Dear Correctness Readers,
Orphan Black is a new science fiction series starring Canadian actors, made by BBC America, and registered in Liberia as "The Princess of the Seas". A lot of people (we imagine would) have been asking us to explain the plot arc of the first season (if we were still a popular alt-comedy nerd website), so we thought we'd do a public service (to our ourselves), and really break down this hot new show (way into the first season so nobody will pay much attention)!
The Correctness will once again be presenting the Superhero Smackdown Panel live at the Calgary Comic Expo at 11:30 am at the Rotary house on Sunday April 28th.
Not sure if it's just co-incidental timing, or studios wanting to burn these films off in the slow season, but we've been hit with the 1-2-3 punch of action films starring some the greatest names in Action cinema.
In 1988, if you told me I'd get a Stallone, a Schwarzenegger, and a Bruce Willis film within months of one another, two things would be true: It would be summer, and I would be really happy. But 1988 was a LONG time ago. Now it's 2013, and this triple threat is well... sad.
Perhaps known more for her cosplay potential than what she does as a character, Power Girl is nevertheless one of our most requested heroines here on the old Correctness Casting Couch, so let’s stop wasting time and get right to it shall we?
Well kids, myself and my good pal Trevor Campbell have taken a kick at the old podcasting can.
It's been months since I shared what I watch and hear and make. You all must be so stressed. Fear not, I bring you the updated lists.
FILM
Watched Best Exotic Marigold Hotel with Mrs. Admin Rock the other night. It was just as wonderful the second time. If you like old people, or India, or any combination thereof, you'll enjoy this film. You might confuse it with Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom, but here's a simple way to tell them apart: BEMH is actually about something, and doesn't spend most of its time wistfully staring with vaseline on the lens. Okay, I haven't actually seen Moonrise Kingdom, because I just don't get Wes Anderson. Been burned too many times. I'm sure he's all talented and awesome, but it's like that movie that all your friends rave about, then you go see it, and it sucks donkey balls. It's exactly like that. Donkeyballful. Donkeybawful.
On a recent flight, I watched both The Bourne Legacy, and Taken 2, without sound. Rather, they were on, and I glanced up occasionally, and wondered if any part of these films didn't involve a chase, or standoff of some kind. I feel like I made the wiser choice.
Okay, so I’ve been busy.
Like, “let some guy write 12 articles about the Chipmunks Christmas album and just let that shit slide,” busy. And by busy of course I mean lazy. Horribly horribly lazy. So I confess I have been spending more and more time on Cracked lately. (Cracked…with an “ed” on the end, let’s make that perfectly clear.)
DECEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH: HOPE
We've reached the final chapter of Ross Bagdasarian Sr.'s magnum opus. Christmas with the Chipmunks is coming to a close, and so is my review. As well as my ability to write any reviews at all. Apparently, someone didn't get the "remember to use the back entrance" memo.
DECEMBER TWENTY-THIRD: AFTERMATH
"Jingle Bell Rock" is a tricky song. It makes perfect sense to have a "hip", "current" Christmas song that "wasn't written a hundred years ago" included on the album, but does it work thematically? After all, Christmas with the Chipmunks was written to bring about world peace, to show humanity a new way of life, one of giving up the old ways that have so poisoned our society. And how else to wipe clean thousands-of-years-old traditions, and their anthems, than by turning them into novelty music, the lowest form of art?
I apologize for yesterday's bizarre article. It would appear my new contact here at The Correctness doesn't know the difference between a fairy tale and a song review. So if you're reading this, Mr. Sullenger, know that you're fired. It's bad enough that you had to call the Waltons while I was staying at their house—while they were on vacation! They'd never notice I was there!—and get me thrown in jail, but if you're not even going to post the right article, I don't know why I even pay you. Don't come back to the abandoned Lloyd's Skating Rink. I rather like having my new office there, and I don't want your incompetence ruining that too.
DECEMBER NINETEENTH: DOWNFALL
There once was a man who lived in a tiny cabin on the outskirts of a small mountain town. The man desperately wanted children, but as a florist, he had long ago taken a vow of celibacy. Not wanting to break his vows, yet still wanting a child of his own, the man grabbed his lantern and ventured off into the woods to ask the trees for advice.
DECEMBER SEVENTEENTH: RECURSION
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" is a curious song, in that it functions not only as a synopsis of Christmas with the Chipmunks—each "day" representing the corresponding track—but as the denouement to the "Seville-ization" saga that began with "Silver Bells". And since it is only the ninth track, it also gives us a glimpse into what comes next on the album.
DECEMBER SIXTEENTH: HOMUNCULUS
An obvious metaphor for Dave trying to play god and give sentience to that which should stay inanimate.
DECEMBER FOURTEENTH: DESTRUCTION
When last we saw the Chipmunks, they had been brainwashed into behaving like normal, human children by their adoptive father, Dave Seville. The indoctrination continues in "Over the River and Through the Woods", wherein Dave introduces the concept of grandparents to a species whose lifespan rarely exceeds 3 years.
DECEMBER TWELFTH: CIVILIZATION
Up until this point, every track on "Christmas with the Chipmunks" has contained a story of its own, with a beginning, middle and end. Up until this point, Ross Bagdasarian Sr. has been holding your hand and walking you through the scary parts. Up until this point, the album makes sense. But not any more.
