Not sure if it’s just co-incidental timing, or studios wanting to burn these films off in the slow season, but we’ve been hit with the 1-2-3 punch of action films starring some the greatest names in Action cinema.
In 1988, if you told me I’d get a Stallone, a Schwarzenegger, and a Bruce Willis film within months of one another, two things would be true: It would be summer, and I would be really happy. But 1988 was a LONG time ago. Now it’s 2013, and this triple threat is well… sad.
Okay, so the Who(or what’s left of them) are touring “Quadrophenia.”. And yes, Paul McCartney is touring again. And yes, Led Zep is releasing a Blu Ray of the 02 concert. But fuck all of that. I went to THE concert event of the year last night. Not since they broke up over merchandising rights in 1978 have Figrin D’an and The Modal Nodes been together on the same stage.
You thought you knew all the Transformers didn’t you? Well, you also thought you’d touch a real boob someday and it turns out you were wrong about that too. There are millions and millions of Transformers out there, just waiting to blow things up around Shia LeBouf and a random girl with a sweaty midriff. Sure, the Michael Bay movies have all the important Transformers, Like Bumblebee, and Megatron, That green one, Amos N Andy, and of course *Optimus No. But not every Transformer makes the cut, and it’s our duty at the Correctness to enlighten you.
(Admin Rock: We at The Correctness would like to welcome Intern Ellis to the team. Already, he’s become a prolific writer for the team, he’s only one post behind Tbinns for the year. Also, Intern Ellis is not a total douche, like Intern Benji.)
We are fast approaching October 21, 2015. If this date rings a bell for you, congratulations! You’ve seen Back to the Future: Part II! And since you remember that specific date, you’ve probably seen it more than once! Alternately, October 21, 2015 is your future child’s birthday and you really need to stop planning ahead. Anyway, by this point you’re probably asking yourself a question we’ve all pondered at some time or another:
“WHERE ARE THE FLYING CARS!!?”
A Case for Prometheus (With some spoilers)
Okay, it’s about time I took my turn trying to defend something in our nerdy universe that I think you, dear readers, may have misjudged. I think you misjudged Ridley Scott’s Prometheus.
“RobbieRobTown,” you will say, “firstly, where have you been, and secondly, what happened to your brain to make you so retarded?”.
The Avengers kicked butt at the box office. Admin_Rock offers up his review of the film. (Some Spoilers, nothing major)
Admin_Rock here. I had the pleasure of joining RobbieRobTown to see The Avengers on Friday night, and then again today with Mrs. Admin_Rock and Admin_Jr. My first piece of advise is that this film, while loaded with action and humor, is best the first time.
Hey kids, Happy New Year and all that jazz. I’m back from vacation in Palm Springs and Mesa, and ready to get going for another year. I see everything went smoothly in my absence… What? No Action Smackdown Final?
Linking the poll at the bottom of the article. You should be able to vote for up to 3 items. If I missed any (pulled these off Wiki), let me know, I will add.
That’s coming this Friday, because I said so. In the meantime, thought we’d look back at the movies of 2011, and yap about those.
Admin-Rock here. As one of my hobbies is endlessly fiddling with plastic bricks, I tend to spend a lot of time sitting and building. As a result, I watch a LOT of TV and film. I mean a LOT. Seriously, hours and hours of it. Have a guess in your head as to how much… I’ll wait…. NO, WAY MORE then that.
It gets to the point where sometimes I’ll watch things that even remotely catch my fancy. I decided to watch the recent Karate Kid remake with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith. And though this ground has been well covered, I feel compelled to speak out, to warn others before it’s too late for them.
It seems that Eddie Murphy, in a show of solidarity for a douchebag will no longer be hosting the Oscars.
I can’t say that I’m sad, especially after last years debacle. Thanks Academy, for dragging my beloved Anne Hathaway through the mud with your crappy writing and pairing her up with a stoned co-star who apparently thought he was supposed to host it ironically.
Last week, The Correctness decided to address a recurring complaint: “You guys never write stuff for women”. This is clearly false, as RobbieRobTown’s regular missives to specific women, and at least one issue of the Casting Couch will demonstrate. However, to be good and fair minded, we decided to address the situation. We looked to some of the biggest movie events aimed at women of the last few years, “Eat Pray Love” and “Sex and the City 2″, and decided to write a review.
