After a number of polls checking your opinion on matters less important, we decided to find out how comic book geeky our comic book geeks are.

So we asked what your favorite Alan Moore graphic novel/trade was. We were a little surprised at the winner:

1: The Killing Joke (click photo to link to Amazon.com)

Surprised not because it’s unworthy, because it most certainly is. Surprised because Moore’s most famous and reknowned work, “Watchmen” wasn’t at the top. I suspect that a little overexposure and underwhelming response for the film had something to do with that.

Nevertheless, The Killing Joke is a great read. Not only is it a graphic novel that became part of DC continuity, but it featured a game-changing moment in the life of one Barbara Gordon. In addition, Moore takes the relationship between Batman and the Joker to a new level, really focusing on the similarities between them, while also exemplifying the differences.

It also serves as an origin story for the Joker, as we see some of the choices and events that led him to become what he is. Simply put, Moore took Batman and made him important with this book.

2: He’s Scary

Dude, seriously. He’s one scary looking dude. Try it. go to Google and do an image search for Alan Moore. It’s hard to find a picture where he DOESN’T look scary.

3: Watchmen (click photo to link to Amazon.com)

If you’ve read Watchmen, I don’t need to tell you anything, you already know how great this book is. If you haven’t, well, here goes: It’s arguably the finest “graphic novel” ever written. I use the quotes, as there’s a lot of debate about its proper usage. Watchmen was originally a 12 issue series, so technically, it’s a “trade paperback”. Call it what you like. It’s literature. It’s a deep, smart, clever, exciting read. It so filled with literary allusion and detailed drawings that it will likely take you 3 or 4 reads to appreciate it all, certainly 2. The nature of the story is such that you can’t appreciate it all the first time through.

Some say that the movie sullied the idea and the book, but really, they’re two different things. Having said that, I have no issue with Alan Moore pulling him name of a lot of the movie adaptations of his work. A lot of them have been abysmal.

4: V for Vendetta (click photo to link to Amazon.com)

As good as Watchmen is, V for Vendetta might be better still. It a rich tale with great characters, and a compelling story. I think North American readers in general might find it a bit “British”, but it’s not really a story that could have come from America. Complete with its own soundtrack, and a chapter than could very well bring tears to your eyes, it’s a must read. (Again, ignore the film, that’s not even close to what you’re getting here.)

5: From Hell (click photo to link to Amazon.com)

Another great story, very British, and researched to the utmost. Moore’s take on Jack the Ripper combines fact and fiction to make a great narrative. Not one of the first titles that comes to mind when most people think of Alan Moore, but and important one nonetheless.

The rest had 1 vote or none, but in this list, there are no clunkers. Promethea is arguably the furthest from what we expect from Moore, though he has a great love for witchcraft, so it’s not all that surprising. The Swamp Thing issues he did were great, bringing a character that was an afterthought for a long time back in to focus. Top Ten is one of my favorites, a fun romp through a city filled with superheros, and those who police them. Lots of inside jokes in that one.

Thanks for helping with the poll, comment away below. If you haven’t read any of the books above, click the pics to take you to amazon, we get a little taste.

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

(Note: This is a repost of the original).

Some people I know who are into spiritualism, which is the practice of inexplicably believing anything you are told by some jackass who wrote a book, swear by “The Secret” The central idea, I’m told, is that if you think of something hard enough, and want it enough, it will in fact happen.

If this is true, then I would have had sex with Phoebe Cates in the 80’s because I was 16, and I was thinking about that ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

Did not have sex with. At all.

“No No No, ” they say to me. You have to “Actualize your Happiness” (Catchy jargon is the key to both happiness and selling books it seems)” and take steps to MAKE it happen.”

So to sum up…the philosophy behind the book is I have to want something, then do all the stuff required to get it. Which I’m pretty sure me and everybody else was doing anyway. So…the complete opposite of a secret, then.

Fuck you Kevin Kline.

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Comments (1)

The M-Daddy said on 04-03-2010
The M-Daddy

I heard he keeps her in an old shed out back and forces her to always wear her infamous ‘Fast Times’ swimsuit, in which she is made to constantly emerge topless from his pool while he looks on, or letting her out to appear only briefly to show the world she’s not dead and spit out another kid, the byproduct of his constant raping of her in the shed.
By these measures, Kevin Kline is a brilliant, brilliant man.

Arrakis

Dune

Desert planet.

