So Tomass rightly suggested that we run an article on our favorite games, video and otherwise. I like this suggestion a lot. Made me think long and hard about games and such, what I play and I what I don’t.

Admin_Rock

I tend to be a non-standard gamer, I don’t often get in on the “big games” that everyone else does. I blame Civ II. I started playing Civ in university, right around the time Civ II came out. And I still contend that it’s the best video ever made. In fact, the sequels weren’t able to make it better, just more graphic-ky and less fun. Even Civ V is a pale shadow to the immense replayability of Civ II (See Master of Orion II as well.)

So, this year, I spent an inordinate amount of time playing

X-Com Apocolypse – http://store.steampowered.com/app/7660/?snr=1_7_suggest__13

Loved the first 3 X-com games. Great action, lots of tactical battle, that kind of thing.

Minecraft – http://www.minecraft.net/

Sweet Zombie Jesus that’s a time killing brilliant game. I think it might be one of those games that you LOVE or HATE. I love it. I’ve been farming lately. Built a bunch of greenhouses and sheep pens, and then attacked the Nether for some Blaze Rods. You know, normal stuff. My son is also addicted, and thanks to continual viewing of every Minecraft video ever made, he knows way more about the game than I do.

Here’s a bit of an explanation…

http://jasonlefkowitz.net/2011/09/the-unbearable-lightness-of-minecraft/

Football Manager 2012 – http://store.steampowered.com/app/71270/?snr=1_7_suggest__13
Come to think of it, I might still be playing 2011 or 2010. Doesn’t matter. If you don’t follow soccer, you don’t care. If you do, you probably know about it already.

Atom Zombie Smasher – http://store.steampowered.com/app/55040/?snr=1_7_suggest__13
Bought this on sale, pretty fun. Like Tower Defense with a plot.

Still looking to play Skyrim and Arkham City, but I tend to wait until they drop in price. Arkham Asylum was fun, but got a little repetitive towards the end, and I lost interest. So I can wait.

Board:

Time is the big factor here. Finding enough of it to play with two young kids is tricky. My oldest is now 8, and we’ve been able to play a few games together , so this list might reflect that.

Ticket to Ride – http://www.daysofwonder.com/tickettoride/en/
This one I play with my wife and son. It’s fun, easy, and I don’t give a crap who wins (which is unusual for me.)

Smallworld – http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/40692/small-world
The boys and I play this on game night occasionally, when we don’t have a role playing campaign of some kind, or someone is away. Fun, strategic, and lots of little pieces.

Castle Panic – http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/43443/castle-panic
This one might be a little simple for most, but I can play it with my son, and it’s great. It’s a co-operative game, so we can play against the evil trolls.

Sorry Sliders – http://www.hasbro.com/en_CA/shop/details.cfm?R=8E5F14CC-5056-900B-10CE-9BEFA3833CD5:en_CA

I know. Shut up. But, in my defense, it’s a pretty fun “finger flick” game, and my wife and I get pretty competitive about it. My son then acts as an X-factor, changing things up, doing the unexpected.

Other:

Laser Tag: Did this again last weekend, after not playing for a while. Still awesome.

(Here’s Tomass’s list from the comment)

Like video games, indie or not:
From Dust -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_Dust

Bridge builder – http://www.hypegames.com/action/4634/bridge-builder-2.html

Minecraft – http://www.minecraft.net/

Board games:
Ticket to Ride – http://www.daysofwonder.com/tickettoride/en/

Carcassonne – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcassonne_(board_game)

Misc. other games:
Nic Cage Drinking game – http://www.androgynouskelly.com/comic/game-nic-cage-drinking-game/

Because the first one was so terribly popular. (I just played my Irony card +2/+2 to all snide remarks.) This time however we have included a few surprises…now you can add the members of The Correctness to your deck! Join us for the exclusive sneak preview that has Magic fans everywhere declaring “Who the fuck are the Correctness?”