DECEMBER NINTH: SPITE
Anyone familiar with "Christmas with the Chipmunks" can tell you that “Christmas Time (Greensleeves)” is, without a doubt, the worst track on the album. It’s agonizingly slow, the harmonies are stale and familiar, and none of the Chipmunks sound like they even enjoy singing it. Most people assume that at this point, Bagdasarian simply began running out of ideas. And who could blame them?
DECEMBER EIGHTH: PERFECTION
I apologize sincerely for not providing a link to "The Chipmunk Song" yesterday. Apparently the public library though it would be a fine idea to block the Youtube website from its patrons. I find it strange that a library would ban information from the public, especially considering their policy against book-burning, but I digress. I have found a new location from which to post my articles, and I know for a fact the owners won't be home from vacation for at least another two weeks.
DECEMBER FIFTH: ENSLAVEMENT
Finally, a day where the heading matches the actual date on which the article is posted! Perhaps, when I stop my foolish habit of relying on others, this will become a more likely occurrence. But really, what kind of self-respecting public library closes at 8:00 p.m. on a Monday? Had I known I was going to have to break in to write this article, I would have brought my glass cutter. But of course, I didn't, so I had to throw a garbage can through the window.
DECEMBER THIRD: DEATH
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. And I have learned that the same applies if you want your "Twelve Days of Chipmunks" series to start on the first of December.
I had a perfect plan. One day for introductions, twelve days for the songs, and most importantly, it would end on December 13th. But I suppose "taking care of children" and "having a job" got in the way of Admin_Rock's duty to post my article. Fine. At least now, I can post my masterpiece under my own name.
DECEMBER FIRST: INTRODUCTION
Ah, December. That wonderful time of year when we set down our quarrels, pick up a mug of hot cocoa, sit by the Shaw fire log and turn on our favourite Christmas album, Christmas with the Chipmunks. And if that’s not your favourite Christmas album, turn off your computer.
50 Shades of Rage: A Book Review
I want to be clear about this: 50 Shades of Grey was so awful, it somehow rendered me sterile. It gave my eyes a hernia. I can no longer do math after reading it. I smell burning toast when I look at it. My inner goddess sharted real razor blades.
The basic premise of the event is that the Phoenix Force is heading for Earth, and bringing destruction with it!!!!! Read more...
Summer is over, new Television is with us, and the crappy Movie season begins.
Okay, so the Who(or what’s left of them) are touring “Quadrophenia.”. And yes, Paul McCartney is touring again. And yes, Led Zep is releasing a Blu Ray of the 02 concert. But fuck all of that. I went to THE concert event of the year last night. Not since they broke up over merchandising rights in 1978 have Figrin D’an and The Modal Nodes been together on the same stage.
You thought you knew all the Transformers didn’t you? Well, you also thought you’d touch a real boob someday and it turns out you were wrong about that too. There are millions and millions of Transformers out there, just waiting to blow things up around Shia LeBouf and a random girl with a sweaty midriff. Sure, the Michael Bay movies have all the important Transformers, Like Bumblebee, and Megatron, That green one, Amos N Andy, and of course *Optimus No. But not every Transformer makes the cut, and it’s our duty at the Correctness to enlighten you. I SUPPOSE there are some SPOILERS in here. You were warned. Dearest Readers:
Truckstop Bloodsuckers Trailer from Suite One Productions on Vimeo.
That is all.@BrickwaresThank you Lieut. Cmdr. keep steady course , at full speed.
— Bruce Boxleitner (@boxleitnerbruce) July 3, 2012
“RobbieRobTown,” you will say, “firstly, where have you been, and secondly, what happened to your brain to make you so retarded?”.
Join us, won't you?
The Correctness has been receiving a fair amount of e-mail looking for clarifications and understand about plot points in famous films. We, as always, are correct, and aim to spread understanding in these cases. Let us begin.
Dear Correctness,
Was the gun that Edward Norton's character uses at the end of Fight Club real, or was it imaginary like Tyler Durden?
Jim in Brooklyn
(Note: This is a repost of the original)

A Glossary of Terms that have yet to, but ought to come into everyday usage. Today's Correctness Glossary term:
DEXTER : (DEXter) v. 1.) to harm, mutilate or kill someone who richly and deeply deserves it.
There was a huge announcement last week that caused ripples of excitement, terror, joy and disdain throughout the Geek Community. Ridley Scott would be making another film in the Blade Runner universe. No word on whether it's a a prequel, a sequel, or otherwise with Harrison Ford's participation being called very unlikely. When we heard the news, we figured it definitely called for a round table...
THE NEW BLADE RUNNER PROJECT....THOUGHTS?
The Correctness Guide to Body Disposal:
So, you’ve murdered someone! You’ve had one of those arguments with, for the sake of this article, a smallish pig. Perhaps your pig was treacherous, manipulative or downright cruel. Maybe your pig was abusive. Maybe you and your pig couldn’t sort out who the real father of your piglets was. Maybe your pig was a national security threat, and even if it wasn’t, you’d best start telling yourself that. In any case, things got a little heated, words were spoken, it all got out of hand, and now you have about 160 pounds of pork to dispose of, and right quickly at that. Maybe your pig weighed a bit more or less, but he or she had it coming.