I previewed the first 3 minutes of “Sex and the City 2″, and found myself utterly unprepared. RobbieRobTown was in favour of “Eat Pray Love”. I warned him that it would likely contain at least 3 incidences of the Julia Roberts “bellowing laugh”, and that sometimes she’s capable of opening her mouth so wide, you feel compelled to move toward the screen in an attempt to walk into it, but he would not be swayed. And so it was that we sat down, notepads in hand, and began a journey that would last 32 hours. Or at least it seemed that long.
As we prep for the big non-super action movie hero Smackdown, there was some discussion about the line John McClane says in the screen classic Die Hard 2: Die Harder, “How can the same s*** happen to the same guy twice?” and if in fact the same thing continues to happen for the next two installments or if it was two of the one thing, then two somewhat different things.
This led to a free-form Round Table discussion of Die Hard.
Planet of the Apes Film Fests
Last year when a friend of mine invited me over to watch a film on his mondo-fantabulous home entertainment setup, he told me to pickup a blu-ray of whatever I wanted for my first HD giant screen experience and I chose the 1968 Planet of the Apes with Chuck Heston. I didn’t have to buy it though, I had purchased the Apes original series blu-ray boxed set months before owning a player.
Why Puny Humans no leave Hulk Reboot Alone?
As part of our continuing service to you, The Correct, we continually find things for you to be in favour of. In our crazy, fast paced, webmanic society, it’s easy to miss something. Our “A Case For” series presents something (a TV show, film, Book, Band etc) that might deserve a look.
Our first installment “A Case For: Farscape” was presented by one of our regular readers, and we encourage that sort of behavior. If you have something you’d like to make a case for, write it up and send it to us at email@example.com . See the end of the article for more info.
This week, we bring you A Case for “The Incredible Hulk” Louis Letterier’s 2008 reboot, brought to you by Tbinns
Dearest Correctness Peeps:
There have been some mixed reviews for Sucker Punch, and I would like to do what we do best here and tell the negative reviewers why they are so very, very wrong. So very wrong. I saw Sucker Punch recently (in IMAX, where it was delightfully large, and verging on too loud…) and I can assure you that it rocked my socks so so hard my socks became molecularly unstable and evaporated out of my shoes. That’s some serious sock rock. I don’t know much about Brownian motion, but i order for my socks to be rocked completely off some serious energy would have to have been harnessed, and then directed at my socks. I’m going to try and do this without spoilers, and just encourage y’all to get out of your basements and go see this film on the big screen before it disappears. Is this one of those positive reviews that I get paid for? AHAHAHAHAH, no, I just sincerely think people are missing some really impressive details in this film. I really liked it.
Lots of other sites will preview those OTHER movies. You know, they’ll show on set pictures of Captain America. Not holding a shield. Not even in the costume. And it’s blurry as all hell. Or they’ll show you a car on the set of Thor. Well, not the Correctness. No sir. The Correctness are a bunch of zeitgeist loving motherfuckers who know EXACTLY what our loyal audience wants. We are out searching for the REAL scoop.
A strange thing happened recently: The announcement for the Blu-Ray version of the Star Wars films left me completely bored. It’s a curious reaction, consider that since I saw the original movie in the theatre at the ripe old age of 6, I’ve been a huge fan. I remember going with my mom to Sears to buy action figures, some of which I still have (sans lightsabers and capes).
I showed up in the theatre for the re-release of the Special Editions, and was insanely happy about news and previews of Phantom Menace. I saw all three of the “new” movies in the theatre as well. I can argue with the best of them over plot points and logic, and even tried to read some of the expanded universe books. (Sorry, couldn’t do it. I have standards when it comes to novels). Hell, our website even has a special category for Star Wars.
Okay, so over at Fark, there’s a thread discussing the merits of Johnny Depp, and an assertion has been made that he’s an attention whore. This seems ludicrous to me, as the guy is known for avoiding attention, and doing all kinds of charitable deeds like visiting Children’s Hospitals as Jack Sparrow.
More than just rehashing that argument, I’m interested in what our readers think in general, so why not start with Johnny Depp?
I’m curious as to what The Correct have to say. (oh, that’s YOU, by the way. I just came up with that.)
I’ve been watching a LOT of movies lately. Maybe it’s the cold weather keeping me in the house, maybe it’s because I’m working from home more often, maybe it’s because I’ve caught up on my Summer viewing. I’m not sure, and you’re not that concerned.With unlimited PVR space and the 30,000 channel pack, there’s a lot of films that I’ll record for later, and some i’ll even watch.
