call to arms for the working class?

Dear 15 year old with the Run DMC T-shirt:

I saw you this morning, while I was driving my 6 year old to school. You had the usual teenage attire: Weird looking hoodie, straight leg jeans, and skate shoes.

All of this is a-ok, and normal. In fact, you wouldn’t have even registered on my radar, except for the fact that you had on a RUN DMC T-shirt. Now, i’ll spare you the old guy “It was 1 degree C at the time, you should probably do up that hoodie”, and we’ll skip straight to this:

“What the hell are you doing wearing a RUN DMC T-shirt?” Nothing else in your appearance expressed a 80′s retro vibe, nor did you dress like a fan of Hip Hop in any way. You’re 15, so when they were at the top of the game, you were minus 9 years old. In fact, you were only 2 when “Crown Royal” came out, and that was waaaay past the sell by date. I’m cool with you digging their songs, they had a lot of great stuff back in the 80′s.

So it comes down to this.

1)You’re wearing the shirt to profess your love for the Kings from Queens, which makes you awesome. If this is the case, throw out those stupid looking jeans, and get something loose and big. And get rid of the skate shoes, or at the VERY LEAST, make sure they’re old school Adidas.

2)you’re wearing it “ironically”, which makes you the worst kind of person in the world. Hey hipsters, here’s a tip: The only people wearing something ironically are knights in the middle ages, or possibly Iron Man. You’re just fucktarded. Take off the stupid trucker hats, shave, and lose the air of superiority that you decided one day you’d like to have.

In closing, RUN DMC is awesome, but only for the right reasons. Embrace the coolness, or stop wearing the shirt.

Admin Rock.

Well, now I can cross “See a Beatle live” off of the old life list. My Hetero Life mate Trevor and I attended the Ringo Starr and his all Starr Band concert. Ringo said early on he just wanted people to have a little fun…and we sure did. Sometimes at his expense, but never mind that. His all star band included Edgar Winter, who was AWESOME by the way, particularly on “Frankenstein” . Rick Derringer, who I did not know was a member of the McCoys and they NAILED the vocals on “Hang on Sloopy”. (Who among us did not spend our whole childhoods thinking it was called “Hang on Snoopy?”) Gary Wright who believed he could get us through the night, a dude from the Romantics who told us what he liked about us, and someone from Mr. Mr. who took some broken wings and made them fly again.
All in all a super fun night. Made more fun by our constant commenting to each other. Here is a short sample for you to enjoy.

“Auuuughhhhhh!!!! A Beatle doing BEATLE SHIT!!!”
-Trevor , taking a moment to appreciate the significance of what we were doing that night, in the middle of “I wanna be your man”

“He looks like a photo negative of a Ramone”
-Trevor, upon seeing Edgar Winter live for the first time

“Okay…strap in for the suck”
-Tony, after Gary Wright was introduced and played the first few notes of “Dream Weaver”

“Uhhh is he wearing a SWEATER?”
-Trevor commenting on Gary Wrights’s Rock and Roll outfit

He looks like Mr. Rogers out there …’Can you sing Dream Weaver…sure, I knew you could’ “
-Tony, in response

“I miss Dream Weaver.”
-Tony, midway through a song off of Ringo’s new album called “The Other Side of Liverpool”

“I don’t think Eddie Van Halen is shitting himself right now”
-Tony, during Rick Derringers Guitar solo

“I think ALEX Van Halen just went “Meh”
-Trevor in response

“Yeah, THAT’s one of mine.”
-Ringo, to some guy in the crowd who shouted out “Let It Be”

“Ringo is doing some weird shoulder thing…look”
-Trevor, during “Broken Wings”

“Man, if Ringo STARR gets bored playing your song, it probably sucks”
-Tony in Response

“Hey THAT’S not one of your songs either!”
-Tony , when they closed with “Give Peace a Chance”

Peace and Love, everyone, from Trev, Tony and Ringo

June 9, 1987:
It was a hot night in the Big Easy, and the audience was rigid with anticipation- For good reason. Tonight, for the first time ever, Cockshark had shared the stage with Brothersucker. For one night only, two of the biggest, hardest acts in Metal would come together, simultaneously, in front of a crowd of thousands.