Known for two things over the holidays, 1) having the perfect Mise en Scene for the annual Fremen Nativity Pageant, and 2) some wicked kick ass spice cake. Don’t get us wrong, we are sure your Grandma’s spice cake is pretty damned good, but was it so good that you could actually fold space?

We didn’t think so.

So what follows is a small collection of original recipes from Arrakis that are so tasty, they will, as Crystal Gail so eloquently sang, turn your brown eyes blue.

ARRAKEEN SPICE CAKE

Your kids will be Arra-KEEN on this delicious spice cake.

* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/3 cups sugar
* 1 tablespoon plus 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1 teaspoon Stillsuit Rime
* 1 teaspoon Melange
* 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
* 1/3 cup shortening
* 1 cup worm milk
* 1 teaspoon Sapho
* 2 large Sand trout eggs

Preparation:
Sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, rime, melange and nutmeg. Add shortening, worm milk, and sapho; beat on slow to medium speed of electric mixer for 2 minutes. NOTE Beat irregularly. Nothing ruins a good spice cake like a worm attack! Scrape sides and bottom of mixing bowl several times. Beat in eggs(Irregularly!!!) and continue to beat for 2 minutes longer. Spoon batter into a generously greased and floured 9x13x2-inch baking pan. Bake at 350° on Habbyana Ridge Rock. Cool in Sietch and frost with caramel icing or cream cheese icing. (Remember if you use your crysknife to ice the cake, you have to draw blood before you can sheath it again.)

He who controls the Spice Cake, controls the universe!! Have seconds, see the future!

GOM JABAIMO BARS

A delicious treat with a surprise in the middle!

Ingredients:

***Bottom Layer ***

* 1/2 cup unsalted butter (Caladan style cultured)
* 1/4 cup sugar
* 5 tablespoons Melange
* 1 egg beaten
* 1 1/4 cup ghola wafer crumbs
* 1/2 cup finely chopped almonds
* 1 cup coconut

***Second Layer ****

* 1/2 cup unsalted butter
* 2 teaspoons Saudakar cream
* 2 tablespoons vanilla custard powder
* 1 poisoned needle

***Third Layer ***

* 4 squares semi-sweet chocolate (1 oz. each)
* 2 tablespoons unsalted butter

Directions:

Bottom Layer

Melt first 3 ingredients in top of double boiler. Add egg and stir to cook and thicken. Remove from heat. Stir in crumbs, coconut, and nuts. Press firmly into an ungreased 8″ x 8″ pan.

Second Layer

Cream butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar together well. Beat until light. Spread over bottom layer.Place poisoned needle

Third Layer

Melt chocolate and butter overlow heat. Cool. Once cool, but still liquid, pour over second layer and chill in Polar Sink

The Christmas Tradition on Dune is to give a prize to the person who finds the poison needle. If they live. No Snoopers!

YULE WORM

All hail Shai Hulud, The Maker, and Great Grandfather of the Dessert!

Cake:
2/3 Kilo flour
1/4 Kilo teaspoon soda
1/4 Kilo Stillsuit Rime
4 dozen Sandtrout Eggs
3/4 Kilo sugar
30 pounds unsweetened Geidi Prime chocolate
2 litrejons Water of Life

Icing:
1/3 Kilo butter
2 Kilo icing (confectioners’) sugar
1/4 Kilo Melange
2 gallons Worm Milk milk
1/2 gallon Sappho

Directions:

Place Thumper at least 10 -20 k away from the oven. This one calls for a lot of “Beating”, so it’s better to not take a chance

Cake:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 15meter x 10 meter jelly roll pan, and line with waxed paper. Grease waxed paper.The armpit pad on your stillsuit will do nicely.

Mix flour, soda, and salt together.

Beat eggs in a small mixer bowl at high speed, until thick and light – about 5 minutes.

Gradually add the sugar, and beat until thick. You better pray that thumper is working.

Melt the chocolate and water together, and add to the egg mixture.

Fold in the dry ingredients, and mix gently but thoroughly.

Spread in prepared pan, and bake for 15 – 17 minutes, until the cake springs back when lightly touched.

Remove from oven and turn out immediately onto a tea towel that has been sprinkled generously with icing sugar.

Remove waxed paper, and trim of any crisp edges of the cake.

Begin at the narrow end, and roll up the cake and the tea towel together. Allow to cool. Then carve segment lines into the cake

Filling:
Whip cream until soft peaks form. Stir in icing sugar and vanilla and whip until stiff.

Unroll the cake when cool, and spread the top with the whip cream.