At any rate, a fews days back, I watched Wanted for the second time. I remember my first impression of the movie was that it was just okay. The whole bullet-curving thing was weird, and Morgan Freeman didn’t quite fit, and it was all a bit gaudy and eye roll worthy. Yet something made me give it a second look. And I’m glad I did.
Since before the days of the Intertubes, mankind has been assembling, sorting, and placing things in top 10, or 7, or 3 lists. We at The Correctness applaud these efforts, but feel that sometimes they can be too general. Like say “Top 10 Science Fiction Movies”. Easy enough, you have your 6 favorites, and can throw a few more in to make up the difference.
But today, we embark on a quest to award films for VERY specific things. To wit: The First Correctness Way Too Specific Movie Awards. The Categories must be strictly defined, but still allow for a number of films to be considered. “Best Keanu Reeves movie where he plays a surfing cop” would be TOO specific. But say, “Best Movie featuring a bomb on a moving vehicle”, or “Best Movie taking place mostly inside a computer” would be okay.
On with it!
Before we begin, I would once again like to stress and clarify that these are my FAVOURITE performances. The “Best” performances would be a different kind of debate, and would, if the AFI is to be believed, need to involve a lengthy discussion of “Some Like it Hot” a movie that I appear to be completely alone in not giving a shit about.
The Correctness is a website that’s only about comedy, you think. But, remember, you also thought that Stonewash denim was a good idea, and that Uggs were awesome. You were wrong. The Correctness plays many important roles in your life. One of them is to provide replacements for disappointing films. Today, we tackle the mess that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
This past weekend, the stars aligned properly, Zod was in retrograde, and The Correctness gathered together for that time honoured tradition: The Superhero Movie.
We were all able to get tickets to the same showing of Iron Man 2 in IMAX, and made the appropriate amount of noise at the appropriate, and inappropriate times. We cheered and were impressed with the trailer for Inception, and we sighed and wept for the future during the trailer for Shrek 56.
Tbinns suggested at the end of the film that we all review the film Smackdown style. And so, we did… Enjoy!
(Note: This is a repost of the original.)
With this article, we embark on a bold new task: Correct that which needs Correcting. To that end, we focus today on the most reviled of the Star Wars films: Episode I, The Phantom Menace.
This task is not an easy one, for there is much that needs fixing.
1) As the point of the exercise is to Correct, any mockery of the source material must be relevant, on point, or incredibly funny.
2) No new characters are allowed, unless justification for their necessity can be made. Existing characters may be removed.
3) Any solutions provided, by The Correctness or comment posters, is subject to ridicule and nitpicking.
4) There is no collaboration between The Correctness, nor do we read one another’s entries until after posting our own.
(Note: This is a repost of the original).
Part 4 in our series in which we deny up and down that it is a piss poor excuse to post pictures of hot actresses. This justification comes from our earnest belief that some of our favorite Comic Book Heroines have been horribly miscast, and we suggest a few alternatives. Today we recast Storm arguably the most powerful mutant in the Marvel Universe. (In any kind of real life scenario, someone who controls the weather runs the world, but we’ll save that for another article)
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
Hobbes is to Calvin what Tyler Durden is to Edward Norton’s unnamed Narrator in Fight Club.
Things to consider….
1) Everyday when he comes home from school, Hobbes pounces on Calvin, thus he is fighting himself
2)Hobbes may be an extension of Calvin’s personality he may not be ready to deal with yet, ie: his latent attraction to Suzie Derkins. In the Movie, it’s Tyler who bangs Marla, the Edward Norton character doesn’t even admit to being attracted to her.
3) All of these characters are, in their own way rebelling against authority
4) People who have a decal of Calvin peeing on the logo of a rival truck do NOT get Calvin and Hobbes. AT ALL.
Please note the Correctness has received a special dispensation, and we can, this one time, talk about Fight Club
(Note: This is a repost of the original)
Dear Jessica 6:
As the unmarried 1/3 of The Correctness, I am still seeking a Hot Spacewife to get Spacemarried to. I would also approve of a Vampirewife, or a FantasyFictionwife, but I’m mostly looking for a Hot Spacewife. Probably not a superhero wife, they always seem a bit conflicted.
While I know that you are just a character in a movie, and in real life you are Jenny Agutter, and you have had a long career as a respected professional actor, and you are in your fifties (not that 25 years is insurmountable), I would like to leave that aside for a moment.