And there you have it, gamers. Remember when it comes to building your decks, it’s not about win or lose…it’s about Wizards of the Coast disposing of your disposable income.

I hate to be the guy to bring this up, I really do, but there is an elephant in the room and it needs to be addressed.

So here goes.

How long will it take for someone who, after receiving a Kinect for their X-box on Christmas morning, gets the idea to jerk off in front of it just to watch the video game character do it with him?

I’m guessing somewhere around mid afternoon on Boxing Day.

Dear K1LLR478:

I’m writing you to express my distaste for how you handled our encounter in Call of Duty 4 this past Tuesday evening. Yes, I admit that you managed to sneak behind me and kill me with a single shot. However, I think it was both inappropriate and disrespectful to grind your avatar’s crotch on my corpse’s face, while calling me a name.

I can assure you I am not, in fact, a new player. I’ve been playing Call of Duty for a number of years, and have managed to develop considerable skill in the game. So, you can understand my surprise when you called me a “(expletive) noob”. Further, bringing my mom in to the issue was completely uncalled for. You have never met my mother, and know nothing about her. So calling her character in to question by claiming that she “sleeps around” (my words), completely invalidates any point you might be trying to make. It is you who ends up looking foolish, K1LLR478. I’m sure you’ll be a bit bashful and sullen when you learn that my mother has been faithful to my father for over 3 decades. I suspect this lesson will change your attitude towards others online in the future.

Now, before I go further, I also need to point out that while you claimed to have “powned me” (whatever that means?), my team ended up winning the match in question, and I suspect that was due to your spending more time making racist and sexist comments to me, instead of supporting your team. I think you might do better in the future if you, say, provide suppressive fire for one of your teammates, instead of claiming that I fellate my dog (I don’t even HAVE a dog! You’re really not helping yourself here).

Perhaps you should consider making more comments of a positive nature. For instance, when you defeat an opponent, you could say something like “Good effort, that was fun”, or “Keep trying, you’ll succeed yet!” instead of making up things about people, or using excessive vulgarity.

In closing, thank you for proving a worthy opponent on the field of battle, but perhaps you might make an effort, as I do, to emulate the soldiers you portray in the game, and have a bit more respect for yourself and those around you, and you might find your day gets a bit brighter.

Yours,

BNICER12

(ED: Today’s article is brought to you by guest writer Victoria Banner – no relation.)

Legend of Zelda: The Movie.

So somewhere at one point in time someone said to me “A Legend of Zelda Movie would be awesome” I disagreed with this fact but was too busy not being sober to bring up why I whole-heartedly disagreed with this fact.

Well I forgot who brought up the concept, but I remembered why a legend of Zelda movie would be Terrible.

I re-thought of this while sitting on my bed doing one of those name 10 things next to you quizzes…I looked to my immediate left and noticed Watchmen, Hellboy, Repo, Edward Scissorhands, Rocky Horror, Paranormal Activity and The Legend of Zelda Animated Series box set….I abandoned the stupid quiz Out of inspiration. Now has anyone actually watched the Legend of Zelda animated series? Its PAINFUL….if you want to get the jist of it clicky teh link (the internet link not the picture of Link I plan on including) but if you value your sanity just keep reading.

Either was the game legend of Zelda is timeless….it takes place in Hyrule and the games are always just as enjoyable as you remember them unlike most games where you dust off your N64 and wonder why you spent the vast majority of age seven playing Yoshi story. (Yes I was seven years old when Yoshi story came out I get it… your old… I am a baby. Cool?). 3-D graphics were readily available by the time I was co-ordinated enough to use a controller so I don’t derive the same nostalgia as most of my friends do out of 8 bit gaming. (Except I loved Super Mario World and Sonic the Hedgehog…looking back I was probably only playing tutorial levels but I remember long the Shit out of them). But much like a young fan of Rock would go back and listen to Chuck Berry I did go back and play a few key games for gaming history…Megaman, Metroid and Duck Hunt I was unfortunately jaded thinking “God it gets SO MUCH BETTER” But Mario and Zelda for the NES and SNES: Timeless! A-Hem the point I am making is Zelda is timeless and any other medium other thant Video games would make it incredibly dated. Such as Legend of Zelda the Animated series takes place in Hyrule in the Late 80′s….ZELDA WEARS A FUCKING ROYAL PANTS-SUIT.