Brothersucker hit the stage first, surprising the audience with their size. Yes, their members had swollen as Brothersucker now had founding member and keyboardist Rock Dalton playing with them again. Minutes before the show, Brothersucker had taken him in the back to celebrate Rock’s hard homecoming. Coyly, the band had replaced their once traditional champagne showers with aerosol whipped cream, as a subtle tribute to Rock Dalton’s battle with alcohol. Dalton was obviously in on the joke, and he laughed joyously as the rest of Brothersucker covered him in their jets of cream.

Brothersucker head-man, Gino Difaggino, absolutely prowled the stage, licking up the energy from the crowd, as the band pounded into their hit single “Drinking from the Hose”. Difaggino had come a long way to be the head guy, painstakingly working his way up from the bottom.

DiFaggino worked as a masseuse, and also as a pool cleaner before striking it big with Brothersucker. “I was in the right place at the right time”, he says, ” The guys found me singing in a tiny bar off the main strip. They teased me, calling me “Goldenthroat”, that kind of thing. We just really hit it off, like one big happy, mixed up family.”

The crowd was elated to hear DiFaggino straddle his mic stand and jerk out the opening lines of “Cream Treat”. The Dalton penned song was a fan favourite, but hadn’t been performed in years. “When the fans are expecting you to perform, you have to perform. You can’t go halfway.” said DiFaggino.

But it was Cockshark’s big opening, dripping with sensuality, that really wowed the crowd. Their big opening was so impressive, the boys from Brothersucker said they’d like to watch- and watch they did, from the the side of the stage, as Cockshark seduced the audience and took them inside their opening.

David Gyzz of Cockshark recalled his opening after the show. “It was really huge. We never open that big, but the audience was with us all the way, gave us every inch of their attention, and it all just fit.”

After such a strong start, Cockshark could hardly top “He Wore Leather”, but they were hard at it with their next song “Ballroom Love”. “That’s the thing about “ballroom”. You’ve got to have it in there, or the show seems uncomfortable. Our fans love ballroom.”

Cockshark drummer Leslie Phillio was a vision in gold as he tore apart the solo in “Thigh High”, delicately taunting the snare, teasing the rim relentlessly, before finally plunging in for the big finish.

In the final encore, Cocksharks and Brothersuckers eagerly mounted the stage together, all at once. Ten sweaty men, all near exhaustion, but being cheered on by the crowd, traded songs back and forth, back and forth, working the crowd for every last drop of their sticky love, gobbling it down. Phillio pounded away harder and harder, and you could tell Rock Dalton was in deep- the look of tense concentration on his face was unmistakable.

You know those mornings where you wake up and the sun is shining, the birds are singing, everyone walks with a spring in their step and a smile, and you would STILL punch a girl scout in the throat if she tried to sell you some cookies?

Some days you can’t help it, no matter what the day is shaping up like, you are in a bad mood. You just want to scream at everyone, be belligerent to people, and call them idiots if they don’t agree with every little thing you say. If you are not Bill O’Reilly, who makes a living out of being a complete and utter jack ass this is generally considered unacceptable behavior. So what can you do?

Well for me, there are certain songs that put me in a good mood almost instantly. They are songs that defy grumpiness, that create a small bubble of irresistible cheer. Granted, what you would choose to put on this list might be vastly different than mine. For instance, you may have noticed, with some derision, that there is almost nothing on my list after 1984. That’s because I’m an old fart who is only a couple of years away from yelling at kids to get off his lawn. I should have growth charts on the wall to measure my pants creeping up. But that is another blog. Here then, is my list of songs that provide me with instant good modification. Feel free to add yours in the comment section.