Re-roll, without the towel.

Cut a thin slice off of each end of the roll, to make them even.

Icing:
Soften butter. Combine all ingredients and beat until smooth and of good spreading consistency. Time is running out. Radio a Harvester

Use the centres of the ends you sliced off the cake to make Maker hooks Use a little of the icing to affix the hooks to the side of the cake – one on each side.

Ice the entire cake with the icing, including the ends and the bumps.

Run a fork along the icing so that it resembles the skin of a great battle scarred maker. Don’t be afraid to score the cake deeply…fear is the mind killer…

Sprinkle with icing sugar, and decorate with tiny Fremen or other decorations.

Get in Ornithopter and take Giant Sandworm cake to Safety. Do it now! The Worm is coming!!!

MUAD D’IBEROONS

Father! The Tastebuds Have AWAKENED!!!

Ingredients:

* 16 ounces shredded Melange
* 1 can (14-15 ounces) sweetened condensed Water of Life
* 2 teaspoons Sappho extract

Preparation:
Directions for Melange macaroons
Mix all ingredients together. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto generously greased baking sheets. Bake at 350° for 8 minutes. Cool Muad Diberoons macaroons slightly; remove to rack. Makes about 4 to 5 dozen Muad D’iberoons. Warning, eating all the Muad’Diberoons may result in you becoming the Kwizatz Haderach or giving birth to an abomination. Please Jihad responsibly.

PRE-SPICE MASS PUNCH

This delightful holiday punch literally pops out of the punchbowl and fills the room with a festive cinnamon smell. Your friends in the Guild will go wild for it.

2 cups Sand Trout excretion
3 still pockets Water
5 lbs of sand.

Instructions

Pour excretions into large punchbowl

fill bowl with sand

Slowly pour water over sand

Stand back. Waaay back.

When bubble forms, hold punch cups up. Pull stillsuit hood tight to your head to protect your eyes.

Wait for explosion, enjoy!

You don’t have to be a Mentat to know that these recipes will be a hit at your next holiday gathering. But you do need one to help figure out if the party is some kind of elaborate trap to take over your business and eliminate your family. Plans within plans, people. Plans within plans.

LASER SLUTS FROM MARS:

PART VI: THE SEXY WRATH OF THE SPACE TITS UNDERGARMENTS

Juliette set her tea cup down onto the saucer. What had motivated her to use her grandmother’s good china for tea today was beyond simple explanation. Nonetheless, she had been drawn to the good china, and she felt a slight sense of coy scandalousness for having selected it.

She stepped out onto the balcony of the house she could somehow afford, and looked across the lawn to the waterfront . The wind whipped up and pressed coldly against her chest, leaving her with a familiar wistful feeling. Her wavy hair was lightly buffeted by the wind, somehow, because her hair really should have been blowing around quite a bit harder, but that’s bad for the audio.

The Atlantic lapped gently up against the shore, belying the wrath of her water spirit which was usually reserved for cruelest winter. That’s the Atlantic’s water spirit, not Juliette’s. Because, Juliette was a pisces, so she might have a water spirit, but the water spirit of Mother Atlantic is key for the Oprah demographic.

From the wood shed just out of frame- sorry, just at the edge of the water, emerged Daniel. Daniel tugged at the threadbare waistband of his caravan sweater, and pulled it over his head, revealing his impossibly hairless underwear-model body. He cast a sullen and mysterious glance back at Juliette. Was Juliette wrong to have seduced this younger man? Daniel cast his deep blue eyes back upon his axe, and he continued laboriously chopping wood. He worked up a sweat that smelled of sagebrush and cedar, and not at all of ass stench and skanky cheese. The cold wind hardened his nipples to a terrifying diamond sharpness, and the utter lack of body fat on his twenty-something frame only deepened his sullen mysteriousness. Some would argue that an older woman might have some difficulty finding any mysteriousness in a man this young, but Juliette knew the depths of his soul, and knew that this biochemist had only returned to his small hometown to care for the orphaned sea otter cubs.

Daniel put down his axe, and walked in implausible slow motion towards Juliette. Juliette dropped her eyes, and drew her wrap more tightly around her slender frame- A frame which showed no obvious signs of extensive personal trainer effort, largely because she was caked in make up that most preternaturally thin women require to disguise their lack of pleasing curvature.

Daniel drew close to her, flipping his hair out of his face, only to have it fall back again. He stood a head taller than her, except during the kissing scenes, when he was somehow the same height as her.