Today, The Correctness takes a closer look at Luke Skywalker, whom many have lauded as a hero, both for his role in ending the grip of the Galactic Empire, as well as playing an important role in the Prophesy of Restoring Balance to the Force. However, there is another side to this mysterious youngster, one which we’d like to shed some light upon.
Read More ….
LASER SLUTS FROM MARS:
PART VI: THE SEXY WRATH OF THE SPACE TITS UNDERGARMENTS
Juliette set her tea cup down onto the saucer. What had motivated her to use her grandmother’s good china for tea today was beyond simple explanation. Nonetheless, she had been drawn to the good china, and she felt a slight sense of coy scandalousness for having selected it.
The Correctness is working on cracking into the Hollywood market. We’ve been busy coming up with film ideas. Here are a few that we’ve pitched and, for reasons we can’t fathom, have been rejected.
HOLOCAUST DOLPHINS (Working Title)
The touching and troubling story of a pod of dolphins that are captured by Nazis and placed in a seaside internment camp in July 1940.Will the beauty of these majestic creatures overcome the cruelty of man? Can the dolphins find warmth and love in the midst of cold, unrelenting fascism?
Click the article for more…
How shocked was I when the whole series, after weeks of encouragement, was roundly rejected? Answer: Totes shocked, for truesies. I felt completely manipulated. Here are some samples from the letter written to me by Miley Cyrus’ production team.
“…Completely inappropriate for the target demographic”
“…Zero merchandising potential, and a larger potential for fostering mental illness, but at a bare minimum psychologically destabilizing”
“…An incalculable indemnity nightmare”
We at the The Correctness know what you’re thinking: “Those bastions of manly nerd are far too masculine and macho to ever shed a tear during a film.” But, NO, we say, NO. You are wrong. Even The Correctness has a soft side, apart from our blindingly white doughy midsections.
Thus, we present to you a list of films that make a grown nerd cry.
We get dozens of emails saying that The Correctness does nothing but make fun of, and mock things. Those emails are just stupid. Clearly, The Correctness is a bastion of all things good AND bad. To that end, we present the mirror opposite of our list of 25 things wrong with The Star Wars Universe. We know that the normal behavior of Star Wars fans is to shit all over the thing they claim to love the most, but if we didn’t love it in the first place, we couldn’t hate it so much.
Here at The Correctness, we deal in things nerdish. Also geekish and Pointdexterish, but mainly nerdish. And if there’s one things nerds can do better than most, it’s arguing about minutia. (Also math, computers, biology, chemistry, botany, etc).
Some of you out there are thinking, “so friggin what”. And you’re right. But just for a moment, consider the endless entertainment appeal of watching the little guys get really, really worked up about nothing, with the calming knowledge that if they get out of hand, you can easily subdue all of them, regardless of the numbers involved. Read more …
Here at The Correctness, we pride ourselves on better living through smarminess. But our mother (collectively) always told us that you also have to say nice things about stuff sometimes, otherwise people just think you’re a bitter old jerk.
So, The Correctness now presents 10 movies you should see, but probably haven’t. Well, odds are you’ve seen a couple of them. Begin your rabid e-mails of dissent and film one-upsmanship now. These are no particular order, save the order we thought of them.
The Correctness has been receiving a fair amount of e-mail looking for clarifications and understand about plot points in famous films. We, as always, are correct, and aim to spread understanding in these cases. Let us begin.
Was the gun that Edward Norton’s character uses at the end of Fight Club real, or was it imaginary like Tyler Durden?
Jim in Brooklyn
You know, everyone here at the Correctness loves Star Wars. We really really do. But like the Father who is hardest on his most beloved child (at least that’s what my Mom said) we feel the need to share a few….shortcomings. What gives us the right to nitpick? Thousands of dollars we have spent on toys books, re releases, format changes, model kits etc. We aren’t saying George Lucas OWES us anything. But if you spent thousands on ANY product,and lets not kid ourselves, it is PRODUCT at this point, I feel you have the right, once you have purchased said product, to air a few Grievouses. (See what I did there?)
There was nothing particularly strange about this Thursday morning as Joe Alderaan, a chartered accountant from Newark, downed the last of his coffee and headed out the door to work. At least, not until he got outside, and found a giant mettalic orb filling the sky. Ironically the last thing that went through his mind was
Ask most die hard fans their opinion of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and you’re likely to get some sneering, some scoffing, and some laughter. For my dollar, there hasn’t been an Indiana Jones film I haven’t wanted to see, and I’ll be there for a fifth chapter. The critical reaction to Crystal Skull was [...]