Open Letter to the Municipal Government Regarding Yet Another Liquor Store
Dear Municipal Government:
Thank you for the letter you sent me from the Subdivision and Development Appeal Board. I received your letter regarding a meeting on April 16th. I see the letter is dated April 1st, and you will be glad to know I received it on June 17th.
In any case, despite having missed the meeting which you have scheduled for 2 months ago, I thought that it would be advisable to share my opinion. I will forward this letter to you in 2 months, in deference to the time that your process seems to take. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you. I like your folksy style.
Fast Food Fiction
Dear Correctness Readers:
We get it, you don’t always have time for the full impact of our 3000 word rambles, especially when it’s just a poop joke. Consequently, I have been publishing microfiction via twitter. Here are eleven of them, in no particular order:
1. Predicated entirely on her familiarity with Jane Austen, Eloise married the first male homeowner who stumbled into her punji stick pit.
2. Loneliness consumed him as he looked across the barren, nuclear wasteland and realized he was, almost certainly, the last ventriloquist.
My Prize Winning Voicemail
Thanks to my near toxic levels of geekiness I’ve won a fair amount of Star Wars shit over the years.