“Talk to me like the wind”, he said to her, homosexually.

“I have daddy issues.”, she said, truthfully.

For a moment they stood in silence. There was time for that, because this was a Wednesday, or possibly Thursday, but in this place, in this moment, in this burgeoning love, neither one of them had anything better to do, and yet both could still afford to live and eat.

Daniel departed tenderly, like a beef tenderloin might depart, and then he repaired the leak under the bathroom sink without using the appropriate tools. Likely, he would emerge from beneath the sink with a greasy rag in his hands, which he would set on the counter in a motion that would mimic casualness. His shirt would also likely remain off, unless he needed to seem mysterious for some reason, perhaps disguising the scar on his back caused by some childhood abuse from a stranger, and not at all by a family member like the way those sorts of abuses actually occur.

Juliette would later prepare a meal for the two of them, which would end up hilariously wrong. Then, she would dance with Daniel to the sound of some Motown tune that she was inexplicably fond of, despite her so clearly having been raised in the seventies. One thing was certain, the two of them would dance to a song that you used to enjoy until just a moment ago, and they would fall about the floor laughing with youthful abandon. In any case, you will never want to hear that perfectly good Motown song again.

Later still, as the film draws to a close- or the novel- whatever, later still, I will shit blood unceasingly from having experienced this. If I am unlucky, I will return to my apartment and Manswers will be on TV, and the double edged sexist stereotype blade will disembowel me.

The Correctness Book Club

This Week: Pride and Prejudice, as reviewed by Dave, Rob, and Tony.

R: Hi everyone, this week we’ve been reading Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I am told that this is one of the great Regency period Romances.

T: I’m a big fan of the Regency.

D: I stayed at the Regency in New York once. It was really nice- a bit dialogue heavy, but nice.

R: Let’s begin with the important parts. I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, but I’d like to take a moment to judge this book by its cover.

T: Good use of our time, I’d like to focus on the cover if we could, perhaps extensively.

D: Exhaustively.

R: Indeed.  My copy features a woman in a regency period dress, or what I recognize to be a period dress because she looks a bit like illustrations of Laura Secord, or one of those ivory carved necklace things with the lady on ‘em.

D: Is Laura Secord an early nineteenth century character? Do our American friends know her more for her loyalist bent, and less for her delicious chocolates?

R: We’ll google that later, as this is a real time conversation that’s real.

D: Indeed.

T: I’d like to interject here, I always assume that the 19^th century means the 1900’s on first hearing it, but of course, we are talking about the early 1800’s here, which is the dawn of the 19^th century. It always makes me second guess the time period.

R: Thanks, Tony. In any case, judging this book by its cover, one would think there was going to be quite a few women posing in dresses for portraiture in this book.  I was mistaken in this regard, and so a cover which conveys the main plot element somehow, like, um, a topless lady-wrestling ring might be more apt.

D: I’d just like to get back to Laura Secord for a minute, I haven’t seen one of those stores for a while, and they were a real staple of the malls…

T: My copy has Keira Knightley on it.

D: My copy is different…

R: The Keira Knightley cover is the superior copy to be sure, but we don’t need to dedicate a lot of time to Keira Knightley and how totally hot she is, this is about Pride and Prejudice, the taut, yet cynical Regency Romance.  In any case, our story begins with the Bennet sisters all scrambling to find husbands so that they don’t lose their house. May I just say, and we three are all homeowners, as an encumbrance to my land title, I did receive the appliances, but not any of the daughters of the previous owners.

T: Nor did I. My wife would have never allowed it.

D: My cover  has Mr. Darcy with his shirt off, you guys.

R: Yes, Dave, We’ve left that topic for the moment.  In any case, to the rescue of the ladies comes  the wealthy Mr. Bingley, who develops an affection for Jane, the eldest daughter of the Bennets. Meanwhile, Bingley has brought along his sisters and Mr. Darcy on his first visit.

D: Who brings their sisters on a first date?

T: Maybe he’s a group dater.

R: It was a different time, a trip to the country was a bigger deal then.

D: Do you know that? Because I think it’s rude. I think it’s a plot device to get Elizabeth to meet, and be rejected by Mr. Darcy.

R: Dave, historically speaking, a trip to a country manor would have been a matter of some difficulty, and importance.

T: But you don’t know that for sure.

D: Yeah, do you?