Call me Al by Paul Simon.

Maybe it’s the jaunty bass line, maybe it’s the peppy horns, or maybe because the video may actually be the last time on record that Chevy Chase was funny. But whatever the reason, this one always gets a quick volume boost from me whenever it comes on the radio

Stepping Out by Joe Jackson

“You can dress in pink and blue just like a child
And in a yellow taxi turn to me and smile
We’ll be there in just a while if you follow me”

How much fun does THAT sound like?

Spirit of Radio by Rush

“Begin the day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive…”

As a Canadian nerd it is my sacred and sworn duty to be a die hard Rush junkie. That bursting guitar riff, with epic drum fills always makes me want to stand up and cheer, even if the song turned out to be painfully prophetic about which direction the music industry was going. AI picked this version because Neil Peart’s rat tail amuses me. Also because I had this concert on Beta, and I watched it constantly. Good times.

Second hand news by Fleetwood Mac

There was a time when almost every guy wanted to lay Stevie Nicks down in the tall grass and let them do their stuff. This is the first track off of the legendary Rumors album, which was written at the peak of their discontent with each other, but yielded some great tracks.

Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel

Written shortly after his departure from Genesis, Peter Gabriel taps into the uncertainty, but also the exhilaration of being on his own for the first time, and stretching his creative wings.

Superstition

If you can listen to this song without moving some part of your body along with it, you have no soul, and should probably consult your nearest convenient non denominational spiritual advisor.

Revolution

The.

Beatles.

Kicking Ass.

And

Taking

Names.

Love it.

Won’t Get Fooled Again by The Who

Before it become forever associated with David Caruso, (Urgh, by the way. Just urgh.) this song was the quintessential rock anthem. The video below is from the movie “The Kids are Alright,” and it may well be everything I love about rock and roll in a nutshell.

ABC by The Jackson Five

I swear to you, this, on loudspeaker in all the world’s trouble spots would bring about world peace in about ½ an hour.

Honarable Mentions and exceptions to the post 1980 rule….

Knights of Cydonia by Muse

NO ONES GONNA TAKE MEEEE AAAALIVE!!!!!

My wife threw me a surprise 40th birthday party that involved me having to rescue her from the zombies she allegedly created in her copious spare time, all of which were conveniently located at a paintball course that was just outside of town. This was blasting on the car stereo as we arrived to suit up and kick some Zombie ass.

Teddy Picker by The Arctic Monkeys

Who’d want to men of the people, when there’s people like you?

Amen brother. Amen.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

I love me some Peter Gabriel. I really do. So imagine my delight when I found out there was a free stream of his latest recording “Scratch My Back” available online. He covers some of his favourite artists, like David Bowie, Radiohead, Paul Simon, Arcade Fire and Neil Young. In turn, all those artists will do an album of Peter Gabriel covers called “I’ll Scratch Yours.”

That’s a pretty cool idea, I think. Gabriel doing Bowie, Bowie doing Gabriel? Sign me up.

But here’s the thing. Every song is slowed down to funereal pace, with synth and strings and mournful keening. Which in a weird way, kind of works for his cover of Heroes, but for the WHOLE ALBUM? Good God. It’s only to be listened to when in the manic phase of ones mental illness. Even Peter himself is bored of it…look at that picture, he is so comatose he has to manually push his eyebrow up to register some kind of facial expression.

It would be like “So” with every track at the same pace as “Red Rain” without “Sledgehammer” and “Big Time” to brighten the mood a little. Which would then make the album title “So What?” more apropos.

But don’t take my word for it, click right here and take a listen for yourself. Who knows, you might find it haunting and achingly beautiful. Or you might start the long arduous task of rubbing your wrists on the blunt edge of your desk in an effort to slice them open in 5-6 hours.

That said if he tours again I will totally go see him. That’s how awesome he is.