So all I can think of is how fast movies date and that no movie would ever do justice to the Legend of Zelda series. But if you still don’t believe me I have arranged a few examples of what Hollywood today would do to fuck up a Legend of Zelda movie.

First up Michael Bay could end up with LOZ rights, He loves Destroying peoples childhoods we would have-

LEGEND OF ZELDA: KING DODONGO’S REVENGE.

In this movie Link (played by Megan Fox) has given up on having a Sword and a Shield and opted for only bombs, bomb flowers and bomb arrows…since Link can Carry up to 99 bombs…(supposing He sailed around the world and met all the great Fairies) there is one explosion per minute in this movie. Also King Dodongo cost 10 Billlion dollars to animate, which is roughly enough to put all of the inhabitants of Haiti through Harvard.

Pre-Scott Pilgrim Michael Cera Movie:

(its very hard to use MS Paint on a Laptop)

The Sound track would feature Acoustic Guitar, Indie Tamborine, Indie Xylophone and purposefully off key Female singer Renditions of all your Favoriie Zelda themes. The Preview would have Michael Cera in an Oversized green Tunic Looking at Giant Pig Gannon. He will have a tiny boomerang and say Awkwardly “SO am I supposed to throw the boomerang or something??”. Zelda would be wearing pointy ear-earbuds.

Oscar Fishing Movie-

The Legend of Dreaming-Based on a True Story.

Here we see young Koji Kondo Growing up in Rual Japan, life is hard and he wants to get out of what ever kind situation he is in. He Gets Piano Lessons from his grandpa…who dies some tragic way or another…but he gets in to composing school on a scholarship, but he gets beat withing an inch of his life by bullies cause bullies in movie can do that. He graduates composing school and signs on with Nintendo…he has somesort of drug or family problem and then he composes the lost woods theme. The entire audience realizes that they have been taking the lost woods theme for granted. 7 million Oscars…8 million if the bullies rape him.

Speaking of Rape…. Horror Movie-

Dawn of the Redeads

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

And We’ll let you guys think of your own movie here!

Silent Hill/ Resident Evil Formula-

Open with Tingle Floating around selling maps…he sells a map to link (this scene is the entire goddamn trailer) and then we continue to see what shenanagans tingle gets up to for the rest of the movie…At one point he waves at Princess Zelda from across a field and we can kind of make her out. Release a Collectors Edition every other month.

Anyways, That’s why I feel a Legend of Zelda Movie would suck….doesn’t mean I am not going to freak the fuck out with excitement if they ever made one…..I wonder who would play Link? I know I missed a bunch of Terrible Genres but I really want to go watch Dexter…Anyone thought of any Genres I NEED to include? I will write it or write your own in the comments.

Note (This is a repost of the original.)

Exciting news gamers! We have a sneak preview of the upcoming MTG Correctness expansion pack! Now you can create entire decks of Correctness to amaze and dazzle your friends with. Tournament play is about to be taken to a whole new level. And by that of course we mean these are not in the least bit legal in tournaments. Or actual games. But we have put in a call about the expansion to Wizards of the Coast, and we expect to hear from them any day now.

Well, not them personally but certainly their lawyers

So get your counter dice ready, your mountain dew at hand and turn Rush up on the Ipod fellow nerds, as we proudly present a few samples from Magic :The Gathering the Correctness Expansion

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Comments (2)

NotVictoria said on 02-03-2010
NotVictoria

Tee-Hee! Love the Tiger woods one.

Tomass said on 03-03-2010
Tomass

Funny shit but a small point of geek error.

Re: Cthulhu – There is already a MTG game mechanic called “Madness”. Maybe “Insanity” is another option.

If you care there is an explanation of the “Madness” rule here

http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtgcom/feature/7

Sorry I’m a geek I can’t help myself it needed to be said.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

Would you kindly read this column by Correctness Guest Correspondent Victoria Banner

So I am playing tons of Bioshock as of lately, not Bioshock 2 but Bioshock the original Game of the Year for the year of 2008. I am playing Bioshock because I am that special kind of magical broke you get when you are a student AND you work at Jubilations once a week for peanuts….yep that special magical type of broke. I am also playing Bioshock because I never beat it when I first rented it, *GASP* say you? I know crazy shit….but Bioshock scares the ever loving crap out of me. I know it is hard to picture me having the ever loving crap scared out of me because I have Zombie dumpster baby as a legit thing on my resume and I personally feel that Paranormal Activity is on the same level as the Godfather. But just cause I like scary stuff doesn’t mean scary things don’t scare the crap out of me. (Oh also I am in that one people watching hallway there @ the lovely university of Calgary and today’s Please don’t kill me of the day is the guy behind me who has been listening to the song “Bitter Sweet Symphony” over and over on his iPhone speaker really loudly he is just staring straight forward and hugging his knees, he has been doing this for the past 52 minutes, that actually also scares the crap Out of me). But yeah Bioshock scares the crap out of me mostly because its is a first person shooter that is too god damn first person! I can’t see my Characters back…I know in real life I can’t see my back but that doesn’t count because in real life you don’t have Big Daddies throwing grenades at the back of your head. Also I don’t like it because you are incharge of making choices as if you were actually in Rapture, but I feel I am making choices for Jack, Atlas and the guys down at 2K games. Very few thing I have done in that game are things that I would actually do if I found myself stuck in the crumbling ruins of an Ayn Rand-esque utopia. So without further a-do (cause this whole paragraph I typed is a giant shitload of a-do) I present to you:

Victoria’s Trip to Rapture:

Victoria: Dobie doobie do I am on a sixties airplane, eatin’ free peanuts and sitting on a plane, sure hope we don’t crash! Doop doop do!

Captain: This is your pilot Speaking, we are on route so some place across the Atlantic ocean, I hope you enjoyed you free peanuts, our current cruising altitude is CRASHING THE FUCK IN TO A FIREY ABYSS OF DEATH AND YOUR FUCKED! Please return your tray in to an up right position.

*Plane Crashes in to a horrible fiery abyss*

Victoria: Good thing I passed level three of bubbledunkers, there is alot of fire in this water and its weird because the flames always sprout up when ever I try to swim away from that ominous looking structure. Better swim toward the ominous looking structure.

Hmmm Rapture? I am immediately suspicious on this place because I once got sick from a wrap I got at a place called wrapture, true story. I am Just going to hang out on the stairs here…the ocean is pretty fucking on fire over here so I assume a boat will probably come check this shit out. Am I the only one who survived this? Awesome, good thing I let that bitch take the window seat.

Victoria: Okay I have been sitting here for about 30 hours, the ocean is still very on fire which I am immediately more suspicious of, that I was 30 hours ago…no boats have passed and no other planes have crashed…getting kinda thirsty I guess I will go in the big creepy building.

*opens the big creepy doors*

Victoria: Oh look at this room, this it nice…not as bad as I thought, look at that big gold statue , that Ryan guy kinda looks like Walt Disney…I am so hoping this rapture place is a new secret Disney land. Are they playing Annette Hanshaw over the radio? I love this song! OOooOOo whats this a Bathysphere? Nice I could use a nice bath, I wonder if there’s like a vending machine over by the statue?

*Goes in to bathysphere*

Victoria: LIES! This is on no way shape or form a bath…this is like submarine elevator, which is the two worst places to be stuck with a fat guy, so I guess I am luck in the fact I am not stuck in here with a fat guy. HOLY FUCK! IS THAT A WHALE?!?! SWIMMING BESIDE A SKY SCRAPER? What prevents the whales from smashing all these glass tubes that is not good infrastructure on a city. But then again how many people have functioning degrees in engineering and marine biology? Ho-well, I like the musi-*ZAP* FUCK! Elevator is sparking, in water….so not safe, not a fan roving black outs here. Rapture needs to pay more electricity bills.

*bathysphere docks*

Victoria: I can’t see anything. At All. Wish someone would turn on a light.

*Lights flash on a splicer ripping apart corpse, it is singing to itself*

Victoria:OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT LIGHTS OFF LIGHTS THE FUCK OFF!!!

Atlas: Hoi! I am going to do my god damn best to get you out alive, I am your only chance if you want to survive this hell hole known as rapture.

Victoria: OH good, I am just going to wait in here while you come get me, we cool?

Atlas: No I am not going to help you get out of here in the sense I am helping you get out here, I am helping you get out here in the sense I am going to say annoying shit with an accent through this radio.

Victoria: Fuck you, you better be hot.

Atlas: there you go I got the door off the bathysphere, go get a wrench.

Victoria: Why are you doing that no bad idea, leave the door on please…..fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Welp I got a wrench now I can bash creepy people who are here to do creepy things. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Grossss this place is covered in god damn syringes, this is worse than bad parts of Vancouver. Yuckkkkk.

Atlas: Oyi! You found a syringe of Adam Mate, jab that in your arm and you will have lightning hand powers. You can use that to fight splicers.

Victoria: No fucking way you disembodied voice bastard. I am not putting heroin in my arm not matter how much I can “hold the lightning”…wtf is Lightning hands anyway? The name of some whitesnake album you were listening to on your last bastard herion bender? Fuck you I haven’t even used a syringe in my life.

*Victoria gets whacked upside the head by a thuggish splicer, she falls and accidentally jabs herself with the yucky Adam Syringe*

Victoria: EWWWWWWWW!!!! Grossssssss! Ewwwwww! FUCK I have lightning hands, definitely on a heroin trip, only explanation
.
*zaps splicer*

Atlas: Good Job! You have lightning hands now! Go zap the door so it will get power and you can carry on.

Victoria: Nah actually I am going to zap the Bathy Sphere and wait up by the statue of Walt Disney.

*After Desperately Zapping the Bathysphere for about an hour Victoria gives up*

Victoria: Fuuuuuuuck I gotta go through the door don’t I?

Atlas(smug): Yup.

Victoria: Godammit. Why are there so many zombies in this stupid city…

Atlas: Those are splicers.

Victoria: Splicer- That sounds like a slap-chop add on. Also why are all of them doctors? Does the Rapture Med school have like super low admission standards? Like seriously there is doctors and women here and they are all trying to kill me? All all these women the doctors wives? Cause thats why Rapture collapsed…if every woman was married to a doctor, she wouldn’t be allowed a smug superiority complex that is needed by doctor wives, she would be miserable and start to deteriorate and she would nag her husband and than he would start to go crazy. That’s how this goddamn place collapsed: smug bitches. Also if everyone was a doctor who the hell did they treat? I guess all the people designing these posters everywhere…yep there’s a short cycle Doctors make products for advertisers, advertisers advertise products for doctors. Well that is lame, lame la-AHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!!!!

Little Sister: Right this way Mr.Bubbles

Victoria: Ahhhhh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Big Daddy: BLERGHHH!!

Atlas: Oi! Thats a Little sister and that big guy following her around is a Big Daddy. Hes like her body guard. Quick Kill that big guy and than you can harvest the Adam from the little sisters.

Victoria: You are telling me to kill that huge guy, so that I can commit homicide to a fucking cute kid so that I can get more dirty heroin needles to jab in to my goddamn arm. You my friend are a fucking junkie. You know what….having a giant ass guy throwing granades as my bodyguard is not a bad plan…that chick has got this place figured out.

Atlas: What do you mean? I need you to save my family who is in the explosive submarine and then save me and then save rapture than make a plant compound and then kill several key figures before finally killing Ryan!!

Victoria: You are crazy…I am not doing your chore list for you, you bastard. Nope I think I am going to go crawl in to those pipes and become a little sister.

Atlas: You can’t do that! You need to save rapture!!!

Victoria: Fuck it.

*Crawls in to little sister pipe*

(Victoria is a student living in Calgary. We still owe her dinner.)

I was basically minding my own business at the university, as I usually do. You know, just eating some inexpensive plain rice, and watching girls go by.  Maybe this is a bit autobiographical, but ever since 1/3 of The Correctness went back to school, a lot of the young girls seem way more retarded than they seemed the first time around.

So, there I was eating my rice and watching the fifteenth or sixteenth 19 year old girl get snowed by some 3rd year psychology student who wanted to just go somewhere private with her and “Just people-watch for fun.”, when my friend Kimura came over. He gave me the usual hello by allowing an implausible large smile to appear instantly on his face, blushing violently, and having his eyes disappear into tight lines in the folds of his cheeks.

Anywho, suddenly the sky in the student centre went all multicoloured and blurry, and the camera panned around to my arch nemesis Hiroko. For those of you uninformed, you can easily spot Hiroko as my arch nemesis because his hair is taller, more spiky, and more blonde than mine.

“So, RobbieRobTown, we meet again, only this time I control the DrakkBattle Cubes!” said Hiroko, as the multicoloured pastel background reflected in his huge glossy eyes. He held aloft his Battlecard BallPower StickSpoon 9Mech.

“Oh no!” Said a terrified Kimura, “Hiroki has come to battle your DigiGen GI-Force BakuSushiMon, but your HamsterMon is weak from battling the KudoChan Rin Tin GunTulli Force X!”.

Kimura could not have been more right. Only last week while I had been waiting in a very long line for rice (Because it is shorter than the Tim Horton’s line by a significant margin.), I was forced to battle my tired HamsterMon.  The KudoChan Rin Tin GunTulli Force X was in line ahead of me, and changed his order several times.

The camera (I already mentioned the camera, but there is a camera in the student centre that follows me) snap-zoomed in on my face, and I held an angry stare with Hiroko.

I turned to face Hiroko. “Not so fast, Hiroko, I have been training my trading card/ arm holstered/ real life creature/ video game thing HamsterMon, and I  have already played the MechaTornadonite Cretttt Nort, and I am ready for this battle!”

Suddenly, the card-stock illustrated character creatures on our cards magnified to 50 times their original size. My once cute HamsterMon sprouted green spikes and razor sharp teeth on his Digigyoza Anus.

Hiroko’s TurtleJesusNondaiMon Red Series drooled acid onto the floor, melting a 19 year old girl.

“You cannot defeat me now!” Said Hiroko. “Your HamsterMon is too weak! And with the DrakkBattle Cubes activated, you have lost all your reversal MonCheeto Ran Ran Reduxite points!”

“But you have forgotten one thing!” I said, pausing for dramatic effect while our giant drooling monsters didn’t actually fight, but instead waited around while we discussed a card game/ plastic ball battle that was somehow simultaneously literal and metaphorical. “I have activated the Gotogoto Tenfive Z lore cards! And because I have Jandu’s Ring of Lunghat, Your DrakkBattle Cubes are in reversal Clamato mode!”

Suddenly, our two montsters leapt into the air, and yet with very little movement, attacked each other! They made several quickly edited but limited motions, and as they collided and struck each other flashes of light obscured the action.

Finally, without any sense being made, HamsterMon shrunk back into a regular hamster, and nuzzled into my neck. Meanwhile, Hiroko’s hideous TurtleJesusNondaiMon Red Series turned back into a collectible playing card, instead of a small living creature.

Then I bled profusely from my eyes due to massive brain trauma. That was pretty much my Thursday.

Dear Penthouse,

I calculated the odds of the letters that people write you being true, constructing a formula based on ratio of repeated incidents, and comparitive studies on similarities of writing styles, and divided it by a whole number rounded up, calculated from an overall probabilty factor based on plausibility and came to the conclusion that the letters written in your forum were specious at best, and certainly would never happen to me.

But something happened recently that made me call some of my conclusions into question and I just HAD to write to you about it.

I was settling in for an evening of sorting and categorizing my Magic Cards, first by category, then by color, power level, and rarity when my doorbell rang. Well, I nearly dropped my 2 litre Mountain Dew (which to be fair was quite heavy and I was just recovering from a nasty bout of carpal tunnel syndrome)when I opened the door and saw my extraordinarily attractive neighbor, Janet standing there. Her big brown eyes gazing at me from behind those horn rimmed glasses. Her red flowing locks very much reminiscent of Allyson Hannigan, Felicia Day, Gillian Anderson , Kerry from Mythbusters and of course Mary Jane Watson. Her attractive mammmary area was swelling and straining against a vintage “Battlestar Galactica” T-shirt, and my eyes scanned her like a retina i.d laser, concluding that she did indeed have security clearance.

“Hello Arthur” she purred, “I have a little problem I was hoping you could help me with”

“What’s wrong?” I aked, longing to see her in some sort of metal bikini, or dressed like one of the many hot girls in Soulcalibur.

“Well, I’m playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time tommorow, and I need help rolling up a character.” she said. “..will you help me?”

I invited her in and eagerly began working on her character sheet. I knew it was going to happen right there, right in that room…that would be where the magic (user) happened.

I moaned softly as she reached over and gently carressed my dice bag running her fingers along the faux velvet surface.

“Oh Arthur” she gasped “Make me an elf”!

As I slowly parted the Players handbook, I reached down and pulled out my athsma puffer. Tasting the sweet musky acridness of ventilin emboldened me and I ran my finger down her stats. “Your charisma is very high” I whispered

“Arthur” she moaned “Remember it’s my first time…so be gentle…and don’t baffle me with a bunch of bullshit 4.0 rule changes”

Each roll of the dice was sweeter than the next. the sound of four six sided dice banging together, picking up speed and intensity until they succumbed to the kinetic energy and tumbled out on the table filling her character with dexterity.

“Choose my feats!” she screamed “Oh God Choose them now!!!”

As I read out her key racial feats, she touched my arm and in a husky voice said ” Although I wasn’t completely satisfied with the ending, on the whole the new Battlestar Galactica was excellent, with great characters, and compelling storylines. Plus I would totally have a lesbian threesome with Tricia Helfer and Grace Park”

It couldn’t contain it anymore. My nervous twitch kicked in and I squeezed the big gulp cup hard. My Mountain dew shot all over her. “Oh God!! “I yelled” Oh God I’m so sorry, Oh I’ll pay to have that dry cleaned, Oh God!”

Needless to say, I did pay for her dry cleaning!

Which in this case is the literal truth and not some sort of euphemism. But every Sunday she still comes over for a little “Role Playing”. (Also not a euphemism)

Sincerely,

Arthur Pewtie

PS If you are a girl and got the reference from my psuedonym, I would also be very interested in exploring your MMO

Dear Square Enix:

I have a couple questions about Kingdom Hearts.

1. Why in your advertising do you pronounce “385/2 days” “three-eight-five days over two”, when logically it would be “three hundred eighty five over 2 days” or even more logically “192.5 days”?

2. WTF is with Kingdom Hearts? And, can you also explain the story of the game to me? Whose Nobody made Dixie the Waitress do what to Akira?

http://na.square-enix.com/khdays/

3. What does that have to do with Mickey?

4. What is an Enix, exactly?

Thanks.

RobbieRobTown