R: No, I- You’re right no, I’m just suggesting that it wouldn’t, in the context of the time period, have been so weird to bring along your sisters and your poker buddy on an extended date to the country. In any case, when Elizabeth is rebuffed by Mr. Darcy at a local dance-

T: Rebuffed?

D: I actually want to talk about the buff thing, my copy has-

R: Rebuked?

T: Rejected would be simpler.

R: When Elizabeth Bennet is haughtily rejected by Mr. Darcy-

T: Haughtily?

D: Hottily? Because my Copy, you guys…

T: Haughtily is exactly how it is described on Wikipedia.

R: Well, that’s a coincidence, isn’t it. In any case-

T: Have you even read all of this?

R: Basically, yes,  well, the first several chapters, yes.

T: Because when we get to the part about how Keira Knightley begins to feel more strongly for Mr. Darcy-

R: Keira Knightley? You haven’t read it either!

D: My copy is different…

T: I have too read it. I just mixed them up because I saw the movie.

R: You are lying. You watched the movie.

T: Well, you very clearly read the synopsis on Wikipedia.

R: A SYNOPSIS, I MIGHT ADD, WHICH IN ITSELF WAS ALMOST TOO BORING TO GET THROUGH!

T: This totally defeats the purpose of having The Correctness Book Club, Rob.

R: YOU DIDN’T READ IT, YOU JUST WATCHED THE DVD!

D: Can we just talk about that scene between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley? Or for that matter, the scene between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham? There was an awful lot of man-on-man action in the novel, and it seemed out of place to me.

R: Well, I – what?

D: This is from Chapter 3: A Bird in the Hand or: One Night in Bangkok : “Mr. Wickham rested one hand on Mr. Darcy’s cheek, and slid his other hand into the front of his pants. Gently, he began to unbutton the the front flap of his fitted riding pants. ‘We’ll be safe here in the stable’ said Mr. Wickham, his rough hands feeling rougher on the stubble of Darcy’s cheek. He drew him close, the smell of his hair and the smell of the hay loft intoxicating him…”

R: What are you reading? (grabs book)

T: This is “Gay Pride and Prejudice”, Dave, where did you pick this up?

D: At the Rainbow Resource Center, on the coffee table in the library section.

T: Why didn’t you just go to a regular library?

D: Fines. Fines.  Anyways, I thought is seemed a little sexy for Austen. I thought “man, there is more gay sex in this than Northanger Abbey” .

R: That was published posthumously, there is no defending it.

D: How do you know that?

R: Wait, why was your next choice the Rainbow Resource Center? What were you doing there?

D: They have a DVD collection.

R: Yes, I know they do, it’s fairly extensive.

T: How do you know they do, Rob?

R: Because my friend is the festival director for Fairytales film festival.

T: Oooooh! Does he love you?

R: She’s a she, and no.

T: She loves you.

R: Tony, SHE runs the FAIRYtales film festival, the gay and LESBIAN film festival.

T: She Looooooooves you.

R: Tony, No, she clearly- why am I explaining this?

D: Hey, Rob, you left your wallet at the Rainbow Resource Center anyways. Here it is.

R: THANK YOU VERY MUCH! LET’S MOVE ON!

T: Wow sensitive, much?

D: Yeah, that closet getting uncomfortable, Rob?

R: MY SEXUALITY IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION! FOCUS! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE! PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!

T: I think we can all agree that one of the most exciting sequences is when Mr. Darcy finds himself in the jungle temple. He carefully attempts to remove the idol from the platform, and replaces its weight with a bag of sand. Too late, however, the trap is sprung and Mr. Darcy  is being chased through the collapsing temple by blow darts and a giant boulder!  “Throw me the rope!” says Mr Darcy. “Throw me the idol!” says Elizabeth Bennet, but you just know she won’t do it.

D: That is a great moment, yes, but let’s not ignore the moment where Elizabeth Bennet is piloting her X-wing on her final trench run in the Death star, closely pursued by an incorrigible Mr. Darcy – who, at this point in the novel is overwhelmed by the dark side-   but she still manages to hit a target no bigger than two metres wide.

T: That’s a hard target.

D: You forget that Elizabeth used bull’s-eye womp rats in her T-16 back home. They’re not much bigger than two meters.

R: Fellas, I think we should-

T: Wait, 2 metres is actually a really big animal. Like, how big is a womp rat?

D: They are obviously a serious pest. I mean, to get that big.

T: But what are they eating on Tatooine? It’s so arid!

D: Jawas? Maybe they eat jawas.

T: Well, that’s